Rumor Has It
by carexofxmagicalxcreatures
Summary: Haven't you heard the rumors? Jily. Finished
1. Rumor Has It

**Chapter 1:**

**You and I have a History**

**or don't you remember?**

The party wasn't my idea. Judy Berry had thrown it for the seventh years and a few of us sixth years were invited. I hadn't planned on doing anything tonight but sleep my troubles away but then Judy Berry had begged me to come. My best friend Marley had gathered with the other Gryffindor girls and a couple Hufflepuff boys in a corner playing exploding snap which had left me standing with four boys.

I rubbed my bruised shoulder from earlier but I tried to forget how I'd gotten it. Remus Lupin was eyeing my closely from his spot in front of me. He'd been there. He knew I wasn't okay. I avoided his eye contact and didn't even want to have _that_ discussion right now.

James Potter was standing beside me, laughing with Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew about a joke they had pulled on Peeves, the school poltergeist. I laughed along with him, the firewhisky that had been snuck in was tingling my feet and hands. I didn't normally drink but earlier this night I'd had quite a terrible time on rounds.

James was having trouble getting the rest of the story out, he was laughing so much, "And then I said to him, I said, 'I'm sorry but I can't help it that you're a ghost'…"

I looked at him with pure adoration. I'd only recently just started to fall for James Potter but then, with the firewhisky running through my veins. I wanted more from James Potter. I wanted him for everything he wasn't. He wasn't dark. He wasn't pathetic. He was funny. Talented. He didn't pick on muggle borns walking through the hallway.

I drowned the bottle in one swipe, placing it on the table closest to me, and slipped my now free hands through James Potter's cloak pockets, dragging him closer. James' mouth curled into a smile.

"What Lily?" He laughed, looking down at me. "It wasn't that funny." Bless him; he thought I was laughing at his joke.

He obviously was lost, so I pulled him by his tie out of the noisy common room and into the quiet hallway. Bad idea on my part because this is exactly where we'd last spoken...not me and James…but someone else I was trying to push away.

Without letting the memories take hold, I let my hormones take control and I wrapped my arms around his neck. My fingers twisted and curled into his hair. He smelled wonderful. My eyes were attached to his brown eyes, which were huge against his smaller face. I was holding my breath because although I had full intention of snogging him right here, something in his face was telling me not too.

"Lily…" hearing him say my name so quietly in the dark, having the hallway entirely to ourselves, having my hand tangled in his hair…I pushed my lips up against his with a certain passion one could describe only as…lust. A craving. I craved for this. I realized then that it wasn't as amazing as I'd been hoping for…mostly because the boy I'd just thrown myself against wasn't kissing me back.

"Numpty." I whispered against his lips, "You supposed to kiss a girl back when she throws herself at you."

He pushed my face away quickly, holding me back "Lily what's _wrong_?"

My breath caught in my throat, "_What_?" I felt humiliated. Here I was on the verge of a freaking love proclamation for James Potter who I'd been a pretty good friend to for the past year and he was asking me what was wrong. I'm sorry but when your best girl mate throws herself at you, you don't go asking her what is wrong.

Even if something is wrong.

"Look," he looked nervous, like he didn't want to talk, "I don't want you to get angry..."

"Kind of late for that _Potter_." I snapped, pushing myself off him and using his surname. An obvious word for him to pick up on. He winced when I said Potter so cruelly.

He grabbed my hand and stared at me, "I know what happened earlier, Remus told me…" I tried to avoid his gaze. How had he known? "Don't look away from me _Evans_." It hurt almost as much when he used my surname against me, "And I know you just had more than one fire whiskey tonight." He eyed me with a softer expression, "You're just having a bad day…Lily…you...you don't..." He sounded so damn sad.

I was so damn sad.

I was sad. I turned away from him. Fine. If he didn't want me. I didn't want him. Even though I did. I wanted him. I wanted to be happy. James Potter made me happy. I felt guilty. I didn't know where the guilt came from. This was not how I planned tonight out.

"Ah, Lil, don't act like this…" his arms wrapped around me in a hug, "We'll talk about this later, ok? When your not so…emotional?"

I sniffed, turning to face him, "Fine." I said quietly. Why was he calling me emotional? Why was he acting like this? I'd thought he'd jump at the chance to have a nice snog. James had always liked me. James Potter had always made me feel better. I didn't feel any happier than earlier today when I'd stood outside the portrait hole feeling incredibly angry and disturbed.

"I'm gonna head back inside okay?" he whispered, "You should come. It's not safe out here alone."

I followed him inside willingly, but I was still feeling my heart pound as I remembered why exactly I was so upset. I was as good as dead if I dared tell anyone else what I had seen in these hallways so I probably wouldn't tell James why I'd been attacked this afternoon by Rosier but I still wanted to talk to him.

We didn't talk like James had promised. I didn't see him again for more than a minute. I'd heard rumors but I didn't know if I should believe them.

**~~~~~~~~~Now rumor has it she don't have your love anymore~~~~~~~**

_Lily,_

_I heard a rumor that James Potter was taking Maggie McDonald to The Three Broomsticks. I thought you'd kissed him? I heard it was at five. On Friday. Just so you know. France is great! See you soon!_

_xoxo_

_Marlene_

_Sirius Black,_

_Join me at The Pub on Friday at four forty five? I wanted to talk to you._

_Lily Evans_

**Ginger,**

**Looking forward to it.**

**Sirius Black**

It was like he saw right through me. The grin on his face expanded and overtook his face, making him look almost mad. What was I thinking? Sirius Black was mad. And I was mad for asking him to come here.

"You like him." He exaggerated his tone and stared at me like I was the most hilarious thing in the world, "Took you, what? Six years?"

"We kissed." I answered moodily, watching his expression for some kind of shock. None came. "And then all of a sudden he's running off with Maggie McDonald."

"Good on him. He's been stuck on you way too long."

I glared at Sirius who pulled the glass of firewhisky closer, drowning it in one gulp. I didn't answer him and instead I turned to look back towards the back tables where he sat down with Maggie McDonald. I wished I could charm that ugly smile off her ugly face.

When my best mate Marley McKinnon had owled me two weeks into summer break with the news I'd almost felt like crying. We'd bloody kissed—and even though it was more of a sloppy drunken kiss, the idiot was still not supposed to be seeing other girls. He'd told me the only reason I'd kissed him was because I was drunk and emotionally unstable. I'd give the bloody asshole emotionally unstable.

"Jealousy certainly does a number on you Ginger." Sirius had reached across the table and put his hand on my shoulder to force me back down, "At least now I know why you are gracing me with you presence at my table."

I blushed, rolling my eyes as I sat back down, facing the handsome ex-best-mate of James Potter.

"I knew he'd be jealous." I answered, sourly pulling my butterbeer towards me. "Even if nothing was going on." I'd invited Sirius here with me on friendly terms…but James need not know that.

"Damn right he is." Sirius chuckled, "If you looked over there you'd see him looking over at our table every two seconds. Merlin it's hilarious. I think the shock of seeing you and I here together at the same time as his little outing with McDonald has sent him into some kind of shock…in fact I'm a little impressed at the timing myself Evans."

I pretended to look innocent, wrapping a red strand of my hair around my finger; "I may have heard that James Potter was taking out Maggie McDonald today at five o clock."

Sirius didn't answer me because he waved down Rose asking for two firewhisky's. I instantly tried to protest but waved away my excuses as Rose went to the back to get Sirius' order.

"I'm underage Black." I told him, wondering what on earth I had been thinking when I picked Sirius Black to be a part of my master plan. I'd sworn off firewhisky since that night four weeks before.

"I know that but I'm not." He winked pleasurably again as Rose placed the two tankards in front of us, "Drink up Evans. Live on the wild side."

I pursed my lips, staring at the foaming drink in front of me. The last time I drank I'd snogged James Potter outside the Gryffindor Common room and the idiot had the nerve to ask me what was wrong. Like something had to be wrong for me to want to kiss him! Idiot! But he was still my idiot, my friend, who happened to think the night we kissed was some sort of accident.

Sirius leaned in closer and pushed the drink closer to me.

"Well then," he said simply, "I bought you a drink…drink up." He smiled satisfactorily when I swallowed the fire whisky, ignoring the uncomfortable stinging it left in my throat.

I eyed him suspiciously. I hadn't expected him to so willingly agree to come to the pub with me. I thought he'd ask what was going on at least. He hadn't even asked what had happened that night James and I kissed.

"Why are you not even questioning what's going on?" I asked him, leaning towards him some more, lowering my voice, it wasn't too loud in the pub and I didn't want my voice carrying.

"You and I…" he motioned between us, "have more in common when it comes to James Potter than you think. I know he made you angry and this is your way of dealing with it…making him angry…I'm honestly just here for a laugh."

I furrowed my eyebrows together, staring at him with confusion, "You want to make him jealous too? What. Are you in love with him or something?" I snorted when Sirius stared at me with amusement.

"Catch on quick, don't you Ginger?" he winked, leaning back against his seat and gulping down some more firewhisky before slamming the tankard on the table "No, James and I aren't talking right now. Lad won't even come near me. So this is a way to get him to talk."

"Why aren't you talking?" I asked in interest, "Does it have to do with—" he cut me off.

"I would love for this to continue…but I have a previous engagement with a young Miss Sally Normans from Hufflepuff…"

"Black…" I tried to get him to stay and tell me what was up.

"Relax Evans." He seemed to know exactly what I was thinking, "Later." And he winked and he left me sitting there.

What did he mean? And why weren't he and James talking? Did it have something to do with Severus Snape? Snape was a sore subject for all three of us.

It was only after he'd walked out and disappeared that I'd realized he hadn't paid the bill. Damn him! Rose, the bartender, came over looking sympathetic.

"He left you with the bill didn't he?" she looked as miffed as me.

"He smoothly forgot to leave a couple of galleons." I answered, digging around my purse for my wallet and grabbing a couple wizarding coins.

"He has a habit of doing that to his dates." Rose answered, "I should have warned you."

Rose looked genuinely sorry for me and I wondered why on earth girls wanted to go on dates so badly with Sirius Black—who obviously didn't treat any of his dates right.

"Lily." His voice seriously made me jump; I hadn't actually expected him to talk to me so quickly considering we hadn't talked in quite some time.

I'd gotten the impression he was mad at me.

"James!" I squeaked, sounding like a mouse.

James Potter cracked a smile, "Hey," he had glanced over at Sirius' empty seat, "Did he leave you?"

"Er…well…" I didn't know what to say.

Even though I knew I wanted James Potter to be jealous that I'd just been out with his ex-best-mate, I didn't want him to go murder Sirius Black either. James a murderer and Black a dead man didn't help my cause at all. So I quickly made up a lie, "You see he's having me pay for drinks because he left his money at home."

James' eyebrows rose into his hairline, "Is that right?" he asked, obviously not believing me.

"Yeah," my voice cracked and I couldn't look him in his eyes, "I'll just be going now." I stood up from my chair, brushing off my pretty dress I'd worn just for this occasion. I was biting my lower lip, trying not to look over to James' own table where Maggie McDonald from school sat. I heard James sigh and even though I was looking at my fingernails, trying to look inconspicuous I could practically see his fingers running through his already messy black hair.

"Right well, see you later?" he asked.

"You know where to find me." I answered coolly, looking up at him finally and seeing his faced looking incredibly bewildered.

I started to walk out and I was taken aback when he followed me out the doors. Instead of letting my emotions over come me, because my stomach was jumping with anticipation at his actions, I snapped irritably, "Your date won't be very happy."

"Who said she was my date?" He asked.

I spun around; trying not to get my hopes up, perhaps he was okay and still wanted to go out with me, or at least still be mates with me. I liked being mates with James. I asked softly "You, you aren't on a date?"

He looked guilty. He _was_ on a date. My heart felt like it had been ripped in shreds even more but I hid the hurt with a cross expression—the only expression I seemed capable of as of late.

His own face matched mine. "Oh don't look like that Lil. Peter set me up with her." He said running his hands through his hair in annoyance.

We hadn't talked since the night we'd kissed. James and his mates had been disturbingly missing the last few weeks of school. Rumor had it that something big had happened and all four boys had been in a fight. I didn't know the logistics of everything but I knew that James and Sirius were no longer talking. It seemed to make James very angry that I'd been out with him. What I wouldn't give to know what had happened in James' personal life.

"Well it's not like you weren't out with someone else either." James rolled his eyes, "and with Black of all people."

"Do you not like Black?" I asked smoothly, letting my face show the truth.

"I knew it!" he laughed, almost mechanically, my eyes narrowed as he stepped closer, "This is because of what happened at the end of the year party isn't it?"

"Ding, ding." I pretended to ring a bell before poking my finger into his chest, all games I'd previously been playing gone, "We have a winner. I was throwing myself at you Potter." I used his surname. An insult of course. James hated it when I did that. "And you asked me what was _wrong_. A little advice, when Maggie McDonald tries to snog you later—don't ask her what's wrong." The hurt I'd been feeling for the past few weeks was finally coming out. I'd wanted to tell him this the next day—after the party. Sadly we didn't have the time to talk.

James rolled his eyes again, "Lily, why didn't you tell me that was bothering you?"

"James," I answered with the same irritation that was in his tone, "Why did you disappear from the face of Hogwarts the last few weeks of school?" James looked nervous all of a sudden, "Er, well me and…well we got into trouble."

I looked at him with more interest, my behavior turning from irritated to interest, "What did you do?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips, "To get you expelled from classes at the end of the year?"

"I wasn't expelled…" he looked really nervous, "I was just taking a break from classes. I got hurt." He looked really uncomfortable. I'd never seen him so edgy. His fingers kept going back to his hair, messing it up so much it stuck out even more…if that was even possible.

"And?" I was probing for answers. I'd heard rumors of course, but James could tell me the whole story.

"It's nothing." He seemed to have made up his mind not to tell me. "I have to get back to McDonald."

I rolled my eyes, "Fine. I have to get back to Sirius." I liked when he got angry. Like now. His face was contorted.

"You aren't really seeing him are you?" he demanded, looking as if he was almost in pain, "He's bad blood Lily."

My face flamed up. I'd heard enough comments from James Potter about "bad blood" and everything that goes with it.

"Coming from the guy who has the same _blood_ as him." I answered, my temper returning from his comment, I was resisting the urge to shout "I never thought you'd bring ancestry into our conversations."

"That's not what I—" he frowned, "Oh never mind. Listen. Just be careful okay?" he said before he ran back into the pub where McDonald was waiting.

I hated that he could make me so angry one minute, so elated the next, and then back to furious a minute later. Besides, how did he expect me to sit here and ignore the fact that he and Sirius Black were not telling me the truth about something? I knew that the night after we'd kissed, something had happened. I'd heard rumors. I mean, you can't trust rumors, but I did know that it had something to do with Severus Snape, Sirius Black, and James Potter.

**CarexOfxMagicalxCreatures**


	2. Everybody Talks

**Chapter 2:**

**Never thought I'd live**

**To see the day**

**When everybody's words got in the way.**

**It started with a whisper.**

**Everybody talks.**

_Prongs,_

_I was going to come by next week before I leave for vacation._

_See you?_

_Wormtail_

_Prongs,_

_Did you get my last letter?_

_Wormtail_

_James,_

_One of these days you are gonna have to write me back and stop wallowing in the fact that I set you up with Maggie. I mean the girl had red hair. I thought you'd appreciate that. I'll set you up next week with her sister Mary. I heard Mary's a blast._

_Write me back bugger._

_Peter_

I frowned when he walked through my front door with a grin. "Peter Pettigrew I will murder you."

Peter rolled his eyes, one of my best mates sure, but I didn't appreciate the fact that he set me up with a duller than brick girl from Hufflepuff last week. Or that Lily Evans had seen me with her; I mean how did she hear about that anyways? I remembered her being so mad. Things never went right when she was around. I'd begun to notice that little factor.

"You will not murder me, you are going to thank me for this at your wedding one day." he headed towards the kitchen, where he likely knew my lunch was waiting. Bastered. He was still talking as he went along, imagining my future (non-existent) wedding, "And thanks to wormtail, who set me up with my gorgeous, smart, and pretty wife!"

"Wormtail, I don't like any of the girls you are trying to set me up with. I like Lily." I told him, following him, prepared to tell him to bugger off my sandwich the house elves had made me, "But since Lily is mad at me for going on a date that I was forced into by you…"

Peter snorted, "Right, that's what she's mad about."

I glared at him pointedly. "_That's_ not my fault, Peter. And you know that."

That was enough to shut him up.

Peter waved these complications away, "Prongs," he said as he entered the kitchen where my two house elves didn't look surprised at the visitor, "I'm honestly trying to help. Remus agreed you need to start seeing some nice girls. Nice girls who don't kiss you when they've just been-"

"Shut up." I said snapping at the mention of that bloody kiss, snatching my plate away from his outreaching fingers, "and get your own bloody sandwich you rat."

Peter lifted himself up so that he could sit on the edge of the counter, glaring at me with his small blue eyes. He wasn't very threatening, honestly, I was just humoring him. I wouldn't have even opened the door…if I weren't so incredibly bored. Peter, like I mentioned before, is one of my best mates…I just wasn't in the mood for one of his 'epic' plans to get me a girlfriend by the start of the school year. Maybe I didn't want a girlfriend.

"Fine. No girls. What do you want to do today?"

I looked at him, a smile on my face since he was suggesting something other than talk about my pitiful love life. So many things we could do…but I knew Peter was hoping I'd suggest something besides visit the town and joke around with some muggles. My suggestion was quick, "Let's go for a walk in the woods."

Peter cheered, jumping off the counter with a giant swing, "I vote we hike Monticello Hill! Come along Prongs!" I laughed at his alteration of moods; dropping my forgotten sandwich on the counter and telling the house elves I'd be back…later.

My muscles could already feel it, rippling and moving against their natural feeling. They wanted to change, morph, and become the animal they were meant to be. There was nothing like the high you get from transfiguring yourself and I had hardly made it out the door when the tearing muscles and morphing bones turned me from human to stag.

**~~~~~~~~~Now rumor has it she don't have your love anymore~~~~~~~**

_Lily,_

_Marley will kill you when she gets back and she hears you went out with Sirius Black. Did you really snog him in the three broomsticks? My sister swears there was snogging. I mean. She was also upset Potter dropped her off without a snog...so..._

_Mary McDonald_

_**Mary,**_

_**Merlin, I'd never.**_

_**Lily Evans.**_

_**Sirius Black,**_

_**Mind coming to my place, I've included my address, thought we'd go for a walk. Talk some about what James had said when you left.**_

_**Lily Evans**_

_Lily._

_Sure. _

_Sirius._

_Lily,_

_You'd never what? Snog him or date him?_

_Mary_

_PS_

_Maggie still says she has another date with James Potter. I find that highly unlikely._

"Lily, someone's here to see you!" my sister's call made me jump out of my day dreams as I sat brushing my hair in front of my mirror. I'd been sitting up in the bathroom praying he'd show; I didn't actually think he would.

"Lily!" My sister Petunia could be compared to a howling wolf sometimes…

"Coming Pet!" I called down the stairs, checking my hair and make up once more.

I closed the bathroom door quickly and raced downstairs, my sundress swinging back and forth across my body. Sirius Black stood in my hallway looking extremely uncomfortable. He had on a leather jacket, a pair of jeans, and a white tank on underneath. I wondered how he dressed so much like a muggle but was obviously so very not…muggle.

"Evans." He looked at me as I entered his line of view. "Got your letters."

I sighed as my sister glanced back and forth between the two of us. "This is my sister Petunia, Petunia, this is a friend from school, Sirius." I introduced them, eyeing my sister closely.

She looked like she wanted to say something offending. This wasn't surprising. She hated me, my world, and the wizards I had met in it. She actually looked frightened, which explains her quick nod in Sirius' direction before running into the living room where my father was probably reading.

"I didn't think you'd come," I told him, eyeing his leather jacket—it was bloody hot outside. Why on earth was he wearing that jacket?

"I was intrigued by your choice of words in your letter. Sounded like he hates me more than you thought, eh?" He smiled at me with a grin that reminded me of a dog's grin. I almost felt like smiling. Sirius Black did looked pleased to see me though, you know, I was actually kinda glad to see him too. Things were boring in my life with my best mate in France.

"What'd he talk to you about? How he'd never amount to my obvious superiority?" Sirius was eyeing the picture frames on the walls, including a particularly recent one of me.

"Something like that." I answered, glaring at him and his arrogant ass.

"Lily! Who is it?" My father called from the sitting room. I could also hear my sister protesting my father's inquiries.

"A friend from school Dad!" a smiled brightened my face, when Sirius looked apprehensive.

I suddenly knew how to get him back for skipping out on the bill at The Pub.

"Come on Sirius. Meet my father."

"Oh no," he looked genuinely disturbed at the thought, "I don't think—"

I grabbed the sleeves of his jacket and pulled him towards the living room. I'd never thought I'd see Sirius Black actually look scared. My dad was sitting on the couch with his paper and looked up as I dragged in the sheepish looking Sirius Black. I think my dad nearly had a heart attack when he saw Sirius.

Sirius is a looker, in a bad boy type of way. Not the type of guy that fathers would want their daughters to be hanging around with. Hence the reason I was having so much fun with dragging poor Sirius Black into the living room. I doubted anyone had ever brought Sirius to meet the parents.

Sirius looked positively furious as he glared in my direction, I gleefully introduced Sirius to my dad, "This is Sirius dad, and we go to school together."

Sirius looked like he was going to curse me. I laughed at the expression on his face. I knew I'd find a way to pay him back for all the times he'd left me speechless. Including just two days ago when he'd left me paying the bill at the pub.

"Er, Hi Mr. Evans." Sirius stuck out his hand, "Nice to meet you."

My father shook Sirius' hand but looked at me with the look of 'What the Hell is this Lily?' I almost took pity on the both of them, but this was just too entertaining.

"Well, you go to school with Lily then?" my dad was now staring at the tattoo's peeking out from different spots on his body.

"We're in the same house, Gryffindor!" I announced, coming to take Sirius who looked relived that I was dragging him away from the death glares of my father "but we're going for a walk. We'll be back!"

"Hurry back Lily Evans." My father warned and I heard him following quietly behind us to the door. Probably going to watch us all the way down the street. I resisted the urge to laugh until we'd left the porch and we headed for the playground down the street.

"That was bloody awful Ginger." Sirius exclaimed, glaring at me, "I swear he wanted to kill me. No need to _actually_ introduce me to your old man."

"Why?" I asked, teasing, "I thought it was funny."

"Well good for you." Sirius mumbled, getting a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and getting one to light, "I'm not about to go back into your house."

"Good, because we're going to walk along over there." I pointed to a row of houses on the other side of the playground.

Sirius eyed the broken down houses apprehensively, "Those look dodgy."

"I need a rumor to get around I was out walking with you." I answered, guiding Sirius to the correct place "James wasn't happy about us being together…so he'll be absolutely mad about this." I had planned this out when I'd written Sirius to come over. I knew someone over on this edge of the small neighborhood and I knew this someone wouldn't be able to resist the chance to talk.

"You know I'm not so sure what you are hoping to accomplish today, so warn me before you do something like hold my hand" Sirius answered lazily, "I'd prefer not to be woken up by James Potter breaking into my flat to murder me…he's already got it in for me."

"I'd noticed." I answered, hoping to get some answers out of the leather clad boy beside me on the street, "What did you do?"

Sirius sighed, "Not my story to tell you Evans. Sadly, I am sworn to secrecy by the very guy who used to call me his best mate." He took off his leather jacket, the heat obviously getting to him. I stared at the tattoos that littered his body.

"Do you just wake up every morning and say 'gee I think I'll get a tattoo today'?" I asked staring at particular tattoo that showed paw prints running up his right arm.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Do you wake up every morning and say 'gee I think I'll be a perfectly boring bird today'?"

"I'm not a boring bird!" I answered, swatting him, then realizing this had probably been a bad idea…Snape could already be watching. Yes. Severus Snape. He was a part of this plan. Sirius just didn't have to know it. He wouldn't be happy if he knew I lived near Severus Snape. Hell, I wouldn't be walking in this direction if Sirius weren't with me.

Sirius smiled as I stared at him in disbelief, "Oh come off it Evans, third year you had to have turned down every male in Hogwarts for the chance to take you to Hogsmede. Broke every heart within a twenty mile radius when you went with boring old Snape…including James."

I kicked the rocks on the street wondering why Sirius was all of a sudden testing my ego. Which was small compared to his might I add. I looked back up at him; he was staring at me like he couldn't believe I didn't know.

"Wow, Evans. Talk about a low self esteem." Sirius snorted, "and here I thought you were always just being modest." He took my by surprise when he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me along the street, "Well, lets keep walking...who is the person that's going to see us together? James doesn't hang around dumps like this…" His lighted cigarette was smoking and creating patterns in the hot air.

"You know," Sirius' voice cut through my thoughts, "That bloke there looks like Snive—" he cut off short turning to glare at me…I pretended to look discreet. I seriously think that Sirius _growled_ under his breath.

I glanced over his shoulder and indeed saw the very male who makes me sick to my stomach. Sirius' cigarette dropped to the roadside. I knew I should have thought about this. Oh well.

"You wanted _Snape_ to spread the rumor that we were seen together?" he hissed, spinning on me "Merlin Evans, I really don't think you thought this through…"

"Why not?" I hissed back, now seeing the black hair and skinny boy across the way a bit watching us.

"You seriously don't think Snape won't retaliate?" Sirius looked incredibly worried, it surprised me.

"Stop looking so angry at me." I snapped but Sirius shook his head quickly.

"Evans, this is playing with fire it is, you don't know what's going on…" Sirius took out his wand and I jumped back in surprise.

"Black, don't you dare hurt him!" I hissed, pulling at his wand arm. I could see it already, the two teenage boys fighting in the middle of a muggle road. This had been a bad idea. I should've known Sirius would never go for anything that included Severus Snape—even if he was a secondary character.

Sirius shook his head, "Of course I'm not—I'm taking you home and then I'm going home." He grabbed my arm with his free hand and pulled me back in the direction of my house. I didn't even have the chance to glance back and see if Severus Snape had realized who'd been walking in his direction.

"I can't believe you Evans." He kept saying, "I can't believe you'd do that."

He dropped me off at my porch, glaring at me, "You had better hope that Snape doesn't come over here tonight."

I stared at him incredulously, "He wouldn't dare. We're through me and him, we've been through since—"

"Ginger." He looked sick, "You are obviously not bright enough to grasp that things between Severus Snape and I are not grand. You are also obviously unaware that even though you think things are over between you and him…they are not. Stay away from him." I was rolling my eyes at him.

He pointed his wand at my chest and I wondered what on earth the man thought he was doing. I jumped back, wishing I hadn't left my own wand upstairs, "_Evans_." He said harshly, "I was all for this when we were just tripping out James, but we are not, I repeat, are not going to get Severus Snape involved or even going near Severus Snape."

I grabbed the end of his wand like a leash so he couldn't pull away, surprising him, "How else do you plan on getting James to get jealous? Don't you miss talking to James? He'd talk to you again if you'd started befriending me…you know he would! That's why you agreed to help!"

"I agreed to help because I thought it'd be a couple of nights out with you when James was around. I thought it'd be a laugh. Going near Severus Snape's house however is going to get someone hurt, Evans. He's bad blood!"

I let go of Sirius' wand staring at him, "You know," I said, "That's exactly what James said about you."

Sirius actually looked hurt and I instantly regretting saying that. Even if he was a sodding idiot, I knew he didn't want to be a part of that side of the Wizarding World. Sirius Black didn't want to be considered Bad Blood. Not even by his ex-best-mate.

I grabbed his arm, "Please Sirius…I mean…I was just angry at him…"

Sirius sighed looking at me, "yeah, I was too, Evans."

Frustrated I threw his arm away, "Well if you are so angry with him then why do you want to be his friend again?" I shouted, ignoring the fact that my father was probably listening to our conversation now. That Severus Snape probably had followed us. That Severus Snape was probably listening.

Sirius' face turned red, "Why do you want to be his friend?"

James Potter was a good friend to have. Who didn't want to be James Potter's friend? I wanted to be more than friends with James Potter, of course, but that seemed to have been thrown on the sidelines to be reviewed after these games were finished. Whatever games we were playing. I just stared at Sirius who was obviously expecting me to answer. When I said nothing he shouted and I jumped back in surprise, "We were best mates!"

"We were pretty good mates too!" I snapped hating the direction this afternoon was taking "It's not all about you Sirius Black."

He laughed and I got a glimpse at how made Sirius Black actually was, "No," he pointed at me, "It's all about you." He actually snarled.

I simply blinked. His accusation shot me in the gut; we were a lot alike Sirius Black and I. We were very different but everyone in a while...tears pricked my eyes and I turned away from him in frustration. I heard him moan, and I thought I heard him punch something, but I was too sore from his words to turn and look.

Why am I feeling so guilty? Why was I holding my breath? What was I afraid of him doing? Walking away? Worried about everyone including myself…

I whispered, "I didn't mean—"

"When you started hanging out around us I knew things would go bad. And they did right after Remus found you." His voice was quiet; I refused to look at him. I was too busy letting his words sink in. "I can't tell you what happened between James and I but I can tell you I'm sorry. Okay?"

I didn't understand anything he just told me and I knew he most likely wasn't in the mood to explain but I was determined to know. I was determined to know all the secrets people tried to keep from me. I wondered still about James. I wondered what had happened. I wondered if James doesn't like me like that anymore. Surly Sirius could answer that particular question.

I turned around, locating Sirius at his spot on the porch step. He looked out of place and unhappy there alone, gripping his leather jacket with white fists. I realized I wasn't the only one questioning how James felt about me. I could tell just by looking at him, he missed James. I took pity on the boy who had so recently only come into my life because of the rumors I had been creating.

"Sirius." I whispered.

He looked at me, his bangs falling into his grey eyes, "Lily." He copied my tone, unsure of what he should say.

"I—I'm sorry." I whispered, coming to stand on the step beside him.

He snorted, looking at me sadly "Lily, I don't think you understand. I'm not really angry with you. Do you understand?"

I shook my head, still overly confused. Sirius had literally just practically blamed me. Sirius smiled when I shook my head no.

"Good. Because I wouldn't expect you to understand." His smile faltered when he looked into my eyes.

"Whatever happened a few weeks ago after—my own accident—" I said slowly, "Did it change the way James feels about me?"

I felt physically sick to my stomach as I confided my worst fear to Sirius Black. Still, I felt like Sirius Black was the only one who could understand my frustrations about James Potter. Sirius Black had always been around for the ups and downs of James and I. Sirius Black had always been in the shadows watching. I knew Sirius had to know.

"I don't know." But he looked guilty; he wasn't looking directly at me. He knew the answer to my question. He just wasn't willing to share. "What happened to you with Rosier to make him hate you so much?"

My eyes narrowed, fine. He was keeping his secrets for his old friends. "Good night Sirius."

"Lily?"

"What?" I turned.

Sirius had his face tilted downward but his eyes were looking at me. I was tired, hurt, unsure, and a million things were running through my head. I didn't think I could handle anything else that would come out of Sirius Black's mouth. The sunlight streamed into my eyes, making me shadow my face with my hand.

"I'll see you later?" the faltering smile on his face reminded that I had partially gotten him into this mess—even though I didn't know the full story for myself.

"Sure." My answer, but I honestly didn't know if I could even trust the handsome chap who seemed to remind me more and more of a dog. And I didn't know if I thought of him as a dog in the good way…or a bad way.


	3. Everybody Loves Me

**Chapter 3:**

**I heard you've been missing me,**

**You've been telling people things you shouldn't be**

**Like when we creep out when she's not around.**

**Haven't you heard the rumors?**

I probably shouldn't write her. I glanced at Peter's sleeping form. He'd kill me if I did…he was determined for me to go out with other girls. He said I was throwing all my eggs into one basket. That made me laugh. I've been head over heels for Lily Evans since fifth year and when she finally started liking me back...

On the other hand, I didn't like sitting here waiting around to see if Lily Evans was still upset with me, or if she was still running around with Sirius Black. Lily (even though she was upset with me) had to still like me. We'd been through too much for her to just blow me off. In the end, it's lucky I did write her. I got responses back from her almost instantly too.

_Lily,_

_I thought we could finish talking? I know you're still probably angry about Maggie McDonald...that was Peter's fault. write me back._

_JP_

_**JP,**_

_**Finish talking about what?**_

_**LE**_

_LE,_

_Why don't you even register that I'm trying to patch things up? Why do you have to be so bloody frustrating?_

_J_

_**J**_

_**Stop by my place later on tonight if you like.**_

_**L**_

"Oi, Lily, Sirius is here." My father called from downstairs.

Surprised I rolled off the bed I had been laying on studying. My potions book thumped to the floor and I picked it up, hastily throwing it on my pink quilt. I straightened my ponytail before skipping down the stairs to see Sirius Black smiling at me from his spot beside my dad. He was without his leather jacket today and actually had a decent shirt on…which seemed to please my father a bit more because he left Sirius and me alone in the hallway.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, slowly, I hadn't thought I'd see him again after our disastrous last meeting.

"Hey Ginger, want to go for Ice Cream?" he smiled that normal arrogant smile of his but I was questioning every move he made.

The Sirius Black I used to know would never act unsure…that was not exactly cool to play pitiful. This Sirius Black however, reminded me a lot of a puppy. Begging for affection. It seems that he truly did have no life without mates and he had chosen me to fill that gap. I guessed I deserved that, considering the few things I had managed to dig out of the depth of Sirius' secrets.

"Uh…sure." I answered, glad I had a few coins and my wand in my back pocket, "Where?"

"I was thinking Diagon Alley." A smile flittered across his face, "thanks to years spending time there the shop owner gives me free Chocolate Frog Melts."

I let my dad know I was headed out and found myself being transported by side-along apparation by Sirius Black himself.

"Are you old enough to do that?" I asked Sirius once we had reached a spot outside the Leaky Cauldron…one of the many entrances into our Wizarding World.

"Of course not." He snorted, "but James and I were never one for age lines."

"So James can apparate too?" I said with surprise.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Of course he can. Whatever I can do, he can do."

We walked into the Pub, wizards and witches and hags and even vampires hanging about. I was wearing muggle clothes, but at least so was Sirius. I felt safer beside him at least. Some of these magical beings wouldn't have hesitated to bother me if I was without Sirius. Now days, you were safer if you traveled in a pack.

"Some of them look like they murder you in your sleep." Sirius hissed as we passed a particularly ugly looking hag.

"I know some of them would, hurry up would you?" I whispered, pushing him along towards the back of the building and the entrance to the Wizarding World.

"Is it always like that for you?" Sirius asked as we finally reached the crowded streets of Diagon Alley, heading for the Ice Cream Shop.

"It's worse when I come with my family…I don't let them come anymore." I answered, not liking to talk about my family…or our blood status, "I guess you wouldn't be used to that…"

Sirius snorted, shaking his head, letting his hair fan out, "Nope. Unless it's my own family and they spot me. We see them and wands come out."

I eyed him with interest. Everyone at school knew Sirius Black was considered a kind of blood traitor for breaking his family's expectations and becoming a Gryffindor. People with his blood, with James' blood, they were supposed to be with the rest of the pure blood mania. James and Sirius were different from other blood purists I knew (Severus Snape being one) and they always seemed to be disgusted with the way people acted about my kind.

"Is your family bad blood?" I let the term slip from my mouth before I thought about what I had said. Bad blood wasn't a muggle term…it was an against muggles term that wizards and witches from our world often used.

Sirius laughed though, looking at me appreciatively, "Worst blood you'll ever see. Come on, Ginger, I'll get you some ice cream."

When we entered the shop I first only noticed how quiet it was for a hot summer day. When I come in September this place is flooding with customers. Sirius looked surprised as well. A woman looked over the counter in surprise at us.

"Can I help you?" she asked softly.

"Where's Fortescue?" Sirius asked the woman.

"Don't know." The woman shrugged, "Disappeared with his wife and kids a few weeks ago. Rumor has it they were all muggle born. I've been holding down the shop since." The woman nodded, "What kind of ice cream you want."

I felt sick. Speaking of muggle borns… hadn't Sirius and I just been on this topic. Sirius saw my face and turned to the woman.

"I'll take one Suicide Sunday please." He told her, "Have other shop owners disappeared?"

The woman nodded as she got out a huge goblet, "Lady selling herbs down the way disappeared a few weeks back and I hear Ollivander might be closing down shop."

"But that's where new witches and wizards get their wands!" I said, flabber ghasted, "He couldn't leave!"

I remembered myself, what it had been like to get my very first wand. The one sticking out from my one of favorite boots currently.

"Jus' letting you know what I heard." The woman said as Sirius paid for our ice cream, "Enjoy." And she passed off the sweets to me.

I followed Sirius moodily out the door and into the sunshine where we sat at an iron wrought table with a colorful umbrella. We ate our ice cream together in silence, Sirius picking at side and I the other.

"So…" Sirius muttered, "I know you wanted to make James jealous…"

I looked up surprised at where his mind had wandered. People were disappearing and he was worried about James Potter. I mean, I was worried about that detail in my life too…but I didn't want to talk about anything sad. I already felt sick.

"I don't want to talk about James." I mumbled, stuffing my mouth full of gooey chocolate ice cream.

"Too bad." Sirius laughed at my expression, "I want to talk about what happened yesterday because I know Snape saw us—I think James will hear sooner or later and I want _you_ to know that he's already hurt and it's partially my fault so when he comes to talk to you—try to go easy on the bloke."

I looked at him, already sensing the fact that he was leaving out more than he really should. I picked a cherry off our Sunday, observing his miserable look.

"Why is he already upset?" I asked, swallowing the cherry.

Sirius glared at me, "You know I won't tell you."

"You are a fat good lot of help you are." I muttered, shaking my spoon at him, "Don't you miss being friends with him?" I asked him again.

"Don't you?" he replied with a repeated annoyance.

"He's coming over later this afternoon." I told him, swirling two ice cream flavors together, "He wants to talk."

Sirius rose an eyebrow, "He wants to talk?"

"Apparently." I glanced to see what Sirius was doing with this piece of information. His face was smooth. Unreadable.

"Well," he spoke coolly, "At least he's willing to talk to you."

I took his smooth face and his smart comments lightly. I knew that whatever had happened between them had made the brotherly connection they'd had…disappear. I wondered if I could get James to talk about it. Sirius was obviously hurt that he couldn't talk to James anymore and James was clearly not willing to even think about Sirius.

"Come on Ginger, finish the ice cream so we can get out of here. I don't like how those blokes over there are looking at us…no Evans you don't look—Merlin!"

The blokes over yonder where Sirius had been watching them turned away as soon as I turned around. I could swear one of them was Evan Rosier and I made a rude face in their direction. Bloody barmy idiots. Seeing them was still unnerving still and I certainly made myself eat just a bit faster.

"God damn it all Evans." Sirius hissed, his eyes narrowing.

I could practically feel his eyes digging into my back. Nightmares existed in this world. I wouldn't fight back. Fighting back would give me more reasons to be afraid. Muggle borns disappearing. Families getting killed. Girls going for a run and disappearing. Nightmares where he-

"Mudblood." The words were out of his mouth as he passed by our table.

Evan Rosier laughed as he made his way past. Sirius' hand was plunging into his shirt where his wand had remained during out nice ice cream run. I had to leap across the table, getting the remainder of the ice cream all over me, to grab Sirius and force his arms down. We didn't need a battle in the middle of Diagon Alley.

"You are not fighting _him_ Sirius Black. He's not worth it." I warned him before groaning with a glance at my shirt, "Oh look, all over my favorite top." Thankfully, my destroyed top had distracted Sirius.

"You dove over the ice cream to stop me?" It was one nasty glare from me that stopped him from laughing.

"Lily?"

Both of us froze. Me from horror at the realization that someone else was watching us…Sirius for a completely different reason. I turned in my seat, dripping in sweet sticky ice cream to face the owner of the voice, a seventh year previous best mate of Sirius Black. No, not James Potter, but another best mate who was in the middle of the rumor mill.

"Remus!" I said, "How are you?"

I felt bad Remus saw us...I hadn't seen Remus Lupin at all even though we'd promised to get together this summer. Things had changed since James and I kissed. Meanwhile Sirius was looking anywhere, everywhere, but where Remus was standing. Remus appeared to be as awkward as Sirius. He was staring at my messed up blouse trying his hardest not to acknowledge my ice cream partner.

"Erm, you have ice cream all over you?" he said pointing to my blouse.

I tried to act nonchalant, like it was normal for me to be eating ice cream with Sirius Black, "Oh yeah…we had an accident."

"I'm sure." Remus' eyes finally left my blouse but as soon as they obviously targeted my partner they darted back to me, "See you around Lily?"

"Bye!" I couldn't have possibly been happier to see Reus Lupin leave. I glared at Sirius who was staring stupidly after Remus Lupin who had walked hastily into the robe shops. Good thing too. His robes were looking a little shabby.

"You could not have been more helpful! What was wrong with you? Its just Remus."

"I'm feeling a little sick Evans. Mind shutting up?"

Sirius in fact, did look a little green. I frowned at him but pursed my lips instead of chatting at him while I located my wand to clean off my ice cream stained bloused. Two quick charms alter and my blouse was as good as new. I checked my watch. It was close to two in the afternoon and I had no idea what time James Potter was thinking of granting me his presence with.

"James'll be around sooner or later."

Sirius jumped up, looking happy to have an excuse to leave.

Sirius took me home quickly; we didn't even walk outside of Diagon Alley, he disapparated us on the spot. He really wanted to make sure there would be no more run-ins with his previous mate. Of course I did manage to convince him to have us appear a mile down the road so neighbors wouldn't be suspicious or see anything.

We got to my place and walk up the steps slowly with me grilling him for answers about his odd attitude around Remus.

I finally shut up when he said very loudly, and very annoyed, "If you don't close your trap soon Evans, I'll shut it for you."

I frowned, turning on the spot to look at the young Gryffindor with no friends, "I'm only interested for your benefit. I want you to have other friends besides me."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "I have other friends Ginger." He was rubbing his arm…I noticed he did that whenever he was uncomfortable.

"Name five." I smiled when he frowned significantly at me. "That's what I thought. Face it Sirius Black, without your boys you don't have anyone but a couple girls worth shagging and me."

"Evans, you are completely and totally worth shagging—_it was a joke_!" He jumped back when I swatted annoyed at him.

"Alright well get out of here Black…before James comes and kills you with one look." I shooed with my hands.

"Woah, Woah, I'm not done." He looked at me with interest, "You need to tell me what you did to make Evan Rosier hate you so much."

I frowned, "I didn't do anything." At his glare I added with a stern tone in my voice, "seriously Sirius. Leave it alone."

He didn't want to tell me his secrets? I wouldn't share my nightmares about Evan Rosier. Fair is fair right?

He rolled his eyes, "Fine Ginger. I'll see you after Romeo visits," he looked at me and with a wink, was gone in the next five seconds.

I took a deep breath. Romeo was certainly not going to be happy with me. Not that I was incredibly happen with him. Or me. I just wished there weren't so many secrets.

**~~~Rumor has it that she don't have your love anymore~~~~**

_**Prongs,**_

_**Don't go on a murderous rampage…but I heard something the other day from Prewett. Lily Evans and Sirius Black are...have been seen more than once together. And I saw them together just minutes ago eating ice cream.**_

_**You don't think she knows anything, do you?**_

_**Moony**_

My ex best mate was—well my ex-best-mate. And rumor has it that he's dating the girl that had been on my radar since day one.

It was some kind of torture to have seen them out together the day I'd went to dinner with Maggie McDonald. I mean I'd gone with Maggie because I was bored and humoring Pete. Why had Sirius Black and Lily Evans been together? They'd never really held a decent conversation. At least Lily Evans and I talked last year. Lily had never once shown interest in Sirius Black except when he was doing something wrong.

And now there was the whole deal with her asking me over—as if she hadn't expected me to hear about her and Sirius messing around at Diagon Alley. If there was one thing Hogwarts students knew how to do it was gossip and a lot of gossip was reaching me.

My bedroom door almost slammed open and I jumped off my bed in surprise, the broomstick model I was doing sliding off the bed and snapping. I raised one eyebrow when I saw it was Remus Lupin, looking incredibly frustrated.

"You get my letter?" I think he'd been pulling at his hair.

I went over and place a hand on his shoulder, "Moony, we don't even know what's going on." I hissed, lifting my hand from his shoulder to go shut my door so the house elves wouldn't hear us.

"I know exactly what is going on!" Remus looked even worse then normal. I was contributing half the lines on his face to this news about Black and Evans. "Prongs, Sirius is going to get me murdered. Lily is the one person who might actually know something. Look at who she hung out with before this. Severus Snape. The one person none of us can trust." He was straining his voice. I pitied him. After all, it was his secret that was what we were all so worried about.

Well that and the fact that there was unregistered animagus running around Hogwarts. We considered that secret safe since Sirius Black was one of them but Remus' secret…Remus' secret was no small secret.

I forced Remus to sit down, forced him to take the little bit of tea I had left in my cup. I wanted to tell him it would be all right. I wanted to let him know that even though it appeared that Lily Evans might be meddling it probably wouldn't get her anywhere but all bets were off now that we knew she and Sirius Black had been together more than once.

It was time for me to go see Lily…


	4. Secret

**Chapter 4:**

**Got a secret**

**Can you keep it?**

**Swear this one you'll save**

**Better lock it in your pocket**

**Taking this one to the grave**

"Where are you going?" Remus asked me as he watched me throw my cloak on.

"I'm going to talk to Lily. Make sure Black hasn't spilled anything about…you…since they are seeing each other."

"And if Sirius is there with her?" his question was really: would I dare confront Lily with Sirius Black standing there?

"I'll try not to murder him." I answered steadily.

"You wouldn't murder him." Remus' answer was soft and I almost didn't catch it.

I hadn't spoken to Sirius Black—let alone wrote to him—since the night Sirius had destroyed my faith in our friendship. I still grew upset every time I thought about it. I wouldn't put it past him to date Lily Evans just to irk me. I needed to talk to Lily. I needed to clear the air.

I'd keep out the secrets, the lies; the deceiving…I just had to make sure Sirius wasn't actually seeing her. I don't think I could bare that. I might actually go find Sirius Black if it were true to murder the idiot. Sirius as long as I had known him, had never shown interest once in Lily Evans—not until we weren't speaking. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Lily Evans—in a matter of speaking—was going to be the key to this puzzle. Despite however angry I was with her (not very) and she with me (it never lasted)…Lily would tell me. She might not have told me the other day when we were both out but I could persuade her. I still held that kiss in the back of mind. It wasn't something I ever imagined I'd ever forget.

I got my wand and turned on the spot disappearing from one place...and turning up in another. I loved magic. The house in front of me looked exactly as it had two years ago when I'd daringly tried to get Lily to agree to go out with me over the summer holidays—of course she'd still been friends with Snape then—so needless to say she was still being brainwashed into thinking I was an absolute prick.

Not that I wasn't. I prided myself sometimes on my ability to be an absolute prick. Except I viewed it as more stubbornness than anything else. Lily was just as stubborn as I was—if more.

She was sitting there on her porch; Lily Evans was, with her red hair tied up in a messy bun and her fingers tapping on her book. I suddenly felt sick when I saw her glance up at me and then sit there. Just staring. Have I ever mentioned her eyes are the color of emeralds? Most gorgeous eyes at Hogwarts. Even beats Adrienne McClain from Ravenclaw who has the prettiest blue eyes. No one could beat the emerald that Lily has.

She stood up slowly, leaving her porch and heading my direction. "James?"

"Is something wrong?" She asked, placing her hands on her hips.

I considered questioning her, but then I remembered why I was really here. To prove that the rumors were wrong.

The front door to her house opened and a voice called out, "I found the lemonade…but not before scaring the bloody knickers off your—oh hey Potter!"

Lily smiled, turning around to face Fabian Prewett who was holding two glasses of lemonade. The red haired, brown-eyed boy was a roommate of mine back at school but that didn't mean I was as pleased to see him as he seemed to be seeing me.

"You know Fabian right?" Lily smiled at me next; "we were just talking about the Head Boy and Girl slots for next year." I knew without asking that Lily was desperately hoping to be picked for Head Girl. Lily worked hard to prove herself. I almost saw it as a flaw. I didn't have to work twice as hard as she did for her top grades, for her position in Hogwarts society, and I certainly didn't have to fight off the girls the way Evans surly must fight off the males.

"Where's Sirius, James?" Fabian smiled kindly my way, "I figured you'd be with him?"

Prewett may have been trying to be nice—but he was certainly getting on my nerves already. I rolled my eyes so that Fabian could see and then spun on the red head I'd come originally to interrogate.

"I need to talk to you. Alone." I said, crossing my arms and nodding my head in the pricks direction.

"James Potter you don't just come over to my place demanding to talk to me and getting rid of my actual guests. That's rude." Lily said, slapping my arm like my mother would've done.

"I mean it really doesn't matter, I can go…" Prewett, Thank Merlin, looked uncomfortable at the situation he'd found himself in. He pulled out his wand and disappeared, making Lily wince. She hated when people did magic near muggles. She could be such a rule follower sometimes.

Really, Prewett was a nice bloke, we shared a dorm together after-all but I think after six years of my temper and irritability…Fabian had learned to steer clear. Thank Merlin he was at least reasonably smart.

"Later, Prewett." I waved him off and turning to Lily, placing my hands on her shoulders, feeling her cool skin radiate against my hot fingertips. "Alright Evans?" I smiled now that we were alone.

She looked offended, "you are a prick sometimes James Potter…" and she pushed away from me.

Damn. I probably shouldn't have been so rude when I walked up. Yes, thinking back that had been a bad choice on my part. I typically didn't think before I acted. I was working on that.

"Awh Lil," I sighed following her to the porch, "I honest to Merlin just wanted to talk to you without Prewett around."

"And why did you happen to need to be rude to Fabian and I for?" she spun on me, throwing an ice cube from her drink my way. "Go away James Potter. My previous invitation has been revoked."

"I'll stand here all night Evans." I warned, knowing very well I would too.

I have no idea what I'd said but Lily started coughing, her eyes wide with shock as she doubled over. It was like she was choking on her drink. Worried I raced forward but she pushed me back when I jumped to help her.

"Fine, I'm fine." She hissed, glaring at me like I was Voldemort trying to bring her over to the dark side, "Just tell me why on earth you've decided to grace me with your presence."

She was obviously just as peeved as I was.

"Are you dating Sirius Black?" I got right down to the problem; my dad always said I jumped the boat to quickly.

She laughed then, her green eyes sparkling with humor. I felt my stomach settle but I also felt the blood rush to my head as I realized she was laughing at me.

"James Potter you were jealous!" she accused me, playfully poking her finger into my chest like a kid who'd won a bet, "You do not even have the _right_ to be jealous!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snorted, crossing my arms and watched her pace the front porch laughing to herself.

"It's exactly what I said." She spun from her spot at the far end of the porch, sunlight making her hair turn different hues of red and orange in the light, "You don't have the right to be jealous of Sirius. I'm not his and he's not mine. We're friends!"

"Am I your friend?" I asked.

Lily eyed me closely, "James Potter did you really just come here to ask me about Sirius and I?"

She saw right through my guilty as charged look and rolled her eyes again. If I had a galleon for every time Lily Evans rolled her eyes…well I'd be even richer.

I ran my fingers through my hair, "Lily, Sirius Black…he's not good."

"What makes him so bad?" her eyes narrowed, "What did he do?"

"I'm surprised he hasn't told you already with that mouth of his." I had spit it out, watching her face for a confirmation. She looked madder than ever. Has Sirius told her something? Anything that could get her to understand that Remus Lupin was not a normal boy? Anything to suggest I was an under age animagus, unregistered at that?

"For your information James," _could her face get any redder?_ "Sirius hasn't said a word about anything that happened."

"But you know _something_ happened." I pressed.

She snorted out of amusement rolling her eyes. This confirmed my suspicions. She knew something. Lily saw me eyeing her peculiarly and it was like she could read my mind.

"Merlin, James!" she threw her hands up in the air, "Everyone at Hogwarts knows something happened! You and Sirius were best mates and now you and Pettigrew and Lupin shut him out like he's the bloody reincarnation of Grindlewald!"

There was a snort that didn't come from me and then a hollow voice spoke "Oh that was a clever thing to say Ginger…" I glared at Sirius Black who had appeared from nowhere on her front porch.

Apparation. God damn him. If I wouldn't get in trouble…I'd turn that idiot in for all the stupid stuff he does. Unfortunately for me…we do the exact same stupid thing when it comes to magical transportation.

"Sirus!" Lily chastised him, "I told you to stop apparating to my place! The muggles are bound to notice something!"

"Did you yell at him for apparating too?" Sirius Black looked pointedly my way.

"Shut up Black!" I snapped at him before turning to Lily, "Do you really think you're better friends with him than with me? Do you know what he thinks of you? What he thinks of me? How about what he thinks of friendship? Loyalty? Has he told you about that?"

_Has he told you about the time he almost killed Severus Snape?_ I longed to yell at her. I longed to tell her, warn her, anything to keep her away from Sirius Black but her face showed defiance.

"I don't care what happened in the past James." She answered, never taking her eyes off me, "I don't even know what happened to make you hate Sirius so much but I do know that he misses you. Don't you miss him? Don't you?" She had slammed her cup of lemonade on the porch railing.

I saw the pain flash through Sirius Black's eyes as he went to stand next to the pretty red head. Good. I thought. He deserved every stitch of pain. I imagined how Remus feels every time he hears Black's name in the rumors. Betrayed. Tortured. Beaten. Broken. _Unforgiving_.

Lily looked in between Sirius Black and I. She looked almost hopeful…she stepped closer to me.

"James, come on, admit it. You miss him. You miss the great time you and your mates used to ha—"

"No." I hissed through my teeth before I turned on my heel, "This was a mistake, I didn't realize so many people would be making house calls. Later, Evans."

"Don't you miss me?" her voice choked out in the middle of my attempt to flee the scene, "We were really good. Weren't we?"

I looked at her and she was biting her lip. _Was_ that a tear on her cheek? Why did she have to go and ask me that? Why couldn't she see that I still did like her? That our kiss, although a mistake at the time, was probably one of the only things that seemed real and perfect between us. The rest of our relationship however, was a bloody mess.

"Lily." I moaned, "Why do you do this? You are always so mad and then you start to cry like a bloody—" Merlin this girl did a number to me every time I was around her. Sirius Black moved behind her, watching me with careful eyes.

"It's because I know that you miss him!" she demanded in a high voice "No mates should have to fight when there's an obvious answer right in front of them! You don't think If I had a chance I wouldn't have changed things wi—" she choked and wiped her cheek before mumbling, "Never mind."

Awh man. She was crying. I hated when girls cry. The blasted idiot Sirius was better prepared for a Lily meltdown and I saw him inch his way to her side. Hell no. Sirius Black got there first, whispering it was okay. I felt like punching him out of the way. I felt my fist curling.

My brain flashed with images of Sirius and his nose broken and face and robes covered in his own blood by my hand. The sound of Sirius' voice filling my head from the night that changed my life.

"_She only kissed you because of Snape and you know it!"_

_It had taken a stunning curse to get me to stop punching very inch of Sirius Black that I could find._

Sirius and Lily had pretty much hated each other before last year

What happened?

I managed to look at Lily again, standing there in the middle of the porch, looking at me hopefully since I'd advanced closer. She hadn't seen my fists curled. Suddenly there was a crack of someone disappearing…and it wasn't me. Sirius Black had gone. Lily eyed the spot he'd gone from before turning back to look at me her green eyes haunting me with every blink.

She took a deep breath; it was like she was fighting with herself. "I'm sorry." She finally spoke.

I said simply, trying not to let emotions get ahead of me. I had to get one thing through her thick skull. "He's not a nice guy, Evans."

"Neither are you." She had her chin in the air, a sign of sure boldness. Her cheeks were still red.

It scared me. I felt like she could see all my, all our secrets. A feeling I did not like at all. A boy kept to his secrets. I also felt incredibly awkward…normally I had one up on Lily. I used to be able to tell you everything just by looking at her face because she had a face like an open book. I mean the girl went red every five seconds. She was red right now…but not for any reason I could recognize.

I knew that I still liked her, as more than a friend, and part of the reason I was so angry was because I thought she'd been seeing my ex-best-mate. I felt slightly happier to know that Sirius had at least backed off when I'd advanced. Even though we were sworn enemies. I didn't know if I could punch him again.

Lily sniffed, running her hands through her hair, "He's your best mate James Potter."

"He sure doesn't act like it."

"Neither do you." She slumped to her first porch step, "And we aren't dating. So you can leave now that you've gotten your precious piece of information. I don't want to waste anymore of your day."

I didn't leave. I would've…almost did…but this was the most alone I'd been with her since we'd argued at The Pub. We sat on her porch steps, watching daylight fade. Lily's fingers played with the long grasses that grew over her porch.

I ran my hands through my hair and smiled at her, trying to be optimistic. We were sitting here, together. No other competitions in sight. "So now what?"

"You certainly changed moods quickly enough." She commented turning and twisting her grasses into a bracelet again.

"Black is gone. Leaves me relatively happier." I told her, watching as she winced when I said those words.

"I can't imagine what a pocket full of sunshine you must be when I'm not around." She said, looking at me sadly.

I looked at her with concern, "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"You hate me too right?" she had to cover her eyes; the sun was glaring into them so much. I felt like laughing at the upset look at her face.

"I was just angry with you!" I promised her, "Seriously. Lily. I thought you were dating Sirius Black!" She obviously did not see the humor in this.

"And if I was, then you would be irritated with me?" she scrutinized me.

Merlin. I couldn't win for losing today. I frowned at her, wondering how I could tell her that, although yes, that was technically right, I couldn't place all the blame on her shoulders. I was still fighting off the feeling of stupidity when I was around her. She, after all, had only just recently tried to snog me in the middle of a deserted corridor. And I had stupidly thought that telling her not to kiss me was the right thing to do. If I had just let her snog me, then maybe this whole mess wouldn't have happened.

I'd have a hell of a lot more problems…but they would be tiny compared to the drama I was recently faced with.

"James?" she broke me out of my own mind, her hands were crossed on her lap and she was eyeing me with those gorgeous green eyes. It'd been those same eyes that pulled me back in every time we fought. My dad told me once that eyes were the windows to the soul and I certainly hoped what he said was true.

"Mates?" I was skirting around whatever she had just asked. My mind was full of haze. Especially with her so close…I couldn't think straight when I was looking at her so closely.

"What?" she seemed surprised, then a smile broke her face, "You still want to be friends?"

"Of course I do." I smiled at her, "We were good mates weren't we?" I played on her words from earlier.

I was still worried. How much did she know about us after spending a few weeks with Sirius Black? Were our once well-kept secrets, secrets any longer? I also knew, she wasn't completely joking. For whatever reason, Lily Evans wanted to see me best mates with Sirius Black again.

I decided to try and keep Lily far from Sirius Black—by whatever means necessary.

**~~~because two can keep a secret if one of us is dead~~~**

_**Sirius,**_

_**Are you mad at me? Why'd you leave today?**_

_**Always, Lily**_

_**Sirius,**_

_**I'm sorry for whatever I did. I just want you and James to be mates again…**_

_**Lily**_

_**Sirius Black would you just write me back so I can stop worrying about you having been murdered by Death Eaters?**_

_Lily,_

_I'm alive._

_Sirius_

**Sirius,**

**That's exactly what a dead person's murderer would write.**

**Always, Lily**

He was ignoring me. For some reason, Sirius Black was unhappy with me after he left when I was arguing with James. So every time I patch things up a bit with James Potter, I lose a bit of Sirius by doing so. I knew I shouldn't meddle…I knew it wasn't really my place to meddle…but I decided to take this matter into my own hands. I'd grown fond of Sirius Black quickly…and I wasn't about to lose whatever I had with him just because I was semi-talking to James again.

I was going to find out why they weren't talking.

My nightmares came back. I blamed everything that had happened today from the ice cream disaster to James Potter asking me to be friends with him again...but mostly what happened in Diagon Alley with Sirius. Rosier's voice tortured me inside and out all night. I'd never told a soul what happened but I knew I couldn't keep it a secret forever. Not anymore.


	5. Keeping Secrets

**Chapter 5:**

**All's fair in love and war**

**I'll fight to even up the score**

**The rules are fair**

**It's do or die**

**But knowing you**

**You'll never try**

**You lie to me**

**I'll lie to you**

**That's just what we do**

_Andromeda,_

_Sirius came by today looking for you. I told him you were at work but he said he wanted to talk. I heard he and mates still aren't talking. I heard some blokes talking about it the other night at the Pub. Someone said something about werewolves. Odd right? You think Dumbledore would be daft enough to allow a werewolf in Hogwarts? If so, it would be Sirius who would get tangled up with one. Anyways, write me back because I also think I found a place to live in London._

_Ted_

Lily,

France is amazingly boring! Wish you were here. I miss your pretty face!

Marlene McKinnon

**Severus,**

**How's your arm? What happened to you anyways? Did James Potter actually save you from whatever's under that tree? Did he really break Sirius Black's nose?**

**Carl Crabbe**

The rumors were enough to drive a guy insane…not that I wasn't already insane. I bit my fingernails nervously; James swore I wouldn't have any fingernails left if I kept it up. What happened between James, Sirius, Snape, and I was a secret…so naturally the whole school knew.

Or…they knew a version of what happened.

My bedroom wasn't completely empty…various books littered the floor that were on defense against the dark arts and transfiguration. James' favorite pair of robes was in one of the corners where he'd crashed once at the beginning of the summer. I wonder how James' afternoon with Lily Evans went.

Just thinking about Lily Evans made my toes curl. There was no telling what she knew about me now. It was probably why she hadn't written me once this summer. We were supposed to be planning out prefect duties for next year but she hadn't contacted me once.

I didn't blame her. Who wanted to be friends with a werewolf anyways?

Not me.

But I was the werewolf.

So I was stuck with me.

A monster.

"Remus…"

My bedroom door opened and I shot up from my spot on the floor next to one of the broomstick models Peter had been finishing. My mother looked around the doorway with a forced smile—she was ashamed of me. I didn't blame her.

"Professor Dumbledore is here to speak to you…" her voice trailed off softly.

My heart stopped in my throat. The last time Professor Dumbledore himself had come to my home, he'd been offering me the chance to go to Hogwarts on complete scholarship even with my…issues. Why was he here now? He'd assured me I wouldn't be punished because of Sirius' mistake. I thanked my mum who was watching me with her small blue eyes a little watery at the look on my face.

Hogwarts had been the best thing to ever happen to me. I didn't want to leave! Of course I'd broken Dumbledore's trust by even telling my mates about my time of the month. Dumbledore had every right to expel me.

I made my way through the hallways, all types of scenarios running through my head. I couldn't make it through the doors to the living room. I stopped, catching my breath, panic spreading through my bones.

"Remus." My mum pushed me lightly on the back, "Go."

I looked at her in horror; did she not understand what was going on? I hadn't told her about the accident last year. Looking back now I realize I should have. She should know her son is even more of a screw up than she thought.

"Mum I—"

"Why, if I had known we would have our meeting in the hallway I wouldn't have sat down on your very comfy couch."

I jumped in my shoes, spinning on the spot to face the bespectacled grey and silver haired man who held my future in his hands.

"Professor Dumbledore!" I forced my hand to stick out in his direction even though my body was shaking so hard I could hardly see straight. I was only able to focus on the light blue color of Dumbledore's plain robes.

"Calm down Remus," he clasped my hand with both of his tightly, forcing me to eye him, "I'm not here to expel you. We discussed this already."

Relief spread through my fingertips and even though I was still hesitant I managed to smile a bit at the Headmaster who in return walked back into the sitting room. I was embarrassed by the lack of cleanliness. My mum had been working double shifts and I practically lived at James' house so I never cleaned.

"Would you like some tea Dumbledore?" my mum offered, sending me a pertinent look before rushing off to get the headmaster his requested tea.

Dumbledore seemed to be in a slight hurry however and turned to me with a sad smile, "Well Remus, it's your seventh year."

"I've only gotten this far thanks to you." I replied, fidgeting with my longer strands of hair and then focusing my attention on the golden badge Dumbledore drew from his pocket.

"I'm not here on a happy note," Dumbledore seemed to apologize to me, "I was very adamant in my choice for Head Boy…"

My breath stopped…me? Head Boy?

Dumbledore continued, almost sadly, "Unfortunately the board also picks Head students and due to the accident…the board thought it best to pick another head boy." He passed the golden badge over to me and I took it with gentle fingers. The P engraved was for 'prefect'. "I came to offer you back a position as prefect and tell you how sorry I am that other wizards cannot see that the gifted are not necessarily normal by any standards."

I couldn't look at him. Or anything. Just the badge. Dumbledore had wanted me for Head Boy but because of the stupid prank Sirius had played my chances were ruined. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I noticed Dumbledore had moved closer to me.

"If it's any revelation I tried my hardest to fight for you Mr. Lupin but in the end the board told me I'd have to pick another student." He patted me on the shoulder, sensing that I didn't want to talk.

I spun on him before he could leave, "Professor," I started, "Who are you going to pick?"

Dumbledore sighed, "Evan Rosier was suggested and most of the board has voted for him."

I started at the name. Evans Rosier was the bloke from Slytherin, friends with Severus Snape, and the one who'd attacked Lily the night before Sirius' prank on Snape…It had been my fault Lily was attacked. I had let her patrol the left corridor of the charms floor alone because I had to hand off the prefect schedule to the Head Boy. It wasn't until we heard Lily give a shout that we knew something was wrong.

I found Lily hanging upside down, struggling to keep her skirt over her legs and shouting obscenities at Severus Snape and Evan Rosier who had obviously been messing around with younger students. They ran off before we could catch them but not before the spells on Lily and the two younger students broke and they all came crashing to the floor.

I'd never seen Lily so upset…and I knew she would be in trouble if she worked with Evan Rosier. I had to tell Dumbledore at least something to make him sway the board…

"You can't sir!" I dropped my badge on the table and went to face him, "You have got to get someone else." I hoped my face portrayed the upmost sincerity. I needed Dumbledore to understand Rosier was trouble.

Dumbledore eyed me, "I do take my students opinions seriously Remus—why so adamant about this?"

"Lily Evans is going to be Head Girl." I'd known that since first year and Dumbledore didn't correct me as I continued, "Rosier has it in for Lily Evans."

**~~~~~How Does It Feel To be You~~~~~**

**Marlene,**

**I know you told me not to write you while you were in France but Sirius Black's obviously been seeing Lily Evans. Rumors have been going around for weeks. James Potter practically murdered Lily when he found out. Trust me, I was there. Counting down the days until we go head to head on the pitch McKinnon!**

**Fabian **

_Marlene,_

_I know you are in France but I think Lily's having some sort of boy problems. You know I'd see her…but I'm caught up in my internship at the Ministry. It's an amazing job!_

_Miss you and your obnoxious face,_

_Emma_

_Emma,_

_Just got back. What do you mean you are too busy at the ministry? Chicks before dicks you impossibly silly girl! Get your head out of the clouds! I'm off to Lily's ASAP._

_Marlene_

**Marley,**

**Come home soon.**

**Always,**

**Lily**

"Marlene you can't do magic in my house!" I chastised the blond who was waving her wand in the kitchen to get the lid off the jar of pickles.

Marley rolled her eyes and put her wand down, trying to get the jar open the normal way, "Your bloody sister needs to realize that magic is real." She huffed, working her hardest on the jar.

"I know but Shhhh!" I implored, "Pet has her boyfriend over and he doesn't know!" I grabbed Marlene's wand and stuffed it down her shirt, tucking it in-between her and her bra. The only place Marlene ever really stuck her wand. She swore it made things faster if someone attacked you. Her love for blowy blouses tended to help hide the wand easily and I had to admit an attacker wouldn't be thinking of looking there for a wand. Personally, I preferred to keep my own wand in my pocket or up a sleeve.

"_Merlin_," Marlene muttered, still trying to get to her snack of pickles, "muggles make everything more difficult."

"Give me that!" I muttered, snatching the jar from my best mate who stuck her tongue out at me when I got it on the first try, "Wrong way you maggot."

She hastily picked out a single pickle eyeing it with her brown eyes closely before deciding it was okay to devour, "You could've had the decency to write me more while I was stuck on a positively boring vacation with mum and dad to France." She continued chastising me as she licked her fingers one by one, "I come back to hear you've been snogging Sirius Black and James Potter's gone ballistic."

"I have _not_ been snogging Sirius." I rolled my eyes at Marley who in turn flicked pickle juice in my direction.

"Alright fine. No snogging." She bit into another pickle, quite disgusting table manners actually…she reminded me of a boy more often than not. I blamed countless hours on the sports pitch with a bunch of boys. "But you are friends with both of them."

"Yes. Except I haven't seen either of them since last week when all this happened." I muttered, blowing my hair from my face and staring at my cold lemonade glass.

"Who'd you write first?" Marlene was smiling knowingly at me.

"Sirius..." I bit my lip, "Er…but that's only because he's not speaking to me. I think he's mad I tried to get him and James to talk again."

"And James?" she casually rose an eyebrow suggestively at me.

"James?" I tried looking inconspicuous.

James had written me yesterday night after he'd left. His note had seemed completely friendly except he had said he couldn't wait to see me again. This had caused me to start fretting that we were going the same way as before—becoming friends but wanting more and then when going farther than friendly advances…

"You," she glared at me, "Have got to figure out which one you'd rather be friends with."

"What?" I laughed, thinking I shouldn't tell her what was going on in my head "Marlene this isn't like I'm picking out boyfriends here. I can't like both of them?"

"Not at the same time you can't!" Marlene exclaimed. "I heard Potter plans to never speak to Black again and vice versa. The boys are sworn enemies now Lily Evans, get that through your thick skull!"

I frowned at Marlene whose cheerful brown eyes were rolling at me in annoyance. "But Marley, I don't think they want to be enemies."

"Have you not heard the rumors?" Marlene said exasperated, "James Potter broke Sirius Black's fucking face."

"Marlene." I glared at her, "Don't curse. If my sister hears you she'll throw you out. You are lucky her boyfriend is over or I probably would've had to tell you to leave."

"How do you live here?" Marley whined closing the pickle jar and sticking it back into our fridge "It's a bloody jail your sister keeps you under, no magic, no parties, no cursing! Ugh!"

I threw an ice cube from my drink at her playfully, "Yeah well we don't pick our family..." and I certainly didn't want my sister to hate me and my magical side…she just did.

"I'd love to prank her good with magic."

"Let's not." I pointedly glared at Marlene who frowned.

She popped the ice cube I threw at her in her mouth, "While we're on the subject of what not to do…I didn't do the potions essay due at the start of term. Can I have your notes?"

"I'm sure." I answered, placing my cup in the sink deciding I wasn't thirsty after all. "Marley have you ever done your own essay?"

"Lily, you haven't?" she said mocking my unhappy tone.

"Oh Marley how I missed you." I smiled at her before running tap water into my lemonade glass, "I'm glad your back."

"I heard Emma was working hard at the Ministry and didn't have enough time for our Lily Flower." Marley hopped onto the kitchen counter, swinging her legs, "I told her to get her head out of her—"

"Lily!" Petunia's screeches made both of us wince.

I turned on my heel approaching the sound of my sister's voice calling out at the same time, "What Petunia?"

I followed the sound of her voice tot eh front door where she stood in her favorite yellow dress staring unhappily at a red haired boy with brown eyes. He sent me a grin and waved a tiny bit.

"Fabian!" I said ignoring my sister and smiling at one of my fellow Gryffindors.

"Dad says no boys while he's gone." Petunia told me, her beady black eyes flashing.

"So what's with your boyfriend in the other room?" I asked her cheekily before addressing the boy in the doorway, "What's up? Want to come in?" My sister was glaring furiously at me.

Fabian Prewett smiled, "Actually there's a quidditch game today, want to come?"

"Marley's over trying to eat her way through our kitchen and we were going to work on our potions essay but—"

"Ugh! Lily get your freaky friends out of this house!" Petunia rushed to my side, pulling on my arm rather obnoxiously, I glared at her.

"Let go of me. You are being rude in front of my friends." I chastised her while wishing our father weren't at work. Perfect Petunia would never act up if dad were here.

"Don't talk about magic when Vernon is around." She hissed in my ear, nodding in the direction of where her boyfriend sat.

I rolled my eyes, "He's not that clever Pet."

Petunia stomped her foot impatiently, "you are so bloody impertinent Lily Evans! Get out of the house!"

I winced and it wasn't from her bony hand crushing my arm but from her words sticking me in the gut. "Fine Pet." I snapped, yanking my arm from hers, "We'll go have a magical time playing quidditch in the fields behind my wonderful school that teaches me magic!" I had said this loudly just as Marlene and Petunia's boyfriend Vernon Dursley came to see what the hubbub was about. Petunia blinked at me angrily.

"You are a _freak_ Lily!" she was throwing her oldest insult my way.

"Sticks and stones Petunia." I mouthed her way, Pet reached up a hand to slap me.

Marlene gasped coming to my side in an instant, pulling at my arm as I thought of other things I would like to say to my sister.

"Come on Lil." Marley looked to Fabian for help and he also came in, grabbing my arm, "Let's just go."

"What's going on Petunia?" Pet's boyfriend paced his eyes over my friends and me, taking in the scene, "What is your nutty sister going on about?"

Petunia looked horrified at me before rushing to her boyfriend's side, talking so fast I couldn't catch it. Marlene tried to talk to me again but I shrugged her off.

"I'm not in the mood to go out right now Fabian." I mumbled not meeting his eyes, "Why don't you just go with Marley."

"But—" Marlene tried to grab my arm again but I shook my head, refusing.

"Please Marlene." I murmured, glaring at my sister who glowered back.

They both left as quickly as it had seemed they had come. Pet was arguing with Vernon and they left through the back door. I was alone. I rubbed my temple with annoyance as I realized fighting with my sister and talking about magic probably wasn't the best idea. Vernon was pure muggle—with no magical influence in his life what so ever. He was completely oblivious that the "boarding school" I went to was actually a school that teaches witches and wizards. There were rules about talking about magic around muggles.

I wiped the single tear from my cheek and leaned against the banister. Dad wouldn't like to know we'd been arguing. It had only gotten worse when my mum died.

The sound of the doorbell ringing shocked me. I didn't want to talk to anyone; if I did I would've got out with Marlene and Fabian to the quidditch game.

It rang again.

And again.

"Bloody hell!" I shouted rising to greet the mysterious persistent ringer. I yanked open the door expecting the neighbor to be standing there holding our mail but instead I got another shock. "James."

He looked like he was about to say something when I had opened the door but his face changed quickly when he actually pulled his eyes from my muggle clothing to my face.

He cocked his head, "are you okay?"

I blinked slowly, wondering if he could actually tell that I'd been upset…was my make up running? I touched my cheek but found it dry. Odd. My eyes found his eyes again.

"Fine." I said, closing the front door behind me and joining him on the deck, "What are you doing here?"

A lop sided smile lifted his features, "There's a quidditch game getting played at Cornelberry Hill. Want to come?"

"Actually, I'm not having the best day James—I've just sent Marley and Fabian to that same game without me." I smiled apologetically, rubbing my arm embarrassed that I was admitting to him I'd had a bad day.

He looked defeated; his shoulders slumped about a foot. "Oh, alright…"

"Any other day but today." I didn't want him to think I didn't want to go out with him. We were supposed to be mates now.

"What are you going to do the rest of the day?" he looked down at me watching me shift nervously underneath his surveying eyes.

"I don't know." I said, "Something."

"Alone?" something in his tone made me wonder if he was wondering about Sirius.

"Some people like to be alone." I answered softly eyeing him. "Have fun playing your game."

"Well I was only going to go if you went so…" he snorted, ruffling his hair nervously, "I guess I'll go find Remus and Pete."

"Well, have fun." I said, watching the way his face muscles clenched as I dismissed him.

"I thought we were friends." He muttered, brown eyes unblinking.

I leaned against my porch, exasperated, he would look like a fucking _dying_ puppy if he was sad. His hazel eyes were _huge_ against his face. "We are friends James. I just told you, I had a bad day."

His normal lopsided smile appeared, the joking one. "I can make it better. Come on, come to the play with me." He smiled softly and held out his hand.

I smiled at him. He really was trying to make me feel better. Why was it that whenever I wanted to remain angry or serious with James Potter I couldn't? In fact the only thing I could focus on was the way the light hit his face and caused his eyes to light up.

"You already did." I told him softly, "Honestly. I just need some time alone."

We stood there, just staring at each other.

I suppose that you could say that our faces were getting closer. I mean…I certainly thought I could clearly see dark green flecks in those hazel eyes of his but then he pushed back his hair and stood up taller, towering over me. He was so tall and lanky compared to me.

"I'll talk to you later then?" he pulled out his wand.

"Right." I answered but I was watching him go with wary eyes.

I collapsed into the porch chair when he disappeared and examined my nails. Why on earth had James come over so sudden asking me to a game? I wished I could talk to Sirius. Sirius was the only one to completely understand James Potter. Too bad Sirius Black was ignoring me. God damn him.

"What's up Lily?"

_Speak of the devil._

I jumped up and demanded in a shrilly voice, "You absolutely, frustrating, sod!" I was punching every part of him I could find. I'm not naturally a violent person so I doubted my pathetic punches were doing anything. "Why have you been ignoring me?"

"You aren't seriously mad?" Sirius looked upset for a moment surveying me at arms length, "I'm sorry Evans!"

I rolled my eyes snorting, "Dramatic much Black? I was trying to help you."

"I'm sure you wanted James to break my nose again..." Sirius chuckled, at my hurt expression, "Awh, Ginger, you know how James gets…"

"Don't call me that." I snapped, visibly upset.

"What?" he looked entertained by my actions, he clearly couldn't see I was upset "Ginger? Why are you so upset? You know James wants me gone…Lily?"

I put my hands on my hips, "Why did James just come by and ask me out to a quidditch match?"

Sirius snorted, taking a deep breath before falling onto the porch swing, "Ah, Evans, don't tell me you think I know why James Potter came over here and asked you out."

I leaned against the door again, taking in Sirius' form on the swing. He was laying facedown and talking into one of the yellow pillows like he was too lazy to turn and talk to me face to face.

"Well you did happen to be one of his best mates."

Sirius rolled onto his back and sent me a look that reminded me of my father when he was tired of me talking or complaining. Take your pick.

"Ginger, I'm assuming James asked you out because he wants to go out with you." He said this slowly, allowing me to consume and analyze his words that I soon scoffed at.

"Please, if he wanted to go out with me he would have kissed me last year when I threw myself at him." I slide along the wall, landing on the floor in a heap, "And look how well that turned out." I moodily thought about how I wished I hadn't kissed him.

"Talk to James." He stated simply.

"I did." I said irritably.

"And?"

"He wanted to know if we'd be friends." Friends.

Who go to quidditch games alone together? Who work on transfiguration homework together? Who make weird faces at each other in divination? I missed the James Potter I had grown to know in the past year, everything changed when I kissed him. When he and Sirius Black stopped speaking.

Sirius groaned, sitting up, standing up, and proceeding to come to my side on the porch floor. He mumbled something about missing the easy life. I didn't dare ask him what he meant. Sirius rolled up one of his sleeves, showing the paw prints running up his arm. There were also a couple stars littering his arms. I wondered what each tattoo meant. I decided to save that question for a rainy day. His voice was low as he spoke to me.

"Now hear me out Ginger, you and I, we act on our feelings. You go and kiss people when you are upset. I happen to ignore people when I'm upset—I opened my mouth to chastise him again for ignoring me but he shut me up by clamping a hand over my mouth—let me finish Ginger! Now there's James…that night you went to kiss him…he was acting on his feelings too. His feelings for you. He only pushed you away because he'd heard what happened with Rosier and Sna…"

I looked at him in surprise, "You know about that?" I hadn't told anyone but the teachers about the encounter. The two third years had been to terrified of retribution from other Slytherins to say anything sadly, so the culprits hadn't been punished and I hadn't made a big deal out of it.

Sirius rolled his eyes nudging me with his shoulder, "Of course I do. I was still mates with Remus at that point. Remus told us everything he'd saw during rounds. James almost hunted down Rosier and Snape himself. Bloke was worried about you the whole night."

I was too busy getting lost in my memories to focus on what Sirius was saying…

_It was just another prefect round. One that went horribly wrong in a deserted third floor corridor. Remus had told me to go ahead, he'd be right behind after he and the Head Boy finished comparing schedules. I walked down the corridor silently, lost in the thoughts of the day. I'd heard noises up ahead and raced forward._

_It was Evan Rosier. I almost screamed. He'd been the figure of my nightmares for the past three weeks…no one knew about him…no one knew what had happened…what he still threatened to do…_

"_Stop it!" I shouted. My voice echoed as Rosier and Snape hung the two third years from their ankle taunting them. I'd walked in on a horrible prank by the Slytherin's and there was Severus Snape laughing as he dangled a startling similar replica of a Gryffindor with red hair._

"_What the Hell do you think your doing?" I shouted at the Slytherin's, mostly at Snape. I'd never seen him like this…I'd never seen him a part of this…thankfully he looked guilty at my appearance._

_Rosier I didn't want to look at…just two weeks before he'd been showing off his Dark Mark to a younger student. I thought he might kill me but so far we hadn't run into each other since—thank Merlin. Now however I wished to run and yell for help. I wished Remus hadn't stopped to talk to the Head Boy about rounds next week._

_I paused too long in taking out my wand._

_I felt myself flip upside down, also hanging by my ankles. I screeched and reached to hold up the ends of my skirt. My wand clattered across the hall and the Slytherins surrounding e and the two third years who seemed incapable of speech, laughed darkly._

"_Go on Snape." It was Rosier speaking but I was only staring at Severus Snape. We had once been best mates…he wouldn't let anything happen to me. Would he?_

_Then I was mortified as he turned his wand on me. My eyes widened as his own black eyes narrowed._

"_Lily!" Footsteps came clattering down the hall._

**"**_**Stupefy!"**_

**"**_**Aqua Eructo!"**_

**"**_**Protego!"**_

_Spells flew around the hallway and the Slytherin's scattered, I knew why as soon as I saw Remus Lupin and the Head Boy, Darien Kirk come from around the corner. The spells broke and I felt myself go crashing to the ground, my shoulder taking the impact._

My head hurt. I was going to have nightmares again tonight.

"Your right." I told Sirius, laying my head on his shoulder, "About the feelings thing."

He chuckled, "I've got to remember this, the day Lily Evans told me I was right."

I sighed genuinely and stared at my fingernails, "Do you think he thinks I only kissed him because of what happened?" Sirius didn't have to ask whom I was talking about.

"I don't know. He doesn't talk to me anymore. Remember?" Sirius smiled sympathetically at me, "Besides, I think you can probably figure that one out for yourself."

I sighed and just sat there thinking. Sometimes thinking was better because it meant I couldn't act on my feelings. I was happy I had worked something out…I was happy Sirius was done ignoring me…and I was happy we were just mates again…

I wondered if Marley was right…could I not be a friend with James Potter and Sirius Black at the same time? Was their friendship broken beyond repair like my friendship with Severus Snape? Could I even be friends with James Potter? He and I had history that was hard to forget.


	6. Still Innocent

**Chapter 6:**

**I guess you really did it this time**

**Left yourself in your warpath**

**Lost your balance on a tightrope**

**Lost your mind tryin' to get it back**

_Moony,_

_Wormtail just left. Want to come over? I want to talk to you about Lily._

_Prongs_

_Wormtail,_

_You said you'd be back two hours ago. Have you heard from Moony?_

_Prongs_

**Prongs,**

**I fucking hate you. I've been barfing up Merlin knows what since this morning.**

**wormtail**

_Pete,_

_I told you it was growing mold. Remus?_

_JP_

**J**

**If I had anything left inside of my body it'd be attached to this letter. Remus has been MIA since yesterday.**

**P**

It was probably my fault that Peter had the stomach flu. I'd convinced him to eat the day old pizza I'd left out overnight and hadn't told the house elves about. Whoops. After Lily had declined my offer to be my date to the quidditch game last night I'd not really paid attention to much. I was worried she'd go spend time with Sirius after that. Hell, she probably did. She may say she likes me but I was starting to wonder.

Not so much.

It wasn't my fault that Remus was also out sick, I didn't know if it was werewolf sick or regular sick but he wasn't up for chatting. I never realized how tight my circle of friends was—until I didn't have anyone to talk to or hang out with.

I couldn't tell Remus about Lily hanging out with Sirius. I couldn't tell Remus how she had smiled at me. How much I wished she had come with me to that game of quidditch yesterday. I couldn't even tell Remus that I was going to make sure Lily didn't hear anything about last year by hanging out with her and keeping Sirius from her life.

I trusted Lily knew something about Remus. I just wasn't sure what she knew.

I shoved the broom model I was attempting aside on my desk. If Sirius were still my best mate we'd be off gallivanting around in the forests or reeking havoc on the muggle village not far from here. If Sirius were my best mate I wouldn't have to talk to Remus about Lily knowing secrets. I wouldn't have to be worried sick that Lily wasn't ever going to forgive me for not kissing her back because Hell, I wanted to kiss her. More than anything I wanted to grab her and pull her to the nearest cupboard and stay in the dark room for hours.

I glanced over at the letters and parchments piling up on my desk. I hadn't attempted any of my homework that I was given over the summer.

I was a right mess.

What on earth could I do that didn't bore me to tears? Could I hang out with Andrew Challenger? On second thought that was a bad idea—we hadn't hung out since he graduated two years ago. I didn't want to find out all about his professional life as a quidditch player. I got enough of that when I ran into my second cousin Kyle Hayes at a Christmas party last year. I loved quidditch as much as the next bloke but—

I twirled a quill around on a piece of blank parchment, sketching a bird lazily. The ink spread across the paper touching a bit of ink from another parchment signed with Lily Evans smooth handwriting.

Lily.

Although she had declined my offer yesterday I had a feeling I could get her to accept today with no problem. I knew what I would do. Last year I'd befriended her in Divination and we'd spent countless hours working on the subject together. It was an excuse to see her. A good excuse that I should've thought of ages ago. I grabbed the divination book piled underneath all my other school books, some fresh parchment, and a few spare quills. I was going to hang out with Lily Evans like we used to hang out last year before our relationship took a turn off insanity.

And she couldn't refuse me today.

Well, I mean she could but I knew that whatever had been bothering her yesterday could only last for so long. Besides, by getting her to do something with me was a sure-fire way to make sure she was not spending any time around Sirius.

**~~~~~~You are still an innocent~~~~~~~**

"—and then Anna told me that she and Mickey were going to the shop without me."

Pet's voice was drowning out the music I had playing on the radio. I tried to focus on the lyrics of the song and not the story she was telling my father as I worked at the stove working on a quick lunch for my father who had to head back to work. I was relieved when Petunia was drawn from the room by the ringing telephone in the living area.

"How are you doing Lily?" my father asked me as I flipped the bacon over in the pan eyeing the sizzling meat with wary eyes.

"Alright." I murmured, avoiding the grease spiting up at my bare arms. I covered the pan and turned to look at my dad who was leaning against the pantry door examining me.

"Petunia told me you two argued yesterday."

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair avoiding his disciplining gaze by pouring him a glass of water to drink. I cut up the lettuce I had taken from the fridge refusing to answer him. He knew I hated arguing with pet but she made it so difficult and yesterday had ruined my day.

"I know your sister and you don't always see eye to eye but at least remember where she's coming from," my dad made me drop the knife and turned my face to look at him. His green eyes were narrowed and strict but his face was forgiving, "I know it's harder with your mum gone but try to get along better with your sister for me?" he kissed my forehead, his beard scratching my face.

"Always dad." I answered kissing him back before going back to the stove to grab the bacon. I pretended to be agreeing but I knew that Pet and I had reached the point of no return. We'd reached that point many years ago.

"How's school?"

"Same as it was four weeks ago dad." I joked before sighing deeply and throwing the knife into the sink, "still waiting to hear about Head Girl." I leaned against the counter and eyed my ageing father with misery, "Maybe Dumbledore did give the position to Alley in Ravenclaw."

My father didn't get the chance to answer because the phone in the other room slammed down so hard I though Pet might've dropped it into it's holder and then slammed the whole thing against the wall.

"I'll be back!" Pet ran into the kitchen, her face aglow and kissed my dad hastily before running to the hallway, "I'm going to Annie's place to look at bridesmaids dresses!"

My dad and I watched Petunia's blond hair fly outside and her legs carried her as fast as she could run down the street to her best friend Annie's house.

"Annie is getting married?" I asked my dad who nodded.

"She's marrying the bloke that owns the bookshop down on Frothems Road."

I pursed my lips as I remembered quiet Annie from primer school. I never could figure out how she and Pet could possibly be friends but I never could figure out how Petunia got a steady boyfriend before me either. If I was inept around boys then Petunia was disastrous. Maybe we'd grown apart so much I didn't even know who she was as a person anymore.

I placed a sandwich in front of my dad who gave me a hearty grin, "Always have my girls around to take care of me."

I smiled, "Don't get too used to it dad." I teased, "Someday a handsome prince is going to come sweep me off my feet and you'll be all alone cooking your food for yourself."

Just then the doorbell rang and I giggled, pinching my dad's shoulder pleasantly, "See?" I laughed down the foyer, "That's him now!"

I opened the front door expecting to see Vernon, Petunia's boyfriend, or the milkman, or old Lady Fickle from down the street. Instead I found James grinning at me with his lopsided grin and books in hand.

"James." I said in surprise, I certainly hadn't expected anyone today.

Marley, The McDonald twins, and Fabian had planned a day to the beach and I had opted out. I had planned early this morning to start working on my potions essay and James hadn't even crossed my mind except for a few brief moments. I'd been trying to avoid him actually. Sirius' conversation with me yesterday had thrown me for a loop. Knowing that the reason James hadn't kissed me was because he didn't want to hurt me or whatever bollocks Sirius had been feeding me—knowing that made my toes curl. I at least knew he cared about me still but I was honestly so jumbled up with everything going on in my head I hadn't been able to think through everything clearly.

I watched with guarded eyes as he pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose with his free hand, "All right, Evans?" A classic James.

The corners of my mouth lifted, "Fantastic. How are you?" I was flirting with him, leaning against the doorway. I caught myself flirting and shook myself out of it, blushing lightly.

James tilted his head and smiled bigger, "So yesterday after you so kindly declined me—"

I could feel the blood rushing to my face, "Oh yeah—sorry about that James I was—"

He waved my explanations away with his free hand, "No worries," his russet colored eyes were twinkling behind his glasses, "and I've found a way for you to make it up to me."

I didn't think my smile could get any wider, "How?"

He held up the books and papers in his arm, "How about some help with Divination?"

I managed to let a laugh escape as I held the door open wider to let him in without another word. As he passed he winked at me once before settling his gaze on the pictures that lined the walls of our house.

Divination had been where James and I had first started to become friends. I'd sat next to him last year when we realized we were the only two Gryffindors that had continued to take the stupid class. It hadn't taken us long to develop a mutual love for the Professor who taught the class and when I say love I mean love to hate.

Divination was the art of fortune telling and James and I both thought it was the biggest load of crap at Hogwarts. The only reason the both of us were still in it was because our schedules had been unable to allow for Advanced Ruins.

"This you?" James' voice drew me from my memories of us at school together making up fortunes in the Astronomy Tower after curfew. He was pointing to a black and white photo of a young girl holding some balloons and smiling wide at a country fair.

"No, that's my mum." I answered, coming to stand next to him and pointing to a picture beside the girl with balloons, "that's me." I pointed directly at a little red headed girl eating strawberries in a pure white dress that had been stained red and pink by the strawberries.

"It's odd how these pictures don't move." James marveled, touching the one of me.

"Imagine how I felt when I got to Hogwarts and they moved!" I laughed, taking his arm and pulling him along the rest of the hallway, "Come on then."

"Lily?" My dad had heard the voices and looked up from his spot at the kitchen counter.

I smiled brightly at my dad pulling James in, "Dad, this is James Potter, another friend from school."

I had never seen James look so crimson and jumpy. His face was bright red as he stuck out his right hand to shake my dad's outstretched hand. My dad looked James up and down with interest. Where Sirius had met my dad in muggle clothes I realized that James was actually in a pair of navy blue robes with muggle clothes under them.

"My neighbors must wonder about the people Lily brings home." My dad laughed, voicing my own thoughts out loud and gesturing to James' attire.

James looked surprised and glanced down before laughing as loud as my dad, "Whoops!" he sent me a grin, "I always forget to take the robes off when I come see you!"

My dad glared at me when James made it sound like he was always over. Damn. I'd be hearing about this later. My dad had a rule that he had to meet anyone before they were allowed over.

"It's alright James." I told him with a smile before turning to my dad, "we're going to do some school work…upstairs incase Pet's friends come over."

"Be good." My dad kissed my forehead before turning to James and offering his hand again, "see you later James?"

"Of course sir." and James Potter once again was all charm and smiles.

James deserved the small smile I gave him when my dad guffawed and left the kitchen and left for work again. James sent an apologetic smile at me before dropping his divination stuff on the counter where my dad had abandoned the last of his sandwich and lemonade.

"Where's your sister?" he asked me as I cleaned up my dads mess quickly.

"At a friends but she'll be back so we have to go to my room." I answered, "She hates magic."

James waved off my comment, "Who hates magic?" he snorted.

I picked up his stuff from the counter and shoved it into his arms, "Come on idiot."

"You abuse me with your words." He said dramatically, following behind me at a slow pace.

We entered the hallway again and went to the stairwell that my dog Tundra was guarding (sleeping) under. Tundra hardly looked up as we stepped over him and climbed up the small flight of stairs. Some guard dog he is.

I knew James was looking at all the pictures and things covering our walls as we walked past but that made me want to walk even faster. I didn't want to hear him ask where the woman in the family pictures was. Although I liked James Potter enough…I didn't want to talk to him about my mums passing two years ago.

"This is my room." I said, throwing open the white door closest to the stairs.

I gazed in to make sure I didn't have any clothes lying around the bedroom. I was pleased to see I had cleaned this morning without realizing it—the only thing wrong with my room really was the bed covers out of whack from Tundra and I wrestling on them earlier. I expected James to come walking in and survey my room with as much detail as he had with the house but instead he went right into the middle of the room, dropped his books, and sat cross-legged on the floor.

"Come on Evans, I don't have all day." he joked, pointing to his books.

I frowned at him but it was with a playful air, "Got a hot date tonight?" I teased.

"Yeah." He chuckled, "Her name is Lily Evans."

I really frowned, "James that's not funny."

His brown eyes met mine sincerely, "I wasn't joking."

I swallowed and sat down on the floor next to him, "Oh go on then, what was our divination homework again?"

"Write a two and a half foot parchment on your future based on your findings in tea leaves between three different cups." James frowned, pushing his glasses up on his nose again.

"Bollocks." I put my hand on my chin, resting my elbow on my knee, "That's a lot of tea."

"I bloody hate tea." James moaned, falling onto his back and covering his eyes.

I sighed and picked at some remaining nail polish on my fingernails. I didn't want to read tealeaves or even make tea.

Our grins were in unison as we glanced at each other sneakily.

"Make it up?" he grinned wide at me.

"Only if I get to do yours and you do mine." I laughed; feeling all bubbly inside that things seemed back to normal with both of us.

Our time together last year had been made up of hours of making up fortunes for Divination. For our professor we found it best to throw in little dangerous things and every once in a while adding love stories into the mix. Once I had been saved from drowning by a Virgo and because Venus was shining brightly—we fell in love. I got an O on that assignment. Another time I had done a really good job and 'predicted' James breaking his arm in a quidditch accident because storm clouds had appeared in his tealeaves. James went as far as to fake fall off his broom so that Professor Thornbristle would hear about it.

The time passed quickly as James and I sat in my room coming up with clever things that we had 'found' in our tealeaves. We were laughing at the crazy things we would think of as we wrote everything down on parchment paper. James ripped one of the pieces of parchment out of my hands reading the small script depicting his death at the hands of a vampire.

"That's far fetched!" he laughed, scribbling over my prediction with his quill, "Come on Lily, we're trying to make these believable!"

"Its perfectly believable!" I answered back, snatching my parchment from him making a face, "Just because you don't want to die—"

"Well then I'm killing you too…how should you die?" he mused, turning onto his back and flipping through the thick divination book with symbols we should tea in the tealeaves. "Hmm…death by water, fire, air?"

I snorted and reached over our pile of papers and tried to snatch the book from him, "Give it here!" I demanded, pushing back my hair and trying not to squish the papers in front of me, "You are not killing me! She'll know something's up if we both die! Give it!"

"Nope." He stood up and turned his back to me, still flipping through the pages, "I need to figure out how to kill you."

I was still laughing as I fell back onto the floor. I glanced down at the parchment that had all sorts of things written. I organized the papers into two piles, one for me, and one for James who had sat back down and resumed flipping through the pages of the Divination book slowly. I watched him with interested eyes. It was like all the drama from before had been erased and we were just mates again. He caught me watching and grinned at me.

"What?" he chuckled, placing the divination book on the floor next to him.

I shook my head, "Nothing." I said with a soft smile, "Just thinking."

His eyebrow rose into his hairline and he smiled even wider, "About what?"

"How I missed hanging out with you." I answered, dipping my quill into the inkpot to copy down some of his fortunes with neater handwriting, "I forgot how much fun you are."

"I try." He boastfully placed his hand on his chest, sending me a sincere look.

"Bugger." I pretended to look cross but it didn't help that I was laughing.

He winked, "We'll have to do this again this year when we take advanced divination."

"I'm going to fail." I laughed, pointing to my made up fortunes as proof.

"We'll both go down together!" James agreed, penning down another prosperity.

I finished copying the fortunes in my steady hand as James finished reading up on tealeaves. I sighed in relief, letting the quill drop when we were done and stood up stretching.

"Merlin, it's almost five!" James had glanced at a wristwatch and jumped up, "No wonder I'm starving!"

I looked at the clock on my bed stand and frowned, "Petunia should be home soon, as well as my father…" I glanced back a James who was collecting up his books and papers, leaving my things on my bed.

I stood there awkwardly, not sure if I should invite him to stay or walk him to the door. All previous comfortable feelings in the room had vanished. James stood holding his books facing me with a small smile.

"Well," he started, "This was fun."

I cracked a smile; it had been fun, just like old times. I knew our old selves would've ended a Divination session with dinner or dessert in the Great Hall but here in my world—the muggle world—James was not welcome thanks to my sister. I'm sure dad wouldn't mind but I hated arguing with pet and she'd be furious if James stayed. It was like James could see the inner battle going on in my head.

"I'll let myself out then?" he said, skirting around me.

I mentally hit myself; I'd probably looked like a fool just standing there staring at him. I followed him downstairs to the front door, twisting my hair at the nape of my neck nervously. I was so nervous for some reason. I didn't want James to think I'd had a horrid time because I'd actually had a really nice time. With all the rumors and worries flying around it had been nice just to sit down with him and not be talking about his fight with Sirius or our relationship.

We stopped at the front door and James smiled down at me, "Well, bye." He uneasily waved with his free hand, "This was great."

I smiled, "yeah." I think my voice fluctuated peculiarly so I cleared my throat, and said loudly, "Until next time then?"

And then I stood on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck in a hug. He seemed really tense but then he loosened up and hugged me back with one arm. His arm was tight around my waist and lingered for a few moments after we broke apart. Our faces were inches apart and I think my heart had stopped beating. Why was my head spinning? I felt like slapping myself for hugging him. It would only make things more awkward between the both of us.

The front door opened and James and I jumped back. The heat was rising in my face as my sister came through the door with mail held tightly in her left hand and an frozen treat in her right as she talked to my dad who entered close behind. My sister eyed James with slight interest but continued talking to my dad who smiled at James and I.

"Still here?" my dad asked James.

"Just leaving." James answered nodding his head politely to my dad and smiling wide at me before exiting through the open front door.

I kissed my dad on the cheek, "I'll start something on the stove—hold on."

"Take your time, just try not to stay out too long." My dad teased me as I yanked the front door open wider.

I came out of my embarrassment enough to chase after James who had hardly made it onto the front porch. I grabbed his arm before it could reach his pocket, "No apparating within a mile of my place." I chastised.

James turned in surprise like he hadn't expected me to follow but a smile appeared lighting up his face.

"Whatever you say Lil."

But then the fool disapperated right in front of me.

That barmy con would get it the next time I saw him but for now I was too busy grinning. I'd missed him…I'd missed us.

I was right back to where I had been a month and a half ago—smitten with James Potter. It was like a roller coaster. I'd only gone on one once when I was younger but it had been terrifying at first, thrilling, and then back to terrifying. Up and down and all around. That was my description of what was going on in my head.

I was screwed.

**~~~~~~You are still an innocent~~~~~~~**

The pub was eerily silent as I watched the rather pretty strawberry blond pour me another fire whisky. I rolled back my long sleeved tee sending her a coy smile wondering what it would take to get her to abandon her post for a couple minutes. A blush rose on her cheeks and her head bent down quickly to avoid my gaze.

"Looking lonely."

I was hardly ever caught off guard but his voice made me whip out my wand and point it. The speaker ignored my guarded movements and threw himself into the chair in front of me.

"What do you want Burke?" I said, already agitated that someone that knew me had the nerve to even sit at the same table as me.

Andy Burke was a soon to be seventh year Slytherin who also happened to be captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team. We'd been mates once, when I was still a part of the Black family. Today we barely tolerated each other and I'd made my position on the blood war perfectly clear by hanging around Lily Evans so much. The rumor we were together had gotten as far as my cousin Bellatrix who'd send me a cursed letter. I'd been smart enough to throw it and it's contents into the fire.

Andy's blond hair was brushed to one side and his dark black cloak was heavy for the summer months. I was a little surprised he'd shown up here at The Sharkey. The small pub was not a popular hang out for witches and wizards seeing as it was in muggle London. I came here because the bar maids liked me well enough and I could often get a good drink or two for free if I worked it enough.

Andy leaned forward, "Rumor has it you and Potter are finished."

I blinked coolly, setting my wand on the table, "And?" I didn't like discussing my relationship with James with anyone.

Andy shrugged, his round shoulders almost touching his ears, "Nothin. Just thought if you were lonely you could come hang out with me and my mates." Andy smiled, "I heard you were the one to trick Severus Snape into going into the whomping willow. That was wicked."

I snorted, reaching into my pocket to grab my pack of cigarettes and a lighter, "I simply suggested he go see what was down there." I lighted the cigarette and took in a deep breath, drawing the smoke into my lungs. "Not my fault the dippy ass took my advice."

Really, it had been the idiot's fault for getting me so worked up in the first place. Severus Snape had gotten on my last nerve that night—along with a couple other people. I'd learned that I acted way too quickly sometimes. I took another drag of my fag before exhaling my smoke in displeasure at my current company. I hated anyone in Slytherin and Andy was no exception.

Times like this actually made me miss Lily Evans' company and she wasn't my first pick of the day to visit. Sure, she was fun because she was my only insight on James (and she was rather witty) but I could only handle so much of her at once.

"So it's true then. There's really a monster down there?" Andy leaned closer, eyeing me with hungry eyes. Hungry for the truth.

Andy didn't need to know anything.

Andy was testing my last nerve.

"The only monster under that tree was Severus Snape." I said, grabbing my drink and pouring some into my mouth, enjoying the pleasurable sting it left.

Andy snorted, rolling his eyes. I eyed his face and saw it was red. I wondered what was up with him. "That's not what I heard." Andy said, challenging my poor retort. "I heard there's a werewolf at Hogwarts and that's what James Potter saved Severus Snape from."

My blood ran cold. It was almost like the fire and heat the firewhisky had given me was sucked completely from my veins. _Play it cool Sirius._ I told myself.

"Dumbledore would be nutty to allow a werewolf at Hogwarts." I tried to not look so uptight but my body had lost its calm composure and instead I felt like I was up against a brick wall.

"Dumbledore is nutty." Andy replied watching me, "After all, he lets muggle borns into Hogwarts doesn't he?"

"Well that's rich." I said, slamming my butt on the table to extinguish it, "Considering half the muggle borns at that school are brighter than you." I grabbed my wand and stood up, fully prepared to walk out without paying my tab or snogging a pretty strawberry blond.

"Black." Andy's voice was challenging me.

My wand felt warm in my hand as I turned to face him. Andy was leaning back in his chair looking far too calm and arrogant for my liking.

"I actually came to find you." He reached into his cloak and took out his own wand, twirling it like a berk would, "To remind you of the war that's going on. I'm not going back to Hogwarts…I've found a more worthwhile thing to do." He stood up, crossing the tables to reach me in my dead lock stance by the door. "The blokes I know are very lenient and even though you've recently found yourself hanging around mudbloods you would still be welcome. No need to taint magical blood like yours."

I probably shouldn't have punched him. I probably shouldn't have punched him in the face. Hell, I probably shouldn't punch anyone. I probably shouldn't have run out like a fugitive. I probably shouldn't have gone to see Andromeda either.

My favorite cousin Andromeda—also a Black family reject—welcomed me into her house with open arms. She was the only one who really understood anymore but even she couldn't console me as I realized what was going on.

Without my mates I was a reject, a loser. I had no friends and I had no future besides getting drunk and smoking fags. I was also pureblood. I was the perfect target for Death Eater Recruiting. Andy had been the first to seek me out. Who would be next?

"You really ought to control your temper Sirius." Andromeda warned me as she braided her daughter's hair back, "It gets you in trouble too much."

"He was asking me to be a fuc—" I stopped at her glare at pretty much summed up that I should not be cursing around her eight year old. I closed my giant trap and settled into the couch eyeing my finger nails like a temperamental teenaged girl. I'd been around Lily too much if I was starting to act like her.

"I don't care what he was asking. You don't think I haven't been asked? My own sister—" Andromeda let her words roll off her tongue and I knew she didn't want to talk about this stuff in front of Nymphadora who at eight, already couldn't keep her trap shut.

The problem of not keeping quiet and shutting up was genetic in the Black ancestry. I swear it. I needed another drink. I needed to go jump off a tower. No...I needed James…too bad he'd never even glance my way.

_**Sirius,**_

_**Can we talk? It's about James. Just humor me for five minutes. You know him better than anyone else.**_

_**I'll meet you at the ice cream parlor. Diagon Alley. Tonight.**_

_**Lily**_

"What makes you think I want to talk about James with you, Ginger?"

Sirius had appeared at the parlor only a little bit after I did. I let go of my braid, which I'd been undoing and redoing unhappily as I sat waiting. I was about to start my rant about James coming to visit today when I noticed Sirius looked pale, wasted, and smelled completely like a burning building. To put it more simply, he looked like he'd been to Hell and back. I was suddenly very thankful I hadn't asked him to meet me at my place.

"Are you drunk?" I asked exasperated, scrunching up my face in his general direction.

"Positively enriching observation Ginger." Sirius replied sarcastically, grabbing the ice cream sundae I had purchased and started stuffing it down.

"You have good vocabulary when you're wasted." I observed, pushing a napkin in his direction, "What's wrong?"

Sirius snorted, "Nothing." He said moodily, "Perfect. Peachy even. Now why did you call me from my pity fest?"

I eyed him unsure before beginning my story about James coming by today and surprising me. I told him about the nice time we had and how at the end I hugged him. I simply frowned at Sirius who appeared more or less bored by my story. I mean it wasn't the best story ever but I thought it had been nice that James and I were mates again. I thought Sirius would be happy for me.

"Please don't let me bore you." I said, my annoyance showing in my tone.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "I'm so bloody wasted Evans I won't even remember this tomorrow."

I sighed deeply, realizing I wouldn't get anything from Sirius when he was like this. I wondered what happened—I also wondered if this was a normal thing with him.

"What is wrong Black?" I used his last name hoping to irk him but it didn't seem to work on him the way it did with James who hated me calling him by his surname.

Sirius leaned back in his chair surveying me with cold eyes, "Well Ginger," he said, his words almost slurring together, "I'm being drafted."

"Drafted?" I repeated, wondering if the bloke was so wasted he didn't know what he was saying.

"You heard me." Sirius was staring viciously at any witch or wizard who passed out table, "drafted."

"Your daft." I told him, wondering if this had been a good idea. Maybe this is what James had been talking about when he'd talked about Sirius being bad for me. He certainly had his nutty moments.

Sirius laughed, eyeing me up and down, "Why do you think the Death Eaters want me?"

"What?!" My voice was so high pitched and worried I actually allowed myself a moment to recover before glaring at Sirius Black who looked ready to pass out.

Sirius mumbled something about something but he was honestly starting to sound more like a drunk than before. And then he passed out.

And I had wanted a drink before all this.

I looked around—it was finally dark out and we were alone in Diagon Alley. And Sirius was passed out drunk as hell. Sodding hell I was stuck with him.

I wasn't about to take him home with me and I had no idea where the hell the wasted idiot lived. He could've had decency to not come…to tell me he was trashed…ugh. I let me head fall into my arms in depression. I'd make this dolt brain pay. Who knew where he lived?

The first person that popped into my head was James Potter but how to get to James Potter? I could apparate and even if I could I didn't know where he lived either. Then it hit me. Floo powder could get me where I needed to go. I hesitated with trying to pick Sirius up; he was snoring and still smelled awful.

The lady who ran the ice cream parlor was kind enough to help me to the nearest fireplace. Sirius had woken up again and was mouthing obscene things at me and I personally wanted to knock him out again but I couldn't carry him to the shop with the fireplace and powder.

I'd only used floo powder once before and that had been disastrous. I'd tried to get to Marlene's place but I hadn't said her name clearly enough and I'd ended up at Marlene's cousins house. I could try Sirius' name but I risked the chance of showing up at his parents place and I didn't need to know much about the Blacks to know a muggle born showing up with their drunk son was a bad idea.

Lucky for me, James was the only Potter I knew at school. The only Potter I knew of from anywhere really. Getting to his place through the Floo Network would be simple. Hopefully. I really didn't want to have to explain a shattered Sirius to anyone else.

I thanked the witch and moaned, pulling at Sirius who was telling me my hair was on fire.

"Black, I will murder you." I hissed, pulling him into the emerald flames and choking a bit on the dust before shouting "James Potter." As loudly and as clearly as possible.

At first I thought I'd gone to the wrong house. Almost collapsing from Sirius who was leaning on me I dragged myself from the large stone fireplace. I think my ankles were about to give in when James Potter himself came striding into the room his wand arm outstretched ready to curse the intruders into his home.

It took him a moment to place us. No doubt I was covered in filthy soot and Sirius had never looked uglier.

"Fucking Hell! Lily!" James gasped, throwing aside his wand and running across the room to pull me from my grasp around Sirius who had obviously knocked out again. Sirius tumbled to the floor, hitting his head on the stone hearth.

"James!" I chastised, pulling from his grip on my arm to check Sirius' head, "He's drunk!"

"I'd say he's more than drunk." James said, leaning over my shoulder as I checked Sirius' head for a dent from his fall to the floor, "Why the hell did you bring him here?"

"I went to talk to him only when he found me, he was wasted." I explained as James leaned closer to examine Sirius' face. "You were the only one I could think of that knew what to do with him."

I caught my breath in my throat when his hand caught mine and pulled me up to a standing position so he could examine me himself. I mumbled something along the lines of "I'm fine" but I couldn't be sure because he had put himself to work rubbing soot off my face with his thumb. I watched with a vacant expression, not sure if I should tell him off or not.

Again I found myself thinking about our kiss and how everything went wrong with us. Everything was starting to go back to the way it was before I'd kissed him. Except it wasn't.

I couldn't ever forget what it was like to kiss James and with his face so close I could almost taste the firewhiskey on my lips from that night.

He noticed me watching him and went scarlet. "Sorry." He mumbled, pulling his thumb away, "You're covered in soot. My house elves will have a fit."

I tried to act nonchalant, "I had to take this git somewhere."

James seemed to have lost his hazed look and snorted, rolling his eyes to look at our trashed friend, "I'll take care of him."

I eyed him suspiciously, "James." My voice warned, "You won't yell at him will you? Or hurt him?" I noted the flicker of annoyance in James' expression.

"I promise not to hurt him physically," James said turning away from me so I couldn't protest his obvious lack of tact for the boy who was already going to wake up with a powerful headache.

James went to bend down and lift Sirius up easily, supporting him with one arm and then literally throwing Sirius over his shoulder. I stared at James. He was stronger than I thought.

James half smiled at me "I'll take you home as soon as I've finished putting this mutt to bed." He promised.

I sighed deeply as he left. Sirius would be angry in the morning when he figured out where I brought him but I considered it luck. James didn't appear to upset that I'd brought Sirius here. Sirius on the other hand would probably tell me off for not just letting him stay in Diagon Alley. Him and his pride.

_**Marlene,**_

_**James just dropped me off at my place but I had to write you. Sirius got himself piss drunk and passed out when he came to talk to me. Can you believe that? I know. I know. You probably can. Anyways, come by tomorrow. I need to talk to you. And when I write need, I really mean you had better bloody come to my house or I'll come find you.**_

_**Always,**_

_**Lily**_

I finished penning the letter to Marlene and sent it off with my owl. James had only just dropped me off but not before giving me a bone-crushing hug and thanking me for helping Sirius. I really wasn't sure what to make of it. I'd hugged James more than once of course but he'd hesitated again coming out of our hug good night. Hesitated.

You only hesitate when you are going in for something more.


	7. Anything

**Chapter 7:**

**Why do you smile like you've been told a secret?**

**Now you're telling lies 'cause you have sworn to keep it**

**But no one keeps a secret**

**No one keeps a secret**

I couldn't be too mad that Lily had brought a wasted and completely messed up Sirius to me. After all, I was always the one to clean up his mess. I leaned against the chair I was sitting on eyeing his sleeping form on his old bed down the hall from my own bedroom. We'd been practically brothers up until a few weeks ago…I hadn't spoken to him since we'd fought and I knew he couldn't be avoided now considering he was passed out in my house.

I thanked Merlin, Agatha, and anyone else I could possibly think of that both my parents had passed away and weren't here to witness Sirius' spiral downward.

What scared me most about this whole ordeal is that Sirius had said something to Lily about Death Eaters. It made me fear for Lily's safety more than anything considering she'd been alone with him. I tried to figure out what on earth I'd say to him when he woke up finally because currently the only thing I could come up with is "What the hell?" or my personal favorite, "Lily made me promise not to hurt you."

I'd thought about writing Remus but he had obviously been having a rough time yesterday and I didn't want to push him to the edge with this little drama. Peter, last I heard, was still suffering from the stomach flu. I had to handle Sirius alone. I could handle Sirius alone.

I hadn't slept all night—I wasn't going to let the idiot escape my wrath unscratched. Sirius was going to hear exactly what I thought even if it ruined whatever shred of hope we had left of being best friends again.

There was a moan from the bed and I watched Sirius roll over with both hands pressed against his face. Slowly his hands lowered and our eyes met. It was the first time we had even looked at each other since the night we'd been pulled off each other by the teachers. Sirius looked instantly guilty.

"Well fuck." Sirius rolled back over, trying not to look at me.

"Oh you cod," I snapped, going over to the bed and shoving his shoulder in my direction so he was forced to roll over and look at me with hazy grey eyes, "What the Hell were you doing last night?" I was surprised how controlled my voice sounded, I certainly was having a hard time trying not to punch him again just for the heck of it all.

Sirius groaned again, trying to push me away with his hands like a child, "Oh bugger off Prongs I've got a headache."

Hearing my nickname come out of his mouth almost made me snap and tell him to shut up but I controlled myself. I pinched the bridge of my nose with annoyance before eyeing Sirius again. He needed to realize he was slowly ruining his life.

"I'm not going to bugger off…do you even realize how you got here?"

"I'm assuming we didn't meet at the pub and make up?" Sirius said sarcastically.

"Damn it Sirius!" I shouted, kicking the bed frame in anger, "How many times are we going to go through this?"

"Go through what?" Sirius shouted back, sitting up, rocking a bit, and staring moodily at me as I paced back and forth trying not to throw a punch in his direction. "How'd I get here?"

I spun on him snarling, "_Lily_ brought you."

He was silent, pondering my answer in his thick head. I fell back into the chair I'd been resting on early and gripped the arm rests with white knuckles. I was happy I'd had the foresight to put both my wand and Sirius' wand downstairs in the kitchen. I might have cursed him if I hadn't.

We sat in silence for a few more moments before I said in a calmer voice, "I can't keep saving your ass when you get into trouble. The only reason I helped you last night was because Lily brought you here." I looked at him frigidly, "Why did you go see her?"

Sirius shrugged, rubbing his head, "Does it matter?"

"Yes it matters!" I clenched my teeth glaring in his general direction, "Lily said you were talking about Death Eaters to her! Did you ever think what she was thinking while you were sitting there wasted?"

"Well knowing her she was probably cursing me out." Sirius answered listlessly before he tried to stand up.

He was rocking back and forth on his feet. I don't know how much he drank or what on earth had made him go so batty but I knew I couldn't let him try and apparate home, he'd splinch himself and get in trouble with the Ministry once they found him.

"Sit down." I sighed, wishing I'd had a few drinks myself. "I'm not done with you yet."

Sirius growled deeply in his throat in my direction, "Mate, no offense, but I think we were done talking when you broke my fucking nose."

I made a face in his direction, "No offense but you deserved it." I copied his tone.

Sirius chuckled darkly to himself before collapsing back on the bed, "Go ahead." He threw his arms open wide in his 'I don't give a fuck' way, "Give me all your best James. It'll be the fucking cheery on top of an already superb week."

I honestly didn't know where I would start. Lily wanted us to make up, I knew that…Sirius probably knew that, but Lily didn't know what was going on behind the scenes. I blinked coolly at Sirius who was moodily examining his fingernails like they were the ones he was having a conversation with. He always hated confrontation.

"What's the real reason you are letting Lily hang out with you?" I asked him, leaning forward a bit.

Sirius snorted rather deeply looking at me with pitying eyes, "I love how the first thing you can possibly think of asking me is something about Evans."

My eyes narrowed, "Well, that's the exact reason I'm asking. Last year you couldn't wait for Lily to leave us whenever she was around. I find it funny that after we stop talking you seek her out."

"We had a few weeks of mutual understanding." Sirius shrugged, rolling his sleeves up and avoiding my glares, "You know, until you started talking to her again but I wasn't at all surprised. When it concerns Evans you are all ears."

"Don't blame Lily."

"I don't blame her." He shot back at me, finally looking at me, "I know it's my fault you mad. I'm not an idiot. And despite what you think I enjoy Lily in short bursts." He smiled to himself making my hair bristle on the back of my neck, "she's got an interesting outlook on life."

I'm pretty sure I was going to rip the stuffing out of the armchairs so I let go and clamped my hands together in frustration, "Sirius…"

Sirius made an noise similar to that of a whining puppy finally glancing at me, "I have a massive headache do we really need to talk?"

"Yes!" I smacked my hand on the armchair in anger, "Sirius you are just lucky Dumbledore didn't expel you from Hogwarts and now you are sitting around getting piss drunk and endangering Lily."

"Lily can take care of herself." Sirius said frowning even more, "She's not incompetent."

"But she is an idiot." I answered, standing up and pacing, "I don't even know what to say to you." I sent him a aggravated look, "Have you mentioned anything about our fight to Lily? She certainly seemed adamant to get us to talk."

Sirius actually had the nerve to laugh, "Of course not," Sirius rolled his eyes, "Lily tried to get me to talk but considering she won't tell me what happened with Rosier—"

"Rosier?" I cut him off, perking up at the sound of an annoying seventh year Slytherin who had caused more trouble than he was worth.

Sirius nodded as he reached to the bedside table for the water I had placed their earlier, "She's bloody scared of Rosier. Won't even tell me what Rosier did. I should've asked Andy Burke last night." Sirius drank the entire glass of water in one flick of his wrist.

I stopped pacing to look at Sirius with interest, "Burke? You hang out with him now?"

"Of course not Prongs." Sirius said and I flinched at the use of my nickname again. Sirius ignored my obvious discomfort and continued, "I was at the bar and he came and found me, said he'd been keeping tabs…"

I felt my breath stop like I'd been thrown from a broom during a quidditch match. "What?" I hissed, grabbing Siurs by his shoulders, "He was what?"

Sirius pushed me away, "Don't sound too concerned, I punched him in the face after he told me what he wanted."

"Ugh."

That was the only response I could make to Sirius. I fell down in the bed beside my old mate who seemed to have trouble follow him wherever he went. I was silent as I processed what Sirius was telling me. Andy Burke had been a Death Eater want to be his whole life so it didn't take me long to figure out what Andy wanted with Sirius. Sirius was a perfect target for Death Eater initiation.

Sirius had been on his own for way too long and the Death Eater's were noticing.

"How's Remus?" his voice was muffled and I looked to find his head in his hands.

I sighed, "I don't know he's not answering my letters."

"Oh."

Gad damn him coming back into my life. I felt like with Sirius completely washed from my life everything would be okay. Everything would be like none of anything ever happened but we were right back to where we had been seven weeks ago. I heard him shift on the bed and fall back into a lying position next to me.

"I am sorry." His words were whispered so low I was lucky I caught them.

"Good." I answered moodily, pushing my glasses farther up in the bridge of my nose, "You should be sorry."

"James."

I moaned and sat up, standing up, "Sirius you broke our promise to Remus."

"I said I was sorry." He sat up, grabbing my arm to try and turn me to face him, "I'm sorry about everything. Lily was right you know, I do miss you and Remus and Peter. I was just so mad at Snape—he was always getting in our business and then you were so upset over what happened with Lily I just—"

"Tried to get Snape killed." I said coldly turning to face Sirius who was staring up at me his grey eyes looking misty, "Sirius that wasn't just a prank—that was intended murder. Did you ever think how Remus would've felt? How Remus feels now?" My voice was steadily rising; all the problems from the past bubbling out of me like a boiling cauldron.

"I know James." Sirius also stood up standing under my towering gaze with a look of pure dejection, "I know okay? Fuck it all I _know_!"

My voice caught in my throat as I considered him, "Sirius, how am I supposed to trust you?"

"I don't know." He mumbled like a schoolboy told to sit out in detention, "I never meant for—I meant I did—I just didn't think."

"You never think." I sighed, a headache forming from all this talking, "That's your problem."

"I thought about everything after you punched me in the face. You really know how to make a mate re-examine his life." Sirius chuckled eyeing me hopefully to see a crack of a smile and when he got none he placed both his hands on my shoulders forcing me to gain eye contact with him, "At least stop shutting me out." He begged, "Please."

"Sirius, you didn't just hurt me that night." I said, sighing, "You know that right?"

Sirius saw my obvious attempts to push him away again "Remus hates me huh?"

"He certainly doesn't love you." I answered calmly.

Sirius snorted, surveying me for a few moments before heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" I demanded, racing after him as he made his way down the hallway to the stairs.

"The Pub." Sirius answered in a voice that sounded as sincere as I sounded.

"Sirius…" I warned, stomping down the stars after him.

He didn't turn to look at me as we raced each other to the kitchen. It was like he knew that was where I would leave our wands. I picked up my speed; ready to wrestle the wand out of his hands. I knew I'd never hear the end of it if he was caught apparating. We'd both learned illegally.

"You'll splich yourself Black!" I shouted, pressing my hands against the walls as I raced down the long corridors of the Potter mansion.

He disappeared through a doorway that led to another stairwell, "I won't snitch you out don't worry Potter!" he shouted back.

I made a frustrated noise "Sirius! God damn you—" my shoulder hit the edge of the doorway chasing after him. I heard him laughing, the nutter, from ahead.

"I'm always, always faster than you James!" came his taunting.

I didn't reach the room quick enough because by the time I had turned into the doorway a large black dog was bounding out of the kitchen, wand in it's mouth. I cursed, it would take me transfiguring to even try and catch him. Leaning against the wall and breathing in and out heavily I realized that I shouldn't care about what happens to Sirius. We might've been best mates once but that had changed.

**~~~Your not going to break my soul~~~~**

_Luke,_

_My dad says the boards talking about Evan Rosier for Head Boy. I think he's perfect. Don't you? Meanwhile they probably picked mudblood Evans as Head Girl. She's been after Head Girl since we started and everyone knows it. Thank Merlin I'm not headed back to Hogwarts._

_Andrew_

**Aaron,**

**Evan Rosier for head boy evidently. Bloke'll dock points off of anything in sight. At least Evans is in top spot eh? She's pretty fair.**

**Luke**

_Lily,_

_I heard a rumor that they picked Evan Rosier for Head Boy. Probably why we haven't heard anything from the school-well me anyways. You've still got Head Girl in the bag. Congrats!_

_Aaron Jackson_

I dropped the letter from Aaron Jackson as soon as I'd read the first sentence. I'd felt fear before but nothing like this. If I were head girl I'd be forced to work alone—at night—in the hallways with Evan Rosier.

There was no way in fucking hell that would go over well.

I felt my heart beating against my ribcage demanding to let a scream escape my lips to relieve my blood pressure, which was soaring. We'd thought Remus Lupin was a shoe in for Head Boy. Me and Remus. We were supposed to work on projects this summer together to prepare for next year…Marlene had joked if anyone else got it Dumbledore was nutters. Remus was an amazing responsible prefect minus when he and his mates had disappeared last year and how he was gone every full moon and how Severus Snape swears—

I broke off my thoughts, looking down at the letter again in horror.

I had more things to worry about than rumors about Remus Lupin…with Rosier I'd be dead before term even started.

I needed to talk to someone who'd understand…someone who wouldn't judge me…someone with extensive knowledge of the dark arts and pure blood mania.

_**Sirius,**_

_**I know you are busy being a bull headed drunk prat but when you get the chance, come tell me how to ward off attacks by evil wizards with a singular purpose: to murder me.**_

_**Lily**_

_Lily,_

_Don't be so vain. You-Know-Who doesn't even know your name._

_Sirius_

_**SB,**_

_**I'm serious.**_

_**LE.**_

_So am I_

_**S,**_

_**That was low even for you.**_

_**L**_

**Miss Evans,**

**It is with great pleasure I present to you the Head Girl pin for the 1978 school year. You will report to the Headmasters Office at 9pm on your first day back from the school holidays to meet your fellow Head Boy and perform other minute duties.**

**Respectfully,**

**Minerva McGonagall**

I should have been jumping around for joy but instead I just stared at the letter in my hand. Evan Rosier was most likely Head Boy and here I was Head Girl. Evan Rosier wanted me dead…Evan Rosier saw it fit to make my life a living hell with his mates…Evan Rosier was going to be Head Boy and I was going to be in trouble.

Of course, there was the off chance that Remus Lupin had in fact gotten his letter tonight too. I hadn't written him this month because I'd forgotten about him in the mix up with James and Sirius—but it was time to talk to him and make sure that he'd been placed as Head Boy.

_**Remus,**_

_**I got Head Girl. How'd it all go with you?**_

_**Always,**_

_**Lily**_

_Lily,_

_I didn't get Head Boy. Just prefect._

_Remus_

Remus' answer had been instant; I received it an hour after I sent mine out with my owl who was looking dead tired from playing messenger. I collapsed on my bed, imagining the ways I could convince Dumbledore I in fact, didn't want to be head girl. I actually wanted to remain a prefect. A complete and utter lie yes, but if it would keep me away from spending any alone time with Evan Rosier then I would lie.

Aaron didn't get head boy, Remus didn't get head boy, and there was only one other candidate for head boy…Rosier.

I bit my lip trying to figure out a way to hint to Dumbledore that Rosier was bed news without giving off that I knew something more about him—something that could send him right off to Azkaban, the wizard prison.

I leaned against my bed letting it support the weight of my wobbly legs. I'd never told anyone about what happened last year—when I'd ran into Evan Rosier alone in the hallways and when he'd threatened to kill me if I told anyone about the mark I'd seen him hastily try to cover up on his arm. I'd only heard rumors that there were Death Eaters at Hogwarts. Death Eater's were infiltrating everywhere—even our government. They worked for a dark wizard called Voldemort (more openly known as He Who must Not Be Named) and tried not to draw too much attention to themselves because they could get tried and sent to Azkaban. I had never imagined seeing Rosier standing there with one of his mates, showing off the mark of the Death Eater. The Dark Mark.

Remembering the skull with the snake slithering out of it gave me the shivers and I fell onto my bed on my back.

I, Lily Evans, a muggle born and Gryffindor was going to be Head Girl with a death eater and I was a coward for not telling someone sooner about him. Now what was I going to do?

My dad's footsteps outside in the hallway made me start. It must almost be noon if he was back from work for lunch. I rolled back off my bed and slipped on my shoes.

"Dad?" I called, grabbing my wand from my dresser, slipping it in-between my belt and my jeans.

"Hey Lily." My dad called from his bedroom, "I'll only be a minute. I have to get back to work. Have you heard from school yet about Head Girl?"

I winced at the mention of my recent position. "I'll make you a sandwich." I offered, opening my door and slipping into the hallway where my big black dog Tundra was waiting with a wagging tail.

I had to figure out a way to get Evan Rosier fired from his job. The simple thing would be to come clean to Headmaster Dumbledore about my encounter in the hallways of Hogwarts. There were so many various possibilities and outcomes to that plan. For one I didn't know if Rosier could hide that mark from plain sight…so it would be a waste of breath. Another thing was that Rosier did frighten me, more than anyone else. If the Potions Master hadn't come out of his office when he did I probably would've had my memory swiped or something worse…much worse. Hell, one night alone with Rosier and he probably would swipe my memories and torture me. I wouldn't put it past him. I'd seen what his mates had done to Mary McDonald and she was half blood.

I busied myself in the kitchen, preparing a sandwich for my father trying to think of all the things I needed to do. I pulled meat out of the fridge and layered it on the sandwich between cheeses just the way he likes it most. I tossed the leftover meat to Tundra who gobbled it down like he never was fed a day in his life.

My dad walked in just as I finished the sandwich and he patted Tundra between the ears before surveying my handiwork, "Thanks Lil…where's Pet?"

"Out with her mates." I answered, sitting on the edge of the counter.

"So have you heard from school yet?" he asked, wrapping the sandwich I made for him in plastic.

I avoided his eyes, green like mine, when I answered "No. Not yet."

He patted my back and kissed my forehead, "Soon Lily, they'd be crazy not to pick you."

"Love you dad." I smiled at him, not wanting to worry him with Death Eaters, Curses, and Memory Wipes.

I needed to talk to someone. Marlene would be pissed I never told her about what happened with Rosier…She was out of my list of people to talk to almost instantly. Sirius was probably still recovering and I wondered what James had…Hell, James!

Who could I trust?

Who would do whatever I asked?

The answer was simple. As plain as day turns into night.

James. I needed to confide in James. James was the only one who would make me a promise and keep it. James would listen to me. James would make it better and help me figure out what to do. James wasn't afraid of anything.

_**JP**_

_**I need to see you now.**_

_**LE**_

_Lily,_

_I'll be over in ten minutes._

_James_

**~~~I would do anything baby do anything for you~~~**

Her letter surprised me. Her bird dropped it off, the scribbled note not in her normal neat scrawl. I knew something had to be wrong. I'd opened it and read it in two seconds flat before grabbing my wand and deserting the living room for the kitchen where the two house elves were stationed.

"Lucy." I called for the head elf that appeared instantly, bowing.

"Sir." She looked at me with her bottle blue eyes round as a dinner plate.

"I'm going to a friends house. I probably won't be back until later." I told her, "If Remus or Peter come by tell them I've gone to run some errands."

"As Mr. Potter wishes." She bowed low again, sweeping her arms out like she was going to take flight.

I turned on my heel and raced to the front door. I really should change, seeing as I was wearing the same robes as yesterday but Lily was obviously in trouble and I wasn't about to let this opportunity pass me by. She hadn't contacted Sirius, or even her best mate Marley, she'd contacted me. And I wasn't about to let that go.

I found her on her porch, exactly where I'd left her three days before only this time she had a giant black dog in her lap and two waiting glasses of iced tea on the table. As soon as she saw me appear she jumped up, looking relieved and raced over to me. I held her in an embrace longer than necessary but she didn't seem to mind. We broke apart and she smiled widely at me.

"All right Evans?" I joked looking over her once to make sure she wasn't hurt. She appeared okay, her cheeks were just red.

"Thanks for coming so fast…I just don't know what to do." She explained, pushing her bangs back.

"What's wrong?" I always felt like I was always asking her that question. I always felt the need too.

She sighed deeply, walking back up to her porch. I followed diligently, her big black dog at my side. We sat together on a small porch swing facing the house.

"Are we here alone?" I asked her after not hearing her sister or father.

"Yeah." she handed me a glass of tea, "Here."

"Thanks." I set it on the floor and looked right at her, "Now tell me what's wrong?"

She sighed again, not looking at me when she mumbled, "I got Head Girl."

I grinned, poking her in the side making her flinch uncomfortably, "Ah Lil why do you look so sad? You wanted this more than anything! You told me half a dozen times last year!"

I was surprised when she looked up and there were tears in her eyes, her lip was trembling, "James," she whispered, looking horrified, "Rosier, is Head Boy."

My smile faded completely, Rosier _was_ head boy? I leaned over to hug her, running my hand down her back.

"Lily, I know Rosier's a mess, but he won't hurt you." I tried to console her.

She pulled from my grasp shaking her head, pulling at a strand of her red hair, "No…he will! He threatened to kill me!" she looked dangerously terrified. I'd never seen her look so worried. The night we kissed came flooding back.

"I won't let him hurt you Lil." I promised, but meanwhile my mind was racing. How could the board even consider a daft idiot like Rosier for Head Boy? What about Remus? "What about Remus?" I said out loud to Lily.

Lily shook her head again, "I wrote him this morning. He said he was made prefect again." She wiped a tear from her cheek sighing deeply, "Aaron Jackson told me Rosier was it."

"Yeah well, Aaron Jackson is a bumbling idiot."

Lily smiled softly at my comment and her eyes met mine. I had to fix this. I knew she was scared. Hell she asked for my help…Lily Evans never asks for my help. Lily took another deep breath and looked away from me to her dog that was waiting patently to be loved.

I knew her far off look meant she was thinking. I thought too. The only reason that Remus couldn't have gotten Head Boy was because the board was prejudice against werewolves. I suddenly knew why I hadn't heard from Remus for a few days. He was ashamed. Merlin, all my friends were having a hell of a time lately. All of the people I cared most about, I looked at Lily at that moment. She was whispering to her dog that was panting in the heat of the day.

"Are you really that afraid of Rosier, Lily?" I asked her.

She turned to gaze at me not answering for a moment and just staring at me before saying simply, "Yes."

That was all it took. I grabbed her hand, startling her and forcing her to abandon her dog and look at me. Her hands were soft and cool in my own hot palms. She looked frightened but I wasn't sure if it was from me or the mention of Rosier.

"What the Hell did he do to you?" I asked her, sweeping her hair back with my hands. This might've been a bad idea but it just felt right. She watched me opening her mouth as if to question my actions but then stopped.

She swallowed once, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

I looked at her in surprise, "Try me."

She shook her head, trying to pull out of my grasp "This isn't a game."

Whatever this was. It was huge. She looked around nervously, taking in her surroundings like she couldn't be sure. She glanced back at me and I gave her a encouraging smile. She sighed softly as if finally deciding and spoke slowly.

"I found Rosier showing off a Dark Mark to another boy last year." She whispered, leaning in so close I could feel her breath kiss my face. It was only the horror of what she was telling me that kept me from placing my hand on her cheek and pulling her in for a kiss. "Slughorn happened to come out of his office around the same moment…it was by sheer dumb luck that Rosier didn't attack me." Her eyes were searching mine for some kind of acceptance, "Rosier told me that if I told one of the teachers or anyone really that he'd kill me." Her voice wobbled.

"Lily, you should've told someone." I hissed, squeezing her hands with both of my own, "This kind of thing is important."

"I know, I know." She said, staring at our clasped hands, "I was too scared."

She looked so god damn sad and she was biting her lip in worry. I hated seeing Lily Evans sad. I wished I could make her smile and make her realize it was going to be ok. I realized that the night we kissed when she ran into Rosier and Snape during rounds was probably the first time she'd been in true danger of Rosier. I had an inkling Snape wouldn't have hurt her—he was too much of a coward. Rosier would've though, Rosier would. I had to get him expelled.

"We have to go see Dumbledore." I told her, pushing my glasses up farther on my face, "Trust me Lily, this isn't a secret to keep."

She was shaking, her whole body was shaking, "If you tell Dumbledore, James I'm as good as dead." She said finally, looking up at me, "Because if Rosier finds out I told you and he will the way rumors run in our school…James I'm as good as dead."

"He'll be dead before he can even reach you." I promised her with a half smile, pushing her hair back again. I marveled at how easily this was coming—being so close to her.

Maybe my attempts all last year of making her my friend (and the disastrous accidents that followed) hadn't been totally futile. Now, however, I was thinking a whole lot more of Lily Evans than just being my friend. Her worried face brought me back to reality…right now she needed a friend…someone to help her.

"I'm going to write Dumbledore." I told her, "That way technically you only told me and not a teacher."

"Not that it'll make any difference." She mumbled, putting her face in her hands. "Rosier can probably hide the mark and then he'll tell everyone I'm a nutter before cornering me in a dark hallway and—"

I touched her shoulder affectionately, "You are a nutter Lily Evans but I promise you, if Rosier really has a Dark Mark he can't hide it."

She peered out from underneath her fingers at me, "You swear it?"

I smiled at how innocent she looked. Lily Evans may have a sharp tongue and she may like to insult me anytime I annoy her but she was really the sweetest girl I knew. I knew that as hardheaded as she was, this Rosier thing was not a small matter. I was surprised just how worried Lily was about telling someone, just how scared she was.

"I swear it. I'll be back tomorrow. I want to go talk to Moon—Er Remus." I stood up, letting the porch swing rock with her still in it, "I'll even come back tonight. If that's alright with you?"

She shook her head no making my stomach fall, I had really hoped she'd agree, "Sorry," she apologized looking at me, "My sister's bringing her moose of a boyfriend over and no magic friends allowed. He's already questioning."

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair, "Alright." I eyed her carefully. Her eyes were rimmed red with worry and her cheeks still resembled tomatoes. I really didn't want to leave her but I knew I needed to go talk to Remus. Something was going on and I didn't like it.

**~~~I'd do anything for you~~~**

"The board didn't want a werewolf as Head Boy." His voice was thick with a sour note, "Dumbledore came to see me three days ago."

"Well that explains why you disappeared off the face of the earth." I muttered falling into a chair by Remus' desk.

I'd come to Remus almost instantly after I'd seen Lily and I'd found him at his house wallowing in his room. According to his mum he hadn't been anywhere since Dumbledore had come to share the bad news. I tapped my fingers on his desk in annoyance trying to figure out how to make Remus feel better but the only thing I could think about was how worried Lily seemed that Rosier was going to find out that she'd told me. I glanced over at Remus who was miserably frowning at his fingernails, which were bitten down to the nubs.

"Did—did Dumbledore mention anyone else for Head Boy?" I asked Remus.

Remus eyed at the peculiarity of the question, "Well, yeah, Rosier…I told him that Rosier wasn't the best choice which he told me he'd take into consideration…"

I snorted, "yeah but Rosier's a weasel and will buy his way into the position…"

"It's not like they have any other worthy candidates." Remus said watching me, "The only other prefect was Anthony Hodges and he's an idiot. Any other applicants that weren't prefects had to write an essay on why they deserve the spot plus have gotten three or more O's on their OWLs." Remus rolled his eyes, "It's not like anyone can grab the Head Boy Position."

I frowned, looking at a poster of the Lancaster Lions Quidditch team that Sirius and I had gotten Remus two Easters ago. I was watching the players flying back and forth remembering that I had to start making up plays for the Quidditch Season. As a Quidditch Captain I had to be prepared.

I had to be a leader.

"I have an idea." I whispered, looking back at Remus with excitement, "Moony, I can be Head Boy."

A smile appeared on Remus' face but his smile was almost sympathetic, "You heard Lily Evans was Head Girl…" he chuckled and I felt my cheeks redden a bit with annoyance at Remus' attitude towards the whole thing. "Prongs, mate, it's a lot of work."

I bit my lip, "Well, yeah…" I hadn't thought about that. I mean I had a lot to juggle with finding a job after Hogwarts and being Quidditch Captain but I figured I could do it. If Lily as Head Girl we'd make a good team.

"And you'd have to stop pulling pranks all over the castle…"

I frowned moodily, "Well those would've had to have stopped anyways." My tone was soft, "Thanks to Sirius and us not having The Map anymore."

Remus didn't answer because he was too busy thinking but so was I. I could write an essay, have Remus look it over, and send it directly to Dumbledore. I had gotten five O's in OWLs. I was bloody James Potter—I could fucking be Head Boy and ruddy Evan Rosier would be shit out of luck. I knew Hogwarts just as well as any Prefect. It was only a matter of convincing Dumbledore I could keep a clean slate as Head Boy. That would be hard—I hadn't been a model student my whole school career. I'd had more detentions than I could count.

"You can help me right Remus?" I asked, throwing a imploring look on my face, "If I magically do make Head Boy?"

"It might be too late James." Remus warned coming over to my side of the room with a worried expression, "What's got you so worked up about this Head Boy Business anyways? I mean I thought I was upset but—"

I took my glasses off and polished them as I explained, "Lily's really upset."

"Lily?" Remus looked surprised, "You spoke to her?"

"She got Head Girl and someone told her they heard that Rosier was getting Head Boy." I placed my glasses back on my face so I could see the worried expression on Remus' face more clearly, "She asked me to help her."

Remus looked confused and then sympathetic again. I knew he was thinking I was only doing this for Lily—he was one hundred percent true but Remus hadn't seen how worried Lily had been. I couldn't ask for a better mate out of Remus and I made another silent plea in his direction earning a roll of the eyes.

"Remus." I begged, "Please."

He sighed, "Fine, I'd rather you be Head Boy than anyone else in the ruddy castle."

"I love you mate." I told him, pulling open Remus' desk drawers and grabbing parchment and quills, "You are getting a fucking house for Christmas."

Remus snorted, "I already have The Shrieking Shack, James no need to get me another haunted flat."

"Well come on then, how do I write an essay on how spectacular I am?" I joked, dating the top of the page.

"Well let's start with how incredibly egotistical you can be and move on from that." Remus chuckled pulling up a chair and turning on his light.


	8. And Run

**Chapter 8:**

**Find a map, draw a path, take a breath, and run.**

_Lily,_

_Hope you are well. I heard you made Head Girl from Marley. Congrats! We knew you'd get it! I ran into Marley at the Ministry today and she told me I needed to have lunch with you. I was wondering if you'd like to go out to lunch tomorrow with me at the café on the main floor. I've included a pin for you to wear into the Ministry._

_Love,_

_Emma_

_**Emma,**_

_**I'd love to join you! Meet you at the café.**_

_**Always,**_

_**Lily**_

I sat at the local park kicking my legs slowly back and forth to swing myself on the swing set. I used to come here as a kid to think and the recent events in my life has caused me to come back to the playground like I was still six years old. The sun was setting on the summer day reminding me that I was one more day closer to working as Head Girl. I was one more day closer to working with the skulk Death Eater, Evan Rosier.

James believing me about Rosier had calmed me some but now I was worried that I'd made a mistake. James had always been loyal to his friends, including me, but at the same time I wondered if his obvious feelings for me would force him to go to Dumbledore. Not to mention James had his obvious distaste for the dark arts.

I wondered what he'd say if he knew Severus Snape wanted to be a Death Eater.

I sighed unpleasantly thinking about Severus and pushed my hair out of my eyes as the swing swung forwards.

I also wondered what James was doing right now. The way he'd reacted today when I told him the rumor about Rosier made me remember why I had fallen for him before this. He had always been so caring. I still got goosebumps thinking of how close he had been. I wanted to kiss him before he left but I'd been afraid. Afraid of rejection again. This is exactly how it had happened before—James got close and then pushed me away.

I was tired of it and quite frankly just wanted to ask him what was going on between us. I secretly hoped he'd come back but I hadn't even gotten a letter from him since I told him the truth. It worried me greatly. What if Evan had even the slightest clue I'd told him?

What if he went after Evan himself?

**Dear Professor Dumbledore,**

**Hopefully my owl has reached you at a convenient time. I am writing this letter to inform you of my interest in the Head Boy position. As Quidditch Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team I have led Gryffindor to various victories every year and I plan to lead Hogwarts in the very same way: passion, dedication, and boldness. I've included the essay and my recorded OWLs for your review.**

**Very Respectfully,**

**James Potter**

_**Mr. Potter,**_

_**I have received your application and a response will be in the mail as of next week.**_

_**Respectfully,**_

_**Headmaster Albus Dumbledore**_

I aimed my wand-throwing sparks at the circular target board as my father and mother talked behind me. I listened in on their conversation waiting for any information on the Department for my Lord who had assigned me the special task of collecting information of the work of time rewriting from my mother who was a worker for the Ministry of Magic under the Department of Mysteries.

"We lost the rat we were using for the study." My mum's voice spoke softly as she and my father finished afternoon tea, "It's not likely that Time Travel will be very useful through wand lore anytime soon if that keeps happening."

"Imagine if you could rewrite history." My father said in his deep voice, I watching him through the mirror to my left. He had the proud, string jaw of the Rosier family and the familiar striking brown hair. "No more mudbloods and half bloods to taint our world!"

My eyes sparked with the same enthusiasm that my dad's eyes did. No more mudbloods sounded wonderful to me. Only real witches and wizards deserved to use magic.

"Evan have you heard from Hogwarts yet?" My mother spoke behind me.

I put my wand down and turned on my heel to face my mother, "No mum, I did hear the board is wrapping up their choices though."

"I heard they picked a muggle born for Head Girl." My father made a disgusted face, pulling at his goatee, "A girl called Evans. A Gryffindor. Dumbledore's doing no doubt."

I blanched at the mention of the girl's name. She had seen me showing off my Death Eater mark proudly to scare a fifth year Slytherin into helping me at the end of the year last year. I would've erased her memory right away except a teacher had interrupted us right away. As a servant of The Dark Lord I was undercover and had to remain so. The Dark lord had been very adamant about that fact. If I was too spy on my mothers job and keep Hogwarts under watch I had to keep my status a secret. Not many students got to stay at Hogwarts and be Death Eaters.

I think my Lord saw something in me he didn't see in Snape or any of the others.

My only mess up had been with the girl. Lily Evans. I think I scared the mudblood enough to keep her quiet but I was thankful enough to know I could keep a close eye on her with her being Head Girl.

"Do you know her Evan?" My mother questioned me, her black eyes twinkling at me over her teacup.

"Of her." I answered with a sneer, "She's nothing special."

"When are her kind ever special?" my father laughed, clapping me on the back, "Don't worry tomorrow we'll be celebrating your accomplishments!"

I smiled accepting my fathers praise, he'd be especially proud of me if he knew I was working for the cause to rid the world of her kind forever. I couldn't wait to scare little miss Evans into doing my bidding for me, perhaps even practice a few curses on her whilst we did rounds together.

_Evan,_

_Lily Evans made Head Girl but my dad got a letter from Dumbledore tonight saying that they'd misplaced an entry for the position. You'll never guess who it is: James Potter. Bloody idiot._

_Andy_

_Severus,_

_Did you hear that James Potter applied for Head Boy? Evan Rosier is furious. I don't think Potter stands a chance though. He's got the most detentions out of anyone._

_Andy Burke_

**Andy,**

**No doubt he's hoping to get close to Evans because she made Head Girl. The Headmaster would be daft to pick him, not to mention the Board wouldn't allow it.**

**Severus**

Corey Callaghan used to be a Ravenclaw at Hogwarts until he graduated top of his class. I had thought he was a pretty decent guy until I'd heard from numerous people he'd started hanging around suspected Death Eaters. Corey showing up and watching me as I drank away my hangover hadn't been a coincidence. It also hadn't been coincidence that the batty loon had actually had the nerve to grin my way when he walked past. I think my look of pure disdain had sent him packing but how long could I go avoiding them and not reacting to their obvious moves to get me on their side.

He was staring at me from his seat, creeping me the fuck out. Moodily, I flicked my and at my drink causing bubbles to rise in the thicker than normal liquid. I was already in a crap mood from James' confrontation. I didn't like that Lily had taken me to James' when I'd passed out on her. I also didn't like that James didn't jump right into helping me when I told him about the Death Eaters stalking me.

I was a fucking target and my own best mate didn't even care.

"I'm cutting you off here Black." Rosmerta's smooth and sultry voice cut through my fog of thinking about James.

"Rose." I answered sending her a smooth grin, "You can't cut a bloke off when he's just started."

Rose had her hips cocked against one of her hands while her other held a tray of empty used bottles and mugs. Her hazel eyes sparkled lightly my way but her frown was prominent against her pale face. She pointed to my pocket giving me a look that was similar to a mother scolding her child.

"No more butterbeer. I saw you pour whatever's in your flask into your drink. I'm not an idiot." She grabbed my mug from my unsuspecting hands and flounced away leaving me alone at the table.

I felt like yelling something exceedingly inappropriate after her but I knew Rosmerta held the keys to The Three Broomsticks and she could easily ban me from the place any day. Which would be bad considering I already spent a majority of my time here. Out of the corner of my eye I saw that my stalker Corey Callaghan who had graduated two years ago was attempting to catch my attention. Everyone in a while he'd glance my way and I made a point to keep my gaze focused on the opposite side of the room.

I pulled what little change I had in my pocket and threw it on the table, ready to get the Hell out of dodge before Cory had the nerve to even think about talking to me. I stood up quickly, ignoring the slight ringing in my ears from the drinks.

"Black!" Callaghan's voice was just as high pitched and annoying as it had been back in my fifth year.

I purposely strode to the door, pushing it open and ignoring Corey. I wasn't going to sit around and be interrogated about my life. You can only say no so many times to the Death Eaters. I didn't look behind me to see if Callaghan was following. I picked up my pace and threw myself around the side of The Three Broomsticks looking for a safe place to Apparate. Corey knew how old I was and could turn me in.

If James didn't turn me in first. Not that I think he would, after all, he could have caught up to me when I ran off after our talk. He could turn into a stag—and run faster than me for sure. It bothered me that he didn't come after me. Back in the day he would've had me on lock down.

I turned down a dark alleyway and made my escape just as I saw Corey Callaghan round the corner telling me to wait.

There was no way in Hell I'd wait.

I'd rather die than go back to that pureblood world.

**~~~~draw a map, find a path, take a breath, now run~~~**

"Mr. Potter?" The sound of my house elf Mickey startled me and I finished toweling my hair to glance around. She was standing in the doorway in her tea cozy eyeing me apologetically. "Sorry but if sir could, Professor Dumbledore is at the door."

My towel dropped to the floor in shock, "What?" Professor Dumbledore dropping by my place was not expected at all. What the Hell was going on? For a moment I worried that something could have happened to Sirius but made myself think of other reasons Dumbledore would come to my house unannounced.

"That's what Mickey hears sir." She said blinking her large brown eyes, "And he requested to speak to you."

I glanced in the mirror with worry. Did I look appropriate to meet with the Headmaster? I was trying to get Head Boy after all. After a moment I decided that my old Ludwing Fanning shirt and jeans would have to suffice for meeting the Headmaster of my school. Remus would probably tell me to change into more appropriate clothes but I honestly didn't want to change. I spent a moment trying to flatten my black hair to my forehead and maneuvered my glasses up my face. No matter my attempt to tame it—my hair stuck straight up again and I cursed.

"Sir?" my house elf said softly, "shall I tell him you are coming?"

"Offer him a drink." I told her, "I'll be down in a minute."

The house elf followed my instruction and I hurriedly glanced around the room. Professor Dumbledore showing up at my house was a bit of a shock. Was he wondering about my sudden interest of Head Boy? Honestly, it as out of the blue but I had to help Lily. Well, I didn't have too…but I wanted to.

I grabbed my wand, which I had spotted on the top of my desk and waved it at my hair in a hurry. I managed to tame my black messy hair some so that it actually allowed me to see my forehead. I was a mess.

My heart was beating in my chest as I walked slowly towards the common area where I knew the House Elves would be taking care of the Headmaster. As I walked slowly down the stairs I realized how futile this probably was. Besides Sirius, I probably had the most detentions in the school. I'd had to strain my head to think of reasons I should be Head Boy besides being Quidditch Captain. Remus and I had spent hours together on it but I still think I don't have much of a chance.

"Thank you for the tea Mickey."

I stopped just outside the doorway holding my breath at the sound of his voice. I hadn't spoken directly to the Headmaster since the accident with Sirius, Snape, and Remus at the end of last year. Suddenly, all the sureness I had had yesterday about getting Head Boy washed away and I was replaced with a fear…

What if Dumbledore didn't want me? Hell, I couldn't even keep my best mate under control. What made me convince him I could keep an entire school under control?

My eyes traced the ancient carvings on the back of the double doors. My parents only used this room for important company when they had been alive. The heavy doors were carved with the Gryffindor Lion, a symbol of bravery. I found this ironic because for the first time in my life—I wasn't feeling brave at all.

With a leap of adrenaline I pushed against the doors and entered the warm golden colored room. My eyes sought Professor Dumbledore, who was sitting sipping his tea by the large bay window my mum used to plant flowers by every spring. I swallowed deeply as I realized my parent's presence was strong in this room. My mother's wand was actually sitting on top of the grand piano in the corner by the window. My father's portrait was smiling brightly at me from the side of the room. My face felt warm as I forced myself to go right to Professor Dumbledore and shake his hand just as I'd seen my father do with guests a million times before.

The Headmaster smiled brightly at me, which helped my nerves a bit, "James," he said pleasurably, "I hope I'm not intruding."

"No," I laughed nervously, shaking my head, "not at all." I gestured to the set up of seats in the middle of the room, "Shall we sit?"

"Of course," Dumbledore said cheerfully, throwing his long scarlet cloak over his shoulders more before picking one of the comfy armchairs "I know my arrival must be of some shock."

What would Lily say if Dumbledore showed up at her house unannounced? "Oh, it's fine sir." I said reminding myself to seem unbothered and unfazed by this odd circumstance, "I was just studying potions."

Dumbledore's silver eyebrows rose in interest and I realized that my suggestion that I was studying for my least favorite subject was probably odd. Whoops. I sounded too much like Lily.

"Well," Dumbledore said as I sat down, embarrassed, beside his chair, "I actually came to inform you that your application has been reviewed by the board and they believe you will be a great addition to our student leadership."

He was holding out a small gold pin to me but I was actually unable to comprehend anything. Dumbledore was smiling, holding the pin closer to me. I stared at it in shock.

"What?" I said stupidly.

Dumbledore chuckled, folding the golden badge into my hands. "Congratulations Mr. Potter."

I stared at the pins shining brightly from the sunlight through the window. I got Head Boy. I was Head Boy. How did this happen? Was this a prank?

Lily.

She'd be with me, and not Rosier! _It worked_! I don't know how the Hell I managed to convince Dumbledore and The Board that I was Head Boy material but I certainly wasn't going to ask.

My heart was pounding again but for a completely different reason. I got Head Boy. I was going to be Head Boy.

Suddenly, life was looking up again.


	9. Secret Heart

**Chapter 9:**

**Why so mysterious?**

**Why so sacred?**

**Why so serious?**

**Maybe you're just acting tough; maybe you're just not bad enough?**

**What's wrong?**

**Let her in on your secret.**

_**Moony,**_

_**We did it mate! I got Head Boy! I'm trying to get a hold of Lily—don't tell anyone else though! I want to be first to tell her!**_

_**Prongs**_

_James,_

_That's great! Drinks tonight?_

_R_

_**M,**_

_**I was going to ask Lily out to the pub anyways. Want to join?**_

_**J**_

_Prongs,_

_Pete and I will join you!_

_Remus_

"Emma!" I stood up from the table wrapping my arms around my old friend.

Emma laughed her cheery, bright, and loud laugh as she greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. Emma Vance was one of my closer friends who graduated from Hogwarts last year and immediately got a job in the Ministry of Magic. Emma's thick black hair swung around her shoulder like a thick black scarf as she released me to straighten her robes. I pushed back my own hair to get a better look at her stately attire.

"Look at you!" I gushed, fingering her long navy blue robes, "I feel so important to be standing next to you!" I teased.

Emma's brown eyes lit up and she hugged me again, "Oh I've missed you! Sorry I haven't spoken to you much. This apprenticeship has been murdering me."

I waved her excuses away with a grin as we both sat at the small café table, "It's fine Emma. You are grown up now! I understand!"

Emma rolled her eyes as she waved over a waiter to take our order. The waiter came by us with a quill and a pad floating in the air beside him. Emma ordered two sandwiches for the both of us, flashing a card. The waiter left and Emma sent me a wink.

"I get free lunch since I work in the Auror department." She placed the card in her front pocket before taking a sip of water from her drink, "One of the better perks."

"I should come out to lunch with you more often." I joked, letting my eyes drift.

The Ministry of Magic was huge. We were in the break section of the underground society and long arches supported the area keeping it from collapsing. There were three different cafés to choose from and the one Emma and I had sat at was quite similar to The Three Broomsticks back at school. Our small two-person table was right beside the door that led into the inside of the small café called Chupicabra. Witches and wizards in different Ministry uniforms walked about looking for a place to eat and talked amongst themselves.

"What's it like to work for the Ministry?" I asked Emma with intrest as I watched three witches exchange various papers from across the way.

"Terribly boring." Emma answered following my gaze, "I love some of the people but—a lot of people don't agree with—well—" I glanced her way and she eyed me carefully.

It didn't take me long to figure out what she was trying to say without actually saying it. A lot of people didn't agree with my kind. A lot of people in my own government didn't want me around. I sighed, avoiding her gaze awkwardly and found my drink. Emma seemed to sense my disdain at the subject and switched to something else I didn't want to talk about.

"Heard anything about The Head Boy?" She asked me with a teasing voice.

I knew she was just joking but I didn't want to freak her out or anything so I just smiled and shook my head. I'd come out to lunch with Emma in hopes of avoiding thinking about Rosier for an hour or two but here I was back in the same troubles. Emma stopped smiling and reached out her hand to me.

"Lil?" she asked, leaning closer, "What's wrong? I thought you'd be excited! Head Girl…that's huge!" she blinked excitedly.

I shook my head, "I don't want to talk about it Emma." I told her, pushing my hair behind my ear nervously, "It's not that big a deal."

Not that big a deal…just some student Death Eater that would probably torture me and then erase my memories later.

Emma awkwardly drew back her hand, "Ok." She said softly.

I felt bad for acting so cold towards Emma, especially since it wasn't her fault I was stuck with the Death Eater Kid from Hell. We finished our meal quietly only talking about small things like the weather and people we both knew. Emma used to be one of my confidences when something was going on but something felt different between us now.

During the entire lunch Emma kept looking around and she would purposely ignore some people but smile at others. The Emma I used to know was friendly with everyone. The old Emma would joke with me about pretty much anything—this new Emma seemed serious and almost…intimidating.

"Take care Lily." She told me as we parted ways.

I told her the same and that she and I must eat lunch together again soon but I found myself wondering if we would have even had lunch today if it hadn't been for Marlene running into Emma at the Ministry. I wondered if maybe, Emma was another person who didn't believe I belong in this magical world.

Depressed from a visit with a friend that was supposed to make me feel better I got on the train to take me back home. Once on board I sat down alone in a corner and thought about everything.

I thought about Rosier and how I was going to have to work really hard not to let him get the better of me. I thought about James and how he might be in trouble if Rosier somehow finds out I told James what I saw. I thought about Emma and her newfound personality and life. I thought about Sirius and wondered what on earth he was up too since I hadn't heard from him for a while. I thought about my seventh and final year at school and wondered what on earth I was going to do with my life after school. I thought about everything and somehow through all my worrying and planning I fell asleep.

**~~~You've got nerve to waltz right in and think what's mine is yours again~~~**

I wanted to go to Lily's right away and tell her the great news. I wanted to see her face light up and the worry disappear from her face but I forced myself to sit and talk with Dumbledore. The old man did give me the job of Head Boy with the knowledge of every prank I'd ever pulled as a student. Since every prank had landed in a detention I was impressed he'd even considered my application to begin with. That, and my disappointing control of my own mates.

When I finally said goodbye to The Headmaster and I'd told the house elves I'd be late for tea, I practically ran to her place. When I got to Lily's place it appeared to be empty and no one answered the door when I knocked. Disappointed because my vision of Lily throwing her arms around me in joy was not actually going to happen I made my way back off the porch only to run into someone I hadn't planned on seeing again until school started.

Sirius' face was washed and his hair was clean. While his clothes were wrinkled I noticed he smelled considerably better and was not drunk as Hell. Sirius was frozen like a dog that scented a rabbit and stared at me in fear.

I knew he was thinking of the last time we'd seen each other too. I wondered if he'd come to see Lily to apologize for scaring her or to yell at her for bringing him drunk and barmy to my place.

"Glad to see you didn't splinch yourself." I offered through the awkward silence that had taken over the porch area.

Sirius' eyes flitted back and forth nervously, "Lily not here?"

I told myself to remain calm and not get angry that Sirius had been coming to see Lily too. I shook my head no and made my way down the steps completely and brushed past Sirius lightly. I tried to imagine something to say to him. Anything really…but my brain was blank with confusion and slight depression. I was walking slowly down the walkway feeling his eyes pressing into my back.

"Do you like her a lot Prongs?" he called after me with interest tainting every word.

_"I was doing you a favor Prongs! She only kissed you because of Snape and you know it!"_ Those words tainted my memories as I turned to look at Sirius who was leaning against one of the short railings on the stairs. His grey eyes were trained on me, never leaving my face.

"What's it to you?" I asked coldly, rubbing my arm with distaste as the route of the conversation turning back to walk towards the safe place to disappear.

"Prongs!" he called after me but I kept walking. I didn't need Sirius to step in and ruin my relationship with Lily again…not when we were back to being friends. There was still the chance he could tell Lily everything about us. Everything about me and Snape and Sirius and Remus.

There was still a chance Sirius couldn't keep secrets.

**~~~You've got nerve to waltz right in and think what's mine is yours again~~~**

James' obvious lack of interest in talking with me only made me more depressed. I ran my hands through my hair and took a deep breath, filling my lungs with air before I exhaled. I'd Left Lily a note at her place to get a hold of me. I needed to talk to her about talking to James about me. I had decided I would use Lily to get back on James' good side. I knew James and if there was one person he would listen to it was the red haired witch who happened to be missing in action from her own place.

Running into James at her house had only confirmed what I'd thought before. I figured out that James was hanging out around Lily again and Lily was obviously stricken for Prongs more than she probably cared to admit. I also happened to know that Lily trusted me…as long as I apologize about the other night when I met with her wasted as fuck…

That had probably not been one of my better moments.

To be quite honest having the Death Eaters tracking me scared the hell outta me. All I wanted to do was get back with James, Remus, and Peter so that they would stop tagging me as a lonely possible Death Eater. I knew they'd stop if I were rumored to be friends with James and my old mates again. James Potter may be pureblood but his obvious affection for a muggle born hadn't made him a target for the Death Eaters. When my cousin Andromeda married a muggleborn she was blasted off the family tapestry. Wizards don't marry muggle borns or even associate.

Those were the rules.

I'd never been much of a rule follower anyways.

**~~~You've got nerve to waltz right in and think what's mine is yours again~~~**

A kind old lady who told me I was at the last stop and needed to get off the train shook me awake. I cursed and instantly apologized to the silver haired lady who clucked her tongue as I jumped up, grabbed my purse, and got off the train alone. I grabbed a station attendant with worry sinking in my chest.

"Where am I?" I asked.

"Oxford ma'am." The attendant told me before helping another person wanting to know why his train was late.

"Merlin." I murmured spinning around to face the train station where only a few people milled about.

I walked over to the time sets and noted that the next train to Ipswich didn't arrive until seven. I sat down defeated on a bench and examined my hand wishing so desperately that I could apparate legally. I wondered how James and Sirius got away with it without being tracked by the Ministry. I knew I still had a tracker because I was underage so I was suddenly frustrated with the pair who seemed to get away with underage magic so easily.

By the time I got on the train to Ipswich and transferred to the other two trains home I was tired, depressed, and ready to get into my comfy clothes. The periwinkle dress I had worn to go to lunch was hot and sticky on my skin from the humid air and all I wished to do was go read a book.

I walked through my empty house calling for my dad but the only one to answered was my sister who told me that dad had gone out to dinner with a friend. I patted my dog Tundra for a moment as I surveyed the living room where my sister sat reading a magazine. I was too lazy to even walk upstairs to change my clothes so I collapsed on the couch beside Petunia and invited Tundra to jump up on my lap. The giant dog he is, he ended up stretching across Petunia's lap and mine.

Petunia pushed herself away from our dog pile on the couch and made a face at me as she left the room to find a new place to be in peace. I sighed at my sister's complete lack of friendliness and buried my face in Tundra's fur.

"Tundra I had a horrible day." I murmured in his ear.

Tundra wagged his long black tail in answer. I smiled at him once before adjusting myself so I wasn't directly under the big monster of a dog.

"I wish I had a house elf to make me some dinner and get me lemonade!" I said, stretching against the back of the couch, "Actually, I could really just go for a lemonade!"

It was the knock at the door that made me finally stand up from my place on the couch. Pushing back my red hair in haste I opened the door with a fake smile that quickly turned into a real smile when I saw who it was.

"Oh thank goodness you came! I was getting worried!" I took James by his hand and dragged him into the house.

James laughed at me, allowing his arm to almost be pulled out of it's socket as I dragged him into the living room.

"I was starting to worry that Rosier somehow—" I exclaimed, collapsing with James on the couch.

James was shaking his head, smiling brightly at me, all his teeth showing and his eyes gleaming. I'd never seen James look so excited and it made me nervous. Had he completely forgotten about Rosier? Why was he grinning like a loon? I watched as he nervously pushed his hands through his already messy black hair. His eyes observed my face as it slowly transformed into a suspicious glare.

"What's going on James?" I asked, wrapping my arms around myself with worry, "Why are you smiling like that?"

He just smiled even wider and I watched as he dug his hand into the pocket of his jeans (he wasn't wearing robes for once) and pulled something out, tightly clasped in his hand. I eyed him skeptically.

"James?"

I watched his hand uncurl slowly and the glint of gold made me pause for a moment as I stared. Was that a ring? No. It's subtle curves and glossy sheen looked exactly like—the "H" engraved on it confused me even more.

"Lily," he said, excitement seeming to pour from his every pore, "I got Head boy."

I stared at him blankly. James? Head Boy? But James hadn't even applied. I'd known everyone who applied and James was certainly not on the list I'd snuck out of McGonagall's office three weeks before school ended.

"Are you joking with me right now?" I asked cautiously, "Because it's not funny James…"

He snorted and pined the badge to his shirt, puffing out his chest, "Lily please, this is serious." He winked, "It's me!" At my look he laughed even more and gripped me around the shoulders in a tight hug, "Lily, Rosier _didn't_ get it! I did!"

I pushed him off, utterly confused, "But you weren't even a _contender_."

He put a hand to his chest pretending to be hurt and widening his large brown eyes, "Lil I'm shocked. You don't think I'm the most qualified person at our school?"

I stared at him waiting for him to say that he was joking but his face remained completely eager and serious. He wasn't joking. James was being completely and utterly serious right now. I wasn't going to work around Evan Rosier everyday and worry about my health and life. I would be working around James…James was Head Boy.

The squeal bubbled up from my stomach that was also giddy with excitement. At my newfound smile James laughed and pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. I couldn't help it and started giggling as we rocked back and forth in happiness.

"How did you manage to pull this James!" I asked gleefully, pulling away from his hug to observe his face, which was lit up with excitement.

"I had Remus' help and I turned in a application and Dumbledore accepted me!" James said, his voice not able to hide the amusement.

"You are one amazing bloke." I said sincerely taking his hand, "Seriously you are."

"I know." He grinned mischievously, tightening his hold on my hand, "And that's why you and I are going to get drinks. _Right now_. Just to celebrate!"

_**Lily,**_

_**I came to see you today but you were out I guess. Want to meet up tomorrow? There's evidently a Quidditch game going on at Langwood Park. We could meet there. I'm taking my little cousin.**_

_**Sirius**_

**Lily,**

**I had a great time at the Pub today. Meet for lunch and divination tomorrow? How about a quick Quidditch Match at Langwood Park?**

**James**

_James,_

_I'd love to go with you! Pick me up around noon?_

_Always,_

_Lily_

**Evan,**

**I just heard that James Potter got Head Boy. What the fuck happened?**

**Jayce**

The glass shattered against the other wall. How did the fucking bastard getting fucking head boy? I grabbed the nearest breakable object and threw with at the same direction as the mirror I'd broken five seconds before. I couldn't fucking stand James Fucking Potter. I pulled out my wand, blasting a hole in my bedpost, imagining the arrogant assholes head in its place.

James Potter was going to get it. I was supposed to be Head Boy. I was supposed to have the ins and outs of the castle. I was supposed to be able to scare the shit out of Lily Evans.

I was supposed to be Head Boy.

James Potter could go to Hell.

Lily Evans right along with him.

_Sirius,_

_See you at Langwood tomorrow at one!_

_Always, Lily_

_Marley,_

_Come over tonight please!_

_Lily_

Marley smiled over her cup of firewhisky that she'd brought and I watched as her eyes changed colors as they sparkled with giddiness. I'd just finished telling her about my night with James and his mates at the pub and my story about Peter chugging three pints of butterbeer in less than two minutes made her snort the firewhisky out of her nose.

"So you had fun?" she asked me as I played with a bracelet on my wrist.

"Yeah." I answered, "They are…" I paused searching for a good word, "Interesting."

Interesting probably didn't even begin to cover the boys I'd hung out with. More than once I'd noticed that Remus would send James subtle looks and James would return them. Peter was often the one to instigate trouble out of the three and was called some weird outlandish nickname more than once. James was still the leader of the group but without Sirius he seemed more…serious. Watching the dynamics without Sirius around had blown my mind.

I'd only known the boys _with_ Sirius around...not without.

"I bet they're interesting." Marley waggled her eyebrows and winked, "Especially that new Head Boy, James Potter."

I stared at her in surprise, "How'd you hear about that?"

James had told me I had been the first to know besides Remus. I hadn't expected anyone else to know James had gotten Head Boy until the first day of school on September first. Marlene's brown eyes rolled in annoyance.

"Come on Lily," she said exasperated, "Evan Rosier heard and is on murdering _rampage_. Evidently his friends mum works on the board and told him James Potter got the position."

Evan Rosier's name startled me and I glanced closer to see if Marley was joking but she appeared sincere, "How'd Rosier take it?" I asked her, hoping my voice didn't crack from the worry that struck me.

"Rosier thought he had it for sure evidently." Marlene told me, not realizing that my hands were clenched from nervous spasms in my stomach, "I heard he's out for James' blood."

"Oh." I moaned, putting my hands on my face and shaking myself trying to rid myself of this information.

Marlene snorted at my actions, "Lil, James could take Rosier without a wand and still win."

Marlene had no idea of Rosier's obvious talent for the Dark Magic of the Death Eaters…after all…the pure-blood regime didn't just take anyone to be Death Eaters and now James was in trouble with one all because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

Merlin save me…could nothing go right without going wrong? I thanked Agrippa that I would see James tomorrow and warn him that Rosier's got it in for him. That's when I remembered that I'd promise to meet up with Sirius at the same place—the Quidditch match.

James and Sirius both want to meet me and I'd agreed to see both of them…

I moaned even more and fell back onto the carpet earning a "You're positively mad Lil" from Marlene who stood up to get another drink from my desk across the room. Marlene had no idea just how mad I was.

Hadn't Marlene been the one to convinced me I couldn't be mates with both Sirius and James at once? I peered through my fingers at Marlene who was ignoring me as she poured herself more drink. If I told Marlene about my dilemma she'd get cross that I didn't tell her sooner about accepting both their invitations so I decided to figure tomorrow out on my own. Certainly the two boys could stand to be near each other for a few minutes at the least.

I mean, it's not like they hated each other…

Who am I kidding?

I moaned even deeper and punched the floor with my fists cursing my life. James himself said that Sirius and he are past the point of no return. There was going to be more than a Quidditch Match going on tomorrow…that's for sure.


	10. Eyes Open

**Chapter 10:**

**The tricky thing**

**Is yesterday we were just children**

**Playing soldiers**

**Just pretending**

**Dreaming dreams with happy endings**

**In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords**

**But now we've stepped into a cruel world**

**Where everybody stands and keeps score.**

"How's your brother problems coming along Black?"

My head shot up from the paper I'd been doodling on with a quill. The blue ink I had swirled into a million different shapes glittered in the firelight of the torches that flickers on the walls. The man that talked to me was more like a snake, slithering his way over to my side before placing one of his pale hands on my shoulder.

I lifted my chin and eyed the other people surrounding me. I was the youngest in the room and by far the least liked. I'd only been inducted because I was a Black and because my cousin Bella had practically forced me. I eyed Bella from her place across the room.

Bell's black eyes narrowed, "Regulus." She hissed and it was only by reading her lips that I knew she said my name.

I brushed my hair back and shrugged my shoulders, "Says he doesn't want to be a Death Eater…"

I remembered the rumors I'd heard about my older brother. The rumors said he was no longer best friends with James Potter and that he was a loner who resorted to hanging out with a muggle born girl from Gryffindor. The rumors said he tried to kill Severus Snape and for some reason knowing that he was more cut out for this job and still didn't want it made my throat tighten and my stomach flip.

The Dark Lord only ever had a full on meeting with us once a month so as not to draw attention to our group. We have smaller meeting every week or so but this was an important meeting and I knew my answer had upset him. I winced, waiting for the impact of punishment. It had been my job to get Sirius to come to our side—the pure side. I'd failed miserably because now Sirius was hanging out with muggle borns.

"Your bother is extremely stubborn. If only you had as much determination as your older brother Regulus." His words slit through me like a knife.

I may be the favorite Black back at my house but here in the real world I was the least desired because I wasn't as magically inclined as my older brother. While I held steady grades, Sirius held top spot behind Remus Lupin. While I was quidditch player extraordinaire, Sirius didn't have to play quidditch to be popular…until recently. Everyone knew that without his mates, Sirius was nobody.

And now he was nobody to everyone…except the girl he'd been hanging out with. What had her name been? Severus Snape used to hang out with her too…I put two and two together and startled a bit. Both purebloods…both hanging out with a particular muggle born…something not exactly popular among us pure blooded wizards.

"Snape." I said loudly, blushing when everyone, including the Dark Lord looked at me funny. "Snape." I repeated, turning to look down the row of chairs at the Seventh year Slytherin at Hogwarts who had been inducted well over a year before, "Who is the girl my brother always hangs around?"

Snape rolled his eyes, "It's just a girl with Black, nobody cares who he hangs out with. All we want you to do is get your brother to finally admit he belongs with us." Snape was trying to shoot down whatever I had to say. Snape was popular here and known for his darker arts so I wasn't about to let him best me while I was on a roll.

"She's muggleborn." I argued back, taking my idea and flying with it, "And he's been hanging out with her and she's the same girl you hung out with all those years at school until last year." I watched Snape's face go pale at the mention of the connection, "So obviously she's got something to offer. What's her name?" Snape was silent, glaring at me so much that if looks could kill…

"Indeed, who is she?" His snake-like voice reminded just whom I was dealing with and I froze up a bit but was happy to note that Snape also froze at the sound of his voice.

"It's nothing, my Lord." Snape hissed, "Just Black thinking there's a pattern in something that's so obviously not anything important." I watched as Snape turned to face the black-cloaked man, "She is no one important."

"Just a sleeze with a taste for pure blooded boys." My eyes located the speaker of this rumor and spotted Evan Rosier who had been pouting most of this meeting because he'd failed at getting Head Boy. He'd called for James Potter's death several times in one day. I imagined he was jealous. James Potter was everything I wanted to be: popular, quidditch captain, and now Head Boy. "Rumor has it Mudblood Lily Evans likes her pure blood boys. First Sirius Black and now she's moved onto James Potter who is the new Head Boy." Rosier spat Head Boy out with venom and I knew that as soon as Rosier ran into James Potter or anyone associated with him there'd be hell to pay.

"We've already heard your obvious dislike for James Potter, Rosier." The Dark Lord frowned which made his face appear more sinister than normal, "All of you are aware that our job is to be raising an army of Death Eaters—not sitting around listening to petty Hogwarts gossip. I was tabs on Sirius Black, James Potter, and also the werewolf Remus Lupin."

Every head in the room lifted higher with interest. "Remus Lupin?" my cousin Bella said quite loudly, "A werewolf?"

"I've heard from a very reliable source that the boy is indeed a werewolf and the sooner he realizes his future possibilities he'll be crawling into our ranks. Werewolves are strong and we could always use someone smart and cunning."

I drowned out the conversation and thought to myself—Remus Lupin was a werewolf. That explained so much of his disappearances. Everyone always assumed that his mother was sick or he kept getting kicked out of school. Lupin hung out with my brother and his friends and my brother and his friends were pranksters—always getting in trouble. I wonder who finally found out the secret and then I remembered how at the end of last year Sirius had stopped hanging out with his mates and started being a loner. I remembered how I had heard through rumors that Severus Snape had been rescued by James Potter after almost getting killed by a monster…

When I glanced over at Snape and he looked very smug. If I could, I'd bet my entire inheritance that Severus Snape was the one who found out about a werewolf at Hogwarts.

"Black." I looked up quickly, pulling the sleeves of my robes back as I listened to my orders until the next meeting, "You are not going back to Hogwarts."

My heart dropped in my chest, "But—But I'm Quidditch Captain this year." I'd worked for ages to get Quidditch Captain.

"Reg!" my cousin snapped at me from her place, "Respect!"

The Dark Lord sneered evilly, "I'll be sure to remember that next time I give you an important mission."

I realized I had been out of line and bowed my head, "Sorry." I whispered but my insides were withered up in anger. I loved Hogwarts; it had been my home for as long as I could remember. My friends and my family had all gone there. My own brother was going back and he didn't even deserve to!

"You will be heading to Albania with me to finish some business there and then I will be placing you as an apprentice with Malfoy. Understand?"

I nodded my head yes but deep down I didn't understand because I couldn't understand why I had given up a great life at Hogwarts to become a servant to someone who really didn't care about me or what I wanted out of life. I didn't understand why going out on a business trip was actually murdering someone who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I didn't understand why we were doing this when it was obvious that what we were doing wasn't making a difference in the long run.

I looked to my cousin Bella who was smiling proudly at me. Probably excited I was accompanying the Dark Lord on a special assignment. That hardly ever happened but I knew that the reason I was going was to be punished. I'd messed up since my brother was still overthrowing the idea of becoming a Death Eater. I was going to have to be the Dark Lords servant for as long as he commanded it or I would die. I would be murdered as he saw fit.

I was only here to make my family proud and now there was no way out.

**~~~Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown everybody's watching to see the fallout ~~~**

"You look an absolute mess Lily." His smooth voice was directly behind me and when I turned around I smiled brightly at Sirius Black who was wearing wizard's robes and his wand was sticking out from his front pocket. "And by that I mean incredibly Ginger."

He was holding the hand of a young girl who was currently jumping around and seemed excited. Sirius motioned to her, "My cousin's daughter Nymph." Nymph was dressed in witch's robes for the younger generation and seemed more interested in the quidditch game about to start than meeting me.

I smiled cheerfully at the young witch who only casually looked me up and down before yanking her arm from Sirius and running towards the pitch that had been only inches from where I'd been standing waiting for Sirius Black or James Potter to show up.

Half of Hogwarts was here now waiting for the game to start. It was a minor league and everyone was sitting about just here for the enjoyment. A few people were selling concessions around the edge of the pitch but otherwise it was a small affair. I'd run into a lot of fellow Hogwarts Students while I'd been standing around waiting and I'd turned down each request to hang out.

I'd been more nervous to see which of the boys I'd agreed to come with would actually show up early. My money had been on James but I was pleasantly surprised to see Sirius first. Sirius I think I could calm down faster because he actually wanted to see James.

"Can I be completely honest with you right now?" I asked him as I straightened my dress and looked around to make sure James Potter wouldn't come walking into the picture, "James is also coming."

I watched as Sirius' face literally fell and he eyed me with mistrust. I grabbed his arm in haste and shook my head. I wasn't about to let him walk away. I hadn't spoken to him in what felt like ages and I knew that he hadn't been with anyone if he wasn't with me. I was worried that if he continued hanging out alone he'd be a target for anyone. Sirius wasn't the type of person who did well alone. I realized that now.

"It's not what you think, you both asked me and I said yes to both of you without thinking." I explained, yanking on his arm with all my weight so he couldn't pull from my grasp.

"A likely story." Sirius was pushing against my shoulder, "When are you going to get that we are not friends Ginger?" He was able to push away from me and he pushed back his hair in annoyance before reaching into his pocket and taking out a drag. I sighed deeply and frowned.

"Look," I said, smacking the drag from his hand before he could light it, which caused him to yell out in defiance, "I want to hang out with both of you and I will. It's going to be nice. You both love quidditch."

I may have decided last night that I didn't care what anyone said—the two boys could be friends again. I didn't care that whatever had happened had caused drama between them. They were practically brothers and brothers have to love each other no matter what. I loved my sister even though I hated her ninety eight percent of the time. I figured it was about the same for James and Sirius…or not…Sirius looked absolutely livid.

"I can't even deal with this right now." He said angrily rubbing his forehead, "I mean, I think you are starting to try and get us to talk again _subconsciously_ now. Anything else I should know?" He eyed me like there was no way I could possibly have anything more annoying than James coming to the match today.

I smiled at that comment and put my hands on my hips, "Have I mentioned how James got Head Boy?"

As a reward for my surprising news Sirius laughed out loud for the first time in a while. "James? Head Boy? That's a kicker! How'd he pull that miracle off?"

"He applied and got it. He's a good kid Sirius Black." I frowned at him and crossed my arms as he continued laughing. James might've caused a lot of trouble when he was younger but he'd grown up...some.

He was laughing so hard a few of the groups walking past us to the Quidditch pitch glared our way. Most of them were Hogwarts students too so we were often stared at anyways but Sirius laughing like a maniac didn't help. Lily Evans and Sirius Black together at a Quidditch Game was quite the news so I couldn't imagine what would happen when James finally shows up and I'm with both of them.

I watched as Sirius composed himself and found myself smiling at him just a bit. I'd missed Sirius like this—the past couple of weeks had been interesting because of him getting mad at me for taking him to James' when he was wasted but I realized now that Sirius only had one friend right now and that friend was me.

I reached forward and hugged him, "I'm happy you aren't still mad at me for taking you to James when you were drunk." I squeezed him tightly, "Really Sirius, I am."

"I'm still mad at you for taking me to James." Sirius muttered pushing me off, obviously uncomfortable with my hug, "You should have just left me." I was going to argue but he started looking around and then cursed, "Where'd Nymph go? Nymph!" he rolled his eyes at me, "She's a wanderer."

I glared at him, "Honestly Sirius you can't even keep track of your little cousin?" he frowned and I rolled my eyes remembering why Sirius was always in trouble—lack of maturity "I'll help look."

Sirius would've obviously been in heaps of trouble with his cousin if he lost Nymph because he ran off as soon as I said I'd help. I looked for the young girl with brown limp hair in braids and blue eyes. It shouldn't be too hard because everyone here was about fifteen and she looked about eight. I was looking along the edge of the pitch when someone tapped me on the shoulder and I turned to face Remus Lupin.

"Remus." I said, pushing my hair back so that it was out of my face which was sweating lightly in the sun, "You here with James?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing." Remus said, moving out of the way of one particular girl who looked annoyed at us for just standing in the crowd talking and not watching the game, which had started, "He said he was picking you up but I just saw you so I was wondering what was going on."

His accusation was simple: why are you not here with my best mate?

I made a frustrated noise and remembered I had agreed that James would pick me up from my place at noon and it was currently one thirty. God Damn it all. Remus smiled almost sadly.

"You forgot didn't you?" he asked with sympathy in his voice.

I bit my lip with worry, "I—" yeah…I'd forgotten. I'd forgotten and messed up big time.

"Lily? Thank Merlin I found-"

Oh now was not the time for him to come by! He was even dragging his cousin by the wrist and she looked like she was already about to cry. I felt like kicking myself. Remus and Sirius together was ten times worse than James and Sirius. I knew Remus was caught up in the fight and in the middle of it all—I just didn't know the exact specifications. Would they break out into an all out brawl?

Sirius had found me standing with Remus. Sirius froze in mid stride when he saw whom I was talking too and I noticed how Remus was suddenly very uncomfortable and couldn't even look at Sirius in the eye even though Sirius was staring at Remus like a dog that was in trouble with his master.

The silence couldn't have been worse. I'm pretty sure anyone within hearing range was watching. It was no secret that these two hadn't spoken in along time or even looked at each other. Remus appeared to have broken out in a sweat. I decided to break the silence.

"I left James back at my place—I'll just go look for him then?" I wanted to run of the obvious distaste in the air. I'd never seen Remus angry but he appeared furious now.

"Lily you came here with him?" Remus appeared upset and I was taken aback, "You were supposed to be with James." He was glaring at me, obviously upset. His face was contorted with anger.

"Chill out moony, Lily just forgot." Sirius placed his hand on my shoulder and I smiled softly at Remus hoping he would calm down if I acted like it was no big deal. just an accident.

Instead that made him more angry, "Lily, you were supposed to be out with James! Not with this load of shit!" He hissed, pulling me away from Sirius' side, "You can't just—James told you he was a mess!" He was babbling and looking very uncomfortable suddenly. His eyes were fluttering around us like everyone was talking about him behind his back.

"Remus." I placed my hand on his arm with worry, "It's ok. Sirius and I were just talking. I'll just go catch up with James."

"It doesn't matter." Remus said glaring at me, seeming even more upset that I'd even talked to Sirius. "You obviously wanted to be around Black instead of James anyways. I mean I always thought you were a decent girl Lily but-" I'd never seen him so angry…it was like he was completely against me being around Sirius. Sirius wasn't even able to look at me anymore; he was just listening and looked panic stricken.

"Remus what's wrong?" I asked pulling him away from the crowd that was half watching the started match and half watching Remus freak out. Sirius was standing alone with his arm around his young cousin who was too busy watching the game to pay attention to Remus getting angry over a trifle matter.

"You're looking a little pale werewolf." The new voice made my skin run cold. It was Rosier. He was at the quidditch game. I reached for my wand.

What happened next happened so fast that when I was explaining it to Marley later I could swear that Sirius had actually changed form for a second or two. Evan Rosier had hardly managed to sneer evilly at me before Sirius who was punching every part of him he could reach knocked Evan to the ground. I screamed at Sirius to stop and looked to my right to see if Remus could help but Remus had disappeared.

Remus had been the one Rosier was talking too. Rosier had called Remus Lupin a werewolf to his face. Everything, the rumors, Severus' claims, the accident, the odd disappearance every month…

I was forced back to the real life when I heard a squeal of pain come from underneath Sirius.

"Who told you?" Sirius was shouting over and over. I got a glimpse of Sirius' face…I hoped to Merlin I'd never see him that angry again.

"Sirius, Sirius!" I screamed, "_Stop_!"

I grabbed at his shoulders. Blood was on the grass and over the cheers of the Quidditch game only a few nearby had noticed what was going on. I was finally able to pull Sirius away from a groaning Evan Rosier and looked around for his cousin who had been standing inches away from me the whole time staring in horror at what her cousin had done.

We had to get out of here fast. Evans Rosier wouldn't stay down long; he was already slightly recovering enough from the punches to reach for his wand. Sirius' own wand had fallen out of his pocket and I reached for it quickly.

"Sirius you _daft_ idiot." I hissed in his ear, pushing his fallen wand into his hand, "Get us out of here before Rosier attacks your cousin."

Sirius' transport took only seconds but in that few seconds I was able to clear my head enough to realize that whatever had happened between those boys was something that was bigger than I originally thought. I also realized that James was probably not going to be happy—James was not going to be happy at all.

**~~~Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown everybody's watching to see the fallout ~~~**

"James! James Potter open the God Damn fucking door!" Peter's voice was probably the loudest I'd ever heard it and he was kicking and punching my front door like it was the bloody Berlin wall.

"Chill out Peter." I said with annoyance, "I'm not in the mood!"

I opened the door hoping that my face conveyed the amount of annoyance I had for Peter currently. Lily's absence today had already turned me sour. I couldn't believe she'd forgotten about our date. If it was even a date we had planned. We were supposed to go out. Peter was out of breath from attacking the door like an idiot but he still seemed to have enough energy to grab my hand and yank me to his height.

"James! Remus! Werewolf! Sirius! Rosier!"

I frowned instantly; all of the words I'd managed to grab from him did not make me feel very comfortable. In fact I felt a little sick to my stomach. What had happened?

Peter grabbed enough air in his lungs to say quickly, "Someone told Rosier, Remus' secret and Sirius went bloody bollocks on Rosier." I stared at Peter in shock before processing the entire sentence.

I was instantly very happy I had my wand in hand because I had disappeared off my doorstep faster than you could say Quidditch. I didn't care that Peter probably had no idea where I was going. I didn't care that Lily left me anymore. All I cared about was getting a hold of Sirius and Remus to find out what happened.

Something was wrong.

Sirius' flat was silent when I first stepped up to the door but then I heard voices from within. I grabbed the handle and yanked hard entering without a care in the world.

"Sirius fucking Black! _Padfoot_!" I shouted angrily, as I kicked various cans of beer out of my way "You are in so much trouble! I hope Remus ripped your fucking head off! I hope he went completely werewolf on you. I hope you are dead! You had better explain to me how Evan fucking Ros-"

What I found wasn't Sirius looking sheepish or annoyed or bleeding profusely…what I found instead was Sirius being nursed for a black eye only and by his eight-year-old cousin. Lily Evans was also in the room looked extremely overwhelmed and half shouting at Sirius. Her face was red and one of the straps of her dress was hanging off her shoulder as she was shouting in her very loud and very angry voice.

"You can't just attack people like that Sirius!" she was shouting but she turned and when she saw me she appeared stricken, "James!" She and Sirius spoke my name in unison.

Sirius pushed himself off the couch and grabbed me by the shoulders looking anxious. All hell had officially broken loose.

"James," he rushed his words, "Rosier _knows_. I swear I didn't say anything. You have to find Remus…he ran off."

"James," Lily pushed Sirius back down on his couch, "I'm so sorry about this morning I—"

I cut her off, "I'll find Remus." I turned on my heel and raced out of the room not able to take the confusion anymore. Why was she here with Sirius? Had she been with him this morning when she was supposed to have been with me? Why were they with Remus? And why did Rosier know about Remus?

Who else knew?

How much did they _know_?

**~~~Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown everybody's watching to see the fallout ~~~**

James always found me during moments like this. I always came to the same spot. I was always between the whomping willow and the shrieking shack under the ground. I was always in the little alcove. I was always contemplating taking my own life. Who cared to find me? No one but James.

"Remus," his wand was illuminating the hallways and throwing shadows all over me when he finally came. His black hair was sticking up every which way and he was covered in dirt and grime. "Remus it's okay."

"You always say that." I hissed, "Everyone knows. It's over. I'm over. Dumbledore will never let me back in school." I felt a tear leave my eye and I brushed it away with my sleeve, "I'm a monster."

"Remus." James' wand fell to the earth and he climbed next to me like we were still fifteen. "I'm sorry someone else knows but you don't know how many people know. You have to come back to Sirius' with me."

"No!" I cried, sitting up and looking at his worried face in the dark, "James I can't talk to him! This is his entire fault! If he hadn't played that stupid prank on Snape—"

"I know!" James stressed, "But you can't stay under here forever. I can't let you do that."

I frowned, without me James would be just fine. I can't even imagine what his parents would've thought if they were still alive to find out. I can't imagine what Lily must think—she was there to witness the rumor coming alive. The rumor was true.

I drug my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on my knees. "I'm a monster." I whispered again.

"Rosier's the monster in this world." James answered back, "You can't let him win. This is what he wants Moony."

"Why would he do this?" I felt like I was a little boy—bitten—asking my father why it had happened.

"I don't know." James' voice answered sadly.

My dad had answered the exact same way.


	11. Animal

**Chapter 11:**

**All of these words whispered in my ear,**

**Tell a story that I cannot bear to hear,**

**Just 'cause I said it, it don't mean that I meant it,**

**People say crazy things,**

**Just 'cause I said it, don't mean that I meant it,**

**Just 'cause you heard it…**

_Lily,_

_Remus Lupin is evidently a werewolf! Can you believe it? It's all over school!_

_Marlene_

_**Evan,**_

_**Is it true what you said at the match about Remus Lupin?**_

_**Anna**_

_Anna,_

_I heard it myself from a reliable source. That monster won't be back at Hogwarts if my dad can help it._

_Evan_

"Lily you don't understand. It isn't my place to tell you anything."

Sirius had taken his cousin back to her home after making her swear she wouldn't say anything to anyone about what had happened. I gave it five days before the eight year old cracked and let it slip she's watched Sirius pound the living daylights out of Rosier. Once he'd gotten back to his flat he found me sitting and waiting to interrogate him.

The only thing I had managed to gather in the past hour or two was the fact that Remus Lupin was a werewolf and his friends were tangled up in the rumors surrounding him. It was still a little confusing to as how Sirius was in trouble for Rosier knowing about Remus. If Severus was a part of this…

I frowned at Sirius who looked peeved, "Sirius, I'm trying to understand! This whole mess is confusing!" I smacked the table with my hand causing more than one beer can to roll off.

Sirius shook his head and took a drag of his cigarette so he wouldn't have to say anything. I jutted out my chin with annoyance at how secretive Sirius was being. I'd seen and heard everything today…nothing else could be that big of a secret.

I tapped my foot eyeing how dirty the carpet was with mud and old food and booze. Sirius was a true bachelor and he hadn't even left school yet. I snuck a peek and noticed his eyes were trained on the door, waiting patently for James and Remus to walk through the door.

A half hour passed and still no James or Remus. I took it upon myself to at least clean up the place a bit. Sirius didn't stop me as I went around collecting the beer cans and looking for any excuse to stay busy.

I could place three positives about the boys who I had only just recently started understanding. One was that kind and thoughtful Remus Lupin was a werewolf. Second came the fact that Sirius was in trouble for breaking it about Remus to someone. Third was that everything that Severus Snape had tried telling me way back when we were mates was totally and completely true.

The memories came flooding back like a movie playing in my head.

"_There's something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?" Severus asked with a tone of hinting in his voice. I was so tired of him. I was so tired of him trying to be my friend after what he'd said last year._

_I felt my face turn redder with anger towards Sev who was so worried about those boys, "He's ill. They say he's ill —" I defended poor Remus Lupin who couldn't seem to catch a break from all the rumors._

_"Every month at the full moon?" his eyes bore into me and my stomach tingled as I realized what he was trying to suggest._

_My blood felt like it had turned to stone. Dumbledore would never let a werewolf into the school but then again it was odd…but it wasn't our business. My annoyance with Sev had probably reached its peak anyways. "I know your theory,"_

_And even if it's true Sev doesn't need to know that. And I don't think anyone did. Something like that deserved to be kept a secret._

_I snapped at Sev "Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they're doing at night?"_

The memories caused me to stop what I was doing and glanced over at Sirius once more. His gaze hadn't lifted from the doorway the entire time. What had they been up to at night? Running around with a werewolf? Everyone knew the boys knew the castle better than anyone else. They were all exceptionally bright with a gift for trouble making. They kept their secrets—it was probably why they were so popular.

"I found him!" James' voice carried through the house, "Sirius!"

Sirius was out the sitting room door before I had a chance to even react. Remus and James were back. I walked slowly through the door to gaze around the corner, debating how to react. James was standing with his arm around Remus and they were both covered in dirt and grime like they'd been digging around in the dirt. Peter Pettigrew was here as well but that didn't surprise me—Peter was the other member of their small clan.

They were silent with Peter, Remus, and James all facing Sirius who had his head bent. I took this moment to step out into the view of them all. Peter looked at me in surprise. James rose one eyebrow as I came to stand beside Sirius who looked at me with an unreadable look. I had both eyes trained on Remus.

I had known Remus Lupin for seven years of my life. Never once had I felt fear around him. Never once had he given me a reason to never want to speak to him. Never once had he given me a reason to distrust him. His eyes were currently looking to the floor in shame even though his friends stood around him to show their support. Remus was a werewolf. Remus changed into a monster once a month. The rumors, the fights, the disappearing, the missing classes had all been because of Remus.

"Hi Lily." Came his soft voice.

Remus wouldn't even look me in the eyes and I swore I saw tears drifting down his face.

"Oh come here Remus." Without a second thought I stepped forward and grabbed him into a hug.

"Lily can you please leave." Remus' voice was muffled in my ear as he lightly hugged me back. The hug was awkward and I could tell through his voice he was uncomfortable.

I stepped back and made sure to take a good look at Remus. Remus wasn't even looking at me anymore; he was looking at Sirius who was rubbing his arm nervously. I bit my lip, worried that this fight would severe any hope of reconciliation between the boys and Sirius. Someone took my arm and I looked into James' dark hazel eyes.

"Come on Lily, I'll take you home." His voice was cool towards me and his grip on my upper arm was tight.

I followed James out the door with only a small smile from Peter to remind me that I was probably seen as an intrusion in these boys' lives. The door shut before I could make sure that Sirius was okay.

"Shouldn't someone stay to make sure they don't rip each other to shreds?" I voiced my opinion as James led me to the end of the street.

James didn't answer me, which rather surprised me. We disappeared and appeared a few blocks from my place in an alleyway. I held onto his hand so he couldn't let it go and walk out of the safety of the alley. James looked down at me and I noted how his face held a cold as stone expression in my direction. He was mad at me for forgetting this morning about our date to the quidditch game. I think. Sometimes with James I never did know.

"Your mad." I noted, locking my fingers in his tightly, "I want to apologize for earlier."

"You were with him." James looked hurt now as his eyes reached mine. "You said you wanted to be picked up at noon."

I was surprised to see how upset he was. Actually, no I wasn't. I'd promised them both and it had been a mistake I had been hoping I could fix. I bit my lip and let go of his hand, staring bashfully up at him.

"I'd accidently promised you both and was so worried that you might kill each other once you ran into each other at the park that I forgot that I promised you could pick me up." I explained as I pushed my bangs back into the braid I'd twirled my hair into, "It was an accident. And this whole thing with Remus…"

James' expression turned sour and he turned to walk towards my place. I fell into step beside him as rain from the dark grey sky fell lightly onto our heads. James glanced down at me once or twice but he didn't speak at all. I felt that whatever we had managed to become in the past couple weeks was ruined by today's drama at the quidditch match. It worried me greatly and I was afraid when he said goodbye at the porch he wouldn't come back.

I didn't know how much I liked James Potter until the threat of losing his friendship worried me like it did. It always took me the moment of losing James to remember just how much a part of my life he'd become. He and I would always fight or disagree but at the end of the day we'd always come back together. I hoped this time it would be the same way.

My house appeared empty which didn't surprise me. James dropped me off and he gave me a breathy goodbye, probably planning to go right to Remus and the others. When he didn't look me in the eye I knew that he was still upset over today. I knew he probably wouldn't make me a top priority. I needed to be.

"James, wait…"

I pulled him by his shoulder to face me and leaned on my tiptoes to kiss him lightly on the lips. It was so quick it was almost like it didn't happen. I let myself fall flat on my feet again with only my hand lingering on his face. His face was surprised and I watched as his face turned red earning a small smile from his befuddled face.

"It really was an accident." I promised sincerely to him, "I was coming to find you when Rosier started the fight."

My kiss had done the trick. Whatever had been bugging him was done and a smile lightened his face for a moment, just a moment long enough for him to place a kiss on my forehead and him to promise, "I'll be back tomorrow." He was gone off my porch in seconds, which earned him a momentary frown from me. He would always forget I lived around muggles.

Whatever tomorrow had to bring, I was happy it officially included him and I hoped that I could finally understand the mess that the rumors had derived from in the first place.

**~~~Rumor has it she's the one I'm leaving you for~~~**

I'd always been so protective of our secrets. I was a Potter and I kept secrets well. All of my family had practically been born to keep secrets. I didn't understand how Rosier could have found out about Remus. Remus even said he's seen Sirius react surprised at the statement. That meant that Sirius wasn't the culprit and despite however much I couldn't stand the thought of it—Severus Snape had told Rosier the truth and there was no way to prove it.

Lily's kiss had left me momentarily giddy but with the threat of what awaited me back at Sirius' flat my good mood had almost vanished. Sirius' place was certainly drabby and held a permanent aura of grey around it. I knew it had once belonged to his Uncle but the place was so small and cold I couldn't understand how Sirius could stand to live in it.

I stepped inside the small shack to find Sirius, Remus, and Peter in the same place I left them. It appeared that Peter was sitting in between them trying to get either of them to talk. All three looked up when they saw me walk in and Peter jumped up to grab me before the other two could. I followed Peter's gaze to Remus who appeared miserable.

"As much as I can tell, this time tomorrow everyone will know." Peter told me.

"Fucking hell." Remus put his hands on his ears like he didn't want to hear anymore.

"I wish I could've killed him." Sirius hissed, leaning against the dirty hallway wall in anger, "The fucking git just asked to get murdered."

"Shut it, Sirius." I addressed the boy looking for any reason to g after Rosier again, "I don't need you in Azkaban."

At the mention of Azkaban, the wizards prison we all went completely silent. We were all in trouble if the whole story got out. Sirius, Peter, and I would be locked up for illegally becoming shape shifters called Animagi at the age of fifteen to accompany Remus out on his full moon nights.

"I mean no one really knows that we're animagi." Peter whispered, "We can't go to jail if they don't know."

"And nobody is going to know." Remus said, his voice hoarse. We all looked his way to see his face sat in anger, "because the three of you are forbidden to come out with me on full moons now."

I rolled my eyes, Remus had tried reinforcing this to me all summer but I knew it wouldn't stop me from joining him in September when he turned into the wolf inside him. Remus (no matter how much he tried to deny it) was safer and happier with at least one of us. We kept him in watch and we made sure that full moons were a positive thing.

Until recently with the prank on Severus Snape—full moons had been our favorite times of the month. Once the accident happened Remus shut himself away in the basement of his parent's old place refusing to let anyone near him. He wouldn't even let me in and I could easily control Remus in his form in my stag form.

"What are we going to do about Rosier?" Sirius asked.

Of course the one thing on his mind was revenge.

"Nothing." I answered looking at Sirius who was brushing his fingers through his shoulder length hair to pull it back into a pony tail, "Rosier obviously wasn't the culprit in this. Snape was and we don't even have proof."

"Everyone knows by now considering I heard it from Darcy Coupe in Ravenclaw." Peter said, "And she knew because her sister Anna was at the match right near the fight."

I frowned lightly. Everyone would know that Remus was a werewolf. I'd always told myself that this would never happen. That we'd keep the secret safe and sound. I could see everyone treating him differently. Hogwarts wouldn't be the same: n one would trust him at all. Parents would call in complaining to the Headmaster Dumbledore.

Dumbledore.

What would he do? Since it was Rosier who said something we have no way of proving Snape started it.

"Lily took the news well." Sirius commented from his spot on the floor, "Always knew she had to know something."

"What do you mean?" I snapped at him, feeling the jealousy of his and Lily's relationship claw at my stomach again.

Sirius shrugged, "well, she was best friends with Severus Snape. I had a feeling he tried to tell her."

I thought about how calm she had acted. Most people I knew would have run away as soon as Remus entered through that door. People did not react calmly to werewolves. Most werewolves have given themselves a reason to be hated—Remus was one of a kind. I made it a priority to talk to her about Severus Snape tomorrow when I went to go see her…I felt the familiar tingles in my hands as I remembered that she'd kissed me.

"I think I'm going to go home." Remus stood up from his spot, "I'm not feeling well."

"Of course you bleeding aren't!" Sirius exclaimed, jumping up, "The whole bloody fucking world knows our secret now and it's all my fault." I noted that Sirius appeared convinced that we were dropping all accusations against him. I realized he thought that we were welcoming him back with open arms. I certainly wasn't going to completely disregard him anymore. He'd proven that he was still loyal—but he still was the reason this whole thing had happened.

I almost winced at seeing Remus' face turn cold at Sirius, "First off," Remus snapped, "You are damn right this is your fault. Second off, this is _my_ secret. Back off."

The silence could cut a bloke. Sirius looked broken.

"I'm going to come with you moony." Peter picked up his wand from its spot on the end table and follow Remus to the front door behind me, "I think you should get something to eat and rest."

Remus sighed, "I'm fine Peter."

"That's bollocks." Peter answered, "and you know it. I'm coming."

I watched them leave, mentally reminding myself to grab some butterbeer and chocolate for the long night ahead as Remus' left hand man. I turned back to Sirius who was clearly hurt by Remus' snap. Sirius reminded me so much of his animagus form—a large black dog. If he were in form his tail would be between his legs and his head would be bent to the ground in disappointment and shame.

"It serves you right you know." I told him, "Snape wouldn't have known if it wasn't for you."

Sirius sat back down against the wall, no doubt wishing for a cigarette right now. He always smoked when he was confronted.

"I know." He didn't even try fighting it. "I'm an idiot."

He didn't even try and that's what made me remember the one time we'd gotten into a fight. The one time we'd ever spoken out of turn to each other. Sirius was a fighter and to hear him give up so easily reminded me that even Sirius was broken up by this mess.

"Later Sirius." I offered, glancing at him feeling almost sorry for him as I left to go try and help calm Remus down more.

**~~~Rumor has it you've been telling people things you shouldn't be~~~**

The tavern was dark and musty someplace in Albania. The tavern was actually abandoned. The perfect spot to interrogate a spy. My cousin Bella would pay to be in my shoes right now. She would say it was an honor to accompany him everywhere. I pretended it was a honor for my own sake but I was de-glorified of all of this. I just wanted to go back to Hogwarts next week when school started up.

The Dark Lord sat talking to a mysterious lady in silver robes who was also looking very nervous. I was carving my initials into the table with my wand. I was named after a star—my whole family's first name was a bright star in the constellations. I was named Regulus but I liked my brother Sirius' name better.

I heard the Dark lord whispering to the last under his voice and I heard the lady answer back in frustrated tones. The time spent scaring people into giving information was most of the Dark Lords time. The lady the Dark Lord currently spoke to had been spying on Garfield Grant, head of The Department of Mysteries. She hadn't done a good job. "I don't know!" was the answer I kept hearing.

I'd spent the past two days under his watchful eye, getting him food and his favorite tea. His pet snake Nagini was close at his side. He was a cold-blooded murderer and I was his servant.

"Dinner Nagini." his voice was annoying in my head and the flash of green light along with the scream made me wince. Another useless kill. He wanted information on time travel—information only a handful actually knew a lot about.

Someone needed to stop him but The Dark Lord never failed to remind us he'd taken lots of precautions to make sure that he could never be killed. Some say he'd found the fountain of youth and kept drinking water from it. Some say he had made a shield powerful enough to protect hi from anything. The rumors were always behind his back and were getting more ridiculous as new recruits were inducted. I may not be the brightest but I'm not stupid.

I had a feeling it was something simpler: something easy and something that involved a lot of dark magic.


	12. Dirty Little Secret

**Chapter 12:**

**I've been up all night drinking**

**To drown my sorrow down**

**Nothing seems to help me since you went away**

**I'm so tired of this town**

**Where every tongue is wagging**

**When every back is turned**

**Their telling secrets that should never be revealed**

**There's nothing to be gained from this**

**But disaster…**

The daft idiot was sleeping. Beer cans littered the floor around him as well as cigarettes. I can't believe he ran around with a werewolf—protected a werewolf. Disgusting blood and a warped brain was all Sirius Black had going for him. That and a fetish for a muggle born with the dirtiest blood at Hogwarts.

If it were me I would've waited up all night and put protective spells all over my house. Sirius Black was going to pay for jumping me at that Quidditch Game—Sirius Black was going to pay because I hated him. I hated him. I hated the fact that the Dark Lord wanted him. He was nothing special—not even his mates or family wanted anything to do with him.

I sneered as I pointed my wand and whispered the incantation.

Sirius Black was going to get worse than a black eye.

**~~~Did you hear about my friend? He's embarrassed to be seen now because we all know his sins~~~**

I couldn't sleep all night. Everything that had happened had made me even more excited to see James. Our kiss kept making my stomach flip. Remus' secret kept making memories resurface. Sev's claims last year started pulling together the rumors. My father's snores seemed louder than normal. The rain hitting the ceiling kept making my head pound with a headache. The only thing that finally made me fall asleep was Tundra coming in around three in the morning and sleeping beside me.

I found cleaning was my way to keep my mind busy. As I waited for James to appear at my place I cleaned the kitchens, the bathrooms, and my own room. I made a lemon pound cake to serve with the sweet lemonade I'd made. My sister had gone out with her boyfriend and my dad was out golfing. Neither of them knew what had been going on in my life and I didn't plan on letting them know.

I changed into my robes, wanting to feel at home. The cloak fell over my shoulders comfortably and the dark blue color reminded me of the summer sky at Hogwarts. I found an old Coupes Blowing Gum in the pocket and as I was throwing it away the doorbell rang. I found myself running to the door—and then walking because I was suddenly nervous.

It was just James.

James who was a part of the biggest secret in all of Hogwarts. James who was probably the topic all over now for his friendship to a werewolf. James who didn't care about any of this. Just James. I opened the door and James was standing there with a bundle of pretty sunflowers in his hand and a smile on his face.

"Hi Lily. These are from Remus." He held out the flowers and I took them.

"He got me flowers?" I questioned, smelling the sweet smell all while keeping my eyes trained on James who was looking rather nervous—just like me.

"Not really." James answered, grabbing my free hand, "I just didn't want to seem like I was trying too hard."

I blush crept up my face and I tried not to seem like he was already getting to me. I rolled my eyes even though my insides were tingling.

"Please." I said with a short laugh, "you always try to hard."

I didn't let go of his hand as I led him inside and he didn't let go of mine. Marlene would die when I told her. Although judging on her letter—she was more concerned with werewolves running around Hogwarts. James and I entered the kitchen where I'd set out plates and drinks on the table.

"This is nice." James commented as I let go of him to place the yellow sunflowers in a vase.

"I didn't want to seem like I was trying to hard." I answered smoothly as I pointed him to a chair, "Besides I have a few questions."

James' hand immediately jumped to his hair with nerves, "Can we not?" he asked, "I just spent a night with Remus who is on the verge of a mental breakdown."

All playfulness had disappeared and I sat down in the chair next to James. I glanced at him with worry in my throat. Remus hadn't deserved any of this. The whole school probably knew now the way that rumors travel through Hogwarts.

"Will he be okay?" I asked.

"Well Peter and I have stopped his owl post for now so as long as he never see's the hate mail…" James said this so nonchalantly like he'd done it plenty of times before.

"Hate mail?" I hissed, "Who could ever hate Remus?" the words left my mouth before I could even consider them. People hated me for my heritage and I was just muggle born. I can't imagine being deemed a monster in everyone's eyes. Everyone at Hogwarts must've written Remus.

James saw my face and frowned even more, "Ah Lil." He said, turning his chair to face me, "Don't worry to much. Peter and I stayed up all night trying to plan out a way to keep Remus under check. We're never letting him go alone anywhere anymore. Remus will be fine once something bigger hits the Hogwarts rumor mill."

I had a feeling James was simply trying to paint a brighter picture since I was around. To break the silence I grabbed the bread and gave him a piece, happily watching him scarf it down, and then another.

"These are amazing." He told me as he ate his third, "You didn't have to make this." He then winked, "But I'm so happy you did."

I let my mouth lift into a smile before saying, "Sirius loves them too."

His face soured, "Really Lily?" he said, throwing down his last piece and glaring at me, "Your bringing him into the conversation?"

"I needed to somehow." I answered, pushing my hair off my shoulder, "You won't talk about him otherwise."

"I don't want to." He answered, sullen.

"Fine." I figured he'd give me trouble. He always did when it came to Sirius. "I just want you to know that Sirius almost beat the pulp out of Rosier to defend Remus." I poked his shoulder to get him to look directly into my eyes. James was frowning but he held my gaze, "I realize you think he deserves you and your mates ignoring him but James—at least try."

"I think you should realize Lily," he said softly, "That Remus wouldn't like that at all."

I remembered how hurt Remus was and I thought about everything that was going to happen when we got back to Hogwarts. Remus is going to be completely judged for what he is. He won't have a lot of friends and people will be frightened of him. He'll look for the only people willing to be his friend…Sirius will be right there waiting with his arms open wide.

"I think in time he will." I answered.

James didn't answer, just watched me watching him. "You think you have us figured out don't you?" he asked me after a moment.

I snorted at that comment, "No." I answered, "I already knew most of the story thanks to Severus." I watched his eyes spark with interest so I continued, "Sev told me what he thought Remus was right after you saved him from the monster underneath the willow. I had a feeling the monster might've been Remus…yes?"

James ran his fingers across my face, looking at me in a new light, "Snape told you about Remus?"

I nodded "Last year after you evidently saved him." I answered, bumps running along my face where his fingers touched, "I told him to keep his nose out of it—and it turns out he was right about Remus. About you." I eyed him; "You saved Sev from Remus…but who told him to go find Remus?"

James looked guilty, "It's my fault Sirius told Snape." He answered softly, "It was right after Rosier attacked you in the hallway and Remus found you. That night when you kissed me—well things changed between us."

I felt the same pain as before when that accident had happened, "How does Sev fall into this?" I was almost afraid to ask but I felt like I needed to know everything.

"Remus said he saw Snape there too and Sirius took it upon himself to go find Rosier and Snape. Sirius used to look for any excuse to get Snape." It was like I was getting an inside look at how they boys worked. James watched me closely as he explained, "The next night was a full moon and Snape happened to be sticking pretty close to us all day watching us. It got on Sirius' nerves the most. He told Snape behind all our backs to go to the willow where Remus goes to transform…"

I was playing it out in my head. Everything was fitting together like a puzzle.

"I only heard about it with enough time to run to the willow and grab Snape. He still saw Remus at the end of the hallway though. We were all suspended for three days, Sirius was almost expelled, Remus was a broken mess, and Snape was sworn to secrecy."

I remembered how all the boys had gone missing and the rumors that had been floating around. It was all true. James had saved Sev from a monster—but not the type of monster I had thought. The only person in the story with a flaw was Sirius who I now realized was the way he was because of his screw up. I looked at James who was watching me closely, probably waiting for a reaction.

I was unable to produce anything but "Goodness Merlin you boys are messed up."

He laughed, "I know it."

I brushed my fingers through my hair as I thought about everything I knew and only one piece of the puzzle was missing. How did James, Sirius, and Peter fit into the mix? How did they find out and why were the running around with Remus without worrying at all? Remus might be a nice bloke but as far as I understood from books, werewolves were nasty in their full moon form.

I didn't expect him to kiss me so when his lips landed against mine I was slightly taken aback by his closeness. His lips were so soft against my own and his arms wrapped around me pulling me closer. I remembered that the last time we had truly been this close was the same night he pushed me away.

I wasn't about to let that happen again.

I melted into his kiss. Sitting in the chair properly was awkward and I twisted my body to face him. Our legs molded together and his lips retreated only for a moment before reattaching to me with such force that our lips were forcing each other's mouth open. He tasted like the lemon I'd used to make the lemonade and was sweet and sour at once. It only made me want to kiss him more.

"You taste like lemonade." I murmured against his lips earning a smile from him as he pulled away to place his forehead against mine.

"Sorry?" he said with a twist in his tone.

"Don't apologize." I answered giggling, "it's lovely."

"Remind me to go find lemon mouthwash." He winked, grabbing my hand and smiling goofily at me.

I laughed and brushed my hand across his cheek, "Why'd you kiss me?" I asked like I was a teenaged girl sitting in the back of a car with her new crush. I chucked a bit and added, "Not that I didn't like it but it was a little unexpected."

His brown eyes were not moving from my face as he answered, "Because I wanted to. I'm sorry for everything that's happened and that you had to get dragged into it."

He felt sorry for me. I needed a minute to get through everything that had happened. I broke away from his hold and let the feelings overwhelming me. We both sat in the kitchen just watching each other. Silence is everything at times like this. It lets a person think and we had a lot to think about.

**~~~Did you hear about my friend? He's embarrassed to be seen now because we all know his sins~~~**

I was burning; the heat was stinging my skin. It reminded me of my namesake the star, Sirius. Clever way to die—burning up like a star.

The smoke was clogging my airways and I was coughing but no one was around to hear me. I'd woken up from a dream with the flames at my door, someone had torched my place—magic or not everything I owned was under flames. I shifted my way over to the window, the flames licking my shirt as I skirted away. The window was locked and my wand was missing from my bedside table.

I was going to die.

I heard glass break from behind me and arms grabbed me and pulled me out the window. The smoke had caused my vision to go hazy. That with the mixture of the drink I had drunk last night after all the boys had left me.

"You're going to be ok." A light airy voice promised, "I'm Amelia Jenkinson."

I coughed deeply, feeling like I had smoked at least thirty packs of cigarettes at once. What the Hell had happened?

"Dumbledore just messaged us Amelia." A deeper voice spoke, "He's a student at Hogwarts."

I made it my mission to see their faces now. These weren't mugges saving me from the fire…these were wizards. I squeezed my eyes shut—the tears from the smoke running down my cheeks. My hands must've been burned well because they felt like they were on fire.

"What's going on?" I managed to choke out, "Who are you?"

I don't think anyone heard me and before I knew it I could feel magic seeping through my fingers and I was asleep.

**~~~Did you hear about my friend? He's embarrassed to be seen now because we all know his sins~~~**

It felt so nice being able to be with her hand in mine as we walked along together to the safe spot for me to apparate. We walked slowly letting the events of the past couple of weeks sink in. I glanced in her direction hoping to catch her off guard. She was staring off into the distance with a small smile on her face. She was probably the best thing this summer. Probably the best thing ever.

"I had a nice time today. Sorry I couldn't stay longer." I told her as we reached the point in the shadowy path where I could apparate easily without being seen.

I watched as she lifted her smile even more as she glanced in my direction, "Thanks for coming by James." She stood on her tip-toes and hugged me, "You'll make sure to tell Remus hello for me."

"He'll be alright." I promised her, "Peter and I will watch over him."

Her eyes ere searching mine as if looking for some answers. She always did that when she wanted to ask a question. I waited for her to ask whatever was running around in her brain but it appeared that she didn't want to because she let go of my hand and smiled softly up at me, taking a step back. I ruffled my black hair and eyed her even closer. Her red hair fell perfectly across her shoulder and her robes were blowing softly in the wind. The intimidating look in her green eyes as she stared at me was making my stomach flip.

"What?" I whispered, unsure of why she was simply standing there staring at me.

"Nothing." She told me with a blush creeping up her cheeks, "Goodbye James."

I thought she was going to kiss me again, I hoped she would kiss me again but she walked away without even looking back.

"Lily!" I called after her, not wanting to go but knowing I needed too.

She turned back to face me with a befuddled look on her face.

"I'll see you tomorrow Head Girl?" it was a question and a statement rolled into one sentence and it made her face break into a smile.

"Tomorrow then Head Boy." Her voice answered teasingly.

I disappeared watching her wave goodbye with a brighter smile on her face. I felt the constricting pushes from the magic as he transported me to outside Peter's house. The small cottage was in a small town not to far from Lily's and reminded me of something out of a fairytale. Mrs. Pettigrew was an old widow with blond hair. I found her resting on the porch with a book and pen. She wrote from the Daily Prophet and spoiled Peter rotten and he was almost as spoiled as I was.

"Hello Mrs. Pettigrew." I offered my smile to the older woman who lifted her eyes from her book.

"James." She nodded her head, "Peter and Remus are in the back doing their bookwork."

I found this statement hard to believe considering Remus was the type of bloke to have his homework done ahead of time and Peter was the bloke to copy off of homework so that he wouldn't have to drag his books out. I also highly doubted it because Remus was probably too much of a mess to think about schoolwork. Not that Mrs. Pettigrew knew anything. Not yet anyways.

I went around the fence to the backyard, a small grassy area that included a garden for Mrs. Pettigrew. I saw Peter and Remus sitting near the garden, eating plums from the small plum tree. They both sent me a small smile as I sat down and grabbed a plum. We all sat there in silence, eating, none of us willing to make the first move to talk.

I don't know how long we sat there. I would've been talking about my kiss with Lily but I felt it was inappropriate for a time like this and I knew my mates didn't exactly approve of Lily being around and in our conversations more than once a day. We were the marauders…despite missing one marauder due to complications.

"I wrote Dumbledore." Remus finally murmured, "I told him it was ok if he didn't want me back."

"What?!" Peter and I burst out in anger.

Remus didn't even look at us, just at the ground in shame, "I'm a werewolf. I shouldn't be at Hogwarts."

"You belong at Hogwarts more than half the idiots there!" Peter exclaimed, chucking his plum into the garden, "Moony you are top of the class!"

Remus snorted, "Being clever and top of my class doesn't make me any better. I should be living on the streets."

"Like Hell I'd even let you live on the streets." I snapped at Remus who eyed me with his pitiful face on. "Remus you know Dumbledore isn't like other people—he won't make you leave Hogwarts."

"I don't want to go back to Hogwarts." Remus snapped back, pushing himself into a crossed position.

"Bollocks." I snorted, kneeling on my knees to look down at Remus, "Hogwarts is our home."

Peter nodded enthusiastically and Remus ignored both of us, staring at the grass. Fine, if he was going to be stupid…I stood up which got both Remus and Peter to glance at me in interest.

"Where are you going?" Remus asked, a tone of fear in his voice.

"Write Dumbledore myself." I answered, "And tell him my best mate Remus deserves more than anything to finish up his last year of Hogwarts."

I didn't bother glancing back to see Remus' expression. I went inside Peter's house and grabbed a pen and a quill.

Lily had been right, once we get back to Hogwarts people would treat Remus different and he'd only have our shoulders to lean on. I'd known Remus personally for the past seven years of our lives and I wasn't about to let him live on the streets because people found out he was a werewolf. Remus deserves more than that.

I was just finishing up the letter when Peter came into the kitchen a sad look on his face.

"Remus left." Peter said, "He's angry at you."

"Let him be." I answered, signing my name on the paper, "he's being stupid."

I sent the owl out right before leaving Peter's place. I had figured I'd go to Remus' place and make sure he wasn't trying to do anything else stupid. I made a quick pit stop at my place to pick up a clean shirt and just as I was about to go find Remus my house elf came to grab me and handed me a letter that came while I was out. It was in a Ministry sealed envelope and bore the seal of the Auror team.

It was about Sirius.

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_This morning at approximately 3 am a Mr. Sirius Black's house caught on fire from an act of violence and vandalism. He was brought to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries for burn recovery and when we contacted his family they directed us to you. Please arrive in a timely manor to the Hospital in order to pick up his paperwork and speak to a healer about his condition._

_Respectfully,_

_Amelia Jenkinson_


	13. Consider This

**Chapter 13:**

**I've tripped again and things are starting to get interesting**

**Don't give me choices cause I can't decide**

**My mind is soaked in words**

**I've come to terms with all my insecurities**

**And purity's no friend of mine…**

**Consider this a warning**

**Cause I'll start another fight**

**And you'll say it's all right**

**I'll wait for the day when you find I'm too much for you, baby.**

_**Lily,**_

_**Sirius is in the hospital; I'm going to get him. I'll come pick you up later assuming you even want to see him.**_

_**James**_

_Lily,_

_Why haven't you been answering my letters? You've dropped off the face of the earth! Remus Lupin is a fucking werewolf and Sirius Black is in the hospital! What the hell have you been up too?!_

_Marley_

**Marlene,**

**You can come by if you like. I'm sorry for not answering your letters. James sent a letter by to let me know about Sirius and I'm going to head to James' flat as soon as Sirius is released from the hospital.**

**Lily**

"Why is it always those boys who get into all the trouble?" Marley was sitting in my living room examining her nails, which she'd been polishing with her own magically enchanted nail polish.

I shrugged, fidgeting in my seat as I glanced out the window just to see if James had apparated back again to take me to his place. James had sent me a letter earlier and I'd been on the edge of my seat since. Sirius was in the hospital and rumor has it that his place was burned to the ground. Marley noted my absence to the actual conversation and waved her hand in front of my face with irritation.

"Hey, anyone home?" she asked, "You've been practically ignoring me."

"Sorry." I murmured, dragging my eyes away from the window and back to Marley's tanned face, "I'm just worried about Sirius and James."

Marlene rose one pale blond eyebrow in surprise, "I thought we had both decided you can't be friends with both of them—not only that but James Potter obviously knew Remus Lupin was a werewolf and I'd steer clear of all of them if I were you."

I glared at Marlene in a way that would send James and Sirius cowering if they were here, Marlene was just a bit harder to intimidate. Indeed, Marley flipped her blond hair over her shoulder and looked at me prudently.

"Lily." She said my name with exasperation, "You can't honestly want to hang around a werewolf…they're dangerous!" she made a clawing and biting motion as if to prove her point but it only made me roll my eyes. Marlene put a hand on her shoulder, "Lily hanging around those boys—all of them—is obviously _stupid_. Sirius Black is in the fucking hospital and Remus Lupin is a werewolf!"

I felt like we were back in fifth year when she was trying to tell me Severus Snape was bad for me as well. Marlene always liked telling me who I could and could not hang out with. I pursed my lips in her direction, becoming more and more annoyed with Marlene's prejudice instantly, "You shut you mouth Marlene McKinnon! You don't know a damn thing about those boys."

I think my coming to their defense so quickly threw Marlene over the edge because she drew back her hand in shock and stood up off the couch, dropped her enchanted nail polish, and glared rudely at me.

"Fine." Marlene stated simply, "You go off and have a grand time getting your face fucking torn off by one of those idiots. They're probably all werewolves." And she walked out.

My best friend since the first year of Hogwarts walked out of my house after calling the guy I'd most recently snogged, his best mate, and his other best mate a bunch of werewolves. I threw a pillow to show off my irritated state and Tundra left the room as I started shouting obscenities.

I couldn't believe Marley thought Remus Lupin was all of a sudden _dangerous_ because the truth came out about him being a werewolf. Why the hell was that so bad? It was like being prejudiced against me for my birth to two non-magical parents: stupid and pointless.

**~~~But don't bother wasting your time if you're trying to change me~~~**

"Mr. Potter if you please, right through here." The pretty auror with the mousy brown hair and bright blue eyes led me along the hallways of the Hospital.

She had introduced herself as Amelia Jenkinson before straightening the square framed glasses on her face and motioning for me to follow. I was required to give my wand at the front of the hospital for them to make sure I was actually James Potter and not an imposter. The worker who seemed more interested in her Witch Weekly than anything had given it back to me grudgingly and I'd almost wished I hadn't come to help Sirius.

Hell, I almost hadn't come because it was Sirius.

On the other hand the letter Jenkinson had sent me really worried me. Sirius' house had been set on fire—why? Sirius might be a troublemaker but I doubted he set this fire in his own place. I knew that he'd mentioned something a while back about the Death Eater's targeting him so I wondered if this had something to do with that.

If it was the Death Eater's then Sirius had been alone too long without anyone watching his back. I had known Sirius had been dealing with something—it was hard not to miss—but to imagine him getting attacked like this because he wouldn't join the Death Eaters worried me.

Sirius—no matter how wrong—was not Death Eater material.

Lily hadn't taken Sirius being in the Hospital well I'd imagine. I knew she'd grown close to him—it was part of the reason I didn't bring her along. She'd probably fight about it later but I considered a risk I would have to take. Fixing Sirius' life was my job—not hers.

"How is he?" I asked the auror.

"He's alright," Jenkinson explained as we stopped at a closed door, "He'll need a place to stay and the healers have some salve for him." She eyed me with interest. I hadn't spoken much since I'd arrived because I'd been so deep in my own thoughts.

I smiled lightly at the woman, "Yeah, okay." I answered quickly, "He can stay with me."

Jenkinson seemed relieved by my answer and opened the door we'd been standing in front of. Behind the door was a small hospital room where two healers were talking to Sirius. Sirius turned to faced me as soon as I walked through the door. I was suddenly happy I hadn't brought Lily. This was hard enough with her not around.

"Prongs?" Sirius' voice sounded surprised, like he couldn't believe I would come.

I couldn't look away as I realized that he thought no one was going to come see him.

"You must be Mr. Potter," came a voice beside me. I had been so focused on Sirius I hadn't noticed the healers coming to greet me.

I shook the older man's hand and made a smile lift my previously hopefully unreadable expression. They introduced themselves at Sirius' burn healers. Sirius had been lucky enough to be pulled from the fire in enough time to save his skin from receiving a terrible burn that would scar. I thought to myself how lucky Sirius had always been—always been pulled from the fire at last minute.

"This is his medicine, it's a lotion to be applied twice a day to his legs and hands." The healer handed me a glass bottle filled with blood red lotion and I saw Sirius eye it with great distaste. The healer also noted Sirius face and added, "Mr. Black seems to hate it but it will help with the pain."

"I'll make sure he gets it." I answered, watching Sirius who was eyeing me with interest. I could tell Sirius wanted to talk but it's not like we could take with all these people around. We could hardly talk when it was just us in a room.

The healers wished Sirius a quick recovery as Sirius pulled himself up out of the hospital bed. I noted the red painful hue to his once pale skin. His hands were the worse and had blistered all over them, it was obvious Sirius couldn't carry his wand.

"Where's your wand?" I addressed Sirius who automatically looked sad.

"Mr. Potter," Amelia Jenkinson had stepped forward, "I'm afraid Mr. Black's wand didn't make it in the fire. Mr. Ollivander has been contacted but in the mean time…"

Sirius removed his eyes from me to look at Amelia Jenkinson for the first time since we entered the room with surprise on his face, "You pulled me from the fire." His voice was raspy but he was staring at Jenkinson with a look of shock, "I recognize your voice."

She smiled, almost sadly, "Yes, I did. I was patrolling the area after we'd heard rumors of Death Eaters in the area—luckily I happened to turn on the wrong street." Her smile faltered, "I didn't see your wand. Sorry."

"Did you see the bastard that did it?" Sirius said harshly, Jenkinson winced.

"Sirius." I hissed, making a note to myself to eventually remind Sirius to be polite.

"Er, No we didn't catch anyone." Jenkinson answered, looking at Sirius who was staring at his blistered hands in disgust.

"Fucking fantastic." Was his answer and I felt like I was my dad when I glared at him again.

Jenkinson appeared unhappy with Sirius' behavior. I couldn't blame her. "But don't worry. I've taken the information from all the questions you answered when you woke up and I've given it to the department." She drew herself up straighter and looked to me with a less friendly smile then before, "thank you for coming to get him. If there's anything you need here's my card."

The letters on the card were almost 3D and I took a moment to look at her name and office number before nodded at her in thanks. Amelia Jenkinson seemed to have had enough of Sirius and I and our oddities because she left without giving a proper goodbye to either of us. Sirius found this an opportune moment to curse when his hands brushed against his cloak as he tried to pull it over his reddened arms. I noticed the cloak was smoke ridden and had burn marks.

"I can't believe this." Sirius growled, "I'm so over this."

"Sirius, why didn't you put charms on your flat?" I asked him, walking over to him as he tried to pull on his cloak and helping him dress like he was Remus after a full moon.

Sirius snorted, "You sounded like Ginger there, Prongs."

I didn't even have to ask who "Ginger" was. Sirius always liked his nicknames and I knew that _"why didn't you charm your flat"_ did indeed sound like it came straight from Lily's own mouth.

Silence followed as we walked back out into the main lobby. People glanced our way as we walked and stared at Sirius who was walking very slow and limping. Sirius seemed determined to make it all the way outside without even looking at me. He was ignoring me.

We made it out to the gates and I took him by the shoulder, earning a wince from him.

"I'm going to apparate us back to my place." I warned him, "Ready?"

"Sure." Came his abrupt answer.

It only took a few seconds but the way Sirius was carrying on when we made it to my front step you would've thought we'd been in magic limbo for hours. I had to imagine that his burns hurt so I took pity on him. I went to open the front door when I noticed Sirius was standing back, I turned to look and saw he was staring at me.

"What?" I asked him.

Sirius looked at me long and hard, "Why are you letting me stay with you?"

I knew that the past few months we hadn't spoken let alone helped each other except for when Lily brought him to my place drunk as Hell but I was starting to worry that if I let Sirius be alone for too much longer then I'd be attending his funeral. If I was right and the Death Eater's wanted him…

You can only say no to the Death Eaters so many times before they decide you are worth more dead than alive.

I opened the door and let it swing open, "Because that's what we do. We help each other."

Sirius was silent and obviously trying to decode what I had just said like it was a hard puzzle. He eyed me with curiosity before limping into the house.

My house elves appeared instantly taking off our cloaks and exclaiming over Sirius' injury. Most of them were disgusted by the appearance of his hands and one of them swore they had a homemade remedy of my mums for burns that they were going to whip up.

"Come on," I told Sirius who looked overwhelmed at the attention he was getting from the staff, "You should probably rest some, you can stay in the study for now."

Sirius used to not question anything; he used to accept everything without question—especially if it was attention. This Sirius seemed to be worried about the affection he'd been receiving from our House Elves who had welcomed him back with open arms. It had been months since he had moved out after our fight and the House Elves hadn't even questioned his sudden appearance.

"Fanny will open the doors for you sir!" One of the elves on my right squeaked, running ahead to open the study door. She bowed low in her tea cozy as we passed and eyed Sirius with complete and utter respect, "Nice to see you again Mr. Black, Sir."

The old Sirius I had used to know would've sent her a charming smile but this one just appeared even more confused. Had this much time on his own deflated his confidence? Everything Sirius was? I used to admire Sirius' confidence but now Sirius seemed more like Lily—always worried about what everyone was thinking and doing.

"They missed you." I told him, hoping to get a more Sirius-like reaction from him.

Sirius shrugged, "Can't imagine why." He answered, falling to the leather couch that used to be subject to Sirius and I ages ago after a night drinking, "No one else did."

I snorted at his attitude; it was so unlike him I just couldn't take him seriously, "Come on Sirius." I said, "You lived here as much as I did."

Sirius frowned at me "Does Remus know I'm here?" he asked.

Sirius could tell by the look on my face that no, Remus didn't know he was here. Remus would flip shit if he knew I was helping Sirius out. Last year after the accident we'd made a pact to keep away from Sirius at all costs. Sirius couldn't be trusted: Sirius told Remus' secret.

At the same time Sirius was in danger from whoever had burned down his flat.

Sirius was the one who defended Remus when Rosier blurted out the secret at the quidditch match.

Sirius was the one who had befriended Lily.

Sirius was the one who was staring at me with a deep frown etched on his face when he realized what I did.

I was no longer the one completely pissed at Sirius. I wouldn't have helped him at all if I were. I called him my friend just now on the porch and recently I'd been feeling sorry for him. I blamed Lily for the sudden change in feelings. She was the one who kept trying to get us together and friends again.

"You probably shouldn't be doing this then." Sirius said, groaning as he sat up off the couch.

"Sit down you idiot." I answered, pointing at the couch and Sirius dropped back into it without complaining. "You've got nowhere to go and no wand to get you anywhere."

Sirius sent me a smile flashback of the old days, "Thanks for reminding me." His face turned troublesome again, "I wonder how long it will be before I can get a new wand."

I shrugged, "I don't know." I answered just as the grandfather clock in the corner rang three o' clock. I'd promised Lily I'd be back mid afternoon back when I'd originally told her I was going to get Sirius from the Hospital. I wondered if she was still waiting for me. I glanced at Sirius, "I have to go," I told him, "I'll be back later."

Sirius' eyes narrowed when he saw the way I was acting, "If you are going to get Peter or Remus I'm out James." I could tell he wasn't completely ready to talk to anyone else.

I waved his concerns away, "I'm going to see Lily." I said, letting my chest swell at the thought of seeing her again in just moments.

"Lily?" Sirius looked even more disturbed at the mention of Lily, "Why?"

I was about to tell him about Lily and I—our sudden turn in relationship but I stopped myself. I hadn't told anyone about Lily. I was determined to make Lily and I an official thing before I told anyone. If it had been before the incident maybe I would've told Sirius—actually I would have told Sirius after our first kiss but now things were different.

"She wanted to come see you." I told him the partial truth. Lily hadn't said anything really but I knew she probably wanted to see him. That didn't make me particularly happy because I still didn't like the thought of her hanging around Sirius all that much but I already told myself I'd let her say hi and then take her home.

Sirius looked surprised, "oh." He stated simply.

I made the house elves promise to watch Sirius closely while I was gone. They all swore to keep him on that couch until I deemed him fit to be released. Satisfied I got my cloak to go see Lily…the only positive thing currently in my life.

**~~~I'll wait for the day when you find I'm too much for you~~~**

After Marley left (taking our friendship with her) I busied myself around the house. I cleaned, cooked some food for my dad, gave Tundra a bath, and did the remainder of my school homework. All I wanted to do was go get out of the house. The fight with Marley had made me very upset. Why did people in the wizarding world have to be so scared of something different? Something not normal?

I was just starting to wonder about when James would come around when the doorbell rang and it was James standing there holding his hand out for me.

"James." I said with a sigh, relieved he actually came.

"What's up Evans?" he said slyly, pulling a swift kiss on my cheek without even checking to see if it was all right first. Not that I minded…because I didn't.

"How's Sirius?" I asked, taking his hand. "How's Remus?" I added with regard to the werewolf.

Just seeing James made me remember how Marley said I probably shouldn't hang out with any of the boys…I hadn't even told Marley the whole story…and it probably wouldn't have made a difference anyhow. James was friends with a werewolf. I was friends with a werewolf. I tried to hold James' gaze but my mind was drifting with the realization that Marley was only the first wave of prejudice over Remus Lupin. When we went back to Hogwarts there would be even more.

James looked upset and ran his fingers through his hair, "Fine with Sirius. Burned from the fire but good. I haven't seen Remus but Pete's probably keeping an-" He looked at me and must've noted that I looked awful. He pulled me closer by the hand and I shut my front door trying to control the sobs that were threatening to come.

"What's wrong?" he hissed, "What happened?"

"Nothing." I pushed against his chest not wanting him to see me cry, "It's just," I bit my lip trying to hold in a sob, "Marley came by earlier." _Marley basically told me she couldn't be friends with me if I'm friends with you._

James appeared surprised that my sudden dramatic emotions were coming from Marley. "Marley? Quidditch Marley? The one dating Fabian Prewett?"

I looked at James with shock rocking my brain forcing the tears back down, "Marley isn't dating Fabian." Marley never dated anyone. She was a tom boy to the core.

James nodded, "Yeah. They went out on a date a few days ago. It's all Fabian is able to talk about to anyone. Trust me. Peter told me."

I furrowed my eyebrows together. I was hurt that James knew this information before me and I was also upset that Marley hadn't had the decency to even write me. Not that I had told her about kissing James. She still didn't know. I wondered if this was one of the reasons Marley had gotten so upset so quickly. We weren't as close as we had been before the start of the summer.

I walked past James across the porch to sit on the couch swing and sat there, pouting.

Everything had gotten really confusing ever since the end of last year. I was no longer best friends with anyone I used to spend hours on end with. I had snogged a guy I used to call the most annoying boggart on the face of the earth. Remus Lupin was a werewolf. James Potter had saved Severus Snape from Remus Lupin. Sirius Black was in the hospital. Marlene was dating Adam and didn't tell me.

James at some point came to sit beside me. I glanced over at him as we swung slowly back and forth to the rocking of the chair. It was my mum's favorite chair. I stared at the old worn wood where I had sat so many times before with so little cares.

"Do you want to talk?" James asked softly, "About Marley?"

I snorted and looked back at him. His hazel eyes were darkened with sympathy, "Sure," I said coolly and sarcastically, "How about the fact that she thinks that I shouldn't hang around any of you?"

I expected him to get angry but James smiled. He actually had the nerve to smile. "You know," he said grabbing my hand and surprising me even more when he pushed my hair off my shoulder, "I was amazed that you weren't screaming at us to stay away from you when you first found out. You aren't a normal witch Lily Evans." His face as inched closer and closer to mine as he spoke and now his forehead was resting against my own. "A witch that is friends with any of us marauders is not normal by _any_ standard."

Before I could ask what he possibly meant by that he pulled my face to his and our lips met in a kiss. I hadn't planned on kissing him anymore, not until we discussed what our relationship was actually going to be. I wasn't going to keep kissing him if all he wanted was a quick snog every once in a while. I knew he knew I wanted more out of him but I didn't know if he wanted the same.

Shivers swept up my spine when his hands left my hair to sweep across my cheeks and pull my face closer. James' mouth moved roughly against my own, pulling at my lips, almost like he was begging for me to kiss him back. I broke away from his intense kiss to speak but it only lasted for a few moments before he had pulled me back in.

"James." I pushed myself hands against his chest as he continued to try and kiss me.

""Numpty." he whispered against my lips, "You're supposed to kiss a bloke back when he throws himself at you."

I pushed away completely and stared at him incredulously. Those were the same words that had come out of my mouth only months ago after I'd kissed him for the first time. Did he remember that night as vividly as I do? The taste of the firewhisky on our breath? The fight we'd had after? His disappearance because of the accident with Sirius and Snape? Could that have only happened four months or so ago? It seemed like ages.

Instead of getting angry that I pushed him away while he was trying to kiss me, he smiled at me and ruffled his hair.

"Not in the snogging mood eh?" he asked jokingly.

I sighed and brushed my fingers through my hair trying to undue to knots James had started while kissing me, "It's not that…it's just we haven't really discussed us…"

"_Merlin_, you are a girl of many worries today." He chuckled, brushing my nose with his finger like I was five years old. "And all I was hoping for was a nice snog."

I wanted there to be an us. I did. I knew that I got sad whenever James wasn't around. I wished he had been around when Marley was over—he would've known exactly what to say to her. I wished he had been around when my dad asked me about who got Head Boy and Head Girl and I was able to tell him excitedly that James got it with me.

For some reason I was afraid of rejection by him again—even though he had clearly just kissed me himself. But what if he'd kissed me to shut me up? James didn't like talking too much about the subjects we were most recently on. I could see him kissing me to stop me from talking more about Remus, Sirius, Severus, and him. James somehow saw right through me and kissed me on my forehead sweetly.

"Don't worry so much. Everything's going to be fine." He whispered, hazel eyes sincere "Once we get to Hogwarts everything will die down."

I simply just stared at him before saying softly, "Will you be friends with Sirius?"

He stopped smiling, obviously hurt, that I'd changed the subject yet again "What?"

"Sirius. He was just in the hospital." I said reminding him the real reason he was here.

"And you think that because I helped him out that we're best mates again?" James frowned significantly, making his nose wrinkle, which caused his glasses to fall down the bridge of his nose.

"Not best mates." I said with exasperation, gripping his hand, "Just mates."

James stared at me long and hard before sighing, "Fine. You can call us that." He said moodily standing up off the swing, "Remus won't be happy."

"Remus will see who his real friends are once we get back to Hogwarts and everyone treats him the way Marley acted today." I answered while thinking of how Marlene acted. She wasn't about to forget Remus is a werewolf anytime soon. Nor would anyone else. Remus had a small handful of real friends now and one of them was the bloke they'd been ignoring for a couple months. "I want to see Sirius."

He looked unhappy at that and stated simply "Fine but I'm not done kissing you today." He pulled me up by my hand off the chair but not before winking at me. "And as for that previous worry about not knowing were we stand, I don't intend letting anyone miss the rumor that I've snogged Lily Evans senseless and convinced her to be my girlfriend even though my best mate is a werewolf."

I tried to reply cheekily but he'd caught me up into another kiss and this time it was hard to resist.


	14. Poison And Wine

**Chapter 14:**

**You only know what I want you to**

**I know everything you don't want me to**

**Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine**

**You think your dreams are the same as mine**

**Oh I don't love you but I always will**

I'd practically almost died. Actually, I probably would've died if those aurors hadn't been around to grab me and pull me from the flames. Merlin had a funny way of making a bloke re-evaluate his life. Not saying I was going to start praying to a God or anything stupid like that but I'd certainly thought about other things—like how much of a dick I could be. Maybe the fire was sent by some unseen being to make me think about things I'd done in my past and maybe it was just a coincidence but whatever it was I was thankful because it made James come back into my life directly.

I'd imagined sitting in that fucking hospital all alone until the aurors released me alone. My family hadn't wanted me—they didn't even have to tell me that my parents weren't coming. If it had been my younger brother Regulus they would've been over right away but not for me. I wasn't a Black. I was a reject.

Then James walked through the door of that Hospital room and I swore to myself in that moment I'd prove to James I deserved to be recognized as his best mate again—even if it killed me. I knew it might if Remus was still hostile towards me but I figured after some time Remus might actually trust me again—after all Remus was a trustful bloke to begin with.

I kept looking back to see if James was back from Lily's yet but I was always disappointed if I didn't hear footsteps coming down the hall. It had been an interesting summer and one of the most interesting parts of the summer was accepting that Lily Evans wasn't as bad as I had originally thought.

I'd spent countless years telling James he was nutty for liking a pretty and popular girl like her. As cool as James thought she was I had found her rather annoying and boring. Lily had always been a boring bird who loved spending time reading by the lake or talking to all her mates in class about how she made prefect. I was especially unhappy with the fact that Lily was friends with Severus Snape who was literally my worst enemy. I would love to see that kid fall off the astronomy tower.

When she'd asked me at the start of the summer to meet her at the Pub I had expected to go for a laugh. That's where I had seen how badly she felt about James and I knew that James' previous chasing after her hadn't gone unnoticed. I figured I could stand her long enough to get closer to days she was absolutely the only girl I ever liked besides my cousin Andromeda—other days I wanted to push her off a cliff and tell everyone she just happened to fall. Today I was more in the mood to be her best friend. James obviously still had feelings for her and to get back in his good favor I have to show him what good friends Ginger and I became this summer while he was ignoring me.

Not that he probably didn't already know. I bet it made him so jealous. James was always, always, super weird over Lily. I had to admit she was clever and witty but the poor bird was nothing too special. Except to everyone else. Rosier had it out for her, Snape had it out for her, James had it out for her. She was one popular girl when it came to blokes.

"Mr. Black," One of James' house elves came in with the bottle of butterbeer I had requested, "Mr. Potter is back!"

**~~~~The less I give the more I get back~~~**

This would be my first time at his house because I wasn't counting the time that I had to drop a completely wasted Sirius to James' place. When James and I arrived right inside the yard there were three things that I was able to hook into my brain that seemed important.

The first was that James Potter must have help because I could not see a seventeen-year-old bachelor be able to upkeep a garden like this. The house reminded me of the Southern American homes that my parents had pictures of from one of their vacations. Two large willow trees set the scene, each sitting on either side of the large white paneled house. The path was perfectly stoned and as we walked up to the front door it felt too perfect, almost like it was set to feel tranquil. James was not a naturally tranquil person as far as I was aware so I knew that wasn't his doing.

Second was the fact that this was a big house for just James. I'd known his parents had passed away and they'd left him everything—he was a well off boy. Considering I came from a middle class family but still hardly getting by, seeing this huge mansion was a little over whelming. The house itself must've contained more than seven bedrooms. Bedrooms. Not counting the other rooms. What did a boy like James need with all those empty rooms?

Last was that James' palms were getting sweaty as he led me up the small staircase to the front porch which wrapped all the way around the house. I tugged at him lightly making him look at me.

"You ok?" I asked him, "What's wrong?"

James just shook his head and opened his front door. Right away my wonderment on James taking care of a huge house like this alone was answered by house elves, who came running out of the woodwork of the large mansion. Automatically I was uncomfortable and my fingers unlocked from James' as they appeared and I backed up. James was right at home and threw his cloak at one, spoke softly to another, and then followed another out of the hall.

"Come on Lily." He called to me as he walked across a large entrance way into an office filled with paintings of old witches and wizards that eyed me with interest as I crossed the threshold after James.

I suddenly was reminded how very different James Potter and I were raised. He had creatures for his servants. He had money and a mansion. He had a status where I did not have status.

I followed from the office space through a door that connected the space to a large room filled with photographs, a fireplace, some tables, and a couch. On this couch was where a very unhappy looking Sirius Black sat. As soon as Sirius spotted me come through the door he stood up and held out his arms. I was shocked—Sirius had never been one for hugs but I didn't mind. The kid had been to Hell and back. If Sirius Black wanted a hug I'd give him one.

"Hey, Ginger." He said smoothly as I wrapped my arms around his torso all while examining his arms and hands that appeared blistered.

"Oh, Sirius! You have to go cause trouble don't you?" I said exasperated even though I was relieved to note his arms appeared to be the only badly burned feature. Now I was concerned. I pulled back from his grasp and eyed his face closely, "Did they replace you with a nicer Sirius Black when they burned your flat down?" I asked, checking his grey eyes.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Fine." He said, "Don't expect anymore affection from me."

It was James who stepped forward to grab my hand and pull me away from Sirius, "How do you feel?" James asked the burned victim who took to a spot on the couch.

"Fine. I'd be better if those folks at the ministry would figure out the daft idiot who wanted to kill me." Sirius said eyeing me and patting the spot beside him. "I owe that idiot a nice friendly visit."

What was Sirius playing at? I wondered. I normally made all the first friendly moves. Sirius was normally more reserved. I eyed him suspiciously as I sat down on the couch beside him. James sat on the other side of me, making me feel like I was the monkey in the middle. One of the house elves came in with some tea and biscuits.

"Eva made tea!" The elf squeaked, setting the expensive looking china on the hard oak table in front of the couch we'd all sat on.

"Thank you." James dismissed the elf quickly, waving it away with a flick of his wrist. It felt cold to me. Unjust. I watched the elf leave and sniffed a little to myself. There was something unnerving to me about having a creature serve me, especially a creature as sweet looking as a house elf with its big batty ears and wide eyes. House elves looked almost comical and nothing like a butler to me.

"Have you talked to Remus?" I asked the boys as to try and forget the house elves.

I wasn't surprised when both of them muttered their annoyance with me under their breath. I sighed deeply and reminded myself I was working with two of the most stubborn blokes on the face of the earth. No matter how charming I found James, no matter how funny Sirius was, they were both outright and stupidly stubborn.

"I'll talk to him later." James answered when he saw my displeasure at his previous tone.

I was thankful that at least as long as I held the top in this relationship I'd at least be able to get something out of him. I sent him a grateful smile before turning to Sirius.

"Are you done causing fights at Quidditch matches?" I teased, trying to earn a smile from him after my Remus comment made him turn dark.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Not if that git Rosier is around."

"He really is a git." James agreed as he poured his tea.

"Oh look, something you two agree upon!" I said cheerfully, poking them both in the side earning looks, "Rosier's a git! Fantastic!"

It was only James' glare that shut me up. He was in a grumpy mood. I made a face at him, scrunching up my nose. Sirius chuckled deeply beside me and I sent him a grin and a wink. At least Sirius was getting a laugh…poor bloke needed one.

"Did I ever tell you the time we gave Rosier a giant purple ra—" Sirius turned closer to me and smiled wide like he was about to break into a great story when James decided my visit had been enough.

"Come on Lily, let's get back."

James had taken my hand and yanked me up to stand with him—leaving Sirius on the couch alone. Sirius and I stared at James in disbelief like he's an idiot for telling me when and where I can see Sirius.

"What's gotten into you Potter?" I demanded, "I've only just seen Sirius!" I said, slightly annoyed he would interrupt Sirius like that.

"And you can see him next week on the train." James answered sending me a look.

Sadly, as good as I thought I was at reading his expressions—I was completely lost as to why he was suddenly acting this way. Then I glanced behind him for only a moment. Behind him the silhouette of a kid our age in the doorframe, leaning against it with his shoulders heaving up and down in a sniveling motion. What on earth?

"Lily let's go." James hissed, digging his finger nails into my skin.

"No." I said defiantly, pulling my hand from his and walking closer to the back door without him. It was Remus Lupin with tears streaming down his face and his shoulders shaking. Peter Pettigrew appeared behind him looking panic stricken but it was Remus who I couldn't take my eyes off of. Sweet, kind, prefect, Remus Lupin who had never hurt anyone in his entire life was sobbing and James just wanted me to leave?

I couldn't.

"They—they _said_—They said…" he was taking deep breathes trying to finish his sentence, he pushed his hair back in misery.

"Remus, it's okay." I whispered, reaching out my hand to pull him into a hug like my mother would've done if it had been me.

And Remus looked at me in horror, "L-l-Lily." He started hyperventilating even more and he tried to turn around and run out but Peter stopped him.

"Remus! Honestly, it's _fine_!" I spoke with a tone of annoyance, "Are you okay?"

Remus didn't even look at me. I looked at James and Sirius. James looked upset too but Sirius was the one who looked the most. Sirius jumped up and tried to walk over but I watched as James grabbed his shoulder roughly and forced him back down to the couch. Sirius sent James a glare but didn't fight. Then James made his way over to me.

"Come on Lily." He said more harshly, digging his hand into my arm and pulling me around Remus and Peter and through the door, "I'll be back." He told Peter as he led me out, "Don't let him go anywhere."

James was pulling me back out the front door and I said quickly, "This is why you should've gone right to Remus after Sirius was picked up." I made a face as he yanked open the door ignoring the house elf trying to open it for him. "He's probably upset about Sirius!"

"So _sorry_ I came to see you instead." James said moodily, pulling out his wand. James always had a nasty temper.

"Now don't you go blaming me." I hissed but he didn't answer because he disapperated us on the spot. We appeared about a half-mile from my house in an alleyway and I continued, "James, he looked awful. Do you think it was Sirius? What's wrong with him?"

"Oh I dunno," James, said sardonically, "how about him being a werewolf?"

I yanked my arm from his grasp, rubbing the spot he'd been holding with great care, "You're being rude and a _git_." I snapped at him for his attitude.

James made a frustrated noise and ran his fingers through his hair before eyeing me up and down. "You're right." He said coolly and he disapperated without even saying goodbye.

I'd have a _lot_ of choice words for him when he appeared around here again.

**~~~~Your hands can heal, your hands can bruise. I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you~~~**

"They said I'd have to give up being a prefect entirely." I whispered. My knees were curled up to my chin and I was wiping my nose on my pant leg miserably, "Dumbledore said he was sorry but he had a hard enough time trying to convince the board to let me finish out my education."

"Remus." James sighed, patting my back sympathetically, "Mate, you don't deserve this."

There was a sniffle from across the room and I spied Sirius who had his back turned to me and was staring into the fireplace. This was his entire fault and I couldn't believe that James was actually letting him stay in the house. I felt like cursing him to Hell but I just glared at him. James saw my gaze and shook his head no softly. I could almost hear him say, "He's not worth it."

Right now he was.

I'd lost everything. All of Hogwarts wanted me burned at a stake like I'm some 1800's witch. I was no longer a leader of the school. Any chance I had of a job after Hogwarts was gone. Mary McDonald had wanted to go out…she probably couldn't stand the thought of me now. I was a monster. I am a monster.

"You've got us and we've always got your back Moony." Peter spoke from my right, his hand also on my shoulder, "Besides," he added with an air of teasing, "everyone will be too frightened of me to mess with you."

James snorted and I even allowed a smile. Peter was not very terrifying at five foot two with a face of a ten year old. I however was terrifying to people who didn't understand me. People are afraid of anything different. Different isn't normal.

I wanted more than _anything_ to be normal.

"I'm going to be kicked out of Hogwarts." I sighed, feeling my shoulder jerk trying to hold down another burst of sobs. Hogwarts was my home. I never wanted to leave.

"If they didn't kick me out for trying to kill a person then they are batshit crazy. I think you'll be okay." Sirius' voice traveled across the room and I bristled.

"Shut up Black!" I snapped.

Sirius retreated back to his position like a puppy told to go to time out.

"Go easy on him Remus." James whispered under his breath, "He's been through a lot the past couple of weeks."

I snorted, "_He's_ been through a lot?" I hissed back, glaring at James.

James shrugged, his glasses sliding down his nose, "I know just try to be decent."

"Coming from the guy who smashed in Sirius' nose." I answered back moodily starting to bite at my fingernails.

James smirked, "Not one of my better moments."

Peter groaned and sat down beside me, "When I imagined my seventh year of Hogwarts, I did not imagined all of this."

I didn't either. We all watched as Sirius stood up slowly and limped his way back onto the couch where he collapsed in a moan. I certainly hoped his burns hurt because it was the only thing keeping me from giving him some more bruises.

James took his hand from my shoulder and sat down on the floor next to me, "This'll all die down as soon as a bigger news story hits Hogwarts." He reminded me as he pulled off his glasses to clean them, "And with a fucking war it's bound to happen soon."

"Fantastic." I said sarcastically, "I'll just wait for a family to get murdered, or a death eater found working at Hogwarts then."

"You won't have to wait long for the Death Eater working at Hogwarts," James said, laying back and gazing at the ceiling, "Lily says Rosier's one."

My interest took over my bad mood and I looked over at James with shock, "She said that?"

"Doesn't surprise me in the least." Peter said from his spot on the floor, "Rosier's a creep."

"Is that why she's so scared of Rosier?" Sirius called from his spot on the couch.

I imagined James would ignore him but I was astounded when James answered back nonchalantly, "Why do you think I applied for Head Boy?"

"Yeah, I thought that was out of character for you." Sirius said in his lazy tone.

I felt like I was gong to be sick. James had obviously been talking to Sirius about being friends again. They were talking like the accident hadn't happened. Like it hadn't been Sirius who made all of this happen. I was about to ask them what they were playing at when James changed the subject to something that hit all four of us hard.

"Lily and I are together."

"What?!" The chorus of our voices rang out through the room and Sirius had rolled off the couch to look around the edge at James incredulously. Peter looked flabbergasted and I was in the same mood.

"Together, together? Or snogging together?" Peter demanded, "Because there is a difference."

I didn't listen to what James said next because I felt my heart grow cold at the realization that Lily Evans was a person who knew my secret and was a part of the tiny circle now because she had been hanging around James—and Sirius. She'd looked so worried at me when I came to the house earlier ready to die but I'd been ashamed to let her see me that way.

I wanted to be strong but the truth of the matter was that I was weak. My sickness was my weakness. With the full moon on the first week of classes I doubted anyone would be my friend. I doubted anyone would stick with me. I'd have to face my sickness, my disease alone.

I wasn't about to let anything that happened last year happen again.

**~~~I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back~~~**

I was lying in bed half asleep in the mid afternoon when the hand clasped over my mouth to stop me from screaming. I struggled to roll over and get a glimpse of the person—half expecting my sister to be the culprit but that seemed oddly out of character for her. The hands on my face were rougher and larger too…

"You always leave your door unlocked Evans?" his tone was joking but I was furious when I realized who snuck in.

James Potter had the nerve to walk into my house in the middle of the day with my dad home and lay practically on top of me in my bed? The boy was nutters. He'd made me so mad yesterday and he was going to just expect me to forgive and forget randomly? He should know by now that's not how I work.

"What the _hell_!" I shouted when he let go of my mouth, "You don't talk to me for a day and a half and then you—unf!"

He had planted his lips firmly atop of mine—probably to shut me up. Wasn't about to work. I bit his lip. Hard.

"Ow!" he yelped, jumping off the bed and fingering his lower lip tenderly, "Lily!"

"Lily!" my dad called from somewhere downstairs, "You okay?"

"Fine dad!" I called down, "packing for school is literally killing me!" and then I shut the door and locked it.

I spun on the boy who, last time we spoke, was basically getting angry for no reason at me. James looked guilty with his glasses askew and his eyes were huge behind the frames.

"You sodding git!" I grabbed a shoe off the ground and threw it in his direction.

"Lily." James blocked the shoe and rolled his eyes, "No need to get violent."

"I'll give you violent!" I answered picking up my wand off the edge of my bed and aiming it at James who eyed it appreciatively. "You didn't even say goodbye!"

One crooked smile and a "Goodbye" later from that dolt brain and I'd charmed him into having git written across his face in boils. It wasn't pleasant looking but I hoped he got the message.

James examined himself in my vanity mirror "What are you, five?" He demanded as I sat on the edge of my bed, crossing my arms.

"How's Remus?" I inquired first, not even looking at him because quite frankly, he did not look the least bit attractive.

James sighed, sitting down on the other side of the bed, "Fine." He said in annoyance, "He was upset because he's not a prefect any longer. That and the board was talking about kicking him out of Hogwarts."

I gasped and spun around to face him. The boils were growing larger and I made a face before picking up my wand to undo my curse. James grinned when he felt his face clear but I was too busy gathering this new information to roll my eyes at him.

"They won't let him be prefect?" I said in horror, coming to sit beside him, "That's horrible!"

James ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his arm with anger, "It's stupid. Remus isn't like other werewolves! He's smart and talented and brilliant! There's only so much you can say to a bloke like Remus before it starts getting old. I just wish I could fix him."

I watched as James fell back against the edge of the bed and I realized all that frustrated him was not being able to help Remus. All my previous James anger evaporated and I smiled kindly at James.

"Remus probably doesn't expect anything but support from you James." I said, leaning back and examining his facial expressions as they changed, "you can't fix him."

"I know that." James mumbled like a kid and sat up to face me directly. He place a hand on my cheek sweetly, "Sorry for getting angry with you yesterday. I was stressed out about Remus and Sirius and just, everything, really."

That was all it took for me to melt into a pile of mush…a James Potter apology. I smiled and leaned in to peck him lightly on the cheek as his arms snaked around my waist.

"I was being difficult too." I answered sighing, "I just wanted to help Remus."

"Yeah. We all want to help him." He agreed, eyes darkening. "Remus doesn't accept help easily though. I have to transfer funds into his family account without him knowing." James suddenly froze and looked guilty, "Er, please don't mention that to anyone else—nobody knows."

I pretended to lock my lips and throw away the key, which earned a laugh from him.

I couldn't help but smile as he pulled me in for a kiss. His lips were softer than anything and I pressed my own lips against his with ease, marveling at how every time he kissed me it was like a new experience. I'd worried that I'd mess up or not know what to do but it was like I'd kissed a million boys before when really I'd only ever kissed two other boys besides James.

My hands were on his waist but I wrapped my fingers into his hair at the base of his neck and suddenly I felt weightless. His lips were moving against mine with increased speed as I felt the effects of a really nice kisser. That Ravenclaw that I had snogged at Slughorn's Christmas Party in fifth year was nothing comparable to James Potter. My face was on fire as he suddenly left my mouth and placed light kisses down my jawline and at my neck.

I'd always heard boys had terrible hormones but I was starting to think that girls were just as hormonal as boys because as soon as his lips pressed back on mine I felt my head spin. Kissing should not feel like this.

"You're good you are." I murmured as he pulled away and he snickered.

"Yeah?" his eyes sparkled teasingly, and he planted a kiss on my nose.

"I can't believe you snuck past my dad!" I laughed.

James chuckled and leaned his forehead against mine, "I knew you were angry with me and probably wouldn't let me near you if I _didn't_ sneak in."

"You were right." I agreed, smiling and pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose since they were a bit crooked from our quick snog, "Sorry for throwing a shoe at you and putting boils on your face."

"It's ok." James answered, "It's all a part of your charm." He stood up off the bed leaving me feeling relatively colder, "Come on, I'm taking you to get ice cream!"

I smiled up at him from my bed and was suddenly sad that soon we'd have to go back to Hogwarts and deal with the drama and rumors that come with the small wizardry school. Moments like this—where it's simply James and I sharing time—they feel like an alternate universe. A universe where war isn't on our doorstep and it's okay to be different.

**~~~Oh I don't love you but I always will~~~**

"He's ready to see you Severus."

I checked for my wand in my pocket before I began my walk down the hallway. I told them that it was only a matter of time before this happened. I warned that when they took in Rosier as a Death Eater that they'd be playing with fire. They'd taken him on purely for the purposes of spying on his family and their parts in the time travel at the Department of Mysteries but ever since he'd been told he was going to be a leader at Hogwarts I'd watched from behind the scenes as the inductee was growing power hungry over other Hogwarts students like Mulciber and Macaw.

That's what I figured was wrong and I figured that's why I was standing in front of the most feared dark wizard of all time…The Dark Lord. I couldn't even see his face because he had his chair facing the fire. His snake was circling the chair and Regulus Black was standing in the corner of the room looking miserable.

Regulus was a recent inductee. Smart. Creative. Talented. I liked him better than his asshole of a brother Sirius Black. He was growing into one of my favorites. He held a look of interest as I drifted farther into the room that he sat in.

"Sir." I called out to the chair, "You called?"

"Snape." he spoke, I heard the ruthlessness in his voice, "So nice of you to arrive so timely."

"Of course." I tried to look bored which set me apart from the other Hogwarts students he'd spoken briefly too. I had been worried about this meeting with the man I was serving. He'd heard rumors from the other students that I had an obsession with a popular muggle born with red hair.

I twirled my wand in my hand slowly as He began speaking in his slow voice, "You may have heard that Rosier set fire to Sirius Black's flat, targeted Remus Lupin, and is getting on the wrong foot with James Potter. Three students whom with I wish to be on more than friendly terms so that they may be new inductee's."

I knew Regulus was watching me so I didn't let a flicker of emotion cross my face but inside I was screaming. I don't think I could ever work with any of them—those boys had humiliated me, ruined my chances with the only girl I'd ever liked, and made my life living hell. Sirius Black tried to kill me. I owed James Potter my life. Remus Lupin was a werewolf.

The Dark Lord continued, "Rosier isn't the type of person I want regarding our Hogwarts mission. I do believe you understand exactly what I want so you will be taking over the gathering of new Death Eaters."

I couldn't control the flicker of surprise that crossed my face and my eye connected once to Regulus Black's face. Black looked just as upset as I felt and I realized Black had been hoping to be relieved of his duties as The Dark Lords right-hand man. I couldn't tell him no, I could only accept my new role in the war—a recruiter—and my new targets were my worst enemies.

"What about Rosier?" I asked him, my voice slightly cracking as I spoke up. My voice echoed around the dark room like something out of a horror film.

"I will handle Rosier. He will learn not to step out of line next time due to a silly school boy fight." I was shocked when The Dark Lord stood up and his face not much unlike that of a snake looked directly at me, "I highly advise you to not follow in Rosier's footsteps Snape."

It was my cheekiness that made me reply, "I don't follow anyone's footsteps but my own."

When I got to the train statin on September first I heard rumors that Rosier wasn't speaking to anyone—mostly because he couldn't speak at all. I saw him when he was walking past my compartment on the train.

Maxon Macaw leaned over to whisper softly, "The Dark Lord took away his fucking _voice_ as punishment for the whole Sirius Black thing. He can't talk."

I made a face, "What does The Dark Lord see in Sirius Black anyways?"

Maxon shrugged his burley shoulders, "Pure blood? Top of his class?"

I snorted, "Probably because he shags all the smart girls to get them to do his work for him."

"Nah," Maxon answered, rolling his eyes, "The bloke is really smart. Asshole."

"How are you gonna convince him to—you know?" Mulciber asked from his spot on the other side of me.

I eyed the pre balding male in disgust, "Let me deal with that myself."

I knew I couldn't even go near Sirius Black but I somehow had to get him to join the war or I might end up like Rosier. I suddenly made it my mission to keep The Dark Lord preoccupied so I wouldn't end up like Rosier. I had to find a new target. An easier one who was worth just as much.

"Oh look…and here I was hoping he'd miss the train. Filthy mutt." Maxon hissed, his eyes drifting to the outside platform where last minute students were hopping on the train.

I let my eyes drift outside lazily and wasn't surprised to find Remus Lupin getting on the train. I would've had a slight interest in the werewolf but it was the pair of students helping him get his stuff onto the carriage that caught my eye.

The first was James Potter who was talking to Remus Lupin in quick bursts and then a pretty looking red headed girl appeared and wrapped her arms around James Potter in greeting and he kissed her flat on the lips.

"Fucking Hell." Macaw hissed, "James Potter's with _that_ mudblood?"

"Amelia Bones is going to have a fit when she hears." Maxon answered as he stared at the couple that began talking to each other, "She and Potter were supposed to get together."

I looked at Maxon in interest, "What?"

Maxon nodded and pulled himself away from the window, "They grew up together and their parents always assumed they'd eventually get together to continue on the pure blood line."

"I think Amy figured that too." Macaw answered, "She always talks to Potter in Muggle Studies."

"Doesn't mean shit." I answered while rolling my eyes, "Everyone knows Potter fancies Evans."

"Doesn't mean shit when pure blood lines need to get carried." Replied Maxon in the same snarky tone as my own, "And the Potter line is dying. He's the last one."

Macaw punched both of us to grab our attention back out the windows. My black eyes narrowed when I saw who was approaching Potter, Lily, and Lupin from behind: Rosier was making his first stupid move of the year and it didn't look like he'd simply be making small talk.

Not that he could.


	15. Secrets and Regrets

**Chapter 15:**

**No matter how hard you try to **

**You can't make the clock rewind to the moment that you lied to yourself **

**It never really mattered how they felt **

**Your secrets and regrets are keeping you from going very far **

**And you can't let all this get you down and keep you living in the dark **

**Cause all you're looking for is love…**

"Hey Peter!" Fabian Prewett waved at me as I entered the platform to the train that would take me and all the other students back to Hogwarts for the start of term.

I waved back quickly but was truthfully not as interested in talking to Fabian as I might have been earlier. I pulled my trunk along, wincing as my fingers slipped against the handhold. I'd literally packed my life away but I was terrible at charms and couldn't do a weightless spell so I wasn't surprised when I found my trunk was heavier than ever.

I was surprised I noticed anything at all seeing as I was so worried about lugging the stupid trunk up to the train. Rosier had been the topic of conversation lately among my mates and me so when he crossed in front of me rudely heading to my left I just had to stop and look. Rosier was the one who had practically handed Remus to the school on a dinner plate when he announced at the Quidditch match that Remus was a werewolf—plus whatever other stupid shit he'd done.

I realized suddenly who Rosier was heading for…Remus, James, and his new girlfriend were all standing at one compartment helping get Remus' trunk into the carriage. They were all to focused and had no idea that idiot was coming up behind them with his wand out.

I let my trunk drop and pulled out my wand, waving it quickly at the git Slytherin shouting, "Exspelliarmus!"

Remus and James twisted around to see who was shouting just as Rosier's wand went flying off his hand. Rosier spun in anger to see who had knocked his wand out of his hand and when he spotted me he let out a snarl and lunged for his wand. Shit.

"Locomotor Mortis!" I spoke the next spell quickly, fearfully, Rosier might be a git but he was a well gifted in magic kind of git. I did not want him sending a spell my way.

Rosier fell to the ground, scraping his chin along the cement.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing?!" The trolley witch, a normally nice and kind lady, came storming off the train in my direction and I suddenly felt sheepish. I hadn't even really known if Rosier was going to attack James or Remus. James was already crossing the space between us in a matter of seconds, worry etched on his face.

"Peter." He hissed, pushing his glasses up his nose, "What happened?"

Rosier was still on the ground just lying there glaring at me. Shit.

"Peter!" James spoke my name loudly, "Why'd you attack him?"

"He was coming your way." I answered under my breath as the trolley witch grabbed my arm roughly still going on and on about me being immature.

"You'll be going right to the Headmaster as soon as you get off the train!" The trolley witch exclaimed, her brown eyes wild. "Magic outside of school! Just because term started doesn't mean you can just start attacking each other!"

She spun on James who suddenly looked apprehensive when she eyed him up and down and noted the golden Head Boy badge on his chest. "Wake him up and make sure he's okay!" she snapped at James, nodding her head to Rosier who was still lying there.

I sent James an apologetic look when I saw his face as the trolley lady dragged me rather rudely to the train. James was probably in more trouble waking up Rosier than I was seeing the Headmaster when I got off the train. Rosier wanted James' head on a silver platter for taking the Head Boy position out from underneath him. That's probably the reason Rosier had been advancing on James in the first place.

"My trunk!" I said to the lady, trying to keep up with her long stride, "It's just sitting there."

"Someone'll get it." She hissed, pulling me along like I was a bloody first year.

We got on the train and a few students stared as I was dragged along. I passed by a few other Slytherin's who were no doubt mates with Rosier because they were glaring at me rather intensely and then one of them suddenly smiled at me. Taken aback I stared at the blonde haired boy in surprise as we passed.

"Nice wandwork Pettigrew!" he told me as the evil trolley witch pulled me along.

"Thanks." I said, unsure of why he was complimenting me for attacking one of his fellow housemates.

I really hoped that this wasn't going to get back to my mother. I don't think she'd be really happy if she heard I was starting fights on the first day of school. James would probably be mad too—I'd left him with the only other person at Hogwarts he hates more than Severus Snape. Merlin, I couldn't even think of a proper excuse. When the Headmaster asks me why I attacked Rosier all I have to say is 'Well sir, it looked like he was about to attack my best mate so I just shot him with a spell.'

Sounds perfect.

I'm going to get detention.

So much for promising my mum I'd do well and not get in trouble this year in school…

She should really expect less of me.

**~~~Tomorrow it'll be today soon so don't wait until it's too late to move ~~~**

I think getting Rosier out of the half body bind Peter had hit him with felt incredibly unnatural. Especially since I just wanted leave him on the ground. The evil smirk he was giving me as I knelt down and picked up his wand before pointing my own at him to un-lift the curse gave me the skin bumps. What was even more chilling was the fact that as soon as he was up on his feet he still didn't say anything to me.

In the time it took for me to recover Rosier from his leg bind, Lily was at my side, her own wand out with a certain protective air about her. I noted that Remus held back, probably to nervous about confronting the very person that had ruined his life. Remembering the exact reason why I loathed Rosier I chucked the extra wand in my hand at the silent Slytherin. Rosier caught it, made a rude hand gesture at Lily who snapped and shouted after his retreating back "Ten points from Slytherin!"

I knew a bloke like Rosier could care less about a point system. His silence unnerved me even more. Rosier was not one to keep his mouth shut about anything. It gave me the creeps and I put my arm around Lily's waist protectively, pulling her closer to my side as she fumed off in his direction.

"Can we prove that he's a Death Eater?" she asked me under her breath, "I want him out of this damn school."

I looked at her sadly. Lily had told me she believed that she saw Rosier carried the dark mark, a kind of tattoo that only Death Eater's have. I found myself wanting to believe her completely but at the same time I wondered why Rosier was at Hogwarts if he was within a dark wizards inner circle. Why would there be Death Eater's at Hogwarts?

Remus was waiting for us at the door of the train and the train whistled to call for the last riders. I wrapped my arm tighter around her waist and nodded towards Remus, "Come on." I told her softly, "We should get on the train."

Lily didn't answer so I assumed she was just thinking about Rosier. I figured it was okay to have her stuck on Rosier so it could give me some time to figure out how to get Peter out of trouble for attacking Rosier. As much as I'm sure Rosier deserved it—to all the eyes at the platform it had certainly looked like Peter's attack was unprovoked.

Remus was also silent as we got onto the train and I was pulled to my worries about Peter to worry about Remus. As we walked past full compartments all eyes turned to glare at Remus. Remus was getting redder and redder and I swore I could see a meltdown coming as soon as we escaped to an empty compartment. Remus did not do well under intense scrutiny and everyone on the train was staring at him like he was some sort of mutation.

People were actually closing the doors to their compartment anytime we looked in. We passed by a compartment that included Fabian Prewett and Marlene Mckinnon, two of our fellow Gryffindors and they stared at us with an unwelcome glare. I felt Lily tense up beside me and I looked down to see her raising her chin in defiance when Marlene sent her a disbelieving look. I felt a rush of pride for Lily because she was choosing the high road when it came to a situation like this. I couldn't expect anything less from Lily who always spoke about giving everyone the same respect.

"Here's one." Remus spoke up as we reached the end of the train.

The compartment was smaller and more cramped than most of the other compartments but considering it was simply the three of us we settled in, putting our trunks up against the racks. The train was just starting to move when I realized with a noise of frustration that I'd forgotten Peter's own trunk on the platform. Cursing myself for my mistake I leaned back against the compartment chair in anger. Nothing was going right today. A hand on my face reminded me I wasn't alone and I looked over into Lily's eyes.

"Hey," she smiled, "Smile."

I was able to crack a smile at her sudden optimistic attitude. Normally Lily was the one that needed a reminder to chill out.

"What time do we have to meet the prefects?" I asked her.

"In twenty minutes." Lily answered, sighing and looking over at Remus, "I wish you were coming Remus."

Remus sent her a small smile before pulling out a book and sticking his nose in it. Lily frowned at him before looking at me in worry. I'd hear about how worried she was for Remus later. I knew that look on her face. It was the look she got whenever she was worried about someone else. I'd taken it upon myself to recognize that look because it meant she wanted to talk to someone about it and with Remus being the subject—that someone was going to be me.

The silence was uncomfortable to Lily, I could tell right away because she wrapped her arms in knots and stared out the window. The only thing I could hear was the flipping of pages as Remus read his book. I knew both probably wanted to talk to me but they didn't want to talk to me while the other was in the room. It surprised me how cold Remus was being words Lily. Of all my mates Remus had been the most supportive over my crush on Lily.

"We should start heading that way if we don't want to be late." I told the silent red headed girl who looked at me in surprise when I spoke up.

"Okay." She answered, straightening her robes and eyeing Remus, "Later Remus." She offered.

"Bye." Was his monotone reply to Lily who frowned even deeper this time.

As soon as we closed the door to Remus' lonely compartment she erupted, probably spewing out the thousands of things she'd been thinking while sitting there for the past fifteen minutes.

"James he's being ridiculous. You realize that don't you?" she demanded of me as I checked to make sure I hadn't forgotten the golden Head Boy badge on my dresser this morning before I'd left the house.

"Lily," I said, staring down at her.

"I'm his friend." She said, swinging her red hair over her shoulder and looking at me significantly, "We've always been mates."

"I know Lily," I answered, taking her hand in mine, "Just give him some time."

"I'm just saying. I think you should talk to him." She squeezed my hand with her own, "Are you ready to be a Head Boy?" she switched the conversation slyly.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I lied, mostly because I didn't want to have to explain to Lily how I was getting jitters about having to direct people around and follow rules like I knew what I was doing.

A smile lifted her face and we stopped in front of the carriage we were supposed to meet everyone. She was staring up at me with her face literally beaming. She was already the sweetest girl I've ever known. Lily was already so supportive of me—even though I knew I had no idea how to be a Head boy. I was captain of the Quidditch Team. I was the person who charmed all the Hufflepuff's clothes and turned them pink. I was the one who made the third corridor rain for days thanks to my transfiguration of the ceiling into storm clouds.

I was no rule follower.

I was no head boy and everyone would see right through my façade.

I sighed, "I don't know if I can do this." I moaned, wondering why on earth Lily was so sure of me considering a while back she would've been the first to say this was a terrible idea.

"Good because I was really hoping I wasn't the only one who thought you were a bad pick." His voice made me cringe and I automatically felt stupid for blurting that out to Lily in public. Lily's face turned red as she went to snap at the speaker but her face turned even redder when she saw who it was being an absolute asshole.

"Snape." I said coolly, letting my fists curl and hoping he noted that I was ready to deduct points off his ass anytime.

Severus Snape was literally the only person I hated just as much as I hated Rosier. Snape let his black eyes give Lily a once around which made it even harder for me not to just go ahead and punch him in the face. Lily however had managed to make her face return to it's original color and she wrapped her hand in my own to pull me to her side, away from the perfect opportunity to smash the smirk off his face.

"Nice to see you too Severus." Lily hissed with her teeth clenched in a scary smile.

He brushed past us with an air of satisfaction and I was really happy Lily was around because I seriously felt like throwing him off the train. Lily appeared just as angry as me because she didn't say anything unless another prefect came to the start of the meeting. Once we had sixteen people inside the compartment we entered together, Lily had let go of my hand but I didn't mind. I assumed it was to keep it professional.

"Hello everyone." Lily offered smiles to all eight passengers who all wore expressions of either boredom or expressions of interest. "Let's get right down to business."

Two Hufflepuff's appeared very friendly and the Ravenclaws were taking notes of anything Lily happened to say that was important. I made it in my own interests to watch the Slytherin's closely out of distrust. Rosier was one of the prefects this year for Slytherin and if looks could kill I'd be on the ground dead before you could say quaffle.

I was pretty sure it would be Lily running the show with these duties. I was only here because I couldn't handle the thought of her being alone with Rosier. I was thankful now I had decided to become Head Boy but I was still worried. It was clear by all the looks I was getting that everyone thought I couldn't do it. I wasn't supposed to be on this side of the law. I wasn't known for following the rules. I was known for breaking them.

Sure, I'd been better last year but I'd still managed to get suspended because of something my best mate had done to my other best mate. When it came down to it—I was always getting in trouble.

"—and this is James."

Lily saying my name made me look up in surprise. Everyone was watching me expectantly.

"Er, Hello everyone." I smiled, "I'm James. It's likely you all know that already." I winked, earning a laugh from mostly everyone in the room, "I'm your Head Boy." The terminology felt alien coming from me. Remus should be Head Boy.

"If you need anything you can come to either of us." Lily said, smiling kindly at me and then the rest of the school's student leaders, "Our first meeting will be announced as soon as James and I have spoken to the Head Master tonight."

Oh Shit. I forgot about that. Normally the blokes and I have a night out on the town in Hogsmede to celebrate the first day of Hogwarts. Then I remembered—half of my mates weren't even talking to start with. My life had taken a turn—a drastic turn to how it was a few months before this.

**~~~How many times do you need second chances? Not everybody gets another second chance~~~**

Being Head Girl was exhausting. I was already exhausted from running around, guiding people to the dormitories and making sure I didn't miss the meeting with the Headmaster. James was holding together well but I think he was more in a state of shock at how much work being Head Boy was. He was acting really sweet with the first years though and I smiled to myself when he was ruffling one boy's hair like he always ruffled his own.

It was later that night when we were relaxing by the fire that we argued. I had really been enjoying just simply sitting down and resting before classes officially started in the morning. James and I were the only one's left in the common rooms because we had been placed with rounds until midnight and had only gotten back.

Peter came down the stairs, surprising the both of us. I noted he looked miserable and James let go of me to scoot over and make room for Peter who slumped in between us.

"McGonagall gave me a weeks worth of detention." He said, anger evident in his voice.

"You did attack a student." I reminded him.

I should have kept my mouth shut.

"Rosier was going to curse you!" Peter said flabbergasted.

"He wouldn't dare." I rolled my eyes, "not on the platform."

"I think she's saying this is my fault." Peter said in disbelief looking to James.

I looked at James too. He couldn't deny Peter got himself into this mess. As much as I didn't trust Rosier he wasn't the type of person to attack in pubic—he was too sneaky for that. James ruffled his hair, which was a sure-fire sign that he was nervous.

I rolled my eyes, "Honestly." I hissed, standing up and leaving both of them on the couch alone, "Peter attacked a student and got his punishment. If it were Snape who had attacked Peter on the platform you would be demanding for Snape to be expelled." I crossed my arms and glared at James who stared back at me with a frown etched on his pale face.

"She gave me a weeks worth of detentions and didn't even think of punishing Rosier." Peter snapped back at me, glaring, "That's a bit unfair don't you think?"

"Rosier didn't _do_ anything." I stressed, looking at James for support but he seemed pretty content staying out of my argument with Peter who was being stubborn. Did stubbornness just thrive in the four boys?!

"I'm going to bed."

"Bye." Peter said, happy to see me go.

I glared at Peter and made a face at James who purposely just shrugged my way.

"Is this how you're going to be when you decide when kids get points taken or detentions? Playing favorites?" I looked at James who suddenly appeared furious.

"Of course not!" he said, standing up and glaring, livid, at me, "I just think Rosier was probably up to something and Peter helped us out by distracting him! You forget he wanted Head Boy and is pretty peeved I took it from him."

"That still doesn't excuse Peter." I said, nodding to the sandy haired boy who was glowering at me. "He attacked a student."

"Lily." James seemed annoyed, "It's Rosier. You shouldn't _care_."

"That's not the point!" I shouted, not understanding why he didn't understand what I was trying got get across.

"Then what is your point?" He shouted back before turning on his heel in anger and running his fingers through his hair.

"I'm done." I said coldly, once he'd shouted, "Goodnight."

"Lil! Lily!" he called after me but I ignored him.

If he was going to stand there and defend Peter for fighting a student would he stand there and defend any Gryffindor who attacked Slytherin's in the hallway? Would James always be taking sides? James always had a strong sense of loyalty to anyone he felt a connection too. He was a true Gryffindor through and through but that wasn't always a good thing.

I didn't see James that next morning. In fact I didn't see anyone I actually wanted too. I'd gotten to bed so late I hadn't seen any of my roommates because all their curtains were closed. When I woke up for class the next morning I'd found that all of them had gotten up early and gone to the Great Hall for breakfast already. I don't know why I expected James to wait for me in the morning but when I finally pulled on my robes and headed down the stairs to the common room only a few first years were walking around.

One of them smiled momentarily at me and I smiled back before checking to make sure my Head Girl badge was pinned to my robes. Luckily, I hadn't forgotten it and, hitching my school bag over my shoulder, I made my way to breakfast.

To a first year, Hogwarts probably seemed huge and never ending but to me after seven years, I felt right at home in the long hallways with the ancient glass covered windows and ghosts that drifted out of the walls. The pictures on the walls moved unlike the ones in the world I had grown up in and some of the wizards in the pictures even waved at me as I made my way to the expansive staircases that helped students get around the castle. I think my favorite part about being back at Hogwarts was that I was back in a place where magic existed. When I was younger I used to read Peter Pan and wished and wished magic like flying was real (even though it turns out I'm not the best flyer).

Despite the fight that James, Peter, and I had gotten into last night I wasn't really upset. Hogwarts was my home and I was back for my last year.

The Great Hall was one of my favorite places in all of Hogwarts mostly because of the enchanted ceiling that reflected the sky. This morning the sky according to the ceiling was a shiny and bright, perfect day. I hoped that meant today was going to be as excellent as I hoped.

"Ah, there you are Miss Evans!"

One of my professors, Professor McGonagall came walking up to me briskly. In her hands she held a bunch of papers that no doubt had each students weekly schedule exclusively written on it. The Transfiguration Professor rooted through the pages until she found one and handed it to me.

"Note that your Advanced Divination lessons have been permanently cancelled and replaced with Professional Care of Magical Creatures." I opened my mouth to protest but Professor McGonagall shook her head before I could even get a word out, "I'm sorry Evans but Professor Thornbristle had to leave rather abruptly and that was the only class I could transfer you into. Make sure you drop by the library to pick up a copy of the required text."

She moved on to a first year that was looking incredibly worrisome over her own schedule. I sighed as I examined the schedule and noticed that because of the Divination mix up I was not stuck in 9 o' clock Advanced Potions. I hated having potions so early in the morning. I could never focus as much and now I had Professional Care? I didn't want to work with animals! I wanted to work in the Ministry!

"Hey Lily." A voice behind me commented and I turned to only find myself staring into black eyes.

"Hi Aaron." I answered smiling kindly at the Ravenclaw Quidditch Player who I spoke to on occasion, "How was your summer?"

"Good." He flashed a friendly smile back, stuffing his hands into his pockets; "I was honestly coming by to see if you had Advanced Potions Mondays and Wednesdays with me."

"At nine?" I questioned and when he nodded I confirmed that I did indeed have Potions at nine.

"Cool." He tilted his head slightly examining me, "Want to be partners?"

"Of course!" I answered looking behind him when I saw a guy with a mess of back hair and square framed glasses enter the hall with two other boys, "See you in an hour?"

Aaron seemed surprised that I was blowing him off so quickly but he nodded and left for his own table. I tried to catch James' eye but I watched as he didn't even look for me at the table and went to grab a piece of toast over Marlene Prewett's shoulder. Marlene made a face at him and he ignored her before turning to walk out of the Great Hall with Remus and Peter. All three boys looked annoyed and were talking too each other with intensity. I bit my lip and watched him go, debating if I should follow but then I remembered that I needed to get the book for Magical Creatures before Potions started.

I grabbed some bacon to go and made my way for the library. I ran into a few students I knew but mainly the halls stayed empty. As I entered the sun filled library I made my way for the textbook shelves and waved kindly at the librarian who waved kindly back my way.

"Congrats on Head Girl, Evans." Madame Pince offered kindly.

"Thanks," I smiled at the Librarian.

I was fingering the spines of the books and just found _Magical Creatures_ when voices entered the almost silent library.

"It isn't my fault that the map went missing and you know it."

That was Sirius' voice.

I turned and saw that Sirius and James were coming up to the front section of the library. In the back, I hadn't been spotted yet but I was okay with that because James looked even more annoyed than this morning. I was suddenly wondering if my attitude with him yesterday over Peter had simply made him permanently irritable.

"Fine. But if you catch wind of where it went come tell me." James, without even looking around, left the library.

Sirius sighed deeply and then caught sight of me at the end of the library. I pulled my book for Magical Creatures and let Sirius catch up to me on my way to check out the book before offering him a hello.

"In the library already Ginger?" he teased as Madame Pince checked out my book.

"Divination was cancelled." I answered, "Why are you here?"

"I was following you until James tracked me down." He answered calmly, examining a stack of books arranged on the edge of the check out desk. "Speaking of James…do you know why he seems a bit tense?"

"Probably because of Peter." I answered.

"Why Peter?" Sirius seemed amused by that answer.

"He attacked Rosier on the platform."

"Wait. What?" Sirius looked gleeful.

"You heard me." I answered. I pushed the book into my bag as we walked out of the library, "He got detention."

Sirius grinned, stopping to lean back against the library doors. "What did James say?"

"James and I aren't speaking at the moment." I said, avoiding his eye contact when he looked at me with interest.

"What is it over now?" he sounded as exasperated as I felt.

"Peter." I said, "He was complaining about getting detention and I kind of told him he deserves it." The anger I had last night resurfaced and I cleared my throat.

Sirius snorted as he rolled up the sleeves of his robes, "Peter? More like Rosier."

I sighed with irritation, "Sure, we all know Rosier is the bad guy in this picture but that's not the point."

"What is the point then Ginger?" Sirius' grey eyes sparkled when he looked my way and I sent him a keen look.

"That James thought it was unfair that Peter got the detentions. Peter attacked a student who hadn't done anything threatening. If James is going to judge students by bias then he's not cut out to be Head Boy." I explained to Sirius as we walked back towards to main section of the castle, "As much as I can't stand Rosier I saw the whole thing on the platform and while Peter may not deserve a whole week of detention he still had to be punished."

Sirius was silent as he let my explanation sink in. Suddenly he pulled out a cigarette and lighted it with a lighter he'd pulled out at the same time. I opened my mouth to protest as he put it in his mouth—ignoring me.

"Sirius Black you _cannot_ smoke!" I snapped, reaching for the fag in his mouth but he just grinned and jumped out of my reach.

"Why not?" he asked, after he'd purposely taken a long drag.

I stopped and stomped my foot, "Because this is school!" I said like it was blatantly obvious.

"Oh right." He grinned pleasantly, "We are in school."

I shook my head at him as he put the cigarette back into his mouth and watched me all the while. We had a stare down and he smirked that unbelievably aggravating smirk as he took the cigarette from his mouth, letting the smoke swirl around his hand as he examined me.

"Biased."

"What?" I snapped, tapping my foot, waiting for him to stomp out his smoke infused addiction.

"You're biased." He chuckled, throwing the butt on the ground and stomping it with his foot against the grey stone of the floor, "If I had been another student you would've had that fag out of my mouth and out the window faster than you could've said Quidditch."

I opened my mouth to protest but he stepped forward and put his hand over my mouth and the strong smell of smoke came into my nose. I wrinkled my nose in defiance of his action.

"You waited for me to make a choice where as you wouldn't have done that for a first year. Admit it Ginger." He let go of my mouth and when I licked my lips I found the taste of his cigarettes on my lips making me wrinkle my nose once more.

"Go jump off the astronomy tower." I said, walking off without checking to see if he was following but his small chuckle behind me let me know he was.

I was not biased. I was about to take that fag out of his mouth with magic if I had too—he'd just taken it out before I could. I tried to ignore the fact that Sirius was probably right. I wouldn't have waited, I would've had my wand out and levitated the fag from his mouth out the window if he had been any other student but I'd grown fond of Sirius—so I'd given him a chance.

Maybe I had been a bit harsh with Peter.

**~~~Your secrets and regrets are keeping you from going very far and you can't let all this get you down and keep you living in the dark cause all you're looking for is love~~~**

I hadn't seen Lily all day and I was worried that she was still mad about last night. My last class of the day was Professional Care of Magical Creatures, a fill in for Divination since the Professor for Divination had skipped out at last minute. I knew that I'd have to see Lily here because we'd both been in Advanced Divination so we'd both have to be transferred to Professional Care.

It didn't surprise me much to find her sitting in the front of the classroom with her red hair braided and thrown over her shoulder. Most of the class had arrived and the professor was simply waiting for the bell to ring. The class was small, only six of us in all but that didn't surprise me. It was a seventh year only class and for students who wanted to specialize in plants and animals.

I moved up along the rows of desks and sat down next to Lily who sent me a sideway glance before frowning when she saw who I was...yeah she was still mad about the whole Peter ordeal. Lily was just as stubborn as I was sometimes.

"Alright, Evans?" I offered her a small smile but she coldly looked back up at the Professor. "Oh, come _on_ Lil." I said in annoyance.

The bell rang leaving me only one option: to pass notes like a first year. She sent me an amused glance when the paper landed on her desk and I was relieved to see a small smile on her face as she read it.

_Are you going to be mad at me forever?_

_**Probably not. For some reason I do fancy you.**_

_Look, I don't know why I made you so mad last night but I'm sorry._

I watched as she read over that and sent me a fleeting look before leaning over. It looked like she was writing a novel and by the time I got the parchment back it appeared she had.

_**Do you even realize that as head boy you have to be totally and completely unbiased? So you can't just sit there and justify everything your friends do? Peter attacked another student and he got what he deserved—sure it was a weeks worth of detentions but Professor Dumbledore must've had a reason for that!**_

I made a face at her and she made a face back, her little nose crinkling against her face. I rolled my eyes and took my quill to the paper.

_Coming from the same girl who justified and forgave Sirius for everything he did._

Her face turned red and her shoulders admitted defeat. For a moment she appeared to be arguing with herself and then she glanced at me for real. Her green eyes examined my face and then she bent over the parchment again. She passed his too me with her eyes trained on the professor who was writing notes on the first dragon trade in wizard history. I doubted either of us had written anything down.

_**Will you please just promise me that when you have to start punishing students you'll do it fairly?**_

I frowned and realized what was upsetting her. She thought I'd dish out punishments to Slytherins and not other students. She thought I'd still be the same fifteen year old who picked on Severus Snape because he happened to be best friends with the very girl I was sitting next to. As much as life had been easier back then—as much as the fifteen year old still existed in me—I had changed. Or at least I'd tied to change.

I crumpled up the parchment and stuck it in my bag then reached over and grabbed her hand that had been resting on her desk. She looked surprised at my reaction but sent me a small smile and let her fingers lock into mine.

It was the closest thing to promising her that I could manage. I couldn't promise entirely because I wasn't the type of guy to just forgive and forget. Rosier had deserved Peter's attack on the platform. Lily was kind and often thought of others no matter how rude they'd been to her—or how much they had threatened her. I wasn't going to sit around and let an asshole like Rosier get away with anything.

Once the bell rang Lily and I packed up and left together. I was happy we were no longer arguing and I could throw my arm around her shoulders as we walked along the hallway. The day was done and we headed for the Great Hall to get dinner.

"I saw you with Sirius in the library." Lily said innocently as we walked along.

I looked down at her in surprise, "You were in the library?"

"Getting the book for class." Lily nodded, "Why were you asking Sirius about a map?"

I tried not to let surprise flicker across my face but I couldn't help it as I looked down at her. The Marauders Map was a precious piece of magic that Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I had created in our fifth and six years at Hogwarts. It had every corridor, every secret door, every room of Hogwarts drawn perfectly but that wasn't the best part about it: the map showed everyone in the castle, wherever they happened to be.

We'd lost the map last year after I'd gotten wind of Sirius' deception and Snape's prank. In a hurry I'd left the map in a classroom on the fourth floor racing after Sirius and Snape…the map was gone when I went back the next night to search for it.

"I didn't ask him about a map." I lied through my teeth, smiling at her, "What are you talking about?"

She pursed her lips but thankfully didn't question me anymore. Lily might know the big part of our secret but she had no idea that another immense part of the secret included the map and included my mates and I turning into various animals.

"Okay, well are you going to figure out Quidditch Practice so that I can schedule meetings, Hogsmede weekends, and rounds?" She asked me, leaning into my side and eyeing Evan Rosier apprehensively as he glared at us as we walked into the Great Hall.

"Yeah," I replied, tucking my arm around her waist and pulling her in closer because of Rosier's malicious glare, "I'll do that tonight."

We walked to the Gryffindor Table and I looked for my normal seat towards the middle of the long table. Normally the Gryffindor Quidditch team sat there at night and we all talked about flying and matches but I was surprised to find most of my players scattered towards the end of the table. Marlene McKinnon was one of my players and the girl Lily called her best friend but when she turned to look at both of us enter the hall her look was inhospitable.

"Come on James." Lily spoke, leading the way to the empty middle, "Let's sit here."

"What's Marlene's problem?" I hissed, following Lily.

My answer came in the form of Remus Lupin falling into a seat beside me with Peter not too far behind.

"Hello." Came Remus' short and terse greeting telling me his day hadn't been great.

"So I've decided that it'd be worth a months detention to curse half of the idiots in this damn school." Peter told me as he piled mashed potatoes onto his plate, "I've been with Remus all of today and not once has anyone even looked our way."

"And if they have it's with pure fear." Remus mumbled, trying to sound nonchalant but the crack in his voice was hard to miss.

"On a good note," Peter said in a false cheery voice, "We always get first pick of seats."

I sighed and glanced at Lily who was forcefully sticking the fork into her peas like she was stabbing someone. I was about to try and say something to cheer everyone up when Sirius appeared and sat on the other side of the table. Almost immediately Remus stood up and left but not before sending me a patronizing look. We'd argued this morning about Sirius and Remus had been all for letting Sirius spend the rest of his life friendless.

Once again, I was torn between friends.

"Should I go with Remus?" Peter asked me and I shook my head.

"No it's fine. No one will bother him." I glanced at Lily who I noticed hadn't said anything which was unlike her. I saw her staring over at her friends who were sitting at the edge of the table and felt guilt when I realized she was damaging her friendship with her mates to try and help make Remus feel more welcome. I felt a burst of warmth rush through me for the only girl in this school who would dare be friends with a werewolf.

I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, letting my lips linger on her soft skin. "Want to come to the common room with me to make sure Remus gets there?"

She nodded and stood up without even looking twice at the food. We walked slowly hand in hand back to the Gryffindor Tower and I occasionally glanced over at her. I couldn't have picked a better girlfriend because in only a few days she'd proven she was the most kind, caring, and passionate person I'd ever known.

"You're great." I told her out loud. "You know that right?"

She smiled bashfully and squeezed my hand as we climbed the stairs getting closer to the entrance to Gryffindor tower. When we got to the portrait hole I waited patiently for her to open it and as soon as she had I offered her help inside. I spotted Remus sitting at the fireplace staring into the flames, not even looking up as we entered. Happy to see he'd made it I glanced at Lily who looked at Remus with concern written across her face.

The worry and concern she had for Remus just made me wish we were in a dark secluded corner of the castle. Her green eyes were trained on Remus, ready to go try and make him feel better. It didn't matter that Remus would never even talk to her while he was like this. She just wanted to help. I was pleased to find everyone still down at dinner and I took Lily by the hand and led her to the boy's staircase.

"Come on." I told her when she stopped at the staircase.

With a small smile and another squeeze of the hand she followed me up the stairs and into my dormitory.

"Will Remus be okay?" she asked as we passed the many dormitory doors until we reached the top of the tower labeled 7th Year Boys.

I nodded as I opened the door to the bedroom, which had five large four-poster beds lined up against the wall. I led Lily to the bed closest to the large windowsill and let go of her hand to drop into it. Lily sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, watching me as I lay back against the pillow.

"Are you going to talk to him?" she asked me then, watching me with her mesmerizing green eyes.

"Probably." I replied, "Later, after he stops pouting."

She rose and eyebrow, "You don't sound to awfully concerned about him."

I cracked a smile and sat up, grabbing her hand, "I'm more worried about why you aren't talking to your friends."

Her face flipped into a deep frown, "I told you what Marlene said to me."

I remembered her being upset about Marlene saying she couldn't be friends with anyone who was friends with a werewolf. I guess all of Lily's friends were following Marlene's example and ignoring Lily. Lily was placing her friendship on hold for my mate. What kind of girl does that?

I slipped one of my hands from her hands and let it hug her cheek affectionately. Her face tinged red and her green eyes fluttered to my eyes with an expectation. She didn't even guess that I was about to kiss her because she leaned her head in just as I did.

Just like normal, my heart picked up speed like I was high up in the clouds about to plummet to the earth. Just like normal, her lips contoured to mine and grew steadily rushed in the heat of the moment. I'd kissed more than one girl in my life but Lily—Lily was exceptional. She tried to pull away from me but I pushed my hands into her hair, wrapping strands around my fingers and roughly moved her lips back against mine.

I wanted more; I wanted to show her how much she meant to me. She was perfect—more than I had dreamed. Supportive of my friends, of me, and stubborn as hell. She didn't even have to try—I was already head over heels in love with her.

She sighed deeply against my lips, finally relaxing and letting her hands escape from their placement at my waist. One hand found it's way knotted in my hair and her other hand was on my cheek, pulling me in like a magnet.

I pulled her up against me and we fell back onto the bed, our legs becoming a tangle of appendages. We broke apart, breathing heavily, our chests rising and falling. She brushed her hand back against her red hair that had all but fallen out of its braid from earlier. She rested her forehead against mine, smiling warmly at me before straightening my glasses on the bridge of my nose for me.

"I'm starting to think you only brought me up here for a quick snog." She teased, placing a kiss affectionately on my chin, making my toes curl.

Maybe it was true but I wasn't embarrassed to admit it. I caught her mouth just as she was about to speak again and ran my own lips across her chin and down her neck making her compose a soft sound in the back of her throat.

"James." She laughed, pushing at my chest as I pulled her closer, "We can't just snog in the middle of the dormitory."

I frowned at her, "Says who?" I disagreed, kicking off my shoes and earning a glare from her, "And don't glare at me like that—it only makes me want you more."

As if to prove my point I planted a kiss firmly on her mouth, breathing in deeply as her fingers found their way back to my hair when she kissed me back. She then must have decided I was right because she left my lips and was leaving a trail of hot kisses across my chin and neck, pushing her hips against my own without thinking.

It was that final touch that made me realize that perhaps this hadn't been the greatest idea. Her legs were tangled in mine and she was closer to me than she'd ever been before. This was my dream literally coming true and my body couldn't handle it. I was on fire and Lily being this close and dressed wasn't going to last for much longer. I was a bloke who happened to have fantasized about Lily Evans on this bed more than once. With as much strength as I could muster I pushed away from her with a small frown.

She grinned at me, her red hair framing her green eyes perfectly when she spoke, "Don't look at me like that it only makes me want you more." She mocked my words from only minutes before.

_Bloody Hell._ If Sirius hadn't walked in at that exact moment with Remus trailing behind him I might've just given into Lily's devilish smirk right then and there. Lily had looked over her shoulder and spotted the pair and I almost thought she might stay anyways but with a quick smile my way she flipped off the bed looking not even the least bit flustered.

"Don't forget to figure out Quidditch Practice tonight." She reminded me, only a slight pink tinge to her cheeks as she walked towards Sirius and Remus who were looking at us both with snarky looks, "see you in the morning James."

"Did we interrupt a quick shag?" Sirius joked out loud when Lily closed the door behind her.

I probably shouldn't have charmed Sirius' black hair pink for his smart-ass comment but I was happy to see Remus smile for the first time in weeks because I did.

* * *

**This chapter is dedicated to twilightstargazer for being my 100th reviewer and never failing to make me smile with her reviews! Lyrics belong to Pillar and the song is called "Secrets and Regrets".**

xxx

Sasha


	16. Hush, Hush

**Chapter 16:**

**The "hold it all in"**

**This pattern starts to win**

**A paper doll army full of colorful defenses.**

**With sound and no longer tears apart where you can see it.**

**For the sake of your lover's heart turn the light to the pieces**

**Hush, hush.**

"Remus, I'm going to do it. Peter doesn't have to know—It'll just be me!" James begged me, pleading more like it. If we hadn't been walking down to the Great Hall for lunch I think he would've been on his hands and knees imploring me to let him come to The Shack tonight.

I didn't want his help. I didn't want anyone's help, especially James' help because he wanted to help by sneaking out of the castle to meet me at the shrieking shack in his _illegal_ animagus form. As much as I knew it was better for me because I wasn't alone—it was also more dangerous. There had been so many close calls when it was James, Sirius, and Peter in their animagus forms together and I couldn't imagine what it would be like if it was just James. It was only four months before when I'd almost murdered Severus Snape.

I glanced sideways at him to check and see what his facial expression exactly looked like and was disappointed to see that even though he was begging, his face was set in his stubborn look.

It was the same look he got when Sirius used to tell him he'd never even get Lily Evans to look at him twice…and look how that turned out. That's when I wondered if I could get Lily on my side-Lily was always trying to help because for some reason she liked to fix everyone's problems. I'd noticed that about her. Either way if I told Lily half of what James planned to do I bet she would hold him down all night if need be to keep James away from me as a werewolf.

"James, hush." I was about to tell him kindly to keep the heck away from me tonight when the first howl sounded.

"What the Hell?" James cursed, spinning around to look behind us.

We had walked into the Great Hall where lunch was underway. On a Friday and in-between classes it was probably the most populated place in Hogwarts and probably the worst place for me. Students had been moderately foul to me in the natural way with rude looks and moving away from wherever I was this week. People I had once counted as friends no longer even looked at me but since today was the first full moon where people knew what was wrong with me…

The second howl came from the other side of the hall and then a few more voices howled and I knew that this was no coincidence. They were making fun of me. Tears pricked my eyes just as James grabbed my arm roughly.

"They're just _pricks_ Remus. Ignore it." James hissed, trying to pull me to the Gryffindor table where at least three of the younger students stared at us with smirks on their face. The howls got louder and then there was one right at my side.

With my brain in a fog from all the blood rushing to my head I turned slowly to face the person mocking me, clear as day. He was laughing at me, a devilish leer smacked across his face. His name was Aaron Jackson and he was a Ravenclaw Quidditch player, very popular and someone I had used to consider my friend. He howled again, his mates backing him up from behind, the howls making bumps rise on my arms.

It was like a nightmare.

I felt James move for his wand beside me and I realized how stupid of me it was to think for one fucking _moment_ that I could make people see that werewolves didn't have to be dangerous because people don't even care. Aaron Jackson and I had been potions partners for five years and he was sitting here publically humiliating me.

Jackson and his mates were laughing and clapping each other on the back and a few people around us were watching me closely over their pumpkin juice.

"Oi!"

Someone grabbed Jackson on the shoulder and spun him around and then Jackson fell to the floor gripping his nose with Sirius Black standing over him looking disgusted. Silence slowly set upon the Great Hall as people realized what was going on.

"Fuck off, Jackson." Sirius spat at Jackson who was helped up by his mates.

Jackson yanked himself from his mates grasp and pulled out his wand, pointing it at Sirius who snorted and pulled out his own wand lazily. In my shock I managed to pull out my own wand and I pointed it at Jackson just incase he decided to send a curse Sirius' way. It was a stand still and students were watching from their seats in shock and Jackson wiped blood from his face as he stared down Sirius who twirled his wand languidly.

Suddenly there was the sound of heels approaching us from behind "Sirius Black! Explain yourself!" Professor McGonagall appeared from the long teachers table in moments after the silence.

All of us put our wands away and faced our Professor who looked ready to murder us all. I heard James curse the day Sirius was born behind me. Sirius looked behind me at James apologetically, he always did that look after he did something wrong. I covered my face with my hands in embarrassment and looked through my fingertips in horror as Sirius pointed at Aaron Jackson who appeared to have a broken nose.

"Jackson was mocking my best mate for being a werewolf and I don't really appreciate that." Sirius looked at me smugly, "So I punched the git."

"Sirius." James hissed beside me with clear conflict in his voice.

I was feeling the conflict myself. The clash of if I should smile at Sirius for his clear daring of protecting me or to glare at him for getting in trouble for getting into fights with students over me. Finally, after a moment of confliction I let a small smile escape to let him know I was thankful to him for punching Jackson.

That was all it took because Sirius walked up to me and threw an arm around me like the fight between us had never happened, like he wasn't the reason all this was happening to me in the first place.

"I'll have all of you know that Remus is twice the man any of you sodding blokes will ever be!" He announced to the watching students just as Professor McGonagall made a frustrated noise and pointed to Jackson who was glaring at Sirius with an obvious irritation.

"Black, Lupin, Jackson, you three are coming with me to the Headmaster's office." I looked at Sirius in horror; he'd landed me back in the Head Masters office.

"Sirius." I let the once common moan escape before I could harness it in and the grin I saw flicker off Sirius' face at my irritated state toward him only made me realize how much trouble I was exactly in.

Professor McGonagall led the way through the great hall and as I walked past all eyes remained on me. My face was no doubt, bright red in embarrassment over what had just happened. Sirius stayed close to my side, ever the loyal dog. Jackson was silent and was straying far enough ahead of me so that he didn't have to be too close. I was a monster after all…despite him being the one with a more monstrous personality.

The entire way to the Headmaster's office I tried to think of something to say to Sirius who was keeping his eyes locked on Jackson. I had so many thoughts running through my head. I'd told James that Sirius was trouble and here I was headed to the Headmaster's office because of something Sirius did. At the same time—Sirius had punched Jackson in my defense and James swore that Sirius shouldn't be left on his own because he's worse off.

After the Headmaster graced all three of us with a weeks worth detention with Filch I decided that despite how thankful I was for Sirius punching Jackson before James—who probably would've lost his badge—I couldn't deny that all of the bad things that kept happening to me were his fault.

I left the Headmaster's office with guilt and shame running through my veins. Dumbledore had warned all three of us that one more fight could result in harsher punishments. I was surprised that Sirius didn't add on the fact that Jackson had been making fun of me. Sirius just took the punishment without complaining and I wondered if the last time he'd been in this office arguing with the Headmaster had made Sirius too scared to even defend himself. Dumbledore had threatened to expel Sirius and I'm surprised Dumbledore didn't threaten Sirius again back in his office.

Jackson raced us out of the office and made his way out of our sight quickly. I don't blame him—Sirius wasn't known for giving up the chase too easily. I'd forgotten how much Sirius was actually like his illegal animagus, a big black furry mutt.

"I'm sorry for landing you in the Headmaster's office Remus." Those weren't words I'd expected out of his mouth and I really took a look at the shaggy haired Gryffindor who looked guilty. "I really am," he continued when I said nothing, "I just couldn't stand it. I walked into lunch and—"

"It's fine." I said, trying to brush him off with as little emotion as possible. I sped up my pace a little faster.

Sirius must've noticed my aversion for this conversation because he huffed, "I'm tired of this Remus. James is talking to me again, same with Peter. How long are you going to treat me like this?"

"How long will I be treated like a monster?" I answered coldly, spinning on my heel and pointing my finger into his chest, "Sirius, you ruined everything."

"People make mistakes Remus." Sirius pleaded, grey eyes begging much like James' had been earlier. "I made a mistake."

"And who is to say you won't make another that lands you or one of the other marauders in prison?" I hissed, stomping my foot in anger, "Or are you forgetting that there are three illegal _animagus_ running around Hogwarts?"

"Shut it." Sirius looked annoyed, "I told Snape because I was tired of him always following us around—being a sneak! Not to mention he and Rosier had just attacked Lily and James was a mess because of the whole accident!" his voice was raising and I shushed him but he ignored me, "I know it's a stupid excuse but damn it Remus, even _Lily_ is talking to me!"

I turned away from Sirius, crossing my arms, "I don't care Sirius. She doesn't know the whole story! About how her current boyfriend almost got mauled by me or about how the people she's been hanging around are walking targets for danger! She doesn't know anything like that and I'm pretty sure James still doesn't entirely trust you around her because he doesn't want her to know anything more!"

Sirius was quiet and I heard him sigh deeply before he spoke, "Right. Fine. Well I'm going to be there tonight. Just so you know. Right there at the willow making sure no one tries to get through."

"No!" I whipped around with such ferocity I actually made Sirius wince, "No, you and James are not coming to me tonight. Why do you two think it's a good idea?"

"We don't want you hurt." Sirius hissed, blinking slowly, "And no doubt Snape's told everyone how to get past the willow."

"I'll be fine." I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer, "Don't show up tonight Black, or I'll rip you to shreds."

Sirius wiggled out of my grasp before pulling his arrogant smirk, "You'll have to catch me first Moony. See you tonight." And then the idiot ran so that he put a considerable distance between me and him—no doubt afraid of my retaliation. He should be scared because I was going to retaliate and I'd get Peter's help but first I had to find Lily.

**~~~The fortune of a day is finding meaning in the making but you give up to the chaos with this systematic trade off~~~**

Fridays were my days off of everything. I had no classes and my Head Duties probably couldn't even be considered stressful since all they included was a quick round with my perfect, amazing boyfriend who happened to be the best guy in the world. James and I had originally planned to meet back up around noon in the common room so I headed back to Gryffindor Tower from my spot by the lake where I had been sketching out the calendar for the next few months.

I loved being outside, mostly because here in this world everything seemed more vibrant to me. I didn't know if it was because I was muggle born but everything was glorified no matter when I saw it. I loved watching owls swoop in and out of the owlry and my heart always skipped a beat when the giant squid made an appearance in the lake. Even though I couldn't fly on a broomstick very well I marveled at Quidditch when the students would fly higher than some of the birds and then dive back down towards the pitch without a care in the world. Sometimes I would see a Dumbledore's own gorgeous Pheonix he called Fawkes and that was always a treat because the bird sounded prettier than any songbird I'd ever heard.

I climbed up the steps to the North Tower, which would take me the back route to The Great Hall. It was longer but I figured I'd have less of a chance of running into anyone there. I'd made a conscience decision that I'd stay away from people as much as possible if I wasn't with one of the few people who thought it was worth their time to actually talk to me—despite who I'd obviously decided t be friends with.

This week had been difficult because the girls I'd normally sat with in classes had taken Marlene McKinnon's side and wouldn't even look at me. Most of the boys had decided the same as well so I was surprised when Aaron Jackson had asked if I'd be his partner in Potions even though he hardly talked to me except to say good morning. I was starting to wonder if he picked me because of my talents in potions.

I pushed my papers up underneath my elbow to open the tower doors and walked into the small courtyard that connected to one of the long hallways of classrooms on the first floor that were typically only used for study sessions and clubs. I made my way over to the only door that connected to that hallway and opened it with a swift tug. I walked through, letting my eyes adjust to the light and finding myself staring into the face of a boy about my age with dark brown hair and brown eyes to match. He was handsome and wore robes in an official kind of way that made me pause in my step.

"Hello." I said softly, closing the door behind me and mentally checking to make sure my wand was in my pocket.

I let my eyes trace the beard that covered his entire jaw and his brown eyes appeared familiar but I was unsure of whom exactly to place him as.

A smile played on his lips, "Why Lily Evans you don't look a day older." And I looked at him in surprise, trying to place his defined face in my mind of faces. When I didn't say anything he laughed and I thought he sounded familiar but who was he?

"Frank Longbottom. You were in fifth year when I was Head Boy." He held out his hand to me.

"Frank! I didn't recognize you with that beard!" I said in surprise, a smile appearing as I was shaking his hand, "What on earth are you doing here?"

Frank looked older than the last time I'd seen him but that didn't surprise me, it's been two years. I let my guard drop and I smiled brightly at the man who had single-handedly taken on taken on the worst year of being Head Boy ever because Anna Smith had gotten Head Girl and she was an absolute idiot with only one thing on her mind and in her bed.

He was my favorite Head Boy that I'd worked under as prefect and I was surprised to see him back at Hogwarts. I'd always expected Frank Longbottom to leave and never look back.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him

Frank ginned good naturedly and winked, "Can't stand to see me here during your reign as Head Girl?" he asked, pointing to the golden pin on my chest, "Saw that one coming the moment I met you, congrats!"

I smiled "Thank you…so what are you here for?" I repeated glancing over his shoulder when a few students walked past the doorway headed for the Great Hall where I needed to meet James.

Frank turned to look at where I had let my gaze wander before answering me back, "I'm here on assignment." At my blank look he grinned, "I passed Auror training at the start of the summer. I'm a Auror now!"

At his enthusiastic grin I squealed and hugged him tightly around the neck, pulling back to grin at him, "Frank that's fantastic! I'm so happy for you!" He beamed at me, his face only inches from mine.

"Thanks Lily." He said appreciatively, "I'm happy for you too! Head Girl! Maybe you'll follow in my footsteps!"

I laughed and hugged him tightly again, "I am really happy for you Frank, but what does being an Auror have to do with being here?"

That made Frank's smile falter like he wasn't sure if he should talk.

"He's here because of Remus."

I pulled away from Frank and looked around to see my boyfriend lying against the doorframe watching us, wand out. I noticed his hair was even more messy and uncontrolled today than normal. His glasses had slid to the bottom bridge of his nose and he was watching us with surprising antagonism. Certainly he wasn't looking or acting like the James Potter I adored. Great. I loved when he was moodier than Moaning Myrtle, the ghost that haunts the girls toilet.

"Remus?" I questioned his annoyed look.

James came into the classroom looking pissed off and ready to curse anything in sight. James walked to my side and threw his arm around my waist, glaring at Frank who looked taken aback at James.

"The ministry got so many owls from parents about Remus, I'm guessing that they sent aurors here for the full moon. Just in case." The poison laced tone to James' voice suggested that he was ready to fight to the death if Frank denied this claim.

Frank looked more confused as he looked at James, "Well, yeah. That's why."

James snorted and rolled his eyes before glancing down at me, "are you coming?"

"Are you done being rude?" I snapped back at him, blood rushing to my face with temper, "Frank knows Remus, remember? He went to bloody school here James."

Frank, in front of us, started laughing, "I knew I recognized you!" he eyed James with surprise, "You got Head Boy?" he eyed me, "Have you murdered him yet? It's Anna Smith all over again."

James didn't let me speak because he snapped, "She's handling it just fine thanks and I'm not Anna Smith."

Frank snorted, "No, I'd expect you're much worse."

I swear boys are worse than girls sometimes.

I saw James' hand leave my waist and he pointed his wand at Frank. I instantly pulled out my own wand, jumping to where I had good aim at both of the boys who were glaring at each other mirthlessly.

"You're an arse." James said, "No wonder you became an Auror."

"That's rich coming from a Potter." Frank snapped back.

"Better than being a Longbottom."

Frank raised his wand, snarling, and I jumped in the middle, taking James' hand, "Frank, I'm sorry. We're going to me late for rounds."

Frank dropped his wand and glance my way, "Right. See you later Lily?"

"Later." I nodded with an apologetic smile, "Come on James."

James looked like he'd rather try and beat the pulp out of an auror instead of come with me so I pulled hard on his arm and said more tersely, "James. Lets go." As soon as we had escaped the room I let go of his hand, ready to ignore him for the rest of the rounds session. I felt really bad for Frank who had obviously been the receiving end of James' apparent infuriation with life.

We walked through the hallways, not even reaching The Great Hall where I was originally going to meet James. I didn't even bother asking him anything until he had calmed down. I snuck a glance in his direction and noticed he was biting his lip. I thought he looked like he might be arguing with himself and then I decided that he was because all of a sudden his face fell and he ran his fingers through his hair.

We made it to the floor we were supposed to be patrolling and we walked up and down the long hallways of the third floor. After about ten minutes of absolute silence James spoke.

"It's a full moon." He whispered.

"Yeah?" I said it in a way that made him look at me with surprise.

"Remus is transforming tonight."

"Remus is a werewolf." I said with irony lacing my words together as I stepped in front of him to stop him from walking.

James looked taken aback as I placed one palm on his chest to make him stay, "You were being rude to my friend."

James rolled his eyes, "He was being rude to me too."

"Yeah but there was no need to act like an arse." I said, crossing my arms across my chest and pursing my lips "I know you are stressed over Remus but I think Remus can handle a full moon. He's being doing it his whole life. So what's really bothering you?"

James snorted and brushed my hair behind my ear like I was a child, "You wouldn't understand."

I pulled myself away from his grasp, "Try me." I stated, "Because I honestly don't understand why you'd be so rude to Frank and then try to pick a fight with him when he's an _auror_."

James slumped against the closest wall to him and watched as I glared him down "Aurors are nothing special."

"You are just in a perky mood today aren't you?" I impulsively walked over to him and smacked his arm, "Honestly James, talk to me."

"Remus and Sirius are in Dumbledore office as we speak." James said, making me take a step back, "Sirius punched Aaron Jackson for making fun of Remus in the Great Hall this morning."

"What?" I hissed pulling on a stand of my hair as I broke down his words, "Aaron Jackson is—"

"A barmy faggot?" James answered, "yeah, I know."

"No," I said frowning, "He's my potions partner in Advanced Potions." I couldn't see Aaron as the bullying type.

"Well drop a bit of acid on him the next time you see him will you?" James asked me, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking at a pair of first years who walked past us to get to the library doors.

"So is that why you were being so rude to Frank?" I implored of my les than thrilled boyfriend who looked like he'd rather be in a hundred different places than here.

He pushed back his messy hair before letting it fall back over the rims of his square framed glasses, "No," he picked his words carefully, I could tell by his tone, "That's not why."

I narrowed my eyes and gazed at him, "Why then?"

"Let's just drop the current topic and move on." James answered, stepping out of my way and continuing down the hall, trying to ignore my obvious signs of protest at his abandonment of our post.

"James," I said, running forward to grab his hand and wrap it in my own, "I hate when you act like this."

"Like what?"

"Like a barmy outright git." I joked, hoping to get a smile out of him but nothing came.

The small smile I had disappeared then and I let go of his hand only to be surprised when he sought out my hand again. I stopped walking ready to chastise him when I saw the look on his face. His hazel eyes were soft, and if he had been talking I thought I might be able to hear his voice crack. I felt my heart skip a beat at this look; he looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

I let my mind consider the idea that James was more fearful about what could happen tonight when the full moon took place. Severus Snape had obviously spoken about the accident to his mates and now everyone knew about Remus but did everyone know where Remus was when the full moon took place?

I certainly knew it was under the willow but that was only because I had placed stories together. I would certainly never go down there but I wouldn't put it past some of the other idiots here at the castle.

"James?" I stood on my tiptoes in order to kiss his cheek, "This isn't the first moon ever and you know that Remus is well protected. Dumbledore would never let anything happen to him. If you want I can get you a patrol pass from Dumbledore on the first floor tonight. That way you can make sure students don't sneak out."

"There's more ways than one to get out of Hogwarts." He said not looking directly at me but focusing at my shoulder where my hair hung limply. "And that's not what I'm worried about. People were making fun of him. Publically humiliating him today Lil and I know Remus—he doesn't take that stuff lightly."

I had a feeling he was lying through his teeth. That's not what was bothering him so much. At the same time he did appeared worried about Remus. I just had this feeling that James wasn't telling me something. Something _bigger_ than Remus being a werewolf.

He shuffled his feet and I sighed, running my fingers though my hair to make it flip to the other side of my face. James was obviously disturbed that people were making fun of Remus and I could see why. For years the boys had done their fair share of teasing around Hogwarts. I mean, I'd been on the wrong end of one of the jokes in the school. I was muggle born and teased practically everyday for it.

Before people knew Remus was a werewolf he was a very popular student: top in his class, the favorite for Head Boy, and he was handsome in a schoolboy kind of way. Remus had been involved with James, Sirius, and Peter and so naturally—he'd been a part of teasing and jokes towards various Hogwarts students…he'd just never been on the receiving end. The tables had turned and Remus was now the receiving end of the teasing and jokes and James was so God damn proud he couldn't take it.

I frowned and took both his hands in my own causing him to look me in the eyes, "I want you to do me a favor and promise me that you are not going to think about tonight anymore. Remus will be fine. Who would pick a fight with a werewolf?" I joked again just wanting to see that painful expression on his face erased, "Got it? No moping." I squeezed his hands; "Now lets finish up rounds so we can go make sure Dumbledore didn't expel Sirius for punching Aaron."

"Hey Lily?" he asked as we walked hand in hand down the third floor corridor.

"Hey what?" I asked, leaning on him as we casually walked down the hallway passing students on their way to class and the common rooms for study sessions.

He watched as a batch of first year hurried past us before answering me, "I don't like Frank Longbottom."

I snorted, "Yeah, got that. Why?"

James was obviously thinking of various answers and then settled for, "I just don't."

"Next time you share an obvious fact with me try to explain it in more detail…" I joked before snapping at two Hufflepuffs walking down the hallway with their wands expelling some sort of greenish gas, "Oi! You lot!" I called after them, "Wands away!"

The pair squealed when they looked down and saw their wands leaking the green vapor and James and I ended up having to take the third years and their wands to the Hospital Wing. It was found out later by the nurse that the two had dropped their ands in a potion during class and the potion had all but ruined the wands which had stopped spewing green vapor and began shooting sparks.

Running fifty minutes over our original patrolling time we went directly to the common room where James and I didn't even have time to discuss his odd mood. Even though he'd stopped mopping he was still incredibly quiet as we returned to the tower. Peter spotted us first from his place at one of the window seats doing homework and waved us over.

"Remus headed to The Hospital Wing about fifteen minutes ago." He said, "Wanted me to tell the both of you he'll see you tomorrow."

I watched as James let go of my hand, turned around, and left for his dorms.

"Bye then." I snapped in his general direction before turning back to Peter, "Please tell me all full moons are not like this."

Peter shrugged, "Normally James is the positive one but it seems I'm the only one right now who can take a joke." He flashed me a grin, "Told Remus he was looking a little hairy. He told me that I needed to shove a wand up my—Remus?"

Remus, who had supposedly left for the Hospital Wing, had appeared behind me with a frown etched on his face. He grabbed my shoulder and I looked at him worriedly.

I spoke with surprise, "Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for the full—"

Remus interrupted me, "Listen, I need you to do me a favor. It's about James."

I didn't like the look he gave me as he moved me closer to the wall so that the students leaving the common room wouldn't hit us. "What about James?"

"I need you to distract him."

Peter groaned, "Oh bloody Hell, _Remus_," he chucked his quill down, "I told you that—"

"Shut up Peter." Remus snapped at the blond boy who looked like he was about to curse Remus. Remus turned back to me, his sandy colored hair partially covering his eyes, "Do not let James out of your sight the rest of the night."

"Why?" I said suspiciously, "He's upstairs right now—"

"Why do you think?" Remus tapped my temple and made a face to suggest the answer was staring me in my face and that's when it hit me.

"_He is not._" I looked at Peter and his face was straight, "He is not thinking of baby sitting a _werewolf_!"

Remus frowned, "Why not? James considers it his job."

"He's done it before?!" I felt like going to slap some sense into the boy I had once considered smart. Now he's just an idiot.

"Well fuck it all I guess the cats out of the bag now. Fancy ways to pull blackmail Moony." Peter dropped pushed himself up from his chair and pushed past the both of us as I stared at Remus with horror, "I'm going to find Sirius."

"Good." Remus said to Peter who looked deeply annoyed, "Lock him in a broom closet for me."

Peter waved Remus off with a flick of his wrist muttering something along the lines of, "The things I do for these idiots."

"They are not—" I couldn't even grasp what I was trying to say, "James is not thinking about _guarding_ you—they have aurors here!"

Remus shook his head, "Just promise me Lily."

"Promise to distract James from the only thing he's been thinking about all day?" I snorted, "Remus it's impossible."

"If there is one person in this castle who can distract James Potter for an entire night it's you." He made a pointed stare and I pushed him away.

"No!" I snapped, "I'm not going too bloody seduce him into—"

"Lily!" Remus hissed, "Just knock him out—I don't care how. Do you want your boyfriend mauled by me if something goes wrong?"

"Well if he's sat down there before without anything going wrong..." I said in annoyance, "Why are you boys so stupid? Remus you've done this a million times!"

Remus looked upset as he pulled away from me and checked his watch, "No, not like this. I have to go. See you in the morning Lily." And the bloody werewolf left me. He left me—no doubt in my mind that he expected me to go up there and somehow keep James from going outside tonight.

I did the only ting my mind could grasp and I charged up the stairs of the boys dormitory to find my so-called boyfriend who was probably hoping he could just evade patrollers and sit outside all night while his best mate transformed into a werewolf under a tree. I think not.

I didn't knock and I simply walked into the seventh year boy's dormitory finding James about to walk out. I didn't even take time to grasp what he exactly was doing because I'd shocked him enough to where I was able to flick my wand and send him to the floor.

"I'm done!" I snapped, staring at him from above.

Anyone walking in would think I had stunned him but I'd done a simple body bind so his face was still able to move and his eyes glared at me.

"What the _Hell_, Evans!" he shouted, "Have you gone _mad_?"

It appeared that I had, but who could blame me.

After today I couldn't keep up.

After today I knew that James had to have gone to Remus Lupin when he was transforming more than once. I kneeled down to stare him in the face as I realized that James had to be keeping some very important facts from me if he had snuck out of the castle more than once to sit at the base of that willow tree to guard his mate.

"How long have you known about Remus?" I asked him, my hair swinging over my shoulder as I glared at him on the floor.

"Since second year, what are you bloody going on about?"

"Second year." I hissed, sitting back into my heels and just staring at James who looked ready to snap my neck. "You've been out with Remus on full moons since second year…"

I wasn't surprised when James' face calmed and became stick straight. His glasses were off kilter with his face and his hair was still in the mess it had been before this. I noticed a silvery colored cloak hanging off his arm and I reached for it, feeling his eyes on me as I touched the material, which felt like water.

I sent him a look of puzzlement before lifting it from his stilled arm.

"What is this?" I asked him, lifting the cloak to my eyes.

"Who told you?"

I blinked coolly and dropped the cloak to look him in the eyes again, "Remus."

Underneath his breath James cursed and I rolled my eyes as I felt the material and let it slip through my fingers. Out of interest I let if fall over my person and gasped in shock when my body disappeared from my shoulders down.

"Impossible." I breathed, staring at my body—or rather the lack there of.

"Would you please—" James hissed from his frozen position which jolted me from my surprise.

I picked up my wand from underneath the clock and let it drift out of the confines of the cloak where my arm waved in midair before disappearing back under the cloak. James groaned and sat up, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I think you gave me a headache."

"Remus told me to knock you out." I answered softly, stepping up and standing away from his reach in the cloak, "He doesn't want you there tonight James."

"Lily," he reached forward to grab me but I danced just out if his reach with a frown, "You wouldn't understand."

I flipped the hood of the cape up and I knew I was invisible because James lost sight of me. His expression faltered and he raced forward to grab where I thought I was. I danced just out of his reach purposely, wondering what I was going to do.

I could distract him like Remus had begged me to do because it certainly seemed like the best choice. I didn't want James out on the grounds at night. The Ministry had Aurors at the castle to protect the students and Remus himself. Nothing was going to go wrong. At the same time I knew that nothing I said or did would probably change James' mind—he was just as stubborn as I was sometimes.

"Is this how you got past students and teachers all these years?" I questioned, my voice muffled under the magical cloak that kept me hidden from his view.

James ruffled his hair in frustration, "It's an invisibility cloak," he answered as I felt the material with my fingers, "Family heirloom."

"Fancy." I said, testing the water and sliding up beside him, wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing his back, "Mind if I borrow it?"

"Mind letting me go?" James answered, turning around to rip the hood off so he could stare me in the face, "I need to go Lily."

We were face to face and James had a tight grip on the cloak so I couldn't pull away. I frowned deeply as I realized all James wanted to do was get to the grounds.

"How much did Remus tell you?" he asked, hazel eyes searching my own emerald eyes.

I tilted my head in surprise, "How much is how much?" The feeling that I still didn't have the whole story hit me again at his look.

I watched as he rolled his eyes and let go of the cloak, stepping from my grip easily, "Fine. Keep the cloak." He spoke, "I'm leaving now."

"You are seriously going out there?" I said with a tone of hostility to my voice, "Why can't you listen to him? He says he wants you in here. Not out there."

James looked at me with that stupid face of his, "yeah," he agreed, "I never listen to him."

I huffed and sat on the edge of the bed, James saw me sit in defeat and for the first time all day I watched a flicker of a smile pass his face. I blinked coolly at him all while shaking my head. He was going to get himself killed and he didn't even care. He made his way over to the bed and leaned down, placing his hands on my knees.

"I'm not angry with you." He whispered, his voice soft and forgiving and he pressed his forehead against my own as I glared at him errantly, "and I understand why you don't want me to go but you know me Lily. You _know_. I can't just leave Remus out there alone. If it's too much for you now to handle—consider this a warning. Because we fight, we do, and I'm always sitting around waiting for when you say I'm too much for you." He placed a kiss on my temple, "I'll see you in the morning."

And he left. Not soon after Peter walked in with a look of annoyance plastered across his face and when he spotted me still sitting like a fool in James' invisibility cloak on his bed he just shook his head and sat next to me.

"I'm assuming your talk with James went as well as my talk with Sirius?" Peter questioned.

I looked at Peter, "Sirius went too?"

Peter sighed and fell back against the covers, "It wouldn't be a full moon without both of them watching over Remus."

I was silent before asking, "What about you?"

Peter sat back up and looked at me with surprisingly bright eyes, "I'm the lookout. Always have been and always will be I guess." He smiled to himself, "I'm the one that warns James and Sirius if teachers are coming—students even. I make sure all of them are ok and no accidents have happened. I never sleep during full moons. I always worry about them." He chuckled to himself again, "James always said I was the mum of our group."

I threw off Jams' cloak with a heavy sigh and fell back onto the bed, "Well, now it looks like you won't be alone because you've got another person to worry with."

Peter fell back beside me and glanced sideways with a smile, "Sirius always reckoned one day a girl would come in and find out our secrets—I never imagined that girl would be you."

I decided to answer his statement with a question, "If you boys have known about Remus since second year how did you keep it a secret for so long?"

I didn't like how Peter was silent for a long time or how he left James' bed to retreat for his own.

It was a few moments before he answered in his soft voice, "we are good at keeping secrets."

How many secrets were the boys keeping? I had a feeling Remus being a werewolf was only the tip of the iceberg.

I somehow managed to fall asleep that night—Friday nights I once would've been up late reading a book or talking with my mates but instead I lay curled up on James Potter's bed watching the full moon through the glass windows of the castle. My sleep was interrupted what felt like only a short time later by someone falling into bed beside me and a kiss being planted on my neck, his warm lips moving up to my ear where he whispered words that made Goosebumps rise on my arms.

"I really don't deserve you...did you stay up all night waiting for me?"

I don't think he thought I'd woken up so I think I shocked him when I flipped around to stare at him, pushing my red tangled hair out of my face.

"Are you okay?" I hissed, taking his face in my hands and exsamining him for injuries. He just laughed at me.

"Fine." he whispered back, "I'm fine Lil. No werewolf scratches or bites for me."

"How could you say that?" I whispered groggily reaching for his face and pulling it into mine.

James quickly drew the curtain around his four-poster and I heard someone fall into the bed not far from us. I looked back to James, waiting for his answer. James reached over and brushed his fingers through my probably ghastly looking hair, tickling my ear with his touch.

"You waited for me." He had circles under his eyes and his glasses were nowhere to be found, as well as his shirt. "All night."

"You went to go babysit a werewolf." I said, frowning as I examined his torso for any signs of werewolf scratches, "Of course I waited to make sure you lived."

He chuckled, pulling me into him, "Come here." And he kissed my lips, bringing back the butterflies in my stomach. He broke away, eyes still closed, "I'm still waiting for you to call me a nutter and leave me for someone better." He told me, as I stared at him with a grin that said otherwise.

"You are a nutter." I promised him, kissing his temple, "But no matter how mad I get at you or how stupid you act I just can't seem to get the memo that you are a terrible influence James Potter." I pushed myself up against his person, hitching a breath, "in more ways than one."

He swallowed, and his hazel eyes turned husky, "You know, when you stormed in last night I thought you were going to kill me but right now I really think you were placed on this planet to drive me crazy."

"Would the two of you please get another room?!" came a voice that sounded like Fabian Prewett to our right and James and I burst into silent giggles.

"Get the fuck out of our dorm room, Evans." Came another voice I was sure belonged to Sirius Black.

"Come on," James grinned devilishly, grabbing me and pulling me out of the bed and we crossed the dorm earning evil looks from Sirius who looked sickly.

We hardly cleared the dorm room door before he was lavishing my neck with kisses. I laughed and tangled my hands in his, dragging him up the tower stairs to the top landing where our bodies crashed against each other and I found his mouth exploring my own mouth in ways I'd never expected. My body found that it didn't like any distance between us so I threw my arms around his shoulders and wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing him back with extreme hunger.

He seemed surprised by this and he pushed me against the wall for support and we slid to the floor in a pile of tangled arms and legs.

"I want to take you out." He spoke when our mouths separated so I could kiss along his jaw line and explore his neck with fervor.

"We are going out nutter." I murmured against his skin.

"I mean properly. You know we haven't even gone on a date?" he pushed at my attacking lips on his neck, forcing me to look at him, "A good and proper date? We kissed and then—well."

I raised an eyebrow, "Well?" I leaned back, untangling myself from him

He grinned mischievously, "Well, we sort of just jumped right into the relationship."

"I think we managed to get past the fact that we're more than mates a long time ago." I answered back, pushing my lips to his, "I think the fact that we're snogging in a hallway demonstrates this."

"I know." He chuckled, touching my cheek, "But I want to take you out. So no arguing. Got it?"

"Fine." I agreed, leaning over to stare into his eyes, "You can take me out."

A smirk flickered across his face, "I really don't deserve you."

"You keep saying that but I think it's silly." I told him pushing back his hair and running my fingers through it, loving how soft it was, "When you aren't being moody and secretive I actually quite like you."

**~~You're going fast but you're better half is underground and going down~~~**

I'm making a list. Severus Snape is currently at the top of my list to murder. Mostly for the grin he's sending my way now. If he could talk he would probably be taunting me-the silent Death Eater Rosier who was no longer at the top of the food chain.

"He wants Rosier with me at Malfoy Manor. We're going to work on recruitment and the cause from there under Bellatrix Black." Regulus Black was sitting across from me explaining the plan to send me from Hogwarts to Malfoy Manor—I was getting sent away from Hogwarts because I was viewed as worthless. I was expendable. I was getting sent to Malfoy Manor. Sure, the Malfoy's were well known among the pure blood line and were favorites but I had unfinished business at Hogwarts.

I watched Severus' mouth curl in a sneer, "Rosier you're being oddly quite."

I blinked quietly, wishing I could pound Severus Snape. I'd love to wipe that smirk of his face with some smart-ass comment but I couldn't talk. I don't know how The Dark lord had done it but I'd lost my voice and I couldn't make a sound. I'd lost any respect I'd had in the Death Eaters because of the recent events and now I was forced to sit in meetings silent with no say what so ever.

I _hated_ it.

I sent a rude hand gesture in his direction and Severus tried to send a curse my way but I had been prepared with my wand out.

"Enough." Reg snapped, his own wand out, "I didn't ask you all to come here so you could fight each other."

"So besides fetching the mute, why did you come here?" Maxon the idiot in my dorm snapped at Reg who looked at him annoyed.

Reg grabbed the butterbeer from its spot on the table before answering Maxon who pushed back his dark hair. We'd been forced to sneak out of Hogwarts and into Hogsmede at an abandoned apartment to get in contact with each other. I leaned back into the wall I'd been sitting back, watching Reg who looked so much like his older brother Sirius Black. If I saw Reg in the hallways alone I'd expect him to be his older brother—especially now.

"I came to remind you all that you have a job." Reg slammed his glass on the hardwood floor, "And it includes getting more people to support our cause." He spun on Severus who looked less than worried about what Reg had to say—despite the fact that Reg had spent the past few months underneath The Dark Lord himself, "How's talking to James Potter and Sirius Black going? Or Remus Lupin?"

Severus sneered evilly, "How'd it go for you Black?" Reg licked his lips, "It's fine. Don't you worry about anything."

I glared at Severus from my spot on the floor. I'd known that this week Severus hadn't even looked James Potter's way. I swore I saw him look at Potter's girlfriend more than once. That little bitch and all her boyfriends.

My parents couldn't understand how I hadn't gotten Head Boy and my voice was gone until I figured out how to reverse the curse set upon my vocal chords. I put all the blame on Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Evans, and anyone else associated

I'd never hated anyone more than I hated Potter and Lily Fucking Evans. I was enjoying my week back because whenever I ran across the two lovebirds they'd look at me in pure fear. I loved that fear. I knew they were scared of me and I knew exactly why Evans was scared of me. I think Potter sent me threatening glances more than once when I'd eyed Evans and I knew she had to of told him what she saw that day in the hallway.

I wouldn't put it past her.

I may be forced to leave Hogwarts but I was making a list. And I wouldn't stop until I had Lily Evans and James Potter begging me for mercy and both were crossed off my list.

* * *

Yay! Another update! Lyrics in this chapter are "Hush, Hush" by Erin McCarley but with some influence of "Consider This" by Anna Nalick again. Clever songwriters...

**EMMYS WORTHY THANK YOU:**

Thank you EVERYONE who reads my stories, or posts about my story on tumblr, and even follows me on tumblr! THANK YOU. I'm blessed to have so many people who actually care about what I write-even if they aren't my own characters it's my words and I love sharing my words with you! Sometimes I think this is just a waste of my time and then I get an extra special note on my tumblr or I get an awesome review or someone just tells me I'm awesome! So thank you, thank you, thank you!


	17. All Roads Lead Home

**Chapter 16: **

**A million tears, a million codes**

**1:15, No way to go**

**You point your finger, to the moon**

**It looks like rain, coming soon**

**I figured all my worst fears, believe in childlike heroes**

**I don't want to go that way, surrender hope and faith, again.**

I let my fingers run along the edges of the spines of the books in the old Riddle House. I kept jumping at the slightest noise because I wasn't supposed to be in here. The Dark lord had taken up business on a room downstairs and I was in no mood to be around so I'd snuck out when no one was looking. Who would miss the useless Black who only wanted to go back to Hogwarts? I don't know how often The Dark Lord came to this house but I assumed it was often enough.

I turned away from the bookshelf to see pages peeking out from under the loveseat. I knelt down to pick then up with interest.

The first page was ripped out from what appeared to be an old and withering book. The page was actually soft and leathery in my hand. I squinted to read the first words:

_"__Of the Horcrux, wickedest of magical inventions, we shall not speak nor give direction–__"_

Interest perked by those words I flipped the papers through my hands to rest on another page torn from a newspaper clipping about a family of muggles murdered. Murdered in this house. I dropped the clipping and suddenly felt cold.

Had _he_ murdered them? After all. It's what he does best.

"Regulus? Where did you go?"

Jumping out of my skin at the sound of my cousin Bella's voice I stumbled out of the library and down the steps, trying to maintain a calm composure as I ran into my cousin who rolled her eyes as I stumbled down the stairs. I ignored her look and pulled my wand out, hoping I looked like anything but a snoop.

Bella seemed anything but suspicious and instead flipped her perfectly curled hair over her shoulder in a way that seemed arrogant to me.

"He wants your house elf." Bella's heavily lidded eyes examined me, "Go get him. Now."

"My House—"

"Go Reg!" Bella demanded, eyes flashing.

With a despondent fixed stare in my cousin's direction I left the house to go to my old home to get my house elf. Why my house elf? And why horcruxes? What are horcruxes? Why couldn't they even speak of one in the book? And what were the pages doing in an old muggle house?

**~~~Oh, I'm breaking through these walls of steel. Pushing that wall for something real. I'm falling far and faster still.~~~**

I woke up to the sounds of Peter and James arguing over something completely trivial—probably a shoe because they both had the same foot size and mixed up shoes all the time. My correct guess was rewarded when I opened my eyes and I watched James point to one shoe in Peter's right hand.

"Pretty sure that's my shoe."

"It is not." Peter snapped, pointing to the laces as proof, "My laces are darker than yours. Besides, you've got plenty of pairs. Why do you want this one?"

"Bollocks." James said, holding up a shoe in his left hand, "They look exactly alike."

"That's because they're my shoes." Peter snorted, shaking his sandy hair from his eyes.

"I can't wear my other shoes. They're too high." James whined.

"So." Peter smirked, "Transfigure shorter ones. Besides, what do you care about what kinds of shoes you wear?"

James mumbled something incomprehensible as he walked over to his trunk and Peter sat down on his bed to put on the shoe he'd been holding hostage. I looked around for the fourth boy I expected and saw no trace of him.

We had left him this morning after the first rays of sunlight had appeared over the hills and the werewolf we'd been with all night had become a boy again. Remus had been surprisingly quiet when he'd transformed back into himself and found me lying there waiting to go. He had just stared at me. I left as soon as I had seen he wasn't hurting because I had to get through the willow before the sun came too far up and made it harder for me to escape—James had to leave while it was still dark thanks to his animagus form being a giant stag—my dog form was less conspicuous.

I had expected Remus to be here when I woke up.

"Remus is still gone?" I asked James who looked up in surprise when I opened my mouth.

James pulled another pair of shoes out of his trunk before slumping onto the floor to put them on. He shook his head as he pulled each shoe onto each foot.

"Yup, I 'spect he's mad about us showing up last night." James made a pointed look at me as if to say 'he's actually not mad but he's pretending to be'.

I rolled my eyes and moved, sitting up, "Tough luck. Lucky we were there. He was particularly nasty last night." I felt the tendons and muscles in my lower legs pull—I hadn't transfigured into my animagus form for a while and my muscles were protesting the strain put on them.

James snorted and pulled up his pants leg, "I know." He said sarcastically pointing to something that he wouldn't show with Remus around. Suddenly I knew why James had wanted a shorter pair of shoes for his uniform.

I rolled off my bed in shock at the little glimpse I could get at the bloody scars running from his lower ankle and up his calf. Peter and I raced to his side as James slowly rolled his pant leg down again, a very serious look written on his face.

"Remus does not need to know." James looked pointedly at Peter who had been guilty before of telling Remus he's hurt one of us during his transformation.

"Are you okay?" I hissed, not liking the way the bits that I saw that looked inflamed, "When did that happen? We were so careful!" I turned to make sure Fabian Prewett was out of the room-then I remembered who had been the first to see James this morning, my voice lowered, "Did Lily see?"  
"He scratched me when I was leaving to make sure you could get out without being seen." James answered me, "I thought it was tiny but then again I didn't realize I'd been bleeding until I pulled my pants off and the dried blood kinda ticked me off." He said sarcastically, "And no, Lily didn't notice thank Merlin. I'd changed before I saw her."

"Did you clean it?" Peter was already ready, with his wand out; Peter was an expert at cleaning wounds.

James frowned, "Of course not. It hurts too god damn much."

Peter sighed dramatically, "James. It's a werewolf scratch. I knew it doesn't do anything because you got attacked in your animal form but…it still can get infected."

James rolled his eyes, "You sound like my mum." But he knew Peter was right, as I did, and obliged by standing up and wincing as his school uniform rubbed against the scratches.

"Why are you in your uniform?" I asked him, standing up as well, looking at Peter who shrugged at James' inexplicable clothing choice, "It's a Saturday."

"I have a meeting with Professor McGonagall about quidditch." James answered as he made his way over to the doorway, favoring his leg slightly but not enough to cause too much alarm. "Peter what's that spell again?"

"Episkey." Peter told him as James clearly went to go clean his wounds in the bathroom.

I pursed my lips, James was right though because if Remus found out James got hurt then he'd been even more against us venturing out on full moons. Not only did we have to worry about Remus finding out—Lily spent enough time in close proximity to James and if she found out…

Beside me, Peter finished putting on his shoes in silence, tying up each lace slowly.

Where was Remus though? Typically he came back to the dorm to sleep after a full moon…as if to answer my question only moments later, a very bright and cheery looking Lily Evans waltzed in on the arm of none other than Remus Lupin. I smiled at Lily, surprised to see her but happy she was the one who had been with Remus.

"Look who I ran into at Dumbledore's office!" She announced loudly before looking around and noticing James was missing in action, "Where's James?"

"Bathroom." Peter and I both answered simultaneously but softly, both of us were watching Remus to grasp his mood.

Last night, when I'd managed to evade the teachers and the aurors the Ministry had on guard, I'd gone straight to the willow planning to sleep under the branches in my dog form just to keep watch over the entrance. That's when I saw the stag prancing around on the border of the forbidden forest, watching the tree. James and I had both showed up to be watchful over the tree. It didn't take us long to recognize each other and meet up and we both left the castle grounds and snuck into the shrieking shack—Remus' jail during his time as a werewolf. As a werewolf Remus was scary, terrible, but miserable at the same time. Unlike James and I, Remus couldn't keep intelligent thoughts as a werewolf. Remus once described it as turning into a rabid wolf.

Lily seemed upset by James not being here, "James!" she unwrapped herself from Remus, turning on her heel to yell out to the surrounding areas, "Get in here!"

I snorted at her demanding attitude, "What's going on?" I asked Remus who looked tired.

Lily looked back at me, her hands on her hips as she waited for her boyfriend, "I told you, Remus and I were just with Dumbledore and we have good news!"

"Why Dumbledore?" Peter asked from where he was pulling on shoes.

Lily seemed anxious about telling the news and Remus was just standing there smiling, "I'll go get him then." She shouted again as she walked to the door, "James, oh!"

James was just walking through the door as Lily was exiting the room to go get him. The pair ran into each other and James was forced to grab Lily around the waist to protect her from falling.

"Merlin, Lily. You've woken up half the dorm." James commented humorously, his hair wet from him likely sticking out under the faucet. His pants were rolled back down but he was favoring his leg. He grinned when he saw Remus, "Morning, Moony. Are you the reason my girlfriend decided to wake up the whole dorm?"

"As a matter of fact," Lily said, sticking her tongue out at James and grabbing Remus' arm excitedly, making me wonder what on earth she could know.

"She looks like she's going to piss herself with excitement." I chuckled at Lily's antsy attitude.

"Agrippa, Sirius let her talk." Peter sighed in my direction.

Lily huffed as James drew her back, laughing, staring at her adoringly, "Come on Lil, what is it?"

"Remus is prefect again!" Lily announced, letting go of James to hug Remus who started to get congratulations from Peter and James. I hung back.

Remus' smile was probably the biggest smile I had seen on his face since before the accident. I knew Dumbledore had taken prefect and head boy from Remus because of everything that had happened in the past few weeks. It had made Remus grumpier and certainly had made it harder for me to get through the wall he'd put up around him. I was happy to see a real smile flash on his face because he'd been reinstated as prefect. Things were slowly falling back into place and I allowed Lily to hug me as she laughed while Peter and James slapped Remus on the back.

"Prefect?" Peter broke the silence first, and I let my eyes narrow in on the silver badge pinned to Remus' robes.

Remus nodded and Lily smiled even brighter, "Gryffindor's fifth year prefect Matt Craigavon's dad pulled him last night because he heard about a werewolf. Dumbledore immediately turned around and gave the badge back to Remus!" she squeezed me with her hug, her smile at least a mile long, "Tell them what Dumbledore said Remus!"

Remus let a little chuckle escape as he looked around at us all when he said, "Dumbledore said I could deduct as many points as I wanted from anyone who said anything otherwise about me getting prefect."

"That's fantastic Remus!" James grinned wide, smacking him on the back again, "Now I can get you to do all the work for me!"

"James!" Lily chastised him, letting go of me to go smack him across the chest, "You will do no such thing!"

"Please, like James had to do work before. I'm pretty sure Lily was the one to write up the schedules for this month." I joked.

Remus chuckled and our eyes caught for a moment, at first I thought that he might look away but I was pleased when he held my gaze for a moment before going over to his four poster to pull his cloak out of his trunk.

"Shit. Speaking of schedules." James then cursed, kissing Lily before saying "I've got to get down to McGonagall office. Bye!" He turned with the obvious intention of jogging out of the room, shouting back to Lily, "Later Lil!" He limped a bit on his way out.

Did Lily see him limp?

"Did he just—" Lily spoke in shock, her green eyes wide in the direction James had disappeared.

My eyes automatically zeroed in on Lily who looked at me in horror, "What?" I asked her, I was not going to let Lily's observation ruin the fact that Remus was not made at any of us for spending a full moon with him. I was not going to let anything happen to ruin my chances of having The Marauders back together.

My blank look threw her off track and Lily shook her head, "Never mind." She looked over my shoulder at Remus who was had sat down and was looking at the cloak in his hands, "Remus, you okay?" she asked the werewolf who was always tired the night after a full moon.

Remus looked up in the middle of a yawn, "Yes." He answered, "Just tired. I think I'll take a nap." At Lily's look of concern Remus made a smile appear farther on his face, "Really Lily, I mean it."

Lily looked at me for confirmation of this and I nodded my head, "it's true, he's always tired after the full moon." I was lying but Lily didn't know—there was something off about Remus still and I had a feeling it had something to do with me. Lily seemed content with my answer because she smiled again.

"I'm going to go change into normal clothes and then go down the lake, anyone want to come?"

"Not really." I commented deprecatingly only to have her smile turn upside down and I sighed, she did not appreciate my dry humor. "Sure, Ginger. Meet you down in the common room in twenty minutes."

Another smile lifted her features and she nodded, "See you then!" she agreed waving herself out of the room.

Peter chuckled as she shut the door, "She's in a perky mood."

I glanced at Peter who was combing his hair, "I noticed."

Remus snorted from his bed, "She's positively maddening."

My shoulder tensed up but I tried not to look too shocked that Remus had entered our conversation. Instead of keeping my back to him I let myself turn a bit so I could look at both Remus and Peter.

"What do you mean?" I asked Remus as my voice cracked and Peter seemed as shocked as I was that we were holding a conversation.

Remus fell back against his pillows, avoiding having to look directly at me as he spoke, "She told me she was going to keep James from going to the willow last night and this morning when she found me she practically stared sobbing while she begged me for forgiveness because she couldn't keep James Potter held down for longer than a second." Remus' face held a bemused expression, "Like I should have expected anymore than that."

I shared a privet smile with Peter because Remus had told Peter to do the same with me and we'd both laughed it off. Peter had been the one to make sure the coast was clear so I could get down to the willow without James' invisibility cloak.

Remus noted our secret smiles, "I figured the same happened when I woke up and saw you. Way to lock him in the broom shed wormtail."

"Sorry Moony," Peter chuckled looking nervous suddenly, "Besides," he sent a glance my way for a fraction of a second, "It's not like them showing up to the willow last night really hurt anyone."

"No," Remus agreed, a tone of surprising content in his tone, "I suppose it didn't."

We sat there in silence. I had no doubt Peter was thinking the same thing as me. Hopefully Remus never found out James got hurt…not now. We'd all be hurt before but now—after last year—everything that happened was important to Remus. Remus didn't want to wake up from his werewolf state standing over the dead body of his best friends. Remus didn't want to come close to another Severus Snape.

"Do you think Lily knows too much?" Peter spoke up this time, he was leaning against one of the four posters, examining the door Lily had just left through, "how much are we going to let her know?" peter's watery eyes looked at me, "She asked me last night—she asked more questions."

"We just lie to her." I answered back, as if stating the obvious, "The only reason Lily knows about Remus is because the rumor got out thanks to Rosier. She wouldn't have known."

"She knew before that. James said so." Remus rolled over to look at me, "Snape tried telling her. She blew him off and still stayed friends with me." His eyebrows furrowed together, "And then she turned around and started being friends with you when we stopped talking to you."

I snorted, rolling my eyes, "That was by mistake. We were originally hanging around each other because of James."

Remus found this bit of information interesting, "James?"

"She wanted to make him jealous." I snorted, picking up my wand from it's spot on my bedspread, "I happened to be friendless at that point so even the intolerable red head seemed like a good friend to have."

A knowing smile rounded on Peter's features, "You don't hate her anymore." Peter told me this like I wasn't aware. "You used to hate when Lily would hang out with us last year but now you hang out with her almost as much as James."

I blinked at Peter calmly, "She was there for me when none else was."

"What do you mean?" Remus asked me from his bed.

I shrugged, heading for the door to go meet the very girl we were talking about, "It doesn't matter. Not anymore."

It didn't matter how Lily and I had become friends because it's not like I could change being friends with her. Lily knew too much about my personal life. Lily had been there all summer being my friend when nobody else would. I didn't have to explain that to Remus because I was sure he knew just how kind Lily actually was.

Lily was the kind of person who would be your friend no matter your blood status, no matter your background, no matter if you swore you hated her. Lily Evans saw the good in everyone and quite honestly, I admired her despite how much of an air of dislike I typically displayed around her.

I think she knew too, that I played this game of pretending to be annoyed with her just because I knew that no matter how rude and moody I was she would still be standing there telling me how rude I was. With a smile I realized something I should have realized this summer: Lily Evans might be the only reason I made it back to Hogwarts.

**~~~But I don't want to go that way, surrender hope again.~~~**

I climbed the rest of the stairs leading to the top floor where the girls' rooms were spaced out evenly along a hallway. The hallway was lined with portraits of past famous Gryffindor witches and next to the door labeled for the seventh year girls the portrait of Tilly Toke waved brilliantly at me. I smiled at the witch who had saved over one hundred muggles from a dragon attack and whispered a good morning before entering the dorm I'd been avoiding as much as possible.

My bed was farthest from the door, all the way to the back of the room beside Mahealani Weems' four-poster. Lani had her curtains shut, like all the girls, except for Marlene. Closest to the door was Marlene's four-poster bed, with her curtains open and the inhibitor looking at me with an annoyed glare.

"Nice of you to come back after being gone all night." She snapped, "Aren't you supposed to be Head Girl?"

"I'm sorry, were you talking to me?" I snapped back, "Shake off, McKinnon."

"What are you, my mum?" she snorted, kicking off her sheets and standing up off her bed, "Lily Evans you were gone all night!"

"What are you my mum?" I copied her tone, waltzing across the room to my bed. I flipped open my trunk and started rummaging through looking for my clean school skirt.

Annoyed by Marlene, I yanked quickly through my trunk and when unable to find a clean skirt I hissed under my breath. I stood up and pushed past the fair-haired idiot I used to call my best mate to go to my dresser where I got out my favorite white blouse and an older school skirt.

"Where are you going now?" she asked, annoyance replaced with exhaustion.

I snorted, turning to face Marlene who looked upset, "What, Marlene? I think you made it clear you didn't want to be friends with me?"

The look on her face was indignant, "Lily," she said, her tone thick with hesitancy, "You were gone all night…you know that last night was a full moon and there's a werewolf on grounds."

I answered, rolling my eyes, throwing my clothes over my shoulder, staring at her, "Remus isn't dangerous Marley."

Marlene looked guilty and she shifted on her feet a little. Marley was guilty. Hope filtered through me for the first time since we'd stopped talking. For Marlene McKinnon to admit that she was wrong was big and I felt like I was poised on my toes, waiting for an apology. Marlene flipped her hair over her shoulder, obviously ruffled.

"Lily, did you just get in? You look like Hell." Mary McDonald had appeared from the bed beside Marlene's four-poster, blinking into the light of the room, her blue eyes concentrating on my rumpled clothes, "See, Marley. I told you she'd be fine."

I looked at Marlene in surprise, "You—you were worried about me?"

Mary got up out of her bed to head to the bathroom. Marlene, obviously embarrassed by the truth of it all, was blushing even worse than I was. Her normally pale face was bright red and contorted into an embarrassed look.

"I know you trust him Lily," she spoke softly, "I know he's your friend…but there've been rumors about all four of those boys…" she looked like she was deciding if she should say more, she breathed in, "People are saying Black's house got burned down purposely because he turned down becoming a Death Eater. Werewolves are being recruited into the war and you know three people who are directly in contact with one." Marlene bit her lip, "You are muggle born Lily, and you don't know the dangers!"

I frowned, "I know the dangers Marlene but Remus is not going to become a Death Eater and Sirius Black's house fire was an accident. The Aurors said so."

Marlene shifted on her toes, looking at the ground. I let my guard down and suddenly became worried. "What did you hear Marlene?"

Marlene's brown eyes were dark and she looked suddenly nervous, "I heard Mulciber and Maxon—two seventh year Slytherins—say that Rosier burned Sirius' place." She wouldn't lie; Marlene would not lie about something like this. I believed her and I worried me.

My blood ran cold. Rosier…would he continue being the reason behind the rumors, the accidents, the trouble? Marlene grabbed my shoulder.

"That's the reason I don't want you hanging around them. Lily, you stopped being friends with Severus Snape when he got involved in the dark arts and werewolves are as dark as Death Eaters…"

I pulled out of Marlene's grasp, "I can't stop being friends with them. And I'm not leaving James." I whispered, letting the facts run through my head as I pulled on my new clothes and Marlene watched her brown eyes trained on my discarded clothes.

Rosier was the one to set fire to Sirius' house. I knew Marlene had heard it second hand but she'd heard it from two people who were friends with Rosier.

Marlene thought Remus was just as bad as Severus Snape even though Remus was far better than Severus in many ways.

And to top it all off all four boys: Remus, James, Sirius and even Peter were hiding big secrets from me. I didn't like being left in the dark by people I considered my friends…

I was starting to walk out of the dorms to meet Sirius in the common room when Marlene's voice stopped me, "I'm sorry, Lily. I just don't trust them."

I stared at the door handle, glaring at it, "Well I do."

I yanked open the door and walked down the long hallway towards the stairs. I spotted Sirius before he spotted me because he was busy talking to a boy I hadn't thought I'd see again so soon. I picked up my speed and the bearded brown haired man spotted me first. A smile lifted his originally moody features when he spotted me coming to Sirius' side.

"Frank, what are you doing in the common room?" I asked Frank Longbottom who looked exceptionally bright today in dark brown auror robes. I cheerily met his open arms with a hug and looked up at the boy I'd spent prefect rounds with more than once, "Can't get enough of the castle?"

Frank laughed, returning my hug, "I just came in to see if the common room had changed." We separated and I fell next to Sirius who was looking unhappily at Frank who had all eyes for me. Frank's brown eyes twinkled, "It hasn't changed at all."

I laughed, shaking my head, "I expect it hasn't changed in over 40 years!"

Frank grinned superbly in my direction, "Where are you headed?"

"The lake with Sirius, would you like to come?" I asked Frank.

"Actually, I'm going to go check on Remus. Not feeling a walk." Sirius suddenly appeared moodier, drawn back.

I made a face at Sirius, "He's sleeping." I told Sirius, wondering why the sudden change in attitude.

"I've got to get going anyways." Frank told me, brushing Sirius' words aside, looking down at me, "I've got to get back to the other aur—"

"Bye." Sirius reminded me so much of James then when he cut Frank off.

I sent daggers in Sirius' direction, "Sirius." I turned back to Frank who glared at Sirius who glared back. What was it with my friends and Frank Longbottom? I had thought James had just been jealous I was talking to another boy besides his friends and instead it seemed like Frank was unpopular with each of my mates.

Frank sent me another smile; "I'd love to see you again Lily. It's been ages."

I nodded with a small, polite smile, "Of course Frank. I'd love to get together for tea."

Frank smiled, leaning down to hug me, "Perfect. I'll owl you a date and time!"

And he was gone but not before Sirius sent a rather rude gesture in his direction. I spun on him angrily.

"Black, you dog!" I shouted, making him jump and eye me with irritation, "Why were you so vulgar?!"

"Longbottom and I don't see eye to eye." Sirius answered, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it with the tip of his wand ignoring my look of untainted disappointment, "Are we walking, or what?"

"Sirius." I smacked the fag from his hand, stepping on it to make it scrape against the tiles of the floor, "James acted the same exact way yesterday towards him. What did Frank ever do to you?"  
Sirius made another rude comment about me and I huffed, turning on my heel away from the dolt who was now no longer invited to spend time down at the lake with me. As if sensing my fury Sirius sighed loudly behind me before jogging to reach me at the portrait hole.

"Wait up Ginger." He called as I thrust the door open angrily, "You're right. I was being rude."

"Go jump off the astronomy tower." I snapped, stomping angrily down the hallways, my feet echoing across the walls and Sirius' not far behind.

"What are you, a first year?" Sirius asked with a short chortle as he grabbed me from behind, "Chill Lil. I just don't like him that's all."

I turned my cheek, glaring at him, "I don't like Rosier but you don't see me being rude whenever I pass him in the hallway."

Sirius let his hair fall into his eyes in disbelief, "Ginger, I hate Rosier. I just don't like Longbottom. There's a difference."

"I don't see one." I commented sourly, flipping all my red hair to one side so I could start braiding it.

"Frank Longbottom was the Head Boy who singlehandedly managed to ruin our lives in fifth year." Sirius answered me, "Rosier was the idiot to spill out the biggest secret about my best mate and try to torture my other best mate."

I felt my stomach roll when I realized he meant me. I let my shoulders relax and I glanced over at Sirius with a small smile, "I'm your best mate?" I felt a little satisfaction knowing that Sirius, of all people, considered me one of his top friends.

A small curl of a devilish smile appeared, "You are currently number five."

I should've known.

"Five!" I implored with mock irritation, "I carried your sorry ass to James' house when you were drunk!"

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and threw an arm around my shoulders as we walked along, "I guess I do owe you that. Four then. Don't tell James."

I let a giggle escape and I let my previous anger fade and had it replaced with interest. "So why did Frank ruin your fifth year?"

Sirius made a noise, "Bloody berk managed to catch us whenever we did anything wrong. No wonder the bloke became an auror. Even with James' inv—" he fumbled, obviously thinking I didn't know about the cloak.

"James' invisibility cloak." I spoke up. Sirius looked surprised and I smirked proudly, "I stole it from him last night during my feeble attempts to stop him from baby sitting Remus."

Sirius shook his head and muttered, "sometimes I think you are the worst for James—but then you do stuff like that and remind me why you are perfect for James."

I made a face, "What do you mean 'the worst for James'?" I repeated, stopping on one of the stairwells, glaring at Sirius who smiled at my actions and tried pulling me along.

"It was a joke Lily." He said, pulling on my arm, forcing me to continue descending the stairs with me, "So laugh."

"Ha. Ha." I sounded although I was not bemused. I kept in step with Sirius who was now waving his wand behind us, creating a fountain of bubbles like he was five years old.

He may have said it was a joke but I had heard the bit of truth in his voice. I had always known Sirius never cared much for me last year. Our recent friendship had been by accident really and now that I was dating James, he was different.

This was the first time we'd hung out since I started dating James who was still hesitant around Sirius. I knew that the reason Sirius had started being my friend was because of James—but was he still my friend only because I was dating James? Was Sirius really my friend? Or was he back to being the same immature idiot he'd been last year before the accident?

Sirius must've known what I was thinking about though because as if to draw my mind from it, he threw an arm around my shoulder and gave me an awkward one arms hugged saying, "You over analyze things too much Ginger." And then he drew back his arm and was silent.

I knew he'd changed—I'd been practically yelling that into James' ear all summer but I guess I couldn't help reevaluating the relationship I had with Sirius after a comment like that.

Sirius and I took a long walk around the lake in silence, simply stuck in our own thoughts. Once or twice Sirius would strike up a story about a particular spot but then we would fall back into silence. I searched the tress for a sign of changing weather but the trees were still green.

We walked all the way around and back up t the castle. As we were walking through the courtyard we sat on a bench and Sirius started to pull out a cigarette. I made a face at him but didn't strike it from his hand and instead sat with my back against his shoulder so I could watch passing students. The smoke from Sirius' fag swirled around in the air and the smell brought me back to the days when my mum was alive. She had smoked too. The smell used to be embedded into our furniture. I positively hated it but it made me think of how much I missed my mum—and my dad. Sometimes, if I were feeling particularly reminiscent I would miss Petunia.

"Oh, perfect." Sirius hissed, his voice so deep I could feel it vibrate my back as he spoke.

I turned to see what he saw and my blood ran cold as Rosier entered our view from one of the entranceways to the courtyard. I remembered what Marlene had told me.

I turned my lips to Sirius' ears, my eyes not leaving Rosier, "Marlene said that she heard that Rosier burned your flat…do you think he would've?"

"Considering he was pissed I beat his sorry ass into the ground at the quidditch match?" Sirius hissed back, "I wouldn't put it past him."

Rosier had spotted us ad I did not like the look in his eyes. I griped Sirius' shoulder in warning, "If it's true, what Marlene said, then he hates both of us enough to get into trouble right now."

Sirius dropped his cigarette and reached inside his robes where I knew his wand would be, "I'll give him trouble right back." He hissed.

"Don't attack first." I warned, whispering under my breath, "then you'll be in as much trouble."

It was no surprise that Rosier had his own wand out—the trust issues between us were deep. I reached into my boot, where I had stashed my own wand, wrapping my hand around the handle. Rosier was eerily quiet and literally just stared us down. He got within five feet of us and my hand tightened around my wand. Rosier didn't flinch; he kept walking, past us.

Sirius and I eyed each other with surprised and in that fraction of a second, sparks flew and I felt a pain hit the side of my face.

"Ouch!" I shouted, grabbing my cheek with my wand hand which became sticky with red blood as dark as my hair. I lifted my hand away in shock, my eyes widening. Rosier had attacked me with Sirius sitting right beside me.

"That son of a bitch!" Sirius shouted, jumping around me as I gripped my cheek, which had been sliced perfectly and wouldn't stop bleeding.

I felt the blood slip from my cheek and hit my white blouse, staining it. I watched as Rosier continued walking and Sirius looked at him, then at me, finally deciding to see if I was ok since Rosier was retreating out of the courtyard almost as quickly as he had come. The cut on my cheek was stinging and Sirius hastily whipped out his wand whispering spells at my cheek but the blood continued.

"Get back here coward!" I shouted, tears pricking my eyes as I gripped my face, shouting at the Slytherin who had disappeared around the corner.

"What the hell is going on?!" Hagrid, the games keeper, had appeared in the courtyard next, carrying a bunch of large turnips, which dropped to the ground at the sight of me. The giant man got down on his knees, pushing Sirius aside who had been trying to stem the flow with his own hand which was now covered in my blood.

"Evan Rosier attacked her!" Sirius snapped, wiping the blood onto his pants and looking around wildly, "When I find him—"

Hagrid touched my face, looking closely at me with his wise eyes, "Black, take her to the Hospital Wing. I'll go to Rosier's head of House who will deal with this matter appropriately."

I was able to make the blood soak into my sleeve if I held it to my face and Sirius was cursing Rosier's family to the ground as we walked quickly to the Hospital Wing. Thankfully, the Hospital was on the first floor of the castle and as Sirius brought me through the doors the Healer was busy patching up a first year. She gasped when she saw me, and I soon found out why.

I was handed the mirror as the healer proceeded to clean off my face as well as she could.

Sirius frowned from afar as I watched the red blood cleaned off the left side of my face. The healer touched her wand and had to go through several spells before the cut sealed appropriately.

"Whatever that boy did—he didn't want it to stop." The healer said, as she coated the scar with purple potion from a tiny vile, "But it should heal up perfectly within a day or two dear. I can't say the same for your pretty blouse."

I looked depressed at my favorite shirt, which was covered in my blood. I was about to ask for a different shirt to change into when we heard shouting coming from outside the wing. The door to the hospital burst open and first through was my boyfriend, who looked ready to murder when his eyes found me sitting there, covered in blood.

"Oh great." Sirius joked beside me, "Who was the idiot who told him? He'll be out for Rosier's blood by tonight."

"James?" I held a questioning note in my voice, placing the mirror down on the table to stand up to meet him.

He rushed to my side, placing a quick kiss on my forehead exclaiming, "I was in McGonagall's office going over quidditch when I—"

"Mr. Potter!" Professor McGonagall, Professor Slughorn, and Hagrid entered the hospital wing all looking annoyed at James whose glasses were askew and his hair was a windswept mess like he'd run here. "I told you to go back to Gryffindor Tower, not outrun us to get here first."

I muted a snigger as James rolled his hazel eyes, placing another kiss on my forehead, "Are you okay?" he breathed, placing his head against mine, eyes piercing me.

"Fine." I answered tenderly, placing a hand on his cheek, before looking at all the teachers had appeared, "What's going on?"

Professor Slughorn, one of my favorite professors, looked sadly at me, "I'm terribly sorry this happened Lily. If I had any idea Rosier was so—"

Professor McGonagall straightened and cut of Slughorn, "Mr. Potter, I won't ask you again. Go back to Gryffindor Tower."

James glared angrily at our head of House before sending an apologetic look my way; he let go of me, and moved away. I was surprised to see him limp away. Had the daft idiot twisted his ankle running to see me? I let a smile lift on my lips.

"I'll meet you in the common room, okay?" I asked James politely.

James looked like he was fighting something to say to me but then he dropped his shoulders, "Of course." James answered, scowling at McGonagall who glared back as he retreated.

Once James had left I was surrounded by the teachers who asked Sirius and I what had exactly happened. By the end of our tale I was starting to feel sick since I was covered in blood and the purple potion on my face was giving off a disgusting smell. I was leaning against the bed watching as Professor McGonagall asked Sirius if he'd attacked Rosier back.

"No." Sirius answered, anger evident in his voice, "He just walked away."

The Professors just looked at each other.

"Where is he anyways?" I asked, "I'd love to give him a piece of my mind." I lifted my chin in the air and Sirius sent me an admiring glance.

McGonagall sniffed, straightening her robes, "it seems that Mr. Rosier has left Hogwarts."

I froze, glancing at Sirius who shrugged, "Left?" I hissed, my eyes narrowing.

Professor Slughorn looked distressed, "I saw him only this morning with Severus Snape and Kari McBeth. They told me that he'd said he was leaving Hogwarts."

"He's a death eater." Sirius said sardonically.

"Black." Hagrid snapped.

I hated the cold look in Sirius' eyes when he challenged his reprimand, "My own little brother left Hogwarts to join the Death Eaters—why wouldn't a git like Rosier?"

"Wherever he went. He won't be able to come back." McGonagall straightened up, "You don't need to worry about him hurting you again Miss Evans." She looked at me with worry.

No doubt she was remembering the last time I had come into contact with Slytherins in the hallways of Hogwarts. I was recalling it too. Rosier had been the instigator of that too and that was because I'd found out he was a death eater.

Had this attack been a farewell? I shuddered, glancing at Sirius who was watching me closely. I saw worry reflected on his face—no doubt he was also remembers what had happened the last time Rosier attacked me: I'd been upset, I'd kissed James, and everything had gone to Hell.

The Healer handed me a vile of the purple potion, "Apply twice a day." she told me, "And you are free to go."

I took the bottle, and Sirius came to walk to Gryffindor Tower with me. Professor Mcgonagall nodded at us as we left, in the middle of her conversation with Hagrid. Professor Slughorn however, pulled me aside, puffing out his extremely large chest.

"Are you coming to The Slug Club, Lily?" he asked me, making me look at him in surprise and I heard Sirius snort beside me.

"Yeah Lily, are you?" Sirius joked, squeezing my shoulder and I sent him a glare before turning back with a polite smile to my potions professor.

The Slug Club was a group that Slughorn had rounded up, we were all his favorites and he often had great parties with plenty of famous people. Most people called it Slughorn's way of weeding out the exceptional students from the average students. I smiled kindly, unsure of why he was asking me now after everything that had happened today.

Slughorn cleared his throat; "I invited Frank Longbottom and a few of the other aurors to the tea on thursday night. I thought you might want to ask about their potions district."

I blinked slowly, aurors coming to The Slug Club? I certainly had an interest in becoming an auror or at least doing something like that in the Ministry.

"Of course." I finally said, accepting, "I'll see you then."

"Wonderful, wonderful!" he exclaimed, hugging me, crushing me with the weight of his body, "Goodbye Lily, Sirius." And he swept over to finish a conversation with the other professors.

I punched Sirius in the arm when he was chortling in the hallways.

"It's not funny."

Sirius shook his head, his hair swinging out, "It is though. You are like his trophy wife."

I rolled my eyes and ignored the jokes pouring from his mouth as we walked along. Sirius obviously noticed my distaste with his jokes and eventually changed the subject.

"Are you mad Rosier left?" He asked conversationally as we walked slowly up the stairs.

"Of course not." I implored, looking into Sirius' grey eyes, "I'm happy he left—he always was causing trouble. At least now we can get peace."

"I wonder how they keep students like that out." He questioned more to himself than me, "I wonder if my brother can't come back either?"

I side-glance at Sirius—it wasn't like him to mention his brother so I didn't comment and let our walk finish in silence.

**~~~Like everyone, and everything, we're memories, and then appears: my blood, my fire, a kiss goodnight~~~**

I waited, pacing along the Gryffindor Common Room, and every time the portrait hole would open I'd find it wasn't the two people I wanted to see. I couldn't believe McGonagall had kicked me out—I was Lily's boyfriend. I had a right to be with her after the git Rosier attacked her again. Suddenly a vibrantly haired female was walking into the common room and I let out a sigh of relief as she spotted me and ran into my arms. She gripped me tightly, her forehead pressing into my chest.

"Are you okay?" I asked her for the second time that day and lifting her chin so I could check her eyes; they were a clear emerald green.

"Fine." She answered, leaning on her tiptoes, running her lips across mine briefly, "I'm fine. It looked worse than it was."

"I'd say so." I answered, touching the dried blood on her shoulder, "Would you like to change?"

"Yes, please." She answered, wrapping her arm around my waist to look over at Sirius who had entered behind her.

Sirius looked unhappy, as he looked at me, indicating he wanted to talk and then he said, "Rosier left."

I must've appeared confused enough because Lily repeated, "Rosier cursed me and then left Hogwarts."

"Was it coincidence?" I asked Sirius, taking Lily's hand and guiding her up the stairs to the boy side of the dorms. Sirius walked alongside us, shaking his head, "I think partly it was because we were sitting there on his way out and partly because he wanted to shock Lily."

Lily, who had stuck close to my side as we climbed the tower stairs snorted, "It worked. Scared the living daylights out of me."

Sirius and I exchanged a look and I leaned down to kiss the top of Lily's red head. I knew how much Lily disliked Rosier and this outright attack had seemed to only disturb her more. We entered our dorm where Fabien, Remus, and Peter had been lounging but when they spotted a blood stained Lily they jumped up, demanding explanations. Lily answered, but was obviously exhausted by the events and as soon as I passed her one of my old quidditch shirts she had disappeared behind my four-poster curtain to change. Fabian left to go tell others what had happed, Peter fell back against his bed, and Remus stared long and hard at me.

"Rosier left?" Remus whispered with his blue eyes narrowed.

"Literally walked out." Sirius answered for me, under his breath.

I made a face, "I'd love to get a hold of that bastard. He only attacked Lily because she was there."

Remus sympathetically patted my shoulder just as Lily emerged from the curtain looking rumpled in my old quidditch shirt, and holding her bloodied shirt. I let my eyes gently scope her body for more injury only to find it appeared unscathed minus the cut on her face colored purple by medicine. My old quidditch shirt hung around her curves and I couldn't help but appreciate how good it looked on her.

Lily threw her ruined shirt into the trash bin, a depressed face, "That was my favorite shirt." She sounded like a five year old who had lost her favorite doll and I couldn't help but chuckle sadly at the girl I'd been lucky enough to grab and hold onto.

After the events of the day we found ourselves staying up in the dorm. Peter left around five to get everyone some dinner from the kitchens and even Fabian joined in before going to meet his girlfriend. Remus and Lily had started a game of exploding snap together in one corner of the room with Peter playing as the mediator. Sirius and I sat back, watching.

"I was talking to Frank Longbottom." Sirius said softly, so that the others couldn't hear, "He said one of his aurors spotted a stag leaving the willow last night."

"Odd." I let a smile escape, "I thought I saw someone along the outer edge before I hopped out of reach of the tree."

Sirius snorted, "I still think he's onto our secret. Longbottom was as bad as Snape in fifth year. Always tracking us."

I shrugged, "His showing up was a fluke. He can't prove we're unregisted animagus." I disliked the auror as much as Sirius but I found it hard to believe he had placed the stag to James Potter—who he had caught more than once with antlers growing out of his head. That was back in the start of fifth year when we were still trying to grasp the magic…Sirius had gone around for weeks with extra webbing between his finger and toes and Peter had gone a month with a rat tail.

Sirius picked at a bit of rice left on his plate from dinner, "How's your leg?" he lowered his voice even more.

"Stings." I answered truthfully, touching the spot tenderly, "But nothing drastic. It should heal quickly."

"What are you two whispering about?" Lily had come over, after abandoning her game to Peter and Remus who were arguing logistics of the game.

"How nosy you are." Sirius answered, sending Lily a grin before he stood up from his spot beside me to go over to where Remus and Peter were playing their game.

She knelt down, draping her arms over my shoulders, and nuzzling her nose to mine, staring deeply into my eyes. Her breath smelled like the butterbeer Sirius had pulled from his trunk for us earlier and her hands were pulling at my neck with surprising strength.

"Rosier deserves to be murdered." I whispered, brushing my thumb across her cheek.

Her eyes closed slightly at my touch, "I'm fine James. He just wanted to get a rise out of me."

"If I ever see him again-" I let the threat hang on my mind when she leaned in and pushed her lips against my own with as much glorification towards me as I felt for her.

"Hopefully we'll never see him again," she broke away from me, brushing my hair back from my forehead, causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. Her eyes were criss-crossing my face, like she was memorizing it and I did the same to her. I memorized her pale skin, lightly freckled if you looked close enough. I memorized the way her lips, light pink, curved into a smile. I memorized the annoying mark left on her skin by the git, Rosier. I memorized her eyes, her gorgeous emerald eyes, which changed day by day.

I don't know how we managed it but we'd left the floor and had ended up entangled in my bed, her head resting on my chest as each of the other boys slowly went to sleep. As the last night went out I reached up and pulled on my curtains, blocking us from view.

I snuggled down and Lily, half asleep already, pulled the covers up over our heads. In the dark, glasses off, I was completely blind. I tried to see her but my eyes were useless so I reached out with my hands, pulling her close first, and then searching for her face. My hands brushed softly against her cheeks, bringing her face to mine so that I could place soft kisses along her temple, down her jaw, and back to her lips.

Lily was running her hands up and down my arms, letting her hands venture to my hair where they entangled themselves, keeping my lips plastered to hers for a long moment. She snuggled closer, our bodies entangled together, the heat shocking and the touch of her body against mine making me dizzy.

For the second time today, I wanted to tell her I loved her.

"If I told you I loved you, what would you do?" I whispered against her ear.

She shivered under my touch, "I'd call you crazy." She murmured into my skin.

I made her face come back up to my own, making our noses touch, "I love you." I told the girl who laughed softly, not taking my words seriously.

"You're crazy." She repeated, nuzzling into my chest, "Go to sleep."

She thought I was joking.

**~~~Your blood, your fire, your kiss goodnight, your words and touch: they might be mine. I feel this love could cross the sand and I want to feel that way~~~**

"Master Reg, an honor!" the Black Family House Elf had been more of a father to me than my actual father and he looked pleased to see me walk through the front door of my old house.

Luckily, both my parents appeared to be gone. So I quickly stooped down to talk to the elf. The Dark Lord had requested him personally and Bella, my cousin, had practically forced me to go right away to get Kreacher.

"I need your help." I told the family house elf, Kreacher, feeling my face go pale as I realized I was too far in now, as I realized I was dragging the only person who had ever really cared for me into the world I so disliked, and I was sending him knowing he really had no choice. Kreacher had to do whatever I asked of him. "I need you to go to my Lord at the Riddle House and see what he wants. Do you understand?"

Kreacher bowed low, "It would be my honor to service my masters, master."

I let the relief escape me and smiled, looking around my old family home. I missed it. "Wonderful, thank you Kreacher. How's mum?"

Kreacher tilted his head, his bat like ears flapping slightly, "Mistress misses you."

I felt myself pause, "And any word on Sirius?"

Kreacher mad a dark sound in his throat, "Fine as far as Kreacher knows. Are you staying home for a few days? Kreacher can get a pot of tea started before he leaves."

"Kreacher," I reached out quickly, smiling, "No thank you, I have to go back to Malfoy Manor but return to me when the Dark Lord dismisses you. Alright?"

Kreacher bowed so low his nose touched the rug on the floor and then he disappeared to go find the Dark Lord. With one last gaze at my childhood home I left, carrying knowledge that someone had been looking up dark magic and something called a horcrux and I was willing to place money on the Dark Lord. I wanted to know more and I knew exactly where I could get information. I needed to go back to Hogwarts.

* * *

**Sorry for the super long wait! I ended up having to redo most of this chapter because of an error with my computer so i had to rewrite 15 pages! It was a painful process so i hope you like this chapter! It made me cry and sob and throw things like a proper 21 year old.**

**Thanks guys for the reviews and nice things on tumblr! The song lyrics in this chapter are from "All Roads Lead Home" by Golden State.**


	18. Miles Apart

**Chapter 18:**

**Now we've all grown up, gone on and moved away**

**Nothing I can do about it, nothing I can say**

**To bring us back to where we were when life was not this hard**

**Looking back it all just seems so far, so far away**

"Severus you have got to be joking."

I snorted as we walked along the hallways of the castle before Defense Against the Dark Arts, "I'm not joking." I snapped at Bert Audrey, the sixth year Ravenclaw I was using as a puppet to weasel my way into Gryffindor Tower where there were three boys I needed to get on my side. I couldn't exactly go up to them myself. James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin happened to be my worst enemies and I was no idiot—walking up to them and starting a conversation would only end horribly. I knew that they knew that I was the one who had ultimately spread the rumor about Lupin being a werewolf and I also knew Black had it out for my blood and any one like me.

No, it was better to use Audrey as a liaison. The brown haired Ravenclaw was popular enough and was the only Ravenclaw I knew well enough to ask favors from. I'd helped Audrey pass potions after all and Audrey felt indebted to me and I'd used that originally to get Audrey to help me.

Now Audrey was harder to convince. Audrey happened to respect Potter and his mates and didn't want to help me break them apart so that I could pick them all off one by one. Audrey didn't want to go talk to James Potter and befriend him. Audrey didn't want to do anything dark. Audrey told me he drew the line at my plan.

I pointed my wand at him as he opened his mouth to deny me again "_Imperio_." I hissed. Audrey's eyes went blank.

**~~~Of all the things I hid from you, I cannot hide the shame~~~**

_Lily,_

_I hope your first two weeks of classes has been well. I miss your cooking terribly; Pet is always trying to make your soufflé but she can never manage it like you. You really should write Pet, I think she would like to hear from you. _

_I'm always proud of you Lily and I hope you write me back and tell me about school._

_Love you to the moon and back,_

_Dad_

I stared at the letter and bit my lip, something was wrong. My dad never wrote me—it was sad actually how many years I've got without owl post. I stared at the post in my hand with slightly shaking fingers. Why on earth would my dad be writing me? Was Pet ok? Was my dad okay? I hadn't gotten a letter from my dad since my mom first passed away. Fear was stuck in my stomach like a rock.

"Morning, Ginger." Sirius Black fell into the seat beside me at the Gryffindor Table, "how was class? James was disappointed to wake up and not find you in his bed."

I didn't answer him; I simply folded the paper and tucked it into my pocket, pursing my lips.

Classes were almost a joke to me; I would roll out of bed, go to class, listen to lectures, and start all over again the next day. I was spending most of the rest of my time doing rounds with each of the different prefects to make sure they understood the rounds schedules. I'd spent more than one set of rounds with two Ravenclaw prefects who are being split up as soon as I can get a new schedule accepted by Dumbledore because they spend the entire time arguing together. On top of all this my dad had just written me—a surefire sign that something at home wasn't right.

James felt like this nice thing that made me constantly forget about real life even though real life constantly felt like reminding me it's there. Rosier is a prime example of real life coming to haunt me.

I pulled the entire jug of pumpkin juice my way, pouring it little by little into a goblet and literally drowning myself in my sorrow. Sirius took my silence surprisingly well and didn't attempt to talk to me the rest of lunch until he noticed I'd gone all the way through the jug of pumpkin juice.

He raised a single black eyebrow with interest in my direction and I drained the last drops of pumpkin juice, wincing at the flavor, "If you are trying to OD on pumpkin juice Evans you'll be sitting there a long while."

I made a face in Sirius' direction, not expecting him to understand my sudden frustration with the world. I glanced at my watch debating if I had time to go for a walk around the lake before Transfiguration and decided that no, I did not, because I hardly had time to eat lunch in the first place.

"Lily?" A soft voice questioned from behind me.

I turned in my seat and instantly froze when I saw it was Marlene, who looked relieved when she saw my face. I felt red travel up my face as I realized she was tracing the scar on my face. I went even redder when a sob escaped Marley's mouth and she came down to my level and pulled me into a hug.

She continued to hug me tightly as she spoke, "Lily, I'm so sorry for fighting with you, is your face okay?" she pulled away from me, allowing me to breathe and think about this sudden change of affection from Marlene.

"Her face is fine Mckinnon. I saved what little of it I could. I know it looks uglier but there's only so much I could do." Sirius said smoothly, watching Marley who actually had tears running down her face—an emotional Marlene McKinnon. That's new.

"Shove it, Black." Marlene snapped at Sirius who gave Marlene one of his looks of pure mirth.

"I'm fine. I've been fine for the past few days." I told her, feeling the headache set in, "Really Marlene. Rosier just wanted to be a berk."

"Rosier did it?" Marlene dropped fully into the seat beside me, shocking me even more as she carefully watched me like I was going to run away at any moment. "Well, then the rumors got out of control. I seriously thought a Death Eater attacked you."

I frowned immensely; I didn't want to know what the Hogwarts population was saying about me. I had a feeling half of the rumors I wouldn't like much at all.

Sirius meanwhile, snorted at Marlene's comment, "Rosier—death eater…I'm not seeing a difference oddly enough."

Sirius' sarcasm had fallen to deaf ears though because Marlene had rewrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back awkwardly wondering how on earth we'd gone from fighting to this—hugging business. Marlene was not a hugger.

"Marlene." I pushed her off me, staring at her ridiculously, "What on earth is wrong with you?"

"Well excuse me for worrying about you." Marlene scoffed, her eyes casually rolling, "I haven't exactly seen you much. Have you been sleeping on the couch?"

"Erm." I said grumpily, reaching for the second jug of pumpkin juice earning a look from Sirius who had obviously thought I was done my pumpkin juice drinking. "Sure."

"Going to drink the whole table Evans?" he snorted, "Or are you just afraid to tell McKinnon you've been sleeping with James since term started?"

I chocked on my pumpkin juice, as Marlene looked unsurprised at Sirius' comment. Sirius looked disappointed at Marlene's obvious lack of grasping the whole point of him spilling the beans about my sleeping habits the past two weeks. I made a point to start swallowing large amounts of pumpkin juice. Maybe I could drown myself if I drank enough.

"Feel free to take Evans back into your dorm at anytime though." Sirius commented, assessing me, "I personally like the idea of waking up one morning without finding her and James practically shagging."

If looks could kill Sirius would be dead. So I was sleeping with my boyfriend…we weren't doing _anything_ even though Sirius was trying to make it sound like we shagged every possible chance we got. I was in no mood for Sirius' games today. I wondered if Marlene would play along.

Marlene however ignored Sirius and made a face at me, "You hate pumpkin juice." She commented, sniffing as I purposely drank the whole goblet full quickly, wiping my mouth obnoxiously. Marlene flipped her blond hair over her shoulder making an even more serious face, "What did your sister do?"

I really hoped the side effects of pumpkin juice set in soon. How is it after weeks of fighting Marlene still knew me? How was that? It irked me.

"Her sister?" Sirius quipped, "What's her sister got to do with her sleeping in our dorm?"

"Oh honestly, Black." Marlene rolled her eyes at Sirius who looked at me in disbelief.

A smirk lifted on Sirius' lips. Oh good Merlin. "Ginger I-" he opened his mouth to probably say something remarkably inappropriate but I didn't let him get that far. I dumped the rest of my pumpkin juice on his head.

"Shut _up_!" I finally snapped, pushing away my goblet and glowering at Sirius who had jumped away from me, in sudden fear at my look. I grabbed my bag of supplies and books and all but ran from the Great Hall with no mood to turn around and answer Marlene's apologetic calls.

I made a frustrated noise, and jumped up from the table and made a face at both Sirius and Marlene who looked shocked at my attitude. I walked quickly out of The Great Hall unhappy as I made a path right for the Owlrey where I was going to write a long letter to my dear old dad asking him why on earth he decided to write me now out of all the weeks to write me.

_You should write Pet._

He'd written. My dad knows to never ask me to write to my sister. My sister and I haven't gotten along for decades and I didn't know why he even tried getting us to even remotely stand each other. If I did write my sister, besides, I'd have to send it the muggle way. My sister is terrified of anything magical—owls included. With a huff I sat at the front steps of Hogwarts wondering why on earth I was getting so worked up about my dad writing in the first place.

I guess it might've had something to do with the fact that my dad could never know what was going on in my world—he could never know that I was attacked constantly for my heritage. My parents had always been so proud of me for being a witch and here I was—a witch and not even accepted in the world I so greatly belonged in. My dad would probably expect a letter back telling him how great everything was and how all of my classes are fantastic, Just like the letters he and my mum used to get from me in my first few years.

I sat there hopelessly on the steps touching the lightly raised scar on my cheek from Rosier's cheek, remembering his sneer as he turned the corner. Where did he go? Was he busy torturing muggles? People with families—like my family. I shivered, trying to get the nasty thoughts away. I watched owls fly back and forth around the skies and the clouds float by for quite some time.

When I had finally calmed down I took a deep breath and turned to head back into the castle. With a glance at my watch I saw that I had managed to miss Transfiguration and half of History of Magic. With a sigh, I decided to just make my way to the common room and write the essay due for potions.

Postions. Slughorn. Damn. It was Thursday. I'd completely forgotten that I'd agreed to go to The Slug Club tonight. With an inward groan I made my way for the common room and wondered why on earth I had to go and agree to Slughorn's Tea. I didn't want to meet aurors today, I was in one of those moods where the only thing I wanted to do was go get in my nightgown and read a book.

I was climbing up the stairs when I realized I was being followed from behind, so I turned to see who was behind me and I met the dark blue eyes of a Ravenclaw who sent me a grin of white teeth.

"You're Lily Evans right?" He asked pleasantly, hopping a step when he realized I had looked back, "Head girl?"

"That's me." I wondered if this kid could hear the exhaustion in my tone.

The Ravenclaw tilted his head, smiling even more at me, "Well you aren't dead. That's good then." He said pleasurably.

I stared at him incredulously, "What?" I stopped on the stairs and made a face, "Excuse me?"

He laughed good-naturedly and I didn't know what to make of this kid. Was he naturally this odd and forthcoming? "Some blokes were saying at breakfast that you were on your death bed in the hospital wing. From an attack last week."

"Oh Merlin, no." I groaned, pushing my hand against my forehead in disbelief. Rumors would be the death of me. "Ok, well. I'm alive. Bye." I started walking.

He chuckled and was still following me from behind, "You didn't help rumors when you missed transfiguration. You're dating James Potter right?"

He reminded me of a particularly annoying golden retriever that sticks to your side even when you tell him to go lay down. I spun on him at the mention of James. "I'm his girlfriend, why?" I snapped, feeling less like chatting with every word.

"Bloke was trying to leave transfiguration to come find you." The boy seemed to find this immensely funny, "McGonagall threatened to stick him permanently to his chair."

James. I felt a soft flutter in my heart for the dolt who had no doubt worried when I didn't take my proper seat beside him in Transfiguration lecture. I looked at this Ravenclaw boy rather closely and realized I'd never talked to him before in my life and certainly didn't recognize him.

"What's your name anyhow?" I asked him, rather rudely.

One flash and a charming smile later, "You don't know my name?" he looked positively thrilled. "I mean, really, you don't recognize me? We've been going to the same school for six years."

"Erm. No." My conversation with this kid was getting odder by the minute. I continued walking slowly up the steps, never letting my eyes leave the mysterious boy.

His attitude reminded me vaguely of Sirius when he chuckled an threw me a wink, "Well, meet the man of your dreams Head Girl."

I pushed back my hair in sudden shock as I realized the bloke was coming onto me. I took a few hasty steps backwards on the steps and immediately regretted carrying on conversation with this bloke who was still nameless. With a great laugh and guffaw the brown hair flew back and he seemed thrilled at my reaction.

"Oh, bloody hell." He gasped, leaning on the banister, "You thought I was _hitting_ on you, didn't you?" he snorted mirthlessly, rolling his eyes, "I was just joking around. I actually just wanted to ask you if it's true your friends with Remus Lupin."

I was taken aback by the bluntness in his tone. I stared at the complete seriousness on his face, not sure how to answer that question. "Yes." I said, having stopped completely on the steps wondering how I'd found myself in his odd position with the even odder boy. "Remus and I are mates."

A grin escaped his lips again, "Wicked." He said, "I always said you'd have to be bad ass to hang out with a werewolf..."

"I hate to be rude but what is your name?" I finally broke through my fear and was wondering whom the bloody hell I was engaging in conversation with.

With a smirk and his hand held out smartly to me he spoke his name, "Bert Aubrey. Pleasure."

The name was to shocking for me to regain a neutral face.

"Bert Aubrey." I repeated, his name like a shock on the edge of my tongue. He was a friend of Severus and I couldn't believe I hadn't made a match—not that I'd ever paid much attention to Bert Aubrey. Aubrey was one of the Ravenclaw's who hung out with some of the less than pleasant blokes at Hogwarts but he was also clever and a good student, seeing as I'd never seen his name on the detention lists. The company he kept though made him an instant threat in my eyes. I stared at him with an obvious change in attitude.

"Ah." His blue eyes twinkled with pleasure, "We have a match."

"Get away from me." I hissed, reaching inside my bag and pulling out my wand, feeling the mistrust come on as quickly as my dislike for Audrey.

Audrey didn't seem at all surprised by my sudden mood change, in fact he pulled out his own wand, "Now, Evans. I don't want to fight you."

"If you don't leave me alone I will dock points." I threatened, feeling my cheeks twinge red as a reminder of who I might be dealing with—another Rosier. Audrey could care less about docked points.

"Chill Evans." Audrey snapped at me, all playfulness gone, I watched with narrowed eyes as he slowly reached inside his robes, "I was just creating conversation. How's that scar on your cheek? Heard Rosier made a mess of you."

I didn't need this. Not today. I was already having one of those bad news days and this was just a cherry on the top of the cake.

"What do you want?" I snapped, ruthlessly, as sparks flew from the tip of my wand.

That annoying smirk appeared on Bert Audrey's face and he continued up the stairs, "Just creating conversation. Later, Evans." He repeated, leaving me in shock on the stairs.

Could this day get any weirder?

Apparently yes, it could, because no sooner had I been left on the staircase alone I was found by Lani Weems, my fellow seventh year Gryffindor girl who was the first person to find me as luck would have it.

"Merlin, Lily." Lani's dark skin was shining as she met me at my step that I hadn't moved from, "You look like hell." She commented when I registered who had come up beside me.

"It's been a long day." I sighed, pulling my hair up into a messy bun atop of my head, looking at Lani who was sporting two different colored eyebrows. "Erm, Lani your eyebrows."

"Oh shit." Lani looked annoyed and touched her left eyebrow, which was sporting purple hues, "I thought I'd transfigured it back. We were working on color transfiguration in class today. You missed a classic class, James is sporting green hair right now." She continued chatting as she pulled out her compact mirror and checked her face, groaning at her purple eyebrows, "And it's hell to transfigure it all back." At no answer from me, Lani continued, her brown eyes reflecting interest when she said, "Speaking of James—he was worried when you missed both transfiguration and history of magic."

"Like I said," I answered, heading up the stairs again with Lani following me not far behind, still examining her purple eyebrows, "it's been a long day."

Behind me Lani had taken to pointing her wand at her eyebrows and was trying to get them back to the dark normal brown. It appeared our conversation had ended so she could focus on going back to normal brown haired Lani but no sooner had she whispered the incantation for the second time, her entire head of hair turned purple. It was almost comical how she chucked her compact on the stairs and it bounced off the stair to fall off the edge, dropping six floors to Merlin knows where.

"My hair is purple!" she exclaimed as a few third years passed us on the stairwell, sniggering at Lani who looked like she was a giant grape.

I was suddenly really happy I had missed transfiguration today or who knows what color head I'd be sporting. We made it to Gryffindor Tower where Lani sprinted for the girl's dorms to try and fix her purple problem. I followed, thinking about my dad, Audrey, and Rosier among things.

I sat on my bed, pulled out my bun, and fell back into my pillows. This is the first time I've even considered staying in my room since I got back to Hogwarts. I'd been avoiding it since people had been judging me for being friends with Remus—especially Marley—but I could currently care less about anyone but myself.

Only five minutes after I'd collapsed on my bed, Marley came through the door with the other seventh year girls. All three of them looked at me in shock—like they hadn't expected me to be here.

"Lily." Mary McDonald shook her long hair from her face, eyeing me, "Have you been up here the whole time?"

"No." I said dryly, "Just got up here."

"Well I expect you should be aware that James is about to go to Dumbledore about your disappearance." Marlene probably meant to be joking.

I didn't find her comment funny. "Good for him." I answered wryly.

Mary, who is awfully kind in the first place, came to my four-poster, leaning over so she could clearly look me in the eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asked hesitantly, worry etched on her face, "You don't normally skip classes or yell at people that aren't James Potter."

"She poured pumpkin juice on Black's head at lunch." Marlene looked a little too happy at that.

I opened my mouth to say something smart but my spotlight was quickly repositioned to a purple colored person in our doorway.

"My face is purple! Purple!" Someone announced angrily walking into the room; I sat up to see if Lani was still over reacting about her transfiguration gone wrong and winced. It had gotten worse. "And I have Slughorn's party tonight. Someone do something!"

"Lani, how did you make it worse?" I sat up; looking at the girl who was purple faced and in tears—where she had been a shade close to lavender she now was as dark purple as a dragon scale.

Marlene, the sensitive girl she is, actually poked Lani's puffy face. I didn't know if it was puffy from the magic, or her crying. I knew that despite how mad and confused I was, Lani just looked so ridiculous and I knew only one person who was a God at transfiguration.

"Let's go see James." I said, taking her arm.

"No!" Lani, tugged from my grip, looking scared, "I'm bright purple, Lily. I'm not going anywhere."

"James can't get up here." I snapped, not really in the mood to deal with Lani's insecurity, "pull your hood over your face and let's go. James can fix it."

"Go on Lani." It was Kari Moffat's final push that got Lani to pull up her hood and follow me into the public eye.

The first thing to happen was all eyes in the Gryffindor Common Room to eye spy me—no doubt my mysterious disappearance had reached all ears because even the first years looked surprised to see me—but that could have also been the sobbing girl I was dragging down the stairs. I looked around and was disappointed to not see anyone with a mop of untidy black hair.

"He's not even down here." Lani sniffed behind me, sour notes not escaping my notice, "I'm not going to be able to go to Slug Club!"

"Don't be silly." I said, my eyes zeroing in on Fabian Prewett who had spotted me and was already heading my way.

"Lily, James went to detention if that's who you are looking for." Fabian told me with an odd look in Lani's direction.

"Detention?" I hissed, my breath caught in my throat. "How on earth?" Head boy. Detention? I hadn't talked to him in a few hours and the idiot managed to land himself in a detention.

"He got caught trying to skive off History of Magic by McGonagall who was already peeved he'd tried to skivvy out of transfiguration to go find you." explained Fabian as his eyes traveled over Lani, "You didn't look like that coming out of class, Weems. What happened?" he asked Lani who looked like she was close to storming away to deal with her purple disaster herself. I tightened my grip on her arm.

"He got detention for trying to skip class?" I squared my shoulders, wondering why McGonagall was that upset with him. James had done worse. I would know.

Fabian let a smirk lift his face; "No he got detention for 'accidently' turning Severus Snape's hair a nice shade of hot pink in class and then tying to place the blame on Sirius who in return made James' hair bright green."

Those idiots were not making life any easier.

"What?" I said blankly, looking at Lani who shrugged underneath her hood.

"I didn't know McGonagall gave him detention for all that." She told me, "I thought Snape looked better with pink hair anyways."

_That's not the point._ I wanted to tell her but there was no point. I dropped my hand from her arm and felt anger boiling in my chest—what was this? Fifth year? Honestly.

Lani, miserable, began to ask Fabian if he could probably transfigure her hair back. It only took Fabian two minutes to fix her and Lani was thanking him profusely, "Are you going to Slug Club Fabian?" Lani asked, widening her brown eyes and fluttering them at Fabian. I narrowed my eye, Fabian was Marlene's boyfriend; Lani shouldn't be flirting with him.

I looked at Fabian who was watching Lani apprehensively, "Er, no I'm not. I wasn't invited. Have fun though." He sent Lani a less than inviting smile and Lani sighed, looking at me.

"You are going right?" she eyed me expectantly, "I don't want to be the only Gryffindor going."

"Yeah." I sighed, "I told Slughorn I'd go." I wondered if James would come, I certainly didn't want to go with just Lani for company either. I turned to look at Fabian, ready to ask him.

Before I could even ask him, Fabian said with a knowing smile, "I heard a rumor detentions were being held down at the quidditch pitch, getting it ready for the start of the season. He'll be down there for a while. Sorry, Lily." He nodded a goodbye as he headed over to the portrait hole alone—likely off to go find something to eat at dinner.

Lani sighed as he walked away before flipping her hair over her shoulder and sending me a quick grin, "Thanks for the help Lily. Want to come pick out robes for tonight with me?"

"Sure." I told her, spinning on my heel and determinedly following Lani who babbled on about her favorite periwinkle robes from Madame Wilkins in London.

I was only half listening to Lani as we made our way back to the bedroom where we found Marlene, Mary, and Kari all working on homework in the middle of the floor. All three girls glanced up with smiles when they saw Lani was healed of her purple disaster.

"James worked his magic." Kari joked, rolling up to a sitting position to observe as Lani started undressing the minute I closed the door to our dorm, "Are you going to Slug Club now that you aren't purple?" she teased.

"Fabian fixed it." Lani stuck her tongue out at Kari as she pulled out the same robes she'd been bragging to me about, "Of course I am. He's having aurors come and I saw some of the aurors at the Full Moon. Hotties. The lot of them." She pulled the robes over her head, the small beads lining the sleeves sparkling, "Lily's going too."

"As if Lily would ever miss Slug Club. It would break Professor Slughorn's heart. He might even quit." Marlene joked from her spot on the floor earning a glare from Mary who then smiled at me.

"Do you need to borrow dress robes Lily?" Mary offered in her light voice, sweetly, "I have a nice set of blues you could borrow."

I shook my head, traveling over to my trunk and opening the wooden lid to dig around the inside, "No, I'm sure I have a suitable dress." I had a blue on in mind that would be perfect.

"A dress to Club?" Lani's voice sounded from her bed where she was quickly applying make up, "This isn't a muggle party."

I bristled, "Dresses aren't just for muggles." I snapped and a silence followed as I pulled out my favorite silk party dress from new years last year. The dark blue cap-sleeved silk dress shone in the firelight and I smiled to myself as I draped it over my bed so I could undress to pull it on.

"It's pretty." Kari Moffat commented after I had finished zipping it up, "I would still throw a cloak over it though."

"I like it how it is, Lily." Mary, bless the girl, spoke with a smile as she stood up to admire it more.

I shrugged my shoulders, not really feeling the dress up fun that I normally felt for Slug Club parties. Normally I spend at least an hour doing my hair even, I always liked to be prim and proper because you never knew would be invited to Slughorn's party. Instead I just let my hair remain its wavy mess around my shoulders as I pulled on my favorite pair of flat black shoes.

Compared to Lani in her dress robes, I looked completely muggle but as I gazed in the mirror I was satisfied, until my eyes zeroed in on the nasty scar on my cheek. I touched it and frowned.

"Erm, Lily?" Marlene's voice took me by surprise and through the mirror I saw she was standing awkwardly behind me with a slight smile.

"Hm?" I acknowledged her presence, pulling out my wand and tapping my face lightly with it applying a light dusting of make up. The scar still shone. I frowned again.

Malrene surprised me when she held up a white envelope, "I'd meant to give you this in class but you never came—an owl came for you. It's from your sister."

I froze, now my sister was writing me? I stayed in my spot, reaching behind me for the letter Marlene had gotten from one of the school owls at lunch after I'd left. My sister never, once, in all my years at Hogwarts wrote to me. Ever.

_**Lily,**_

_**I wasn't going to write you, and then dad told me that it wasn't fair and I guess he was right. I'm getting married after the holidays in February. I'm marrying Vernon Dursley and it's going to be a small affair. I told him about you, he knows everything. I love him and he loves me. I don't know what more to tell you.**_

_**Petunia Evans**_

"Merlin's beard." I hissed, staring at the paper and reading it again, "My sister is getting married."

"Petunia?" Marlene had met my sister more than once and sounded as surprised me, "Wow."

"She told him about me being a witch." I spoke softly.

"Is she allowed to do that? Their muggles." Lani spoke from her four poster where she was putting on earrings, "When's the wedding?"

"February." I said softly, lost in my thoughts. My older sister was getting married and I could tell by the way she was writing that she didn't want to include me in anything. My heart was broken. I sighed, throwing the letter on the floor and examining my reflection again.

My sister would've liked this outfit—my sister hated anything abnormal and this dress made me look surely normal. The sweetheart neckline with the capped sleeves, it was positively normal in everyway.

Marlene seemed determined to continue speaking to me. "I'm sorry you got hurt." Her voice was hardly above a whisper and I glanced at the other three girls—they were watching Marlene and me hesitantly, waiting for a fight.

Quite frankly, I was tried of fighting. I sighed and pressed the bridge of my nose sorrowfully, "Thanks." I glanced at the blonde haired quidditch player who I once knew so well but as I looked at her I realized just how much we'd lost between us in just a few short weeks.

Marlene looked like she was bordering on the edge to say something but instead of letting her go all mushy on me, I stepped away from the mirror, towards her, and wrapped my arms around her. She met my hug with a slight sob and she hugged me back.

"I wasn't trying to be a bitch." She promised, her arms tight around my neck, "It's just, sometimes I feel like you need to be reminded not everyone in this world is good."

"I know." I said softly, quietly, taking in her words—truth, "But not everyone in the world is bad either Marley."

"I know."

I made a smile as I pulled away from Marley who was wiping her blue eyes and smiling a watery smile. Mary looked like she was about ready to start clapping as Marlene and I burst into awkward giggles at our apologies. I ran my fingers through my hair and grinned Mary's way.

"I'm really happy for the both of you lovebirds," a sarcastic voice broke from behind me, "But I have a bunch of hot aurors waiting for me in the dungeons."

I let a bubble of a laugh escape, despite the sickening feeling settling in my stomach, "Lani, aurors can't date students...that's so wrong!"

"I'm not expecting full time commitment." Lani snorted as I rolled my eyes at Marlene.

Grabbing my wand and slipping it into my enchanted handbag, I only glanced at the letter littering the floor once as I walked out the door to the hallway. Lani followed behind, her perfume strong against my nostrils.

"Besides." Lani said with a smirk, "I heard one particular auror has a fetish for Hogwarts Girls."

"Half of all rumors are made up." I said, wishing Marlene were with me and not Lani.

"Merlin," Lani snorted, "I certainly hope not." She mused as we walked down to the common room, which was mostly empty minus one particular face I was happy to see.

"Remus." I said with a smile towards the boy who appeared to be headed in the same direction as me.

"Hey," he offered me, with a short glance over in Lani's direction, before his eyes swooped over my clothes, "Aren't you going to Slughorn's party?"

"Yes." I answered as Lani purposefully kept walking, ignoring poor Remus.

"Oh." He eyed me again, "I think James will regret his detention. Where were you in classes?"

I frowned at the mention of James, "That's his own fault. I was fine, I just had something to do." I lied smoothly, letting Remus help me down from the portrait hole, "Where are you headed?"

"According to your notes, I have rounds tonight." Remus sent me a grin, "So I'm going to meet some Hufflepuff named Meghan on the first floor."

"Have fun." I offered, noticing the way Remus held himself—he seemed happier—more pleasant. I was sure the past couple of weeks had to be hard on the poor boy who could enver catch a break with the drama. I hoped this new prefect job put Remus back on the right path.

"I'm happy your feeling better." I told him once we had reached the first floor landing, Lani Weems slightly ahead of us—pointedly staying away.

His eyes crinkled kindly as he looked at me, "Thanks. See you later?"

"Bye." I nodded at him as I went to catch up with Lani who had slowed down when she realized Remus had left. It made me upset that Lani felt unsafe around Remus who was probably one of the sweetest guys I knew. She didn't say anything though and just kept walking beside me as we made our way to the dungeons. On our way down we ran into two other Slug Club members who waved their hellos.

The dungeons were characteristically cold and I felt Goosebumps ride on my arms as I followed Lani through double doors into a large room with vaulted ceilings enchanted so that the ceiling resembled a twinkling night sky. The magic reminded me of the same magic that enchanted The Great Hall. I gripped my handbag tightly as I saw Severus Snape lock eyes with me from across the room, his hair was back to it's greasy black instead of the pink from James' spell. I suddenly missed James being at my side very much because the stare from Sev's black eyes was unnerving.

"Evans!" A voice called excitedly, "I hoped you be here!"

Instead of Slughorn, I was drawn into a hug by a now cleanly shaven Frank Longbottom who looked more like the boy I'd known two years ago. I heard Lani grumble unhappily at my side so I made sure to introduce her quickly with a flair to Frank who gave her a once over before turning back to me.

"Ditch Potter for the night?" he teased, eyes twinkling, "Heard I'd be here. Didn't ya?" he winked and I found his arrogance charming because it was more of joking than anything threatening.

"I do have a fetish for aurors." I teased right back, letting Frank's happy attitude soak into me, not wanting to let Petunia's marriage ruin my night.

Frank took my words to heart and immediately slung an arm around my shoulder, dragging me through the Slug Club; introducing me to everyone he knew that was around from the auror force. I couldn't tell you half the names of the people I met. There were a few that stuck out to me like Franks untactful friend Amelia Jenkinson who was already on her fifth firewhisky according to Frank. Another person who stood out was the head of the auror force; a darkened man named Criag Drathe who looked less than pleased to be at this party and stuck to Slughorn's side hardly talking. Frank assured me that was just Drathe's attitude.

"He's hated everyone since his best friend was killed by Death Eaters last fall." Frank told me when I had accused Drathe of glaring too much.

I shut up after that comment. I didn't even want to imagine losing my best friends to death eaters and it seemed to make me feel even sicker when I considered it. Somewhere into the night I saw laughing with Frank, Amelia Jenkinson, and a man they called Moody about a joke when Moody—an observant auror—asked me what happened to my cheek.

"Didn't you hear?" Professor Slughorn had heard this and appeared as is summoned, wrapping one arm around my shoulder.

I let an uncomfortable smile flutter across my face, "Er, I got attacked the other day by another student."

Slughorn shook his head, showing his dismay, "Poor girl was attacked out of nowhere by one of my students! He ran off afterwards."

"Evan Rosier." Amelia Jenkinson looked at me in surprise as she made the connection of the stories, "Now it all makes sense."

"I'm sorry?" I asked her, taken aback, staring at the witch auror in surprise, "How did you know Rosier—"

"I got the report from Hogwarts just yesterday." Amelia was eyeing me closely now, "I was wondering why Rosier would harm a student when he was leaving but seeing you now, it's _obvious_."

Frank exchanged a glance with me, shrugging his shoulders. Amelia appeared surprised that we couldn't figure out what she was talking about.

"Muggleborn. The report I got never said the student he attacked was muggleborn." Amelia then stated, sending me an apologetic look, "I can just tell." She told me, making my heart feel even heavier, "If those clothes weren't an obvious clue, your personality was a good indication."

I felt like I'd just been ripped to shreds. My heritage—it follows me anywhere and everywhere I go. Amelia appeared to see my smile falter and suddenly she started retracting her words.

"I'm gong to get some punch." I said, holding my chin high as I felt all their eyes taking me in, "It was nice meeting you." I could hear Frank chastising Amelia for her lack of tact as I walked over to the table where cups of tea were constantly appearing. I grabbed a cup of what smelled like peppermint tea, sniffing deeply and telling myself that it was all going to be okay—today was just a bad day. Amelia hadn't known I was sensitive about my heritage. Amelia couldn't know—we'd only just met.

I turned to get sugar when my hand hit against another hand reaching for a sugar cube. I looked up in surprise and I retracted my hand instantly.

"We meet again Evans." Audrey's voice was sultry, smooth, and I instantly blanched.

"Since when were you a Slug?" I hissed, grabbing a sugar cube and putting it into my tea.

The Ravenclaw smiled, "Since my girlfriend was."

I narrowed my eyes, "Girlfriend?"

Audrey turned to across the table where a brown haired girl was reaching for a pastry atop a stack of cakes, "Hey, Alice, get over here."

The girl called Alice seemed surprised at Audrey's demands and hastily walked over, a question written on her rounded face.

"What Bert?" Alice quipped, slipping her arm in his and eyeing me closely.

"This is Lily, Lily Evans."

I held a hand out to the brown haired girl recognizing her from other classes throughout my time here. Alice Rogers was a Ravenclaw like her boyfriend but that was about all I knew about her. Alice took my hand, letting a smile filter through her frown.

"Nice to meet you. Head Girl right?" She asked me pleasantly.

"Yeah." I said, my eyes not leaving Bert who was smirking considerably at us both.

"Well, I'll just leave the both of you to be best mates." Bert Aubrey got odder each time I met him. He started walking away, sending a wave over his shoulder to his girlfriend who seemed not at all surprised to see him disappear. I think Alice saw my heavily guarded look in his direction.

"I honestly only date him for the sex." She teased, grinning at my surprised look, "It's a joke."

I just sipped my tea, unsure of how to take everything happening to me right now. Alice seemed to realize I didn't find her joke funny and she ran her fingers through her pretty dress robes which had flowers decorated all over them.

"Erm," she hastily tried to make conversation, "How do you know Bert?"

"I met him this morning." I told her truthfully, "On the stairs."

Alice raised her eyebrows in surprise, "Sounds riveting."

I was starting to think Alice Rogers was just as odd as her boyfriend who had all together just walked off without her. Alice let her eyes drift down to my dress.

"I like your dress." Alice told me, truth evident in her voice, "I wish I could have a dress like that."

Taken aback by her compliment, I answered, "You can borrow it if you like. We look about the same size."

Alice's eyes sparkled, "Thank you." She said sincerely, "That's so sweet of you."

"Who is your friend?" a deep voice behind me asked.

Alice looked directly at who was talking in surprise and I looked in relief—finally someone I knew. Frank however had skirted his eyes over me and was smiling at Alice who appeared to suddenly be silent.

"Alice." She offered, her hand outstretched to Frank who took it and kissed it. I made sure not to roll my eyes.

Frank smiled at Alice and I could already see the blush creeping up Alice's cheeks. "I'm Frank Longbottom. Auror." He told the suddenly bashful Alice.

I didn't see how James could hate Frank—they were essentially the same person. Alice quickly excused herself, but not before taking a nice long look at Frank who couldn't stop grinning like a fool.

"Honestly." I hissed at Frank, "She's dating someone."

Frank frowned at me, "Why are all the good birds taken?"

I made a point not to answer that question. I was one of those taken birds Frank was so obviously speaking about. I was about to tell Frank off when someone grabbed my shoulder and I was forced to turn and look at Remus who looked less than thrilled.

"Remus what are you doing?" I asked the werewolf.

Remus shook his head, "Long story, I came to ask if you could take the third through fifth floor rounds."

"Of course." I answered, looking at Frank who was listening closely, "What's happened?"

Remus looked even more upset, "someone set off everlasting fireworks on the second floor. Meghan Farmery is there right now blocking off the corridors until the teachers can sort it out but we need someone patrolling the rest of the floors—at least until Meghan and I are done."

"Alone?" I asked, remembering the last time I'd patrolled alone, "James is still in detention, right?"

Remus shrugged, "We're down two prefects because the Niemen twins went home after some accident with their grandfather."

"I'll patrol with you." Frank offered when I bit my lip and looked at Remus with apprehension.

I looked at Frank, "Are you sure?"

"Of course." Frank grinned well naturedly, "What could go wrong?"

**~~~I'd do everything differently but I can't turn back the time~~~**

I was able to slip into Hogwarts undetected through the secret passageway through the mirror on the fifth floor. It was probably midnight and rounds were in full swing by teachers and students. I spent enough years under my brother Sirius to know a good spy covers his tracks and as I slipped into the library I preformed an illusion charm to myself—hoping I could slip into the restricted section unnoticed. I'd set off everlasting fireworks on the second floor in hopes of that giving me enough time.

The library was dark, the only lights from flickering candles on some of the tables where I'd studied as a student. When life had been simpler and I wasn't a death eater and I wasn't questioning everything.

The restricted section was open to my good fortune and I quickly started rooting through books. I wasn't sure what I was looking for and I didn't know why I was so intent on finding out but something just struck me as odd about everything happening the past couple of weeks. I knew it wouldn't take long for my everlasting fireworks to be sorted out by teachers and I had no doubt they'd added more patrollers by now. It was the spine, glittering gold, that made me stop in my search. The title struck me as mysterious and perfect:

_La Vie Et La Mort_

I opened it and was rewarded with words in golden penmanship, littering the page and despite all its beauty, held a certain air of death about it. On the first page were the words:

_**All that glitters is not always gold.**_

I flipped more pages until my eyes zeroed in on the word horcrux. I hitched a breath, because the words matched the words I'd seen on the pages back at the Riddle Mansion. I was lost in the tale about splitting your soul into two halves, about the death, the pain, the suffering, and I was horrified. Who would actually want to do something like this? Who would be so horrible as to split their soul?

That's when I realized that the very man who would do it—was the demon I had admired. The less-than-man I now took orders from. I considered it as easily believable as a unicorn. Why wouldn't the dark lord trying dark magic like this? What did he have to lose? He was soulless in a sense already.

My thoughts were caught off by a sound to my right. Two voices cut into the silence.

"I hate the library at night." A female's voice cut in and I softly placed the book down, sneaking to the back of the section.

"I hate the library in general it-" Another male voice spoke, stopping not to far away, "What the Hell is the restricted section doing open?"

Shit. Buggering Fucking Hell. I let hundreds of curse words filter through my system as I heard footsteps come closer. I was a goner.

"Probably just some idiot forgetting to close it." The female voice cut in, "Come on, let's go. I want to get up to the forth floor. I don't think Remus even got that far on patrols thanks to the fireworks."

I don't know how long I waited until I no longer heard their soft voices and footsteps but I was very carful to not make a sound as I breathed in and out slowly. As soon as I was positive that they had left I left, racing to get to the fifth floor before the pair of students patrolling caught up. My robes whipped around my legs as I ran up the stairs, not wanting to get caught by anything or anyone. I knew my stealth charm had worn off already and I raced up the flights of stairs.

I had just made it to the mirror when I heard a female voice behind me say jokingly, "Black where on earth are you going?"

I turned in shock, wondering who had realized it was me when I found myself looking at the very surprised muggle born my brother had been together with during the summer. I knew it had to be her because even though I'd only seen her once or twice she was pretty hard to forget with her striking red hair. She had mistaken me for my brother and she was waiting for me to answer.

I might've been able to get away with running if it wasn't the man next to her that really stopped me in my tracks. Beside her, was a man dressed in aurors clothing and I felt the blood drain from my face. Aurors were at Hogwarts…I really picked a great night to sneak back into Hogwarts.

"Sirius?" she said, more concerned, stepping closer, and then her face went stone cold. "_Regulus_ Black?" her wand had quickly appeared and I took no time in giving into my flight response and jumping through the mirror, letting the magic mirror infuse me into the corridor beyond.

I heard their shouts and then I heard someone break through the mirror behind me. I didn't dare turn to see who was following me. I wasn't sure whom I was more scared of—the red headed muggle born or the auror friend of hers. A couple curses whizzed past me. I sent stunning spells behind me, not stopping for anything. I heard a crash and I knew at least one of my stuns had hit home.

"Lily!" A male voice shouted, "Damn it, I told you to stay put!"

I thanked Merlin the muggle born had decided not to listen to the auror—her ignorance had saved me.

I escaped into Hogsmede and went directly to Malfoy Manor. I had been gone so short of a time that no one at the manor had noticed my absence. My cousin Bella didn't even comment on my pale face as I passed her on my way to the small room I'd been given for the time I spent here. I opened the door to the room where I was surprised to find someone laying _dead_ on my floor…and that someone was my family house elf. I slammed my door shut.

On closer inspection I found he was breathing and he shuddered when I poked him with my wand and whispered a reervinate spell.

Krecher opened his wide eyes looking at me, a look of horror placed on his face, "Master." He croaked, "Kreacher came back. Kreacher is thirsty! Kreacher _came back_!"

"Fuck." I hissed, dropping my wand and picking up the house elf who (even on his deathbed) wiggled out of my grasp yelling at me for overstepping my boundaries.

"Kreacher is fine!" he kept repeating, his eyes darting back and forth, like he was nervous of someone listening in. He seemed delusional. "_Kreacher came back! Kreacher is fine!_"

Worried someone might hear Kreacher's shouting I jumped for my wand and waved it at the house elf that fell limp onto the carpet—stunned. I stared at the elf—not sure what to do. His shouting had surprisingly drawn no attention and so I sat there, staring at his chest rising and falling.

What in the name of Merlin happened?

* * *

_Song in this chapter is "Miles Apart" by yellowcard. _

_As a halloween gift and slightly because I want you to fall in love with Alice Rogers' character if you already haven't..._

_**SNEEK PEEK AT NEXT CHAPTER FOR MY FAVORITES (A.K.A ALL OF YOU):**_

I let my eyes flutter open and the shadow of a girl loomed over me and my heart skipped a beat because my eyes then connected to Albus Dumbledore's crystal blue eyes. What was going on? Was this a dream? I groaned inwardly because my head felt like it had been hit by a frying pan.

"Nice of you to join us Miss Evans." The Headmaster spoke pleasantly.

"It isn't very becoming of you to be such an attention seeking whore you know." Alice Rogers' voice teased, "This is your fifth death eater attack this week, right?" I looked at Alice in shock…I hadn't expected her to be here at my bedside if I ever found myself back in the hospital wing.

Not that I had expected to be laying on a bed in the hospital wing with the Headmaster of Hogwarts sitting to my left and for Frank Longbottom to be glaring at me from the end of the bed. I looked around in confusion and then it all came back to me…Sirius' brother had stunned me after I'd disobeyed Frank and helped chase after him. That would explain Frank's nasty glare in my direction but why was Alice Rogers at my bedside? Last I'd seen her was at Slug Club.

"What are you doing here?" I asked the girl who grinned.

"I ran into your auror mate," Alice nodded to a scowling Frank, "He was levitating you somewhere, alone in the dark, on the fourth floor. I asked him if he needed help finding a place to bury your body." her grin was positively childish, "He didn't appreciate my humor."

I instantly decided then that I liked Alice Rogers.


	19. I Just Want Your Kiss

**Chapter 19:**

**You're chatting to me, like we connect**

**But I don't even know if we're still friends.**

**It's so confusing,**

**Understanding you is making me not want to.**

**And things that I know I should do.**

**But I trip fast and then I lose.**

**And I hate looking like a fool.**

"Reg?"

I heard my name being called by my cousin Bella outside of the room and I winced, Kreacher had been recovering slowly, he was still begging for water. I didn't want anyone to know he was here. I'd been sleeping on the floor, having given up my bed for the house elf who was currently passed out, he'd only woken once or twice and each time I'd knocked him out.

"Go away Bella." I snapped at the door.

"You've been in there for ages. Evan Rosier got his voice back and he's called a meeting." Bella's voice was muffled through the door, but I could tell she was angry with me.

"I'm busy working on something for something!" I shouted, "Bye."

I heard her grumble and I waited until I was sure she was actually gone before looking back at the elf that was muttering in his sleep. I would have to wake him up, ask him what happened, I knew I couldn't hold off Bella forever and I still wasn't sure if Kreacher was even supposed to be here. I pointed my wand at his sleeping form, waved it, Kreacher's eyes popped open and instantly landed on me.

"Master." He croaked, stumbling out of the bed and coming over to me, stumbling over himself like a drunken fool. "Master, the dark lord has done something horrible. Kreacher came back to warn you. Kreacher came back." Kreacher was shivering but I could still hear him, and I could certainly feel when his fingers gripped my hand. My eyes widened at Kreacher's contact—if I had been my dad I would've hit him for stepping out of bounds but I didn't.

I just stared, "Where were you Kreacher? I order you to tell me."

My blood ran cold when he whispered, "Kreacher went to Hell and back."

**~~~There's someone else inside my head, living there too fills me with dread~~~**

I let my eyes flutter open and the shadow of a girl loomed over me and my heart skipped a beat because my eyes then connected to Albus Dumbledore's crystal blue eyes. What was going on? Was this a dream? I groaned inwardly because my head felt like it had been hit by a frying pan.

"Nice of you to join us Miss Evans." The Headmaster spoke pleasantly.

"It isn't very becoming of you to be such an attention seeking whore you know." Alice Rogers' voice teased, "This is your fifth death eater attack this week, right?" I looked at Alice in shock…I hadn't expected her to be here at my bedside if I ever found myself back in the hospital wing.

Not that I had expected to be laying on a bed in the hospital wing with the Headmaster of Hogwarts sitting to my left and for Frank Longbottom to be glaring at me from the end of the bed. I looked around in confusion and then it all came back to me…Sirius' brother had stunned me after I'd disobeyed Frank and helped chase after him. That would explain Frank's nasty glare in my direction but why was Alice Rogers at my bedside? Last I'd seen her was at Slug Club.

"What are you doing here?" I asked the girl who grinned.

"I ran into your auror mate," Alice nodded to a scowling Frank, "He was levitating you somewhere, alone in the dark, on the fourth floor. I asked him if he needed help finding a place to bury your body." her grin was positively childish, "He didn't appreciate my humor."

I instantly decided then that I liked Alice Rogers.

"Do you remember what happened Lily?"

I looked, startled, and at the headmaster who was watching me closely over his silver rimmed glasses. He'd just called me by my first name. I hardly considered that appropriate given I was his student so I was taken aback for a moment long enough for Madame Promfrey to appear.

A young healer who had come to Hogwarts just last year, she was very sweet and looked at me kindly as she came to feel my forehead, running her wand across my head as she did so.

"Hello Evans." She said as he looked as her wand glowed purple at the tip, "You managed to hit your head well from what I understand."

I winced as she tapped the end of her wand to my forehead and I felt a shock through my skull.

"Regulus Black was back." I said, letting go of the breath I held, glancing at Dumbledore, "Professor, Regulus Black got into the school."

Professor Dumbledore nodded solemnly, "I've already contacted Sirius about his brother-"

"Black probably helped his brother in." Frank snorted sarcastically, and we all looked at him, even Madame Promfrey who had been watching me from her spot next to my head. Frank answered our questioning looks, "Sirius Black is one step away from becoming like his brother."

Dumbledore stroked his beard momentarily, "What makes you say that Frank?"

I felt weird, sitting here with three people I hardly knew—discussing something as difficult as Sirius Black. I felt even weirder that we were sitting here discussing the very person who had helped me last week after another Death Eater cursed me.

I sat up, ignoring Promfrey's protests, "Sirius is not going to be like his brother."

"What makes you say that?" Dumbledore repeated his question, only now it was directed at me.

"Sirius was spotted more than once this summer talking to known Death Eaters. The Ministry's been tracking him since last year, I would know," Frank looked rather irked at me "I'm on his case."

"Sirius helped me last week after Evan Rosier attacked me!" I snapped, glaring at Frank before looking at the Headmaster, "Professor, please. I know Sirius—"

Frank snorted again; earning a look from Alice who snapped at him, "Let Evans talk you nitwit."

Frank looked shocked at Alice's snap and Alice held an air of satisfaction at his gaping mouth. I sent a grateful smile to the short brown haired girl who winked at me. I ran my fingers through my hair, looking worriedly at Professor Dumbledore; I had to make him see.

"I don't think Sirius helped his brother into Hogwarts." I swore, looking directly into Dumbledore's ice blue eyes trying to make him see, "Sirius hates his family, he's changed. He's not the same person he was last year."

I winced as I realized that maybe, I'd said too much. Dumbledore took me in with a respectful look.

"Well it's nice to know Mr. Black has found a friend in someone like you." He said kindly, moving over to Frank, and placing one hand on his shoulder, "however, I did not come to try and place the blame in Sirius. I came because Professor McGonagall and I find it odd." He looked at me with his wise old eyes kindly, "Odd that our Head Girl can be attracting the attention of so many dangerous people as of late."

I frowned, shrugging my shoulders, "I'd like to know that myself Professor." I answered honestly with a small smile; "I didn't know half of those people until this summer."

Alice, who had been quiet, chuckled beside me, "We just met last night…" she paused thoughtfully, "This morning? What time is it?" she turned to look at Frank who glanced lazily at his wristwatch.

"Two in the morning." He said with a sigh, "And I have work in the morning."

Madame Promfrey sighed too and looked at Professor Dumbledore; "Besides a headache I can't find anything wrong with Evans. Would you like her to go back to Gryffindor Tower?"

Dumbledore nodded, still looking keenly at me, "Yes, yes. It's been a long night."

"Er, ok." I said slowly, swinging my legs off the bed and standing up, my bare feet landing on the tiles of the Hospital Wing floor.

"Here." Alice handed my black flats over the bed to me with a smile, "I took them off while Madame Promfrey was waking you up."

"Thanks." I answered, slipping them on quickly to avoid the cold stone of the floor as Frank and Dumbledore spoke.

"I still don't like it Dumbledore." Frank said, his chest puffed out, reminding me so much of James, "She's been near two suspected death eaters in the past two weeks and both had managed to hurt her."

"I'm right here." I grumbled, as Alice came around to meet me at the end of the bed I'd been placed in, "And I'm fine. Rosier was going to happen eventually and Regulus—"

"Wouldn't have happened if you had stayed put like I told you to in the first place." Frank snapped at me, "You're just lucky he only stunned you."

"That's enough." Professor Dumbledore interrupted us, "Frank please escort Miss Rogers to the Ravenclaw common room. Miss Evans I'll accompany you to yours."

Madame Promfrey handed me my handbag and my wand with a small smile, "Try to stay out of trouble. I don't want to see you back in this wing. You hear?"

"Thank you." I told her kindly, pulling at my dress, which had become wrinkled, "I'll try my best."

"It was nice meeting you Lily." Alice offered with a smile and a wave as she followed a disgruntled Frank Longbottom to the doors, "I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot more of each other!"

"Come along Miss Evans, let's take a walk." Professor Dumbledore, pulled lightly at my shoulder, heading for the door Alice and Frank had exited, "You've had an exciting few weeks back." He commented in his calm voice as we walked along the hallway.

I laughed uncomfortably, I felt odd walking alone in the hallways with one of the greatest wizards in history. Even as a muggleborn I knew I was standing in the presence of the man who had once defeated the darkest wizard of all time. He didn't look powerful, with his white beard and rosy cheeks he actually reminded me of a tall and thin Father Christmas. Our footsteps echoed off the walls and despite being with him, the castle still felt ominous.

"Did you know Rosier or Black well?" He asked, speaking calmly like we were discussing favorite ice cream flavors.

"Er, well, no." I said, shivering lightly in the chill of the night, "Rosier had just been giving me trouble," I thought about Rosier threatening my life and restated, "Rosier had been giving me lots of trouble. Regulus only hit me because I was chasing him with Frank."

"Evan Rosier was supposed to be Head Boy you know." Dumbledore always seemed to have more to say, I refused to look his way, "Remus Lupin told me Rosier didn't like you."

I blushed, "Oh, well, Rosier always picked on me."

"Yes," Dumbledore spoke, "You may think that as Headmaster I don't hear the rumors that go on—but I'm sure Rosier had a reason for particularly picking on you. Am I wrong?" I'm assuming Dumbledore took my silence as a yes because he continued his conversation as we walked slowly up the steps to the common room, "Then, all of a sudden James Potter was applying for Head Boy—you can imagine my surprise when I received his letter." I had to look at Dumbledore then, a smile was written on his wrinkled face, and I even let a small smile escape.

"Ah," his eyes sparkled, "I imagined it had something to do with a certain Head Girl."

"I asked James for help," I quickly explained, "I had no idea he'd apply for Head Boy. Let alone get it."

Dumbledore laughed, his laugh surprisingly clear, "Oh Miss Evans I didn't imagine I'd give James Potter, Head Boy, either." He winked at me, earning a smile, "But one finds that Mr. Potter can be just as persuasive as his dear old dad used to be."

"You knew James' family?" I asked, not out of surprise, but interest.

Dumbledore nodded, "His dad was a member of the Wizards Council until his death. We were good friends."

I looked at Dumbledore in surprise, "Do you know why James never moved out of that giant house of his?" I whispered in surprise, "I could never live alone."

Dumbledore paused to look at me in surprise, "I'm sorry Miss Evans, I think that's a question for James only."

James' family was gone and had been gone—the empty mansion he lived in was empty because his parents were dead. I'd known his parents had died—James had left Hogwarts for a week because of his parent's death last year. I knew very well that James Potter wasn't all together truthful with me. I still didn't think I knew the whole story behind Remus—good lord the boys baby-sat the werewolf! I knew James liked to keep his secrets and even though it wasn't exactly a secret, I felt like there had to be a personal reason James hadn't left the giant place he called home.

I left Professor Dumbledore with a smile and a goodnight, entering the portrait hole, thinking hard to myself. I was so tired and I traveled up to the girl's dorm silently, collapsing on top of my blankets and not even bothering to change from my dress.

**~~~Now I messed up, it's not the first time. I'm not saying you're not on my mind. I hope that you don't think I'm unkind~~~**

"But where is she?" I snapped at Marlene who looked me up and down in annoyance.

"Merlin, Potter." She said to me with a snap, "I told you, she was sleeping the last time I saw her."

I turned away from the blond who was sitting on Fabian's lap and who had also been sucking his face off until I had stormed over demanding information on my elusive girlfriend. Lily and I had Care of Magical Creatures together in less than ten minutes and I still hadn't seen her. I had secretly been hoping she would come to the boy's dorm after her Slug Club but I went the whole night without even hearing from her. I was starting to wonder if she'd gotten mad at me. I glanced at Remus with worry coursing through me.

"You said you saw her at Slug Club?" I asked him, continuing down the hallway, "You're sure?"

"Of course I'm sure Prongs," Remus snorted, "I asked her to go patrol for me for a bit. She and Frank—"

"Frank!" I shouted, earning looks from three third years who hurried past me with scared looks, "Frank Longbottom?!"

Remus rolled his eyes, "Honestly James, envy doesn't become you."

I was about to tell Remus off for not mentioning Frank Longbottom had been around but before I could a girl with a bright smile stopped me. I almost laughed at the irony of Amelia Bones appearing after Frank Longbottom was brought into the conversation.

"Hey, James!" Amy said cheerfully and I forced myself to look down at her instead of snap at Remus who was grinning.

"Amelia Bones," I grinned, as soon as I made the connection and hugging her with a smile, "Where have you been?"

She laughed into my ear as we pulled apart from our hug and the rather short girl bounced on her tiptoes with glee, "It's so nice to see you, I was just telling mum and dad how I hadn't seen you yet."

"Later James, Binns will start without me I'm afraid." Remus pretended to tip a hat my way, proceeding down the corridor.

I waved Remus off and then surveyed the long strawberry blond haired Hufflepuff with her charming blue eyes and smile, "Are you playing quidditch this year?" As a seeker for the Hufflepuff's, Amelia was the only quidditch player I worried about on that team.

"Nah," she answered, shaking her head and smiling up at me, "I love it, you know I do, but I'm trying to get a job at the ministry you know and I'm taking extra law classes on the side with Binns." She was positively beaming at the mention of her dream slowly coming true.

"That's great Amy. We'll miss you on the pitch." I teased, "Hufflepuff lost their only competent player."

I offered my congratulations to the girl who I'd spent childhood summers with. Amelia Bones was quite the looker too and I'd once had a crush on the girl, before I'd realized the difference between crush and infatuation. Amelia Bones' parents and my parents had conspired to get us together for the sake of the Potter bloodline but, of course, here Amy was with her dreams of working for the Wizard Courts. That, and her heart completely smashed.

The bell rang and Amelia frowned "Thanks James." She made a small wave, "We should get going. Don't want to be later than we already are…we should catch up."

"Yes we should." I answered, smiling, before offering her a wink, "Later Amy!"

"Bye!" She replied walking back down in the direction I'd originally came from.

I checked my watch and cursed, I was going to be really late for class if I didn't run. I slung my bag higher on my shoulder and started running, letting the air out of my lungs before taking in a deeper breath, loving the feeling of running. I managed to make it to the classroom without breaking too much of a sweat and opened the closed door with a sheepish grin when all the students in the class turned to give me surprised looks—including the one girl I hadn't seen in a while despite the fact that we were dating.

Lily looked upset with me as I offered my apologies to the Professor and then collapsed into the empty chair beside her, sending her a grin and winking. It appeared she had already written a note because her parchment floated lazily my way when our Professor turned back to the book he was reading from.

_Is there a reason you're late?_

Her handwriting was calm, but I read it in her sarcastic tone. I rolled my eyes and pulled a quill from my pocket.

**Coming from the girl who skipped transfiguration, history of magic, and didn't bother coming to see me at my detention because she had Slug Club. The entire Quidditch Pitch is shining just for you.**

I was pleased to see a small smile lift her features when she read my note. I didn't even both listening to the teacher, I was to focused on her bent over the paper, scribbling.

_I still can't believe you turned Severus' head pink._

I smirked. I thought Snape looked much better with pink hair—it was a step up from the mess he called hair now. Lily must've seen my smirk because she smacked my arm and glared at me. Those only made me laugh harder. Once I calmed down I wrote back.

**So why didn't you show up to classes yesterday? Aren't you supposed to be Head Girl?**

_Touché. I received some unpleasant news and didn't want to go to class._

I became worried; Lily would never skip class for something small. Whatever had upset her was bad. I remembered Sirius complaining in Potions about Lily pouring pumpkin juice on his head—despite him probably actually deserving it.

**Is this unpleasant news connected to you pouring pumpkin juice on Sirius yesterday at lunch? He's swearing for revenge by the way. I don't know if your aware but he's got a dirty side.**

_So does his best mate. I don't want to talk about it._

I looked at her, frowning but the look she gave me back was disheartening. She wasn't spilling the beans. Whatever news she had gotten was so bad she didn't even want to talk about it. I held back my curious side and wrote her something considerately easy to answer—or so I thought because as soon as she read my question she bit her lip and bent over the paper, writing me with a sour expression on her face.

Shit.

I'd asked her how Slug Club had gone. I knew Remus had said she'd been with Frank Longbottom and I had been hoping Lily would play off the Slug Club like she was bored—but her words on the page told a different story.

_I need to talk to you about that._

**What did Longbottom do?**

Lily spun in her seat "Excuse me?" She snapped out loud at me then slapping a hand over her mouth when she realized she had given away that we were talking secretly. I glared at her, just as the Professor looked up from his reading.

"Is there something wrong Miss Evans?" Our Professor—Merlin I didn't even know the blokes name—looked threatening as Lily lowered herself in her seat shamefully.

"Lily was just wondering how on earth the Minster thought it should be legal to breed dragons in the ninetieth century." A voice spoke up smoothly from behind us, "After all, weren't muggles still suspicious enough as it was?"

"Ah," The Professor pushed his glasses farther up on his nose, surveying the girl who had spoken up, a Ravenclaw with a rounded face, "Yes, Miss Rogers and Miss Evans have an excellent question, the dragon breeding was—"

Lily spun in her chair, her face slowly turning back to it's normal color, but she looked surprised. I watched as she mouthed something to the shorthaired Ravenclaw who only smirked back and sent Lily a wave. I watched the odd interaction with surprise but I didn't offer Lily any more notes the rest of the class because Lily spent the rest of the class facing forward, taking notes.

I swear time ticked away so slowly and when the bell finally rang to dismiss us for lunch it actually startled me. I put my quill in my bag, putting my glasses farther up on my nose and turning to Lily—who had fallen into a quick conversation with the Ravenclaw girl who had saved us in class.

"How's the head Evans?" I heard the Ravenclaw say, her blue eyes twinkling, "I saw you at breakfast. Were the eggs really that mesmerizing?"

"I didn't know you were in this class!" Lily answered, and I watched as Lily smiled at the girl like she was already best friends with her, "Alice you saved my life just then!"

Alice, the now named Ravenclaw shrugged, "You and your mate looked like deer caught in the headlights." She answered, finally looking at me, "I figured I'd help out."

"Yeah," I said, standing to tower over the short girl who blinked calmly, "Thanks for that."

"This is Alice," Lily told me, "We met at the party last night."

"Right." I said coolly, not really caring who she met at the party last night considering what I'd heard from Remus.

Alice considered me for a moment before turning back to Lily, "Frank wanted me to tell you he was sorry for snapping." I was growing even more concerned by the minute, "Actually, he didn't." Alice seemed a bit mad to me as she smiled even wider, "I just thought I'd apologize for the bull headed prig myself."

Lily laughed softly, eyeing me out of the corner of her eyes, assessing my change in attitude. Good. Let her see how upset I was. The more I was hearing about this party last night, the more concerned I was.

And then Lily had t go and make it worse, "Yeah well, he means well, he did offer to do the rounds with me so I wouldn't be alone." She must've seen my look because she called after me as I left her and Alice standing there, "James Potter you ninny, get back here and talk to me!"

There was no way in Hell I wanted to hear her talk about this party that led to her doing rounds with Frank Fucking Longbottom. I stormed through the hallways pushing against the flow of traffic, ignoring the protests of a first year Slytherin when I shoved him out of the way so I could get through to the stairwell. The small idiot should've moved seeing as I had clearly been headed in his direction.

"Mr. Potter stop right there!" A high female voice chastised and I winced.

I turned on my heel at the top of the stairwell and found myself eye to eye with professor McGonagall. Well, shit. I ran my fingers through my hair, sighing dramatically.

"Hello Professor." I said, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.

"Pushing students out of your way to get to a staircase is not proper Head Boy behavior Potter." Snapped McGonagall who had just yesterday been telling me how I was headed backwards in terms of my behavior.

"Sorry." I stated dryly, blinking coolly, not really caring right now.

"You'll be sorry." Snapped McGonagall, "Detention. My office after your dinner. Do you understand?" she stepped closer, placing one hand on the banister and glaring at me, "I don't know what's gotten into you but remember who gave you that badge and why they gave you that badge." And she descended the stairs without so much as a glance back at me.

I let my breathing subside, as I reached into my handbag and pulled out an old hand mirror—silver and worn around the edges. I hadn't bothered looking at it in ages but I stared into it, seeing my scowling reflection.

"Sirius." I hissed to it as students passed me to get to the stairs I'd recently been trying to descend.

Sirius' face replaced mine in the mirror, "Hello Prongs." He grinned, reminding me of our old days where we used to call each other through the mirrors at least twice a day, "Fancy a chat?"

"Where are you padfoot?" I let the old nickname slide off my lips easily, like they'd never left.

"Chatting with Peter behind the humpbacked witch, why?" Sirius grinned, "By the way if you were wondering we also have firewhisky."

I was sold. I dropped the mirror back into my bag and raced to the old statue of the humpbacked witch. Luckily, I didn't run into Lily, it was better that way. I didn't want to hear about her nights on rounds alone with Frank Longbottom. Jealousy had warped my mind. Frank Longbottom only liked Lily because she was something desirable. All the Longbottoms were like that: greedy and only wanted things that held worth.

I made it to the statue and didn't even bother grunting anything more than a hello to Sirius and Peter before grabbing one of the bottles of firewhiskey to pour into my mouth. The alcohol burned on it's way down and I shuddered, blinking.

"Bloody Hell, I haven't seen you do that since the night Lily kissed you." Peter spoke in surprise and I glanced at the sandy haired marauder.

"Yeah, well, I just found out she spent most of last night with Frank Longbottom." I answered, drowning the firewhiskey in one last gulp.

"Well don't be too worried Prongs." Sirius mused with a grin, "She's spent all other nights with you in your bed. Priorities mate."

I leaned back up against the closest wall, my eyes adjusting to the darkness, "Longbottom is an arrogant arse." I snapped.

"Lily does like her arrogant gits doesn't she?" Sirius spoke, I wasn't looking at him but I swore I heard the mockery in this voice.

"Ha. Ha." I said sarcastically.

"It's fine Prongs." Peter said calmly, "You're over reacting. Just be happy she wasn't the muggleborn attacked last night."

"What?" I looked at Peter in shock; Sirius' bottle actually fell from his hands.

I watched as Sirius actually started walking away, angry. "Sirius?" I called after him.

Peter looked at me in surprise, his little face screwed up in disbelief, "You honestly didn't hear? It was Sirius' brother, Dumbledore contracted Sirius this morning."

I slid along the side of the wall, landing on the floor in a heap, "Holy Agrippa."

We were silent and I silently thanked Merlin that Lily hadn't been the one attacked…and that she'd at least been in a room full of Aurors. Sirius never really liked his brother, but I heard Sirius somewhere, down the long hallway, kick something. I knew this whole thing with his brother explained why he'd been down here drinking with Peter.

I don't know how long we sat there in the dark of the passage, just thinking. I threw my empty bottle on the dirt floor and it hit the other bottles.

"I have another detention." I spoke.

"Worst Head Boy ever." Sirius snorted from somewhere ahead of me, it seemed he's walked off his anger with his brother the idiot Death Eater. I looked up and saw he'd moved to lean against the wall opposite me. Peter was now beside me against my wall.

"Dumbledore was a nutter for giving it to me." I agreed.

"Nah," Peter muttered beside me, "He wasn't."

I grinned at Peter, "Come on wormtail, what other Head Boy gets two detentions in two days?"

Peter chuckled at my using his old nickname, with Sirius back in our lives and Remus warming up to the idea, we were slowly turning back into the original friends we'd been before the accident.

"True." Peter agreed, "You are making other Head Boys bow their heads in shame."

"Does Lily know?" I was surprised this came out of Sirius' mouth—it reminded me how different he'd become over the summer—the old Sirius would have congratulated me on my detention.

I sighed, "We haven't exactly talked."

"At all?" Sirius spoke up, he had picked up his wand obviously because a moment later light was flooding the corridor, I was blinded but my eyes adjusted and landed on Sirius who looked worried, "Damn you James. Lily is going to murder you if you don't go carry your sorry ass to her right now and apologize for being an git."

I snorted, "Coming from the forever bachelor who once told me Lily was a waste of my time."

Sirius shook his head, "Come on James, you were worried about her earlier but now that you know she was with Frank you're being a git. Go talk to her before it's too late."

I frowned, "Since when were you worried about Lily and me?"

"Since Lily poured pumpkin juice on my head." Sirius snapped, red tingeing his cheeks at my smirk, "Go now before I dump firewhisky on yours."

I rolled my eyes but stood up, dusting off my black school pants before walking to the entrance to the hallway, "Fine. You two stay down here with the firewhiskey or I'll have to acquire it."

"This coming from the Head Boy with a detention." Peter called after me as I slipped back into the hallways, unnoticed, to go find a fiery red head with a temper to match a veela.

I searched the castle, starting first at our common room and acquiring the Gryffindor girls. A fifth year said she saw Lily heading for the library. Perfect. She would be in the library. She'd have to keep her voice down there. So I took a deep breath and made my way for the library.

I found Lily in the back, near the restricted section. She had changed into muggle clothes and had her hair wrapped up in a bun, her wand stuck through the middle. I smiled to myself at how muggle she seemed sometimes, it was her personality and one of the reasons I was infatuated with her.

I slipped into the chair and then whispered, "Alright, Evans?"

She ignored me.

"Awh, come on Lily." I said, leaning across the table, to nudge the book she was reading, "I just lost my temper. You know I don't like Longbottom."

"James Potter you are dead to me."

I had to try really hard not to snort at that comment, "Lily, stop being a brat."

"I can't when you're a prat." She muttered, closing her book, and glaring at me with her bright green eyes, "What?"

"I'm sorry." I apologized, sincerely, "Longbottom just brings out the—worst in me." That was an underestimate. I'd pushed a first year and gotten detention because of him. Lily, I knew she wasn't going to take my detention well. I reached for her hands, "You can talk to me about him and I promise not to get mad."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Oh Good Lord." She laughed, grabbing my hands, "It's fine James. There's no reason to be jealous. Frank helped me out because my Head Boy—she made a pointed glare in my direction—couldn't do rounds with me because he got detention after throwing a hissy fit when his girlfriend didn't show up to lessons."

I smiled sheepishly, "Sounds like an alright bloke, that boyfriend." I mused, loving the way her eyes twinkled at my joke.

"Sometimes he is." She agreed pulling my hands up to her face so she could kiss them, sending little shivers up my spine. Then she dropped them and looked at me sadly, "Did you hear what happened on rounds last night?" At my blank look she continued, "The attack?"

"Oh that." I said with a small smile, squeezing her hands with my own, "Yeah Peter told me. Thank Merlin you _were_ with Longbottom, eh?"

For a moment her expression faltered, like she was surprised, but she let it fade a shrugged, "Yeah, I guess. He was awfully made I didn't listen to him though." I stared at her, not quite sure what she was talking about as she continued, "But it's not like I was terribly hurt—just knocked out." I blinked.

Knocked out? Lily paused in her tale, looking at me even more surprised like I had missed something.

"Shit." I whispered, letting go of her hands so that I could stand up and move around the table. I felt like my heart had dropped from my chest to my stomach. "Fuck, Lily, you were the muggle born attacked last night?" I placed my hands on her face, forcing her to look me in the eyes. Lily leaned away from me in her chair, making a face.

"Yeah." She murmured, placing her hands on mine to drag them down to her lap. I knelt beside her, our hands entwined in her lap now. "When you said you knew—I thought that meant you _knew_."

I shook my head, "No." I breathed, letting my eyes flutter across her face to check for bruises, anything, she appeared fine. "What really happened?"

So Lily explained everything, about how she'd left to go on rounds for Remus with Longbottom and how they ended up finding Regulus Black trying to leave Hogwarts through one of the secret passageways. How Lily had mistaken the younger Black for his older brother. How Frank Longbottom had told her to stay while he went after the Hogwart's runaway. How Lily, the meddler she is, couldn't stand and wait and chased after Black with the auror. How Black's stun hit her and she fell.

At the point I was so relieved she hadn't been hurt more I stood up so that I could press a long kiss on her forehead, pulling away only so I could place another kiss on her mouth. She pulled away, staring at me.

"I'm fine James." She whispered, her eyes closed, her forehead leaning against mine, "I spoke to Dumbledore even. He was more impressed I fought two death eaters in one week. You should go talk to Sirius, Dumbledore mentioned he talked to Sirius."

"I already talked to Sirius. You. Are." I whispered, pressing kiss after kiss on her face, "One. Fucking. Amazing. Witch. Lily Evans."

She laughed now, pushing my love away with her hand, leaning back against the chair, "James! James stop!" She was staring at me adoringly, "we're in a library and I'm still mad at you for—"

I grabbed her from under her arms and dragged her up to standing, pulling her against me so I could plant my lips firmly against hers. She only protested for a few moments, and then she melted into my kiss, moving her body so it was firmly plastered against my person. Her hands found their way to my hair, wrapping her fingers between the strands, holding me close. Her lips were soft, moving against mine with a perfectly matched tempo that kept me on my toes.

I breathed in deeply, euphoria taking over, Lily's lips moving from my lips to my chin where she left a trail of quick butterfly kisses. She stopped to stand on her tiptoes, leaning against me for support, brushing her nose against mine before pulling away.

"I'm still mad at you for getting detention yesterday." She smiled, "No matter how nice Severus Snape looked with pink hair."

Shit.

"Er." I mumbled, letting go of her waist.

Lily made a face at me, "What?"

"Imayhavegottendetentionagain ." I said it so quickly it too her a moment to decipher and than…

"James!" She snapped, jumping and looking to make sure the librarian wasn't around. We were alone so she turned back, her hands turned into a weapon. I stepped back, hitting a bookshelf. "How did you get detention a second night in a row?!"

"I might've pushed a first year."

She looked beyond words; she pinched the bride of her nose, looking at the floor. I made a quick jump to get my arms around her so she couldn't use her arms. I locked my grip and almost laughed when she tried to wiggle away.

"Come on Lil," I said, "You can't be too mad. It was a Slytherin!"

"I hate you." She said, her voice directed at my chest since I was holding her there without giving her a chance to escape.

"No you don't." I quipped playfully, leaning back a bit to take a look at her face, it was annoyed, "We're dating."

"We've never gone on a real date." She reminded me, her face still red as she pushed against me once more, "And we might never."

"Don't say that." I pouted, letting go of her.

She rolled her eyes, straightening her top, which had gotten considerably low when she'd wrestled me, "James you are supposed to be Head Boy."

"I am Head Boy."

"Frank was a better one."

I frowned and she smiled at her joke. "Oh stop, you big baby." She grinned, it was her turn to throw her arms around me, but she threw her arms around my neck, drawing me to her level, "Frank Longbottom is no one to get jealous and angry over." She kissed me softly, pulling away with a smile. "What do you have against him anyways?" she asked, eyeing me with interest.

I frowned, "I've never liked him."

She snorted, letting go of me to drop back into her seat at the table we'd abandoned minutes before, "Yeah, I got that. But why?" her green eyes were inquisitive and I sighed as I grabbed the closest chair to drag next to her. Sensing a story, Lily grinned and sat at full attention.

"You know how all wizarding families are related somehow?" she nodded, "Well I'm related to the Longbottom's. They are known for being…greedy. The family had a long history of wanting unique things and their family has been fighting with mine for ages over who really owns the Potter family heirloom."

Lily blinked, "Really." She muttered, her frown unmistakable, "This is over an old family heirloom?"

"This family heirloom." I said, reaching into my bag that had been on the floor, and pulling out the invisibility cloak which had been folded up inside. Lily's eyes went bright with interest.

"Frank wants your invisibility cloak?" She asked, her hands taking the soft fabric and feeling it. She snorted, "Pureblood wizards are so touchy." I grinned at her.

"They say it was passed down wrong in my great grandfather's generation—that it was originally a Longbottom heirloom but my great grandfather got it instead of Frank's great grandfather because my great-great grandfather made a mistake." I rolled my eyes, "Of course that's bullocks. The invisibility cloak has only been passed from father to son. None of the idiotic nonsense the Longbottom's believe."

"But what if they Longbottom's are right?" Lily asked, making me roll my eyes, "No, James, what if?"

I took back my cloak, folding it back up together and throwing it in my bag, "Not possible."

She huffed, knotting her arms together, "You're absolutely bull headed."

"It runs in the family." I joked, sitting back up to eye her, "My dad says anyhow."

"Like the cloak?" She teased, leaning closer, her emerald eyes gleaming. "James you and Frank only hate each other because of some _stupid_ family feud that has no proof."

I looked at her; it was hard to explain my life to her. She came from a muggle family, where her heirlooms might have value but not a value like our family invisibility cloak. The cloak was rare—only few wizards possessed one—and I had never met a wizard who had one that was as good as mine.

The cloak might've been the foundation of the feud between the Longbottom family and the Potter family but it went deeper. Lily couldn't understand pureblood politics: mainly the politics that surround Frank Longbottom and I. I struggled to find words to explain to her the complexity of it all.

"Do you know Amelia Bones?" I asked Lily, standing up and having her follow beside me.

"Yeah." She answered, throwing her bag over her shoulder and grasping my hand tightly. We walked out of the library together, headed for nowhere in particular. "Hufflepuff right?"

"Yeah." I said, running my fingers through my hair, "We were mates."

"I never knew that." Lily said, her voice full of questions.

I played with her fingers for a moment before continuing, "Our parents wanted us to end up together. The Potter bloodline dies with me, you know."

Lily stopped in her tracks, I was yanked back and I looked at her. Shit. I'd never seen her look more worried in my entire life and her face was pale. I quickly went to spit the whole story out before Lily jumped to conclusions.

"Frank was friends with her too, dated her even. Frank's parents wanted the same thing that mine did. Frank and I are both the last in the bloodline and both of our parents wanted a girl who would keep the blood lines going." I saw Lily mulling over all this in her head so I continued, "The Bones family are a well respected family so it wasn't surprising both the Longbottom's and my parents wanted us married off to the only female Bones."

Lily had moved her focus to me, watching me with wary eyes. I couldn't help but feel slight glee at seeing her jealous over me for the first time ever. I was normally the jealous one. I let a smile go, pulling Lily to me, we were standing in the middle of the corridor, alone.

"Frank and I were both essentially competing for her. Frank was a seventh year during our fifth year and I guess Amy found that more preferable over me, they went out and later on, Frank broke her heart." I still remember hearing from Peter that he'd been climbing around the dungeons and found Amy crying alone. Frank had told Amy he was going to be an auror and didn't want to be held back by a silly schoolgirl. I'd known Amy since we were kids, she never cried, and Merlin she'd cried that night.

"I knew Frank then," Lily spoke, "I never even knew he was dating anyone." She was looking up at me, "Why are you telling me this?"

I brushed her red hair off her cheek with my fingertips, "Because, Frank likes to compete, and always has. We competed for a girl once and Amy is still crushed over him, I know it."

"That has nothing to do with me," she rolled her eyes, "James, I told you. We're just friends, Frank and I." she brushed my hair back with her hand playfully, "I like arrogant gits, but only quidditch playing ones."

I didn't think she was grasping the moral of my story so I said, "I don't want him thinking you are just another thing to be taken from a Potter."

"I'm not something to be taken or won." Lily snapped, her green eyes flashing, "I am a _person_ and if you start treating me like your property James—so help me I'll—"

I cut her off with a swift kiss, murmuring against her lips, "Bloody Hell, Lil, you mean more than an invisibility cloak to me. It's him I worry about."

She pulled away, her face contemplative, "What would your parents say if they were alive, about us? If they wanted you with her?"

"Since when I have I ever cared about what my elders think?" I whispered, voice husky, "Now stop talking."

She laughed, bringing her head back to mine, her lips molding to mind with a playful hum that vibrated and made shivers erupt all over my body. I felt that same high I get when I'm about to go flying and I moved my mouth against hers, my hands pressed against her thighs, lifting her higher. Lily responded by pulling away from me, grabbing my hand, and dragging me along the sunlit hallways into the nearest empty classroom where we fell back against the soon locked door laughing.

Her lips had quickly found their way to my neck, kissing me just behind my ear, nipping my slightly with her teeth before bringing her lips back to mine. My hands had already found their way back down to her ass where I lifted her, this time Lily responded by wrapping her legs around me. I was really happy the door was closed…and locked.

Her breathing was shallow and we'd dropped to the floor as my hands found their way up her blouse. She was everywhere and I was swallowing her kisses with difficulty as I also tried to maneuver her shirt off for better access to her soft skin. I was not embarrassed when a moan escaped just as her body dropped just in the right position…enough to send a zing right through my gut. Fuck.

"Merlin, we need to stop." Lily murmured against my mouth, but she didn't stop because soon her mouth was back to performing what should've been illegal stunts with my own.

I wasn't arguing and I let my body take over, my mind fully incapable of stopping now. My fingers tore at the buttons on her school blouse relishing in the delight of soft skin for my mouth to explore as soon as the cotton tell to the floor.

Another zing raced through me, shocking me back to reality as Lily moved so I could gain better across to her collarbone where I'd been ravishing her with kisses. Breathing heavily I shook my head, pointing across the room like a drunken fool.

"Hm?" she was perfect, bloody fucking perfect.

"Go over there before I do something you'll regret." I snapped, "Now." I think my tone may have surprised her because she grabbed her blouse and walked over to a chair not far away. I was able to comprehend all of this happening within a minute but it felt like it took her ages. I was on fire and it was all her fault.

Once I was able to clam down I glared over at her, she looked positively smug, "You better?" she asked sarcastically. Her shirt was back on but I saw her lips were swollen from us kissing.

I think she thought my self-control was funny. I narrowed my eyes and she laughed, stepping off her seat and coming to help me up off the floor.

Her emerald eyes glittered mischievously as she said, "You might be a jealous and arrogant git," her eyes softened and she kissed my cheek, "but you're my arrogant, sweet, kind, amazing, git who happens to have excellent snogging skills."

That made me laugh and I threw an arm around her shoulder, pulling her back in, "You are quite good yourself."

"Oh I know." She laughed, ducking away from my kiss and going to the door, unlocking it, "I could tell you were enjoying it. See you at dinner!" and with a devilish smirk she left.

"Oi! We weren't done talking!" I shouted after her, but I was grinning.

No, she was defiantly better than any old invisibility cloak. Frank Longbottom could keep that and Amy Bones as far as I was concerned. I didn't need either of them with Lily in my life.

**Padfoot,**

**Hopefully Wormtail gave you this; he swore he wouldn't forget…but his record plays against him. I wanted to let you know as fast as possible since I have detention and won't see you until later. Your brother—it was Lily he attacked last night. I don't care how, but you'd better warn him to never show his face again, or I'll skewer it.**

**Prongs**

_**Regulus,**_

_**I hope this owl finds you. I obviously don't have your address. I hope you fucking know what you're doing you idiot. I'm writing this to let you know that if you ever even touch one of my friends one more time, I'll personally hunt you down…Just because she was muggle born doesn't…you better get out of there while you still can. You idiot.**_

_**Sirius**_

_**Prongs**_

_**Hope detention is going well. And that when this hits you in the back of your head it won't hurt too much. Your previous note was taken into consideration, and the person is question was warned. **_

_**I think he should get the point.**_

_**Padfoot**_

* * *

Song: "Pumpkin Soup" by Kate Nash!

Happy Halloween Jily Shippers. This is your fluff filled gift. Review as my gift? Even if you don't normally? Please?

xxx

Sasha


	20. I'm Not Calling You A Liar

**Chapter 20:**

**I'm not calling you a liar, just don't lie to me.**

**I'm not calling you a thief, just don't steal from me.**

**I'm not calling you a ghost, just stop haunting me.**

**And I love you so much, I'm gonna let you kill me.**

_I saw Bert with Severus Snape again. Doesn't that worry you? Haven't you heard the rumors about Snape? He sent Annie Clark to the Hospital Wing last week!_

_Alice you haven't turned the page in over two minutes._

_Alice!_

_Alice stop pretending that you're reading._

I purposely kept my head bent, ignoring the letters my so-called friends were slipping my way silently. It wasn't the first time someone had told me my boyfriend was talking to a want-to-be Hogwarts Death Eater, Severus Snape. I'd even confronted Bert, asked him, Bert had said he was only asking for Snape's help on Potions.

Bert wasn't a liar.

_**Alice!**_

"Alice." A voice offered pleasantly.

I looked up from my papers when I noticed Aaron Johnson drop into the seat beside me, a few of my dorm mates started giggling. Fantastic. I pushed my bangs back to one side, letting my short hair fall back into place around the headband I had in.

"Aaron." I answered, surprised that my ex boyfriend would search me out after not speaking to me for weeks on end. I noticed that Aaron's look was rather serious so I tried not to let my cynicism get better of me when he asked how I was.

"Grand." I piled my essay together, looking at the quidditch player carefully, "What do you want?"

"I was wondering if I could talk to you, alone?" he said the word _alone_ pointedly and that was the exact moment that I snapped.

"No." I said indignantly, irritated, "I've got a date with my boyfriend. You know, the one that doesn't cheat on me with pretty Hufflepuffs."

Aaron winced, but appeared determined because he grabbed my hand, which I tore away in disgust. "Ali, please?" he begged me, using his nickname for me that quite frankly, I didn't want to hear.

"It's Alice." I hissed, standing up and stuffing my quill behind my ear, "And no."

The other Ravenclaws around us clucked their tongues—it was no secret everyone had been talking about Bert. I turned away to head to the portrait that led into the seventh year dorms when Aaron blocked me from entering.

"Alice, please." He begged, "Just listen."

I pursed my lips and stayed silent, crossing my arms. I was surprised that Aaron looked relieved at my silence; he really wanted to talk to me. If it was an apology for what he did last year he was getting my wand up his—

"You need to break up with Audrey."

To say I blew up was a little bit of an understatement, "That's fucking rich coming from your lips you git!" I pulled up my wand, focusing on a point just above his eyes.

Aaron fell back against the portrait looking peeved, "Alice!" Aaron had his hands together, staring at my wand, "He was seen talking to Severus Snape! He's been talking in his sleep—saying things—Alice _listen_ to me!"

"You think I don't know that he hangs out with Severus Snape?" I said, spitting Snape's name like spite, "Aaron life isn't a popularity contest. So Bert hangs out with Slytherin's? It's not the end of the world."

"There've been rumors about them," Aaron hissed at me, "You aren't stupid enough to ignore them. Snape's practically a Death Eater and where do you think that puts your boyfriend?"

I opened up my mouth, prepared to tell Aaron exactly where I was going to put _him_. Then Aaron's eyes left my wand and fell on someone directly behind me.

"Alice what are you doing?"

"Bert!" I spun on my boyfriend who had appeared, probably to take me to dinner like we'd planned.

Bert was eyeing Aaron frigidly who glared back, "What are you doing with him?" the tone in Bert's voice suggested suspicion.

I took Bert's hand and made a face at Aaron, "Nothing. Let's go."

"Alice! Stop being thick and listen to me!" Aaron shouted after me.

I spun at him, waving my wand, "_Petrificus Totalus_!"

"Alice! No dueling in the common room!" Bert hissed at me about the rules and I couldn't resist the urge to laugh a little. Right, Bert, a Death Eater. He didn't even like breaking the rules.

I stared down at Aaron, the arse who had broken my heart. Part of me felt sorry for him but the other part of me knew he deserved it. Sometimes I liked to believe the reason he told me to stay away from Bert was so he could take me back. Well as long as Bert was around I wanted nothing to do with Aaron. A few kids shouted when they saw Aaron go down, a prefect immediately started docking points, and Bert just stared at me in surprise.

**~~~There's a ghost in my mouth and it talks in my sleep, wraps itself around my tongue as it softly speaks~~~**

"Master Reg?" the house elf inquiring me with my name made me break from my trance and I glanced at the house elf with worry deep down inside.

I stood up from my kneeling position I'd been at since Kreacher started telling his horrific story about ocean caves, water smooth as glass, and poison that made you see things like your own death over and over and over. Kreacher had been dragged by half dead bodies into the glass lake—almost drowning. If I hadn't ordered Kreacher back he'd be dead.

I bit my lip as I thought of the locket Kreacher said had been placed at the bottom of the potion filled goblet—how a person had to drink the cursed potion to get to the locket and how the locket felt wrong—evil. Immoral. What was this world that I had pulled the both of us into? Certainly no the one I'd imagined where my family and I would come out reigning at the top together.

I took a deep breath, "Kreacher," I could feel my voice creaking, "Kreacher go back to the house, do not leave and stay out of sight."

Kreacher crept along the floor eyeing my unusually, "Master?"

"Do as I say." I snapped at the house elf that jumped at the bite in my pitch, "I'll call for you when I need you."

Kreacher snapped his fingers and disappeared from the circular room we had been locked away in for the past few days as I nursed the house elf back to health. The bed I'd been using as a recovery spot for Kreacher was a mess and I felt disgusting from not showering for the past few days while caring for the abused house elf. I let my eyes travel to the dust-covered mirror, which was unable to camouflage the black circles under my eyes even with the dust cover.

For the first time in my life I was in a position and at a crossroad. I was nothing like my brother, Sirius, and I never would be as good as him when it came to being what the Death Eaters wanted.

I was a schoolboy stuck at crossroads.

On one side was the life I had chosen to accept as a Death Eater—no matter how terrible a Death Eater I was. Sure, I was clever; I'd gotten into Hogwarts and found out what horcruxes were. But cleverness could only get me so far as a Death Eater and my cleverness wasn't helping me any.

On the other side was certain death because if I went chasing after whatever mysterious trinket Kreacher had described—I was certainly a dead man. A dead man who would accomplish nothing. Did The Dark Lord have a way of knowing my house elf escaped the glass water cave? Was my house elf really recovered from his traumatic experience? Would I go back to the house after I figured out a plan and find the elf dead?

Would I be murdered in my sleep?

What would my parents think of their son now? A coward running from—

"Regulus!" Her voice was a sharp snap and the door to my room burst open, wood splinters falling across the floor where I had most recently been kneeling beside a broken house elf. My cousin, Bella, burst into the room her eyes blazing. Evan Rosier followed in behind her, eyeing my small tower room with distaste before gawking at me standing by the window where I'd been gripping the windowsill.

Bella rushed to my side, her wand pointing into my side "How dare you go to Hogwarts without orders!" she squealed, her wand burning into my skin so that I jumped away, her menacing looks startling me into focus. I looked around and saw my wand lying over by the bed—out of reach.

"Hogwarts won't stop talking about Lily _fucking_ Evans getting attacked by a Death Eater." Rosier snapped at me from behind my cousin who was breathing heavily, glaring at me through her heavily lidded eyes.

I blinked coolly, "So I went back to Hogwarts for the night, big deal." I said angrily, "I was looking for Snape."

"Don't lie." Bella lashed out malevolently, her hand stretching out to grab the loose folds of my shirt, bringing me closer, "I can tell when someone lies." Her eyes were wide against her pale face making her look deranged, rather than the beauty she was normally, "Regulus if you had been caught…"

"I wasn't' I hissed, pushing my cousin off me, hurt and upset and confused by everything that had happened.

"He won't be happy when He hears." Bella hissed and I was angry to see how pleased Rosier looked to hear that. She shoved me and I fell onto the floor looking up at my cousin in shock, "I worked my ass off to get you a spot in the Death Eaters, Regulus!" She said her eyes flashing, "Imagine how your actions are making me look!"

I stood up, glaring at the one person I would expect support from; Bella had been close to my family for ages. I knew she thought she had done me a favor but the way I was looking at it—she'd sent me to my grave instead. Obviously done with me, Bella huffed and turned on her heel to leave the room, shouting obscenities as she left.

I blinked owlishly and then looked at Rosier who was sneering as he watched me, "Got your voice back then?" I snapped at Evan who shrugged.

"He gave it back when I offered him a juicy piece of information."

I snorted, my head throbbing with a headache as I surveyed the seventh year school drop out, "Oh yeah?" I asked scathingly, just wishing I could be alone. I stomped over to my wand, picking it up.

Evan sneered as I turned back to him, "Why'd you go to Hogwarts, really?"

Obviously he didn't believe my lie about Snape either. I could see why, I never hung out much with Snape. I wish the Auror and the muggle born hadn't caught me…I pushed back my hair, ready to answer him when I saw the owl at the window. I froze and glanced at him, it was a Hogwarts owl. Rosier saw my glance and looked that way as well, his eyes widening.

"That's a Hogwart's owl—" he spoke dumbly, before glancing back at me, "Who the hell is writing you?"

"Stupefy." The words were out of my mouth before I could take them back and Evan wasn't fast enough. He collapsed onto the floor, stunned. If there's one curse I can do—it's stupefy.

I jumped over his lifeless body and opened the old window to the room, taking the letter from the owl's talons carefully before the tawny animal flew away quickly.

Checking to make sure Evan was still down I opened the letter and almost dropped it in shock when I recognized the handwriting. I felt sick to my stomach. My brother wrote me.

Sirius wrote me.

And he was telling me what road to take.

**~~~I'm not calling you a liar, I'm not calling you a thief, Just stop~~~**

"Hey Ginger." I spoke to the witch softly, slowly falling into a seat next to Lily who had been sitting alone on the couch by the fireplace.

"Sirius." She looked up in surprise, dropping her book to her lap to watch me, her green eyes scrutinizing me. "James told me you heard about your brother. Heard anything else?"

I shrugged, "I don't really care about him." I leaned back into the couch thinking of my brother who had suck into Hogwarts just two days before, stunning Lily who had only just recovered from Evan Rosier's attack. I eyed her closely; she was certainly becoming an easy target for Death Eaters hanging out with Aurors like the git Longbottom and certainly by dating a pureblood like James.

I was rather surprised James hadn't already been sought out by Death Eaters the way I was. Then again, the Potter's never were as insane as my family and the Death Eaters weren't looking for someone as good hearted as James. They were looking for insane people like my family.

"He's your brother." Lily stated, glaring at me for my attitude.

"How's your sister?" I teased, chuckling when Lily's face turned pink at the mention of her sister who I had only glimpsed once but that had been enough. I knew for a fact Lily did not get along with her sister in the same way I did not get along with my brother: we were complete opposites.

Lily obviously decided to change the subject because she rolled her eyes at my smirk and huffed, placing her book down, "Fine. But I'm only trying to help."

"There's nothing to help with." I snorted, nudging her shoulder with my own, "I actually came to ask if you'd seen Pro—James." I corrected myself at last minute but I was worried when I saw her face contort slightly at the mention of James' nickname Prongs after his animagus.

"Forget your best mates name?" She teased with one eyebrow raised, at my pointed glare she shrugged, "I don't know. I saw him this morning during Magical Creatures but he disappeared after that. I thought he was with you."

I sighed dramatically, sitting up, "And I thought he was with you." It had been so much easier to find James back in the day. We'd had the Marauder's Map back then—the magical map that showed everyone in Hogwarts wherever they were. Ever since the accident we'd been looking for it. James claimed he left it in a classroom but we'd scoured every inch since we'd started talking again with no luck. Our magic map was lost.

"Hungry?" I asked the red head.

Lily had returned to her book, flipping a page absentmindedly as her eyes fluttered across the pages, "Not really." She commented languorously, eyes staying on her book, "I've got rounds with James soon anyways."

I sighed genuinely and threw my legs up on the table, my arm thrown around the couch with Lily next to me. I figured if I stayed with her long enough, James would show up and maybe I could convince him on a quick dash to dinner. I continued watching Lily read, casually noting how her cheek had finally healed but I also noticed her fingers were tapping against the edge of her book like she wasn't really paying attention and she kept looking up at me.

"Would you stop that?" She finally snapped, reaching up with one of her legs and kicking me in the shin making me laugh, "It's creepy Sirius."

"Sorry." I smirked, "I was just looking at your cheek. It looks better." I nudged her playfully, "stay away from those Death Eaters you loony."

She made a pointed look, "I'm not the loony on this couch." We both grinned at each other.

_"You're fucking insane Potter!"_

We both turned when we heard a group of people enter through the portrait hole, yelling and causing a scene. A few first years studying across from Lily and I actually jumped from surprise. Where the common room had once been almost completely silent there were now ten or so people arguing and in the middle of the squabble was a very pissed off James.

"Found him." I mumbled to Lily who had already pursed her lips, ready to go interfere.

"You can't be honest Potter!" Marlene McKinnon was shouting at James, her voice was easiest to hear over the others because it was so high pitched, "reholding tryouts two days before we're set to practice! It's maddening!"

"Oh it's bloody quidditch." Lily hissed, rolling her eyes and losing interest quickly, slumping back against the couch and burying her face into a pillow like quidditch was the root of all her problems.

I smiled and returned my attention to the fight brewing at the portrait hole. James appeared to be yelling back at a large rather idiotic boy called Gregory McLaggan.

"Sunday is the morning after the first Hogsmede trip!" McLaggan looked ready to murder James, "I'm planning on not being coherent then, if you catch my drift Potter!"

"I could care less about your coherency McLaggan considering you are about as coherent sober as you are drunk." James snapped at the boy who pulled his face into a gruesome look.

McKinnon was still shouting and I was pretty sure McLaggan was about to wrestle James to his grave. The voices were getting louder and louder and then, from beside me Lily huffed angrily whipping out her wand and pointing it at the ceiling.

"Shut _Up_!" the sparks erupted from her wand and showered me, but as they hit the little bare skin on my wrists they turned into bubbles, hardly making contact on my skin. I had to take a moment to admire Lily's obvious talent with quick charms.

Meanwhile, the fuming quidditch players had quieted to all look at the girl on the couch, including James, who smiled at the red haired witch who was looking particularly mad at this moment.

"All of you need to shut up because I'm trying to read and—" She tried to finish but I cut her off.

"And quite frankly the lot of you sound like banshees." I stood up and jumped over the back of the couch earning a loud yelp from Lily who slammed her book down on the table because I heard it connect with a loud smack.

Marlene bushed her blond hair over her shoulder, pointed an accusing finger at James who was running his fingers through his hair angrily, "That tosspot is making _everyone_ try out again. Again! Half of us have been on the team as long as him!"

"And it's the day after the first Hogsmede trip!" A third year shouted, stomping her foot, "Morning after!"

I smiled; James always had been a bit crazy over quidditch. I was surprised at these claims; luckily Lily didn't appear to stricken either over the news of James' off requests of the team. James meanwhile obviously felt the need to explain himself—and I had a feeling this was his tenth time of saying something.

"I told you lot," James said, angrily, coming to stand beside me at the couch, "I want to revaluate everyone. We lost the cup last year to Ravenclaw and that's not going to happen this year!"

"Your mad!" Marlene shouted, glaring at James who glared back, "We only lost because I got knocked off the broom going for the snitch and Ravenclaw didn't get carded! You know that!"

"Well then you'd better hope you don't fall off your broom in try outs McKinnon." James snapped, his Captain side coming out.

"Fuck off Potter." Marlene snapped.

"Marlene!" Lily had obviously had enough because she jumped off the couch and ran to James' side, grabbing his arm, "The lot of you need to scatter before I take points. This is absurd."

"He's barmy." Marlene said to Lily who rolled her eyes.

"I never said he wasn't." Lily said pointedly, "I personally think the lot of you are mad for acting this way over quidditch."

"We all know James is mad." I spoke up with a sly grin in Lily's direction, "either you try out or you don't."

Lily smiled back at me only to make a face at James when he slung an arm around her shoulder and kissed her flat on the lips and Lily pulled away from a bemused James with a laugh, pushing at his chest.

"Nice to see you too James." Lily had her arms around his neck, she was grinning like a loon.

"Hey James," I offered with a grin but James was concentrating on Lily.

"'Lo padfoot." James used my nickname with ease and I tensed up, glaring at him but he didn't notice because he'd turned back to Lily who was watching him with a surprised look. She'd caught the nickname.

"Hello gorgeous." James breathed, nuzzling her nose, "Ready for rounds?"

"They don't start for another half hour and you smell!" Lily protested as James placed his mouth back on hers.

I opened my mouth with intentions of grabbing his attention but James obviously had other ideas because with a "we'll start early" he and Lily slipped through the dispersing crowd of quidditch players to the portrait hole before I could grab him.

Damn it.

The Ginger beat me to him yet again.

Marlene watched them go with narrowed eyes before looking at me, "Depressing isn't it?" she mumbled.

I looked at her in surprise, "What?"

"They're attached at the hip." Marlene answered, wrapping her robes closer to her body, "Lily doesn't hardly talk to any of us. She's always waiting for him to show up."

I commented wryly, "You were the one who ditched her when you found out about Remus."

Her blue eyes turned cold, "We made up you know." Then she appeared sad, "I thought things would go back to the way they were before but—"

I suddenly knew what Marlene meant. I had always hoped that once me and the lads got back together things would just fall back into place but it seemed that even now I was not the same person I'd been back in sixth year and my relationship had changed greatly with all the boys and Lily. I glanced at the blond quidditch player who was looking over into a corner of the room where Fabian Prewett sat with his arms around a pretty fifth year girl.

She turned towards the girl's staircase but not before eyeing me closely, "I don't think they'll last you know. Lily hated him until a few months ago."

I didn't know what to say to that so instead I just turned back around and headed for the portrait hole, planning on heading to the great hall for dinner alone. Marlene had a decent point; Lily and James had become conjoined together. As much as I had come to accept Lily Evans as a fairly permanent point in my life it was harder to share James with her than I thought.

I didn't like how Marlene seemed to think Lily and James wouldn't last. Anyone could tell James loved her and Lily—well Lily's sudden change in favor for my best mate had to come eventually. James would do anything for her. Marlene was mad if she thought that they wouldn't last…unless James messed up.

I liked Lily well enough; I did, I had been angry when I'd heard Reg had hurt her. I felt protective over Lily, like she was my little sister, but there was the reminder that Lily was ultimately the reason behind everything—the catalyst. The night I had told Snape how to get down the willow I'd done with Lily Evans on my brain. Lily was always James' favorite conversation besides quidditch. Lily had turned into one of my best friends over the summer.

Lily had become a part of my life.

I was startled into focus when I was knocked onto the floor by someone walking past me.

"Walk much?" I snapped, looking up, blowing my hair from my eyes to spot a boy in Ravenclaw robes.

"Sorry mate," the boy held out his hand, blue eyes darkening as he chuckled, "Starving. Wasn't watching where I was going."

He was dressed in Ravenclaw robes but I thought I'd seen him before, perhaps in classes.

"It's alright." I answered, gazing at the Ravenclaw with interest, "I'm Sirius."

"Bert Audrey."

I looked at him with interest, "Are you on the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team?"

I was surprised when Audrey laughed, seeming amused at my guess, "Nope. I'm afraid I don't meet their requirements."

"You mean besides being gits?" I snorted, thinking of Aaron Jackson.

He chuckled, "The lot of 'em." Bert eyed me with a grin, "Headed to the Great Hall?"

"Actually, yeah." I said, "I got ditched for a girl by someone I considered my mate."

"That's okay." Bert fell into step beside me as we walked promptly down to the Great Hall, "I got ditched by my own girl for detention."

I glanced at Bert, who was smiling at his own joke about his girlfriend. To make small talk I asked, "Who're you dating?"

"Alice Rogers." Bert answered, "Ravenclaw."

"She pretty?"

"Sure if you like short hair." Bert answered, "Alice chopped all her hair off last year. Says she wants to be an Auror."

"As if we need any more woman in the Auror department. Too moody." I scoffed earning an appreciative look from the Ravenclaw.

"You can help me convince her to take a nice job writing for the Prophet." Bert sighed, "Tell you what, Black, do me a favor and stay away from girls. They're trouble."

I thought of Lily, "Yeah, but they are a good kind of trouble."

Bert looked at me, "You have a girl?"

I smirked, "Something like that."

Bert and I walked into the Great Hall together and I expected him to ditch me for the Ravenclaw table but instead he sat down next to me at the Gryffindor Table, earning a few looks from my fellow housemates.

"Mind if I eat with you?" Bert asked when I sent him a confused look.

"No." it came out more questioning than anything, "Won't your friends miss you?"

"For some reason my mates have stopped talking to me." Bert answered cheerily, reaching for the mashed potatoes, "and you seem pretty decent."

"Thanks." I said slowly.

Bert Audrey shrugged, "No problem, potatoes?"

I wasn't sure what to make of this Ravenclaw but soon we got on the subject of something Bert called motorcycles and I was hooked.

**~~~I'm not calling you a liar…just don't lie to me…but I love you so much, I'm gonna let you~~~**

"Honestly Lils, I can't wait. I know it's tomorrow but I need to get out of this castle now!" My voice echoed off the high vaulted ceiling of the hallway we were patrolling. We'd just ran across Remus who'd sworn he'd been busting first years all day for spells in the hallways and couldn't wait for the Hogsmede weekend which had gotten Lily on a spiel about our future date to the small wizarding village.

"I'm sure it'll be fantastic James." Lily said appreciatively, wrapping both her hands around my arm as we walked along, "Can you promise me that we'll stop at the bookstore though? I want to pick up my own copy of Magical Creatures for class."

I scoffed, "That's not a suitable place to visit for a first date." Although if I had it my way our date would be spent in a booth at the Three Broomsticks in the back of the bar and we _certainly_ wouldn't be eating.

She snorted looking up at me with a grin, "And the Joke Shop is?"

"Where else are we supposed to buy exploding wands for Sirius' Christmas stocking?" I beamed when she laughed.

"Speaking of Sirius," she lead into it slowly, as if noticing the way I froze up a bit when she brought up my mates in her questioning tone, "Why did you call him Padfoot?"

Shit.

When did I call Sirius, _Padfoot_, in front of her?

"Nickname." I spoke quickly, too quickly.

"It sounds a little girly." she snorted, squinting at me with significance in her look.

"Don't let him hear you say that." I answered, slightly taut under her grasp, "Are we patrolling the fourth floor tonight?" I tried to move the conversation away from the nicknames. An automatic clue that it was something I didn't want to discuss. Sadly, I'd picked the nosiest girl in Hogwarts to be my girlfriend.

"Sure." she answered my question before going back to the nicknames, "Do you have a nickname then?" I didn't answer and she grinned merrily, "You _do_!" she giggled, squeezing my arm playfully, "Is it teacozy? Four-eyes?" she spun out of my arms giggling like a four year old when I sent her a disapproving glare, "No, no, I've got it, they've got to call you a toe-rag."

She was still giggling as I rolled my eyes, "You're being immature." I told her, "It's not very becoming."

"You are in a right mood aren't you?" She pouted when I didn't chortle. I made a face at her and she responded by sticking her tongue out.

She thought she was being funny and witty but I honestly didn't need a full two hours of rounds with Lily trying to get into my head and learn all the secrets I'd sworn to keep. She was already in too deep. Any more deep and we might as well make her a member of the Marauders. I glanced at her just as she pulled her long hair up into a bun and shook my head with a small smile, no, she really was too prying for her own good.

I pushed my glasses up my nose and fiercely looked at her, "If you make fun of me again I'll be in a 'right mood' the rest of the night." I made sure to throw my arm back around her shoulders idly as we continued walking, "Now what time are we meeting for our date tomorrow?"

Lily pondered this for a moment before answering, "Noon? McGonagall has me and some Hufflepuffs covering the halls until then as back up. You know how people get on Hogsmede trips." She rolled her eyes to express her exasperation.

I smirked, I knew exactly how people got before Hogsmede trips, and I was not ashamed to admit I'd been one of the troublemakers that were often caught in the act of pulling pranks. Lily and I made our way along the hallways, the sun completely gone outside and replaced by an almost full moon reminding me that another full moon was coming up on the week before Halloween. Remus was going to start going downhill again soon.

Last full moon I'd gotten hurt but as able to keep it from Lily and Remus. I had to make sure that next time around there were no accidents but how was I supposed to go watch Remus again with Lily hanging around? I could see her demanding to come to see how we watched over Remus. Lily would see it as a way to help—she had no idea I ran around as an illegal animagus on my off time.

Although lately, I hadn't transformed into Prongs and I was incredibly worried about that. Changing morphed the muscles and if not kept up, could cause some muscle damage. I remember the summer we'd all gone two months without transfiguring to our animal forms—Sirius pulled a tendon, Peter was covered in fur, and I found myself with a broken ankle. I wondered if that could happen again. I was sure none of us had been in our animal forms since the last full moon and I knew that we needed to practice before the next full moon.

I thought about the Hogsmede trip—Lily wasn't going to meet me until noon so I could gather up Peter and Sirius and practice until I had to meet her.

"Can you meet me down in Hogsmede?" I asked Lily who shrugged.

"Sure." She answered as we made our way past the Great Hall, "Why?"

"I'm going to go down early with the mates." I answered as detached as possible.

My ease only seemed to point directly at me being up to no good however because she blew her red hair from her face as she stared up at me. I couldn't resist the smile that lifted my lips upwards a few inches; I loved when she looked at me like that.

"What're you up to James Potter?" she immediately jumped to conclusions.

"I can't hang out with my mates?" I said innocently, taking her hand in mine and practically pulling her up the closest stairwell, "Come on Evans, what kind of bloke do you think I am?"

"The same bloke that got detention twice in one week." Lily snorted as we headed for the fourth floor, "and don't even get me started on those mates of yours. In Transfiguration I caught Peter putting ink in Maria Edmonds hair which she wasn't looking."

I couldn't resist the chuckle that earned me an unsatisfied glare from my girlfriend who found our harmless pranks rather annoying. Peter had sworn he was doing it because Maria had called Amy Bones fat in Astronomy last week and Peter never let anyone get away with hurting Amy Bones. I would know.

"James." She sighed.

"Lily." I mocked her tone before leaning forward to plant a kiss on her cheek, "I promise to not pull any pranks on Saturday with the boys."

Lily raised one eyebrow in my direction, "You say that now but the moment Sirius comes up with a 'fool proof plan' you'll be all over it. Am I right?"

"Not if I have a date with a gorgeous red head at noon." I snorted, letting go of her hand so I could pull her to my side, "Come on Head Girl. Let's finish rounds so we can go back to the common room."

We walked along the hallways in silence unless we came upon students doing something against the rules. Lily and I luckily didn't have the after hours shift which is when the real problems went down so we mostly were chastising for magic in the hallway. The most exciting thing of the night was a Hufflepuff trying to throw her boyfriend out the window for admitting he cheated on her with a Ravenclaw. The drama never ceased and Lily was absolutely furious when we finally ended rounds going off about how that same Hufflepuff had been seen kissing the Ravenclaw's best mate just last week.

"Do me a favor and don't snog Sirius." I joked as soon as Lily had stopped complaining, ruffling my hair as I thought about the very thought of Sirius and Lily snogging. Sirius would like her too; Lily was a very good snogger.

Lily snorted, "Please James, I have better taste then that." And she sent me a immoral grin as we got to the seventh floor, the portrait to the Gryffindor Common Room only steps away, "if I wanted to cheat on you I would at least pick someone with intelligence."

I pretended to look offended but I was grinning to much as she took her hand and grabbed me by my tie hanging loosely around my neck. Thank Merlin for her. She was perfect. Her green eyes sparkled as she stood on her tiptoes and I leaned down to press my lips against hers. She pulled away after only a moment, the space between us only enough so that she could move her hand to my cheek and stare at me with adoration.

And then it switched, I could physically see her eyes alter, narrow, her eyebrows perked up and she leaned forward again. I hitched my breath as she wrapped her arms around my neck so I was forced to stoop even lower to make up for height difference.

Her eyes fluttered shut and she just touched her lips to my own when she whispered, lips barley grazing across mine, "So, what's your nickname?"

Her green eyes had fluttered back open and she was looking at me like I was a piece of meat. Double Fucking Hell. I was dealing with the devil.

"Potter! Evans!"

All of a sudden our moods dropped when Professor McGonagall, head of our house, came storming up the rest of the staircase to where Lily and I stood in front of the portrait.

"Professor?" Lily pulled off of me, straightening her red hair over her shoulder and staring at the Transfiguration Professor, embarrassed to have been found wrapped in my arms. How heartening.

"We weren't doing anything wrong." I complained, pushing my glasses up my nose and glaring at the transfiguration teacher who sent me a fixed stare that could've sent a first year into tears. I however was desensitized to McGonagall's looks.

Lily hissed at me to shut up, something I'm sure McGonagall had been about to say to me. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, certainly McGonagall's presence had saved me from the ever-inquisitive vixen at my side—but I had been perfectly happy wrapped up in Lily's arms too. Professor McGonagall sniffed, "I need Mr. Potter to accompany me to my office—"

The sentence she had been trying to finish was cut short by the sound of two boys laughing as they climbed the stairs from which Professor McGonagall had come from. Lily gasped lightly beside me when she saw who it was and I wondered why. I glanced behind Professor McGonagall and saw Sirius but he wasn't alone, he was with a handsome dark haired Ravenclaw who saw Lily and grinned.

"Oh Lily darling, how positively enriching it is to see you!" The Ravenclaw and Sirius burst into laughter and I narrowed my eyes. Who the Hell was this? Lily and Sirius appeared to know him but I couldn't place a name to this face.

Professor McGonagall ended up being the one to solve the mystery first, she turned to the boys, looking relieved, "Ah, Mr. Audrey, Mr. Black, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut short your fun for now. I need Mr. Black to come with Mr. Potter and I to my office."

Sirius pulled a face, "We weren't doing anything wrong."

Professor McGonagall sighed deeply, "Yes, Black, that's already been established as Mr. Potter has so kindly already mentioned that." She made a pointed look at Lily and I, "Miss Evans if you and Mr. Audrey wouldn't mind heading back to the common rooms."

Lily looked at me with a confused face and I shrugged, showing my confusion as Professor McGonagall retreated, assuming Sirius and I were following. Sirius glanced at Audrey who shrugged, grinning.

"Nice dinner Black," the Ravenclaw told Sirius, "We've got to get out more often."

"You're friends with him!" Lily suddenly hissed, pointing at the Ravenclaw in disgust.

Obviously Lily and Sirius had different opinions of this guy…Audrey.

"Later, Ginger." Sirius said, with a smirk in Lily's direction.

The Ravenclaw snorted, "Ginger. That's rich."

I made a warning look to Lily who ignored me and spun on Audrey as Sirius and I found our way down the stairs following behind the teacher. I glanced back long enough to find Lily red faced and glaring at the Ravenclaw with more hatred than she'd ever shown towards me.

"Don't call me Ginger!"

The boy started laughing and I heard, "Oh you let Sirius do it then? What's does your boyfriend call you? Sugar lips?"

I spun on Sirius who was cackling as we practically jogged behind Professor McGonagall, "Who is he?"

Sirius shrugged, "Met him tonight. Had no idea Lily and he were already acquainted. He's hilarious."

Behind us I heard Lily start shouting and there was only one person she could be shouting at. I hoped she put a wand up his sorry arse for me. Sirius had turned his attention back to the teacher who had pulled us both away.

"Where are you taking us?" Sirius asked her as we walked along, our robes whipping around our legs.

"I'm sorry to drag you boys from your nights off," Professor McGonagall called to us as we walked to her office, "but this is rather important."

We reached her office in quick time and as soon as she opened her door, Sirius and I stopped dead in our tracks. Sitting in McGonagall's chair was Frank Longbottom, the last person on earth either of us wanted to see. I felt Sirius move to turn.

"Bye." She said sarcastically and I felt like doing the same.

"Freeze, Black." McGonagall snapped, making Sirius grumble but he turns back around pouting like a dog. She blinked fiercely at both of us, "Both of you are here at the request of Mr. Longbottom because he has a few questions for you. Professor Dumbledore himself agrees that Mr. Longbottom has every right to question our students, especially with the war going on outside our doors so you two will sit down—she pointed at the chairs across from Longbottom—and listen to Mr. Longbottom respectfully."

Very, very slowly the both of us approached the desk warily, eyeing Longbottom with extreme dislike. Longbottom smirked at me, eye glittering mischievously. Professor McGonagall took her place at a chair by a small fireplace to our left, watching with narrowed eyes.

"How's your pretty bird, Potter?" he asked.

"Fine after you let her run around after Death Eaters with you." I snapped, falling into the chair, "I'm sure you didn't bring me all this way to ask me about Lily though."

Frank made a serious face at me, "Just so you know." he said in a surprising change of tone, "I told Lily to stay put. She followed me." Longbottom got out a piece of old rumpled parchment next, "Actually," he continued in his business like tone, "I'm here because I wanted to know why this—he threw the parchment in front of Sirius and I—happened to be intercepted by aurors this morning?"

Sirius and I glanced at each other, worried, before leaning over McGonagall's desk to examine the paper. My eyes caught Sirius' messy handwriting at the top of the paper saying:

_**muggle born doesn't…you better get out of there while you still can. You idiot.**_

_**Sirius**_

And below Sirius' handwriting was a single word and below that a signature:

_Okay._

_Regulus_

I felt Sirius swallow beside me and glance up at Longbottom whose expression had changed to degrading. I realized then what the letter must look like to the aurors; Sirius' letter seemed oddly suspicious. Frank Longbottom straightened at our looks seeming happy.

"This is only the second page of the letter I sent with the owl. I wrote him to tell him to stay away from Lily." Sirius swore, pushing the letter away like it contained the plague, "I didn't actually think he'd write me back." Sirius was gaping like a fish out of water, looking to me for support and that's when Longbottom turned on me.

"Potter as far as the Ministry is concerned, Sirius Black is guilty of working with Death Eaters and can face up to a year in Azkaban." Longbottom stood up, coming around the desk to face me, his face contorted with attentiveness, "I brought you here to see if you could come up with any proof that Sirius Black is not guilty of his crimes."

I blinked, disturbed, at Frank Longbottom. Sirius was looking at me in pure horror; he didn't want to believe what was happening. I didn't either. When I had told him to write his brother I'd been angry and hadn't thought about the—

"Yes!" I jumped out of my seat, a satisfied look on my face, "I've got a letter."

Sirius looked like Christmas had come early, "Of course! Where did I put that?"

Frank's eyes narrowed, "You have a letter too Potter?"

I stepped up glancing at Professor McGonagall who watched with bewildered eyes, "I sent Sirius a letter the night after Lily was attacked asking him to write his brother to tell him—"

"To keep his arse away from Lily." Sirius finished for me, jumping up as well and sneering at Frank Longbottom who rolled his eyes.

"I don't see any letter." He snapped, "And I've been watching you Black," Sirius jumped back as Professor McGonagall stepped forward as a forewarning. Frank blinked once, plainly staring Sirius down, "I'm on your case and your track record isn't impressive."

"He's _changed_." I snapped, "I've changed. The only one who hasn't is _you_ Longbottom."

I let my eyes tighten, I felt like we were back in fifth year when Frank Longbottom was just a Head Boy. He'd accused us of many things, Longbottom had, but Sirius being connected to Death Eaters was the lowest of the low. Sirius was many things; aggravating, haughty, and immature but he was as much a Death Eater as Peter was.

"Mr. Longbottom," professor McGonagall had been quiet the entire time Frank had picked on us but suddenly, she stepped forward, taking control of the room immediately.

Frank had probably been one word away from cursing me so McGonagall's step in was probably for the best or I would've killed him. Beside me, Sirius was digging through his pockets; probably hoping the note was stashed there. I knew it had to be upstairs. Peter had given it to Sirius when I had been in detention.

"I think Mr. Black and Mr. Potter should be allowed to prove themselves," Professor McGonagall spoke in slow tones and Frank looked rather upset, " I've known these boys just as long as I've known you and although trouble makers I could hardly say Sirius Black is a Death Eater. He hangs around Lily Evans who is muggleborn as you well know and the number of times Sirius has made it clear that he hates the dark arts—well let's just say I find Sirius' story believable."

I felt like hugging the woman. McGonagall was always hard on my mates and me but to see her step in at a time like this and defend Sirius—well it was inspiring. I saw that beside me, Sirius' jaw was hung open at McGonagall's words. Clearly, he'd been under the fancy that McGonagall would send him off to Azkaban without a second thought. Frank however looked miserable; he sat on the end of the mahogany desk and stared at the both of us, the fiery expression in his eyes lack luster.

I was confused, how could he go from accusing Sirius of being a closet Death Eater who admitting defeat. I glanced at Sirius whose grey eyes looked back at me with uncertainty. Frank normally would've fought against us to our death—or his.

"Fine." Frank grabbed the intercepted letter and stuffed it in his robes, "Fine." He spun on Sirius; "I'll be following you to the common room to see this letter then."

"And if there is no letter?" Sirius asked defiantly.

"I hope you are ready for a trial." Longbottom snapped, but he was clearly done fighting.

"I'll accompany the lot of you to the common room." Professor McGonagall it seemed didn't trust us to keep the peace in the hallways alone. She was probably remembering the past instances with Frank Longbottom, Sirius, and me.

Sirius and I hardly had any time to talk and we just sent each other a look as Sirius entered the common room where everyone looked up to find Sirius and I flanked by Professor McGonagall and Frank Longbottom. Sirius ran up to our dorm to find the parchment from me when somebody came up to my side, trying to catch my attention. I turned to find Marlene looking at me with worry.

"Have you seen Lily?" she asked me.

"No." I paused, not sure why Marlene was asking me this. Especially at a time like this. Frank Longbottom was eavesdropping. "She never came back when she got off rounds with you and I heard you got taken into the Headmasters office."

"Headmaster's office?" I asked but before I could get another statement out Sirius had descended the stairs and in his hand was the paper, which he passed off to Frank Longbottom with a smug look on his face. Longbottom eyed him suspiciously before taking his wand to the parchment, which glowed a red and then turned light purple.

Longbottom seemed depressed and sighed deeply, "Okay. Okay." He looked at McGonagall who looked pretty peeved, "It's real. Potter asked him to write his brother."

McGonagall blinked, as though this didn't surprise her, "Of course, I never expected less of them Mr. Longbottom. Professor Dumbledore assured you it had to be a misunderstanding."

I felt happy that both our Professors had so much conviction in Sirius and I, especially after everything that had happened. It would've made more sense if they sent Sirius to a trial without even hearing anything after the accident with Remus. If it hadn't been for Lily's meddling—it would've likely happened that way. Although without Lily, Sirius might've been recruited by the Death Eaters.

Longbottom sighed again, suddenly looking older and less refined than before with his slumped shoulders, "I guess I should let Moody know Black is clear."

"Clear of what exactly." Sirius snapped from beside me, looking peeved, "I'm still not exactly sure of what's going on here."

"Perhaps you should take a walk with me." Longbottom told Sirius under his breath since students were starting to crowd, "Now would suffice. I need to be getting back to the office." Longbottom sent me a colder look, "Take care of that girl of yours Potter."

"Her _name_ is Lily." I hissed, my feeling sorry for him stopped instantly.

Sirius sent me a look that implied we would talk later as he left the common room with Longbottom and McGonagall told everyone to go back to their studies before leaving me standing there in the middle of the common room worried over Sirius. Someone moved up on my left and hissed in my ear.

_"What the Hell was that Prongs?"_

I spun, thankful to find Peter there, "Is Remus on duty?" I asked Peter who shook his head.

"Remus is with Lily someplace." Peter answered, looking irked, "I wasn't invited. They went somewhere with Bert Aubrey."

"The Ravenclaw?"

Peter shrugged again, his blue eyes small against his face, "I'm not sure Prongs. Remus just said they were going to the library." Peter nodded towards where Sirius had disappeared, "What happened with the Longbottom git?"

"He accused Sirius of being a Death Eater." I said flatly, pushing my glasses up my nose, "I was brought just because Longbottom likes torturing me."

"You are the reason he and Amy Bones broke up. He probably still hates you for that." Peter mused, "And the Longbottoms do think anyone with the last name Potter is a liar and a cheat."

"Thanks for cheering me up Peter." I snorted, sarcasm evident in my voice.

"Here to help." Peter said with a sigh before glancing at me, "Speaking of Amy Bones, I ran into her when I went to dinner. She asked if it was true that you and Lily are dating."

"I hope you said yes." I said, glaring at Peter who squeaked like his animagus, the rat.

"Of course!" he said, "But did you ever apologize to her, really, James?"

"Not now Peter." I bristled as soon as Peter spoke the word apology.

I'd never live it down with Peter—what I'd done to Amy Bones. No matter how nice Amy Bones was or how forgiving I would always be the git in Peter's eyes. Peter had always liked the pretty Hufflepuff and well—fifth year hadn't been a good year between Amy, Longbottom, and me.

"Does Lily know about her?" Peter asked even softer this time, accusation in his voice.

"Seriously Peter, this is not the time." I hissed.

I was red and Peter, his ever-silent self, didn't answer and just let me wallow in my guilt. I'd told Lily just last week ago or so the story of Amy Bones. I'd told her part of it anyways. I'd left out the parts that included Lily because Lily had really been a third party participant in that drama. Amy never held it against Lily as far as I knew but—

"I'm sorry for bringing it up." Peter sighed beside me, frowning, "I just think it's not fair."

I let my anger fade and I looked at Peter, who had always been one to take back anything he said that was remotely true. Peter hated when people were mad at him. I let a smile escape and shrugged.

"I know wormtail." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair, messing it up, "I'm sorry for snapping at you."

Peter paused, fiddling with his robes, "Do you think Sirius is in trouble again like last year?"

I shook my head, "No, nothing like last year."

Peter nodded solemnly, "Do you want to wait for Sirius upstairs?"

I didn't answer Peter because just then Sirius entered the portrait hole looking deeply disturbed and once he caught my look we both retreated to our dorm, Peter already a step ahead of us and making sure Fabian was gone from the dorms. Fabian was indeed, gone, so we settled on the floor by the heater.

"What did Longbottom want?" Peter asked Sirius before we could even see if we wanted to wait for Remus to appear.

Sirius rolled his eyes, looking at Peter, "The idiot thought I was playing for the Death Eaters."

Peter snorted, "Who does he think you are?"

"A Black?" Sirius rose and eyebrow and the both laughed. It seemed like Sirius wasn't at all worried but I was still hesitant.

"What did you talk to him about?" I asked Sirius and Peter looked at Sirius greedily for the information.

Sirius shrugged, hair falling about his shoulders, "Evidently he's been checking for Death Eaters at Hogwarts since the Rosier incident. He's kept tabs on all the pure bloods in the castle and when that letter got intercepted the head of the Auror department sent him right to me." Sirius made a livid face, "evidently they'd been keeping track of me since the middle of the summer. Remember old Amelia Jenkinson? Witch who pulled me from the fire?" I nodded and Peter shrugged as if he could care less.

"Auror, wrote me when Sirius' house burned down." I told Peter who nodded his understanding.

"Yeah well it turns out the only reason I got saved was because Jenkinson was supposed to be trailing me and came to my house randomly as a check point."

I stared at Sirius, unable to believe what I was hearing. The Ministry had purposely been following Sirius all summer—the aurors actually had thought Sirius was following in his family's footsteps. Sirius was playing with his shoelace, staring at the floor as he thought about this too.

"But if they were tracking you all summer didn't they see what you were doing and who you were hanging out with?" Peter asked Sirius.

Sirius looked even unhappier, "Yeah well, somewhere in the middle of the summer was about the time that Death Eaters started following me too." He glanced at me, "I guess whenever the aurors were keeping tabs on me I was with a new suspected Death Eater. Frank says they are popping up all over the place and my letter was too odd to be ignored."

Frank. So he was Frank now. I'd never heard Sirius call Longbottom, Frank. It sounded alien. Sirius didn't catch his mistake and continued.

"I can't believe old McGonagall though," he chuckled looking at Peter who seemed even more confused, "You should have seen her stand up to the git, Peter—you'd be proud."

"Anyone who stands up to that toad deserves an award in my book." Said Peter sourly, and I was sure he was thinking of Amy Bones.

I however was thinking of someone else, "And your brother?"

Sirius' expression turned to stone, "the owl was intercepted not far from Grimwauld Place." His voice was monotone, "but Frank says when he got there only my Dad was home and he said Regulus hadn't been home in months."

We were silent. Each thinking something different. Wind blew outside of our dorm, whistling through the cracks in the windows and if it weren't for the heater I was sure the room would be chilly. I thought of how close Sirius had been. I thought about Amy Bones and how Peter was right, I should apologize for real. It'd been two years and I was in love with Lily.

And Lily.

What was I going to tell Lily? I knew I was in love with her, even though the one time I told her she laughed and called me crazy. I knew I couldn't hide everything from her forever but I felt like some of the secrets weren't mine. I talked too much around her already—the woman had almost gotten our nicknames out of me by a simple kiss.

I glanced at Sirius and then at Peter, taking a deep breath and speaking, "I think we need to practice transforming before the next full moon." I told them, "Lily and I aren't going on our date until noon. We can go to the shrieking shack and practice."

Sirius groaned, "Why can't we explore the woods?" he asked, "We haven't done that in ages."

"Remus can't go into the woods." Peter scoffed, "Not as a human!" he grinned at me then, "I'm in."

"Perfect." I high fived Peter which caused Sirius to give in almost instantly.

"So when you can't un-transfigure and have antlers on your date am I allowed to take pictures?" Sirius teased as he pulled out his wand and waved it so that three bottles of butterbeer came zooming over to us, hovering in mid air for each of us to grab. I took the one closest to me with a glare in Sirius' direction.

"We aren't fifth years Sirius. I think I can deal with it." I answered, opening the bottle with my teeth.

"Besides." Peter said after a swing of his own, "James wouldn't go on a date with Lily if he was still Prongs. That would put all of us in jeopardy of being caught!"

"I'm not missing that date for anything in the world Peter." I said, wagging my finger like an old school teacher at him, "I've been dreaming about this date my whole life."

"She'll probably just complain the whole time about how you never tell her anything, tell you how handsome you are, and then snog you senseless." Sirius' grey eyes were twinkling despite his idle tone.

"I'm counting on that Padfoot!" I laughed, thinking that sounded exactly like _my_ Lily. "She's the ultimate ginger." I agreed with a wink and held my bottle up to Sirius, "and she snogs like she fights."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Fucking Hell you're in deep Prongs. Wormtail, promise me you'll never find a bird like Evans. I've got enough ginger in my life."

Peter grinned, "Deal."

We settled down, chatting idly about homework and school and the war. I fell asleep that night imagining my date with the same witch who had come up with Remus just to kiss me goodnight. What was I scared of if Lily did find out about me being an animagus? Well for one thing, Sirius' letter only gave him one year in Azkaban. I could end up there for life with Sirius and Peter if Lily told anyone and even though I loved Lily…

After Sirius had told Snape I found it even harder to trust her. I leaned back into my pillows more and thought about it deeply. Lily deserved the truth but—one important thing about her held me back. Lily always loved following rules—she was made for the Head Girl position. She had enough spit to scoff the stupid rules but she knew wizarding laws well enough to know that illegal animagus were a definite nope.

Not only was I unsure about the animal secret—I was worried if Lily found out what really happened between Frank, Amy, and I she might reconsider me. She might see me again for the silly fifteen-year-old boy she'd called an arrogant toe rag. She might realize how silly it was to be dating me…troublemaker James Potter.

I wasn't sure how willing I was able to gamble with the chance of losing her.

* * *

**Song for this chapter: "I'm not Calling You A Liar" by Florence and the Machine.**

* * *

Long time coming! If it makes you feel better, school is almost over—which means more writing time! And I've been doing two one shots on the side that I'll eventually post. One is Christmas themed and called "Christmas at Hogwarts" and the other is called "That Bloody Mirror".

Next time on Rumor Has It—a rumor reaches Sirius that involves something he saw coming a long time ago.

Review!

Xxxx

Sasha


	21. Take Me To Wonderland

**Since it's been a while: Snape's got it in for Bert Audrey who is dating Alice Rogers who will eventually marry Frank Longbottom who is out to get the Marauders. The full moon is next week and James wants to practice transforming into their animals but he also has a date with his perfect girlfriend Lily who was stuck on rounds the first half of the afternoon. Ready? Set? Read!**

* * *

**Chapter 21:**

**When I lay my head down**

**To go to sleep at night**

**My dreams consist of things**

**that'll make you want to hide.**

**I don't believe in fairytales**

**But I believe in you and me**

**Take me to wonderland.**

"Hurry up Snape." Maxon hissed from his spot at the door.

"These things take time." I hissed back my answer as my hair swung into my face.

I kneeled closer to poke my wand to the forehead of a motionless body. The body that lay in front of me looked different than it had only weeks before—I'd been using Bert Audrey's body and mind for a good two and a half weeks and the dark magic I'd been forced to use was finally showing. Bert looked tired and as I slid my wand along his temple, letting the imperius curse sink deep into his mind, his body shivered and his eyes opened.

"What is going on?" His voice was impassive—he was a robot bent on my command.

Maxon swung his head back to take a look at the Ravenclaw who had been under my command. Bert Audrey would've never helped me originally—he was a proud half blood after all—but he was an easy tool to get to James Potter and all his over-glorified mates. I'd been surprised how easy it had been to get Sirius Black talking to Bert and in turn, I'd had Burt have more than one conversation with Remus Lupin, who also found the boy easy to get along with.

Next was James Potter.

Potter would be the hardest to get because he was a goddamn stubborn arse. I never could understand how he'd gotten Lily to fall for his act—she had always been the one to agree with me when I was talking shit about the quidditch player, and now she was a love struck child. Maxon cleared his throat and I shushed him before helping Audrey up.

Audrey was holding his head and looking at me with worry, "What happened?" he asked me, like he always did after I messed with his memory.

"You fell asleep while I was tutoring." I said slowly, my black eyes glaring at Maxon who slid stealthily behind the door so Audrey wouldn't see anyone here but me. "Maybe you should head back to your common room?"

Audrey nodded, still holding his head, "Okay, bye." And he just left without questioning me more, without noticing that we weren't even in a place I could tutor potions, without noticing anything. He was in deep.

Maxon wasn't impressed with my memory charms and imperius curses however because he spoke up, "I don't see how this is going to get the blokes He wants on our side. It seems like a waste of time. Why don't you just do it like we normally do?"

"Because they aren't like the others He wants." I said, stuffing my wand in my pocket and sitting on one of the desks closest to me, "Potter and Black hate the dark arts."

Maxon looked bewildered, "Then why does He want them?"

A sneer replaced my scowl and I glanced at Maxon, "Why'd he want you?" I was happy to see the boy looked rather unhappy at my taunt.

Maxon blushed indignantly, "I'm pure." He sniffed, puffing out his chest proudly, "Just because I haven't been inducted yet doesn't mean you can act like a git!" he leaned closer to me, staring pointedly, "The only reason you got inducted this summer is because you used that curse on that muggle—"

I blinked coolly, trying hard not to think of the blood that had spurted from his ruptured heart and—

"I am," I jumped off the table, glaring at Maxon, "not interested in anymore of what you have to say. Goodnight."

Maxon snorted, "Right. Let me know when you finally get around to doing something useful with your time Snape."

I knew what the other students thought of me. I've had my life figured out since I started school. I was going to become the best at Potions, I was going to become Potions Master and then maybe try my hand at Defense Against the Dark Arts. I was going to take the old cod Dumbledore's place as Headmaster. I was going to be powerful—more powerful than Dumbledore himself.

I wanted to be the best. Being the best meant something—it meant you could live forever in Wizard History like Merlin or Aggripa. I wanted to live forever in the history books. I wanted to show everyone who had ever thought badly about me that I was no loser. I was powerful, smart, and I deserved everything because I was a consistent worker.

Shouting up ahead startled me, it was past one in the morning and the first floor normally remained quiet on nights like this since Hogsmede weekend was starting up. Everyone was resting for his or her adventures outside of the castle. I expected to see a pair of prefects finishing up late night rounds but instead I found Bert Audrey arguing with a small girl with short black hair.

I slid behind a pillar to listen in. I liked keeping close tabs on Bert but I had surprisingly never seen him interact much with anyone except the people I wanted him to.

"Alice," Bert was begging, "I told you I had Potions tutoring." I was happy to see the imperious curse was working so well—he believed he'd been at tutoring.

"You did not Bert!" the girl named Alice looked close to tears, "This is the second time this week you've told me two different stories."

"I'm sorry, I must've forgotten."

The girl looked less than pleased at this explanation. She snapped at Audrey with bitterness, "Jackson told me he'd seen you with Snape. Are you really getting tutoring this late all the time? Or are you up to something because if you are cheating on me Bert Audrey I will—"

Shit. I'd assumed everyone had stopped talking to Bert. I'd made sure other Ravenclaws had seen us talking—an isolated Bert was easy to work with because there were less questions asked. This short girl was too observant and obviously risky. If she told anyone clever enough to figure out that Bert had the classic signs of a person under the imperius curse…

Bert looked like a fish out of water, gaping at the girl who crossed her arms, reminding me for a moment of Lily. I pointed my wand at Audrey and watched his shoulder relax and I let my mind guide him through the next motions. Audrey reached into his own robes for his wand and the girl eyed him apprehensively.

"What're you—" she backed up obviously sensing something was off, she pulled out her wand from her belt loop on her jeans.

I narrowed my eyes, she'd run for help, I could see it in her eyes—she no longer trusted Audrey. She was a flaw in my plan.

"_imperius_." The words were whispered through my mouth and spoken through the Ravenclaws mouth. The girl opened her mouth to scream just as she fell under the imperious curse

I was about to have the girl walk away when two sets of footsteps came through the hallway. I turned my wand, not pay attention and my connection to Bert drop. Bert—half mad in his mind from the magic—had spun shouting a spell into the darkened hallway. I threw myself behind the closest curtain as more shouts filtered around the hallway.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Honestly mate, we didn't mean to surprise you!"

I hissed unhappily under my breath and saw it was Potter and Lupin—both on rounds together. They would happen across us. Lupin and Potter both had their wands out as they passed my hiding spot, advancing on Audrey who was holding his head—wand on the floor. Potter waved his wand and Audrey fell to the floor in a body-binding curse. The little black haired Ravenclaw broke from her trance and grabbed her own head. I quickly waved my wand, hoping I'd hit her directly. I felt the connection between us, and knew my spell at worked.

"I'm sorry Potter." I made the girl walk over to Audrey who was still under the body bind, "You scared us. We were arguing."

Potter glanced at Lupin who shrugged as he looked around at the area they'd found the girl and Audrey. I made sure to only have my wand poking out with one eye. I made the girl grin a rather convincing grin.

"You know I'd appreciate it if you'd undo your body bind on Bert for me." I made the words come from her mouth, forced.

"You know you shouldn't be out in the hallways this late Alice." Potter said, pretending to actually care. I crinkled my nose in disgust at him. "I'm sure you and Audrey can find your way back to the dormitory." Potter waved his wand at the motionless Audrey and I concentrated so that my control reigned over them both. I'd never done a double imperius before. I closed my eyes, not even looking at the scene before me anymore. This magic was taking everything in me.

"Thanks Potter." Both of my hosts spoke in synchronization, "See you at Hogsmede."

And then I opened my eyes, directing both their bodies back towards me and telling them both to go back to Ravenclaw tower. I drew back my wand but still let myself peek through the tapestry, standing on the small ledge behind me to hide my feet from the floor. Potter and Lupin were looking around and back to where my hosts had retreated.

"That was odd." Lupin commented, "We probably should've knocked off points. They were out way past curfew."

"We aren't even technically supposed to be out here." Potter spoke and I sparked interest—what were they doing out if they weren't on curfew?

"Yeah well they don't need to know that." Lupin snorted, "Now let's go before we get caught."

"We're not going to get caught." Potter commented, eyes sweeping to the tapestry where I was hidden. He took a few steps closer to it and I literally stopped breathing. Slowly, slowly, I pulled away from the tapestry and leaned against the pillars. Potter's shadow fell across it. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Potter wouldn't hesitate to figure out what I was doing in the same corridor as those two. He'd probably take me right to Dumbledore for the Hell of it.

"Come on Prongs, we've got to finish up now—or Filch will catch us." Lupin called for Potter who sighed and moved away from my hiding place.

"Why couldn't Peter do this?" Potter complained like the true lazy arse he is.

Lupin chuckled, finding Potter's laziness an obvious sign of hilarity, "why are you making the entire team try out for the season again?"

Their voices were fading down the other side of the corridor as Potter answered back, "Oh not you too, Moony."

I waited until I was sure they wouldn't be back and then snuck back to my dorm room where everyone was asleep. That had been close and I knew I was going to have to be more careful about working with the imperious curse. I hoped the imperious on the Ravenclaw girl had been strong enough to cause a blank space in her memories like it had so often done with Audrey. I hoped this one little accident hadn't ruined my plans.

**~~~~I'm not afraid to face a little bit of danger~~~**

"I'll see you in Hogsmede, Remus." Lily finished hugging me, grinning up as she casually watched other students pass headed for the carriages to the town outside of the school gates.

"I'm sorry you got stuck doing rounds." I told the red head who rolled her eyes.

"Nah," she pushed me towards the double doors, "Go have fun." Her green eyes twinkled, "You said James and Peter and Sirius were meeting you there right?" I nodded, knowing full well all three boys had left before breakfast. They had left early for the village to go practice transfiguring into their animal forms before the next full moon. Lily grinned, no doubt her date later with James on her mind. "Okay, well bye then!"

"Bye Lily." I waved goodbye to her and wrapped my think cloak around me tighter as I stepped outside the great front doors of the castle. The cold was almost unbearable today and reminded me that summer was over. I pulled the scarf I'd borrowed from Sirius up and around my ears as I walked with the flow of other students to the carriages.

I managed to get an entire carriage to myself and I knew that was only because students were still too scared to come too close to me. It didn't upset me as much as it had before. It still felt wrong—because I'd once had plenty of friends but now was different. I was about to close the doors when someone jumped inside, breathing heavily and grinning when they caught sight of whom they'd jumped into a carriage with.

Bert Audrey looked better than he'd looked last night when James and I had come across him and his girlfriend Alice Rogers fighting in the hallway but there was still something off about him. His smile seemed forced and his eyes were darkened and red those made me think of lack of sleep. He looked worse than I did—and with the full moon only a week away that was saying something.

"Feeling better than you felt last night?" I offered to the Ravenclaw who looked surprised at me.

"What?" he looked puzzled, "Last night?"

"You and Alice?" I tried to jog his memory as the carriage lurched forward to start it's trek to the village of Hogsmede. Audrey shook his head, dark hair springing out of place as he shrugged. I become confused. "You don't remember running into James and I?"

"Sure." Bert looked uncomfortable suddenly, "I uh, had a lot going on last night."

I contemplated his answer, he seemed unhappy that I was continuing the conversation when I said, "How's Alice?"

"Fine." He looked very unhappy at my questioning, "Alice is fine."

I didn't like the look appearing in his eyes—it reminded me of a deer in the headlights. James got that look often when he was in trouble but this was different from James' look. This was more of a troubling look—almost like he couldn't remember what I was talking about.

"Are you going to Hogsmede alone?" Bert asked me, trying to change the topic of conversation.

I shook my head, "No, I'm meeting people." At his sloth like nod I forced myself to ask, "Are you going alone?"

Bert shook his head, "No, no."

I raised one eyebrow. I'd known Bert for a while; he'd been a contender for prefect the same year as I had been. We'd also done a few school projects together. We were currently working on a project in Ancient Runes together. I'd known him long enough to notice the odd changes in his appearance and attitude. He seemed so sad and lost all the time now and when he wasn't down in the dumps, he was a more annoying and pestering version of himself.

Lily swore that Bert Audrey drove her mad and she'd only joined us in the library yesterday because I'd asked her if she had any idea how to do Runes. I'd actually run into the red head shouting at Audrey outside of the common room. Bert seemed to have lost all his friends in Ravenclaw and now the once popular Bert was now hanging out with the misfits of Hogwarts like me, a werewolf.

"Are you doing alright Bert?" I asked, my tone soft but inquiring.

For a moment Bert looked like he was going to say something but then he blinked coolly and answered, "Of course Remus. I'm fine. Just tired." He smiled, lifting his face a bit, "How are you, werewolf?"

I blanched at the term and he chuckled.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." He told me, eyeing me like I was impressive—when I was far from it.

"You don't have to live with it." I answered softly.

We both fell into a silence and I glanced out the carriage window to see we had made good time to the village and the carriages ahead of ours were coming to a stop. I waited for Bert to leave the carriage and I was surprised to find him waiting for me when I jumped down.

"Mind if you join you and your mates?" He asked, taking me by surprise, "I'm assuming your meeting the other Gryffindor boys and I get along well enough of them."

I stared because he was completely serious. I had a mini panic attack because I couldn't walk over to the shrieking shack to meet James, Sirius, and Peter with Bert Audrey in tow. I could just imagine how Bert Audrey would react if he found out exactly what I was meeting at the shrieking shack where I held my monthly transformations.

"Actually," I reminded myself of James when I pushed back my hair and stared just above Bert's shoulder, "I—"

But my explanation was cut off by multiple screams coming from the village. Bert and I were far from the screams but a large group of students were running towards us. It was the large black dog at the front of the crowds, racing towards the carriages yelping.

"What's going on?" Bert asked me, his eyes bright with worry, the air thick with voices mixing together in torture. He was backing away towards the carriage we'd left and I ran forward towards the big black dog that was bounding right for me.

I fell to the ground, grabbing the dog by the scruff, shouting at it, "Padfoot!"

The mutt clearly recognized the name and snarled at me, grabbing the tattered edges of my robes, pulling at them, whining. I looked up as students pushed past us, running, but from what? I jumped up, the dog, Sirius in his animagus form, stood loyally beside me, facing the unknown thing pushing Hogwarts students back to the carriages. People were screaming at us to move but I stood my ground—I was a monster and another monster didn't frighten me as much as it should have.

"What the Hell is going on." Bert Audrey hadn't left and appeared next to me, "What—"

Next to my side the dog growled, in real life I could imagine Sirius was groaning. I went to pull my wand out just as the large black dog bounded away.

"Padfoot!" I shouted after it before Bert gasped next to me, looking in terror ahead of us.

I didn't blame the students for running. They looked like cloaked demons; gliding along with the temperature dropping even more. I tightened the hold on my wand, starting to walk backwards myself, Bert matching my steps.

"Who are they?" I asked Bert.

"Not death eaters they aren't wearing the masks—" Bert said, voice breaking as one of the three black-cloaked figures slowly drifted closer.

"Are they flying?" I asked as we made it back to the frozen carriages where students were packing in screaming, shouting for help.

"I think they are dementors." Bert hissed.

I took a better look at the attackers as they advanced. Dementors were prison guards far off from the village of Hogsmede and to find three of them scaring students back into the carriages worried me. Bert pulled me into a carriage where we were greeted by welcoming arms that pulled us in and latched the door.

"What do we do?!" a small voice spoke from my left where a third year—probably on her first trip, gripped my arm.

"Stay calm." I advised her as I peeked out the small carriage windows.

"How do you get rid of dementors?" Asked Bert in a whisper on my other side.

"I—I don't know." I mumbled as the dementors advanced closer to the carriages.

The girl started crying and Bert and I exchanged a glance. The dementors floated close to the carriage to the right of our own. The cold sunk deep into my bones and I was no longer feeling particularly curious. People in the carriage screamed and people were crying. Instead I felt like crying myself, I felt like the full moon had come early, and my heart was giving out. Beside me, Bert sniffed.

Suddenly someone shouted and then silver lights were everywhere, bounding, leaping, and souring like animals around us. I still felt cold but I felt like I could move again so I jumped out of the carriage, intending to do whatever I could to help. Instead, as soon as I exited the carriage I was surprised to only see multiple silver lights bounding in the line of my vision and I swore they were ferrets. Big silver ferrets.

Slowly, other students started exiting the carriages, whispering, looking around. Others were still crying, wiping their tears. I was looking for the big black dog that had run off but saw no sight of Padfoot or the others for that matter. Was Padfoot the only one who saw the dementors?

The little girl Bert and I had climbed into the carriage with came out behind me with a worried whisper, "Where'd they go?"

The silver ferrets had disappeared and suddenly a female voice was calling out, "Students will get back into the carriages and report back to the school immediately, this trip has been officially cancelled."

I looked around for the source of the voice but found no one who was producing the booming female voice. Students piled back into the carriages, some hadn't even left, and we continued the trek back to the school completely in the dark over what had just happened. The little third year girl, who told me her name was Clara, told us she had just gotten to the start of the shops when people were running back to the carriages screaming.

"I don't understand what those things are doing here." Bert said, he was looking more like himself after all the events of the past twenty minutes, more alert and awake. "My mum works in The Creatures Department at the Ministry and she told me that can't leave Azkaban unless granted permission."

"Maybe the Ministry doesn't have control over them anymore." The girl whispered, tears still slipping down her cheeks.

"Then who does?" I asked the question on all our minds—even thought we knew exactly who had control.

The war for control of the wizarding world had been going on for about a year. It was officially a war when people started disappearing and muggles started inexplicably dying, but I felt like the war for pure blood control of the government had been happening for some time now.

As soon as we made it back to the castle, we were told by Professor Sprout to go back to our dorms where prefects would make head counts. I ran all the way back to the dorms, moving through the crowds of students as quickly as possible. Something big was happening. I couldn't find Sirius, James, or Peter when I reached the common room and everyone was shouting and yelling for everyone else to stop shouting and yelling.

It was almost like the apocalypse and I honestly had no idea what to do. Something like this had never happened so close to Hogwarts—Hogsmede had always been safe from dark magic. Students had been going there for ages and I was really confused to as why Dementors were so close to the school and so far away from the prison.

**~~~I want the love, the money and the perfect ending~~~**

"Master Reg are you sure you want to do this?" The house elf's voice echoed across the dark and wet caverns he's apparated me to. This what where that evil thing The Dark Lord had created was waiting for me.

It had only taken me about a week to make up my mind. I'd grabbed Kreacher from my parent's house as well as a locket Kreacher swore up and down would be the perfect replacement for what he described went into this basin. I clutched the locket in my hand, breathing like I had just run from London to Versailles. Was I ready to die just so I could try to change the world in such an insignificant way? The Dark Lord would clearly have protection over this—this—horcrux.

Was I wasting my breath? No.

I thought of the dark magic surrounding all of this—dark magic that should've never been attempted. I clenched the locket tighter in my hand and glanced down at the elf.

"Come on Kreacher," I knelt down, observing the elf with a new respect, "And whatever happens in there you can never tell anybody. Ever. If I don't make it out—destroy the locket."

"Master why are we doing this?" Kreacher spoke as I cut my hand against the shards of rocks so my blood splattered the cave walls just as Kreacher had told me The Dark Lord had done to Kreacher.

I didn't answer him, just lifted my chin as the rocks disappeared and showed a large cavern with a lake. My breathing was even as Kreacher and I managed to make our way to a tiny island in the middle of the cavern where a large basin held a pool of liquid and just underneath the liquid I could feel the darkness. I looked at Kreacher for a moment before looking back at the basin.

"You had to drink it all right?" I asked the elf, my voice cracking.

"Let me do it Master—I can do it again!" The elf grabbed my hand, breaking the servant to master barrier. Father would've smacked him, but to me, it was a source of comfort.

"No Kreacher." I answered, "No, make me drink it all. That's an order."

And I leaned in, the potion smelled like nothing. It literally had no smell and I think that's what scared me the most.

"Master…"

I sucked it in like I was drowning in it. The faster I could get rid of it the happier I would be. I swallowed each mouthful, grimacing as the stuff hit my stomach like acid. I don't where I started. I don't know where I stopped. I never wanted this. I just wanted my parents to be proud of me. I just wanted to be a hero. The last thing I consciously remembered is screaming for help.

**~~~I don't believe in fairy tales but I believe in you and me~~~**

All excitement towards today had vanished as I sat on the corner of a desk in the Transfiguration room as we were briefed on what happened today during the first Hogsmede trip. I sat alone, my eyes frantically searching for that tell tale sign of messy black hair and hazel eyes. My James was still one of the students missing and I was unable to focus on anything else.

Somewhere my brain was gathering in the information from the female auror I had met at Slughorn's party. She was standing at the front of the room demanding everyone's attention and Frank Longbottom was standing right next to her with his arms crossed as he stared my way. I was too busy trying to get a visual on my boyfriend who had been in Hogsmede with his mates. Remus had been the only one accounted for, and he sat only two seats away from me, holding his head in his hands.

"The Dementor attack wasn't really an attack." Amelia Jenkinson explained to us student leaders and the teachers standing around, "They left Azkaban early last night without explanation and the witches and wizards in our Magical Creatures department say that they believe the dementors are looking for souls to take."

"How is that not an attack?" McGonagall snapped from a seat not to far away from me, "They left their posts to look for souls."

"And not just any souls—our children's souls." An older woman wearing a blue cardigan in the back of the classroom spoke, "Doesn't the Ministry find it odd that they are using dark magic to hold away dark magic?"

"We've been using the dementors as guards for Azkaban since I was a little girl." Amelia Jenkinson snapped at the woman in blue, "And this is the first time they've ever broken from their post."

"But why?" It was Dumbledore's clear voice ringing through the garbled mess that made me look up. He was stepping into view to stand in front of Amelia and Frank wearing robes made of a dark purple color. "Why now do they break their post to look for souls to consume?"

Amelia blinked errantly, "We're looking into that obviously Dumbledore, and rest assured we will let you know when it's safe for the children to return to Hogsmede."

I'd never seen Professor McGonagall look so angry, she stood up from her seat and raced forward, shaking her finger, "This is a war and the Ministry of Magic is treating it like a temporary—"

"Minerva." Dumbledore silenced the Head of Gryffindor house with a look but Professor McGonagall still held her ground despite her silence. I ran my hand through my hair and glanced over at Remus who had also looked up to watch the showdown between the two Aurors and our Headmaster and Head of House. Dumbledore cleared his throat.

"Have the remaining five students missing been located?"

"The two students from Hufflepuff we found down on the Quidditch Pitch practicing quidditch." A voice spoke up from somewhere behind me and Remus and I saw it was one of the Ravenclaw prefects. The young girl was pale—likely from the shock of everything—as she continued with all eyes in the room staring her down, "But the three boys from Gryffindor are still uncalled for."

I couldn't help the heave in my chest or the feeling that something horrible had happened. I looked at Remus who saw my face and immediately stood up to walk over to me so he could help me up into a hug. Her patted my back as I breathed in and out slowly.

"They're fine Lily. I know it." He told me into my ear as voices around us continued discussing where the three boys could have disappeared too.

"Maybe they never left the castle." Amelia Jenkinson's voice rose over, reaching my ears even though my head was tucked into Remus' robes as I tried to not think about James—soulless because of a dementor.

"My unit of aurors just finished searching all of Hogsmede and Potter and his mates weren't there." I heard Frank's voice next, "maybe Lupin is holding something from us."

I managed to pull my forehead away from its hiding place in Remus' robes to glare at Frank Longbottom who was looking very smug.

Remus was calmer than me though and replied quietly, "I told you I was on my way to Hogsmede to meet them at the sweets shop when I saw the dementors."

"Remus wouldn't lie." I snapped at Frank, "Remus is a good person and those are his best mates that are missing. He wants them found more than you know!" I looked at Dumbledore who was rubbing his beard thoughtfully, "Please sir, let me go look. I can find them. I know I can."

"Now Miss Evans there's no need to put yourself in danger." Dumbledore said, striding over to my side and patting my shoulder, "There might be more dementors and unless you can produce a patronus charm you won't be able to fight one off."

A patronus charm. I'd read about them in advanced charms. I just needed a happy thought. That's all I needed and I had a million and one that included him.

"I can do a patronus." I said breathily, "Please sir, James—what if he's alone?"

"Miss Evans please do not be ridiculous." Professor McGonagall said, "Please hold yourself together."

I could stop the shudder that came as I spun to face her, my heart broken, "But he's—he's—"

"I'm so sorry, I was helping a third year get to the Hospital Wing when I heard—" a wheezy voice declared from the back of the classroom near the door.

"Prongs." Remus breathed beside me, relief evident in his voice.

I spun, almost at the exact time half the people in the classroom did to look upon the intruder to the meeting. It was James. He was covered in a slight sheen of sweat but he was alive, standing there, eyes twinkling only for me.

"Alright, Evans?"

I gave a strangled cry and he grinned at me, opening his arms. I ran quickly into them, slamming him backwards and into the closest desk. The sobs coming from my chest were a clear indication to him how upset I'd been over him not being here and he let me hold onto him as he smoothed the hair on the back of my head.

"Where the Hell were you!" I recognized Frank's voice, he had come up behind me but I didn't dare let go of James.

James continued calmly petting me as he answered Frank back smoothly, "Me and my mates took a walk in the forbidden forest," Professor McGonagall made a noise that sounded like James' name and then a few choice curses, "I know, I know but we were just fooling around. It was irresponsible and when I got back to the castle I found a third year crying. She said she got lost in her hurry to find the common room. Madame Promfrey told me that everyone was here."

As James explained himself I just held onto him, breathing in and out, taking in the smell of pines on his soaked long sleeve shirt. What had he been doing? I finally let my death grip loosen and James looked away from the aurors to look at me with a small grin. I slipped my arm around his waist and turned so we were both side by side and I could see who was directly behind us. Frank was watching us both with a look of unhappiness and he turned on Amelia Jenkinson who was watching James closely.

Professor Dumbledore was watching us too from behind Frank, his eyes tracing James and then me with an inquisitive look.

"I think," said Professor Dumbledore, "That prefects and heads should return to their dormitories and update the students that there is nothing to worry about. Until further notice Hogsmede weekend trips are cancelled. Mr. Potter, please gather the other quidditch captains, I only want you practicing in daylight for now. Miss Evans—" I looked at the Headmaster as I linked my hand with James's, "—please come up with a new schedule to include 24 hour rounds until the end of the term and include teachers in them. All my students are dismissed."

Remus, James, and I made our way back to the common rooms slowly. I was still in a sort of trance but I heard Remus hiss to James.

"Cutting it close don't you think?"

James answered back, putting a tighter hold on my shoulder, "I had to go around the gates."

We reached the dorms and inside we could hear students arguing and talking in the common room. Our two fifth year prefects had been holding down the fort while we'd been at the meeting and as soon as Remus had opened the portrait hole the sound hit me like a wall.

"I'll talk to them, go get some butterbeer in Lily." I heard Remus tell James, "She didn't take today very well."

I felt ashamed—what kind of Gryffindor was a coward like me? At the slightest sense of danger I'd turned into a right mess. I didn't even know that we weren't headed for James' room until I realized that I hadn't even been dragged into that loud common room full of questioning voices.

I clung to James like he was my rock. I couldn't get that feeling of hopelessness out of my gut. It was weird—just yesterday I would've told anyone who asked that I liked James well enough but I would've never said I loved him. Now that he'd been presumed soulless and missing for an upward of two hours I knew that I loved him and I knew now just how much I loved him.

We didn't get very far; we ended up in a deserted section of the darkened hallways where James just pulled me down to the floor with him, my arms still wrapped around him. He had his arms around my shoulders and his lips were placed delicately on the top of my head.

"Lily." He whispered but his voice still echoed in the empty hallway, "What's gotten you so upset?"

I had my face buried in his chest so when I said, "I love you." It was muffled.

He chuckled, and I felt one of his fingers touch my chin, lifting my head so I was forced to look into his clear hazel eyes. I searched his eyes for any sign of having a lost soul and any sign of him having changed but all I found was the kindness I so adored.

"What was that, love?" He asked, touching his nose carefully to mine.

I placed one of my hands on his cheek, feeling the rough stubble and not letting my eyes leave his, "I thought I lost you."

For a moment his smile faltered, just enough to let me see how much those words actually hurt him. He brought both hands to my cheeks, squeezing my face and bringing my lips to his. I let my emotion lose and I ran my hands up and down his chest as I kissed him deeply letting my body relax into his lap. I adjusted my body feeling completely overwhelmed as I felt him move underneath me so I could better wrap my legs around his waist. I was really; really happy I hadn't lost him.

I placed kisses all over his face, letting my lips wander to a spot right next to his ear where I whispered, "I really thought—I know I shouldn't have James but I thought a dementor—"

He pushed his forehead into the curve of my neck, pressing his lips to my shoulder. I ran my fingers through his hair, feeling the soft threads of it between my fingers. It's a little bit funny how the feelings inside me felt like they weren't easily hidden any longer. I felt him everywhere and no sooner had my fingers left his head they were grazing his torso under his shirt.

"Merlin I need to disappear more often." He moaned into my collarbone as my fingers grazed the buttons on his pants by accident.

"No, you are never allowed to do that to me again!" I said, rolling off him with an angry look I sincerely hoped was written on my face but then I licked my lips and he was all over my again.

At some point we were standing with my back pressed against the wall of our hidden corner. James was busy unbuttoning my blouse and letting his fingers travel across my bare skin without a second thought. I felt like I was doing exactly what I'd had to punish hundreds of other students for in the past but I could bloody care less. I'd almost lost him today.

"I love you." I let the words go and knew they were true so I repeated them again, "I love you so much James."

James pulled away from my neck and stared at me, appearing to be debating something and then he said, "I love you more." And then he leaned forward to place his lips back to mine letting me fall into my own personal wonderland.

* * *

Hi dearies!

Thanks to all of you for being so patient as I wrote this SIXTEEN PAGE CRAZY CHAPTER. The song lyrics are by Natalia Kills and the song is "Wonderland".

I am sad to report that this story had almost reached it's end. There's about three to four more chapters left.

I am happy to report this chapter only made it up today because of **Forever Siriusly Serious** who took the time to read it over for me after I spent all day writing and staring at a word document for my jily secret santa(s). Yes. multiple. I'm insane.

Happy Christmas to you ALL. Don't feel shy, come talk to me sometime!


	22. Lies

**To refresh your memories: **The Dementor attack in Hogsmede made Lily realize just how deep in love she was with James. Bert Audrey was being used as a piece in Severus Snape's plan to get closer to the Marauders-Snape's plan isn't going well and the dark magic is taking it's toll on Bert and his girlfriend Alice who got caught in the middle of the plan without knowing it. Amelia Bones, Frank Longbottom, and James Potter have a history that James isn't all to willing to share with anyone-even Lily. On top of all this another full moon is slowly creeping in...

* * *

**Chapter 22: **

**You're never gonna love me, so what's the use?**

**What's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose?**

**What's the point in saying you love me like a friend?**

**What's the point in saying it's never gonna end?**

"Alice! Alice! Alice!" it sounded like my head was pounding out my name.

Or maybe I was just going crazy.

I touched my head; feeling like someone had smacked it with a broom handle. I'd been this way for a day and a half and I honestly couldn't think of anything that could make me have this badly of a headache. I had been hoping that the cold air of the fall weather outside would get rid of my headache but I'd made it to the quidditch pitch and I was still feeling like I'd been smacked a couple times over the head.

Above me figures were flying about and with the colors red and gold I imagined it was the Gryffindor Quidditch Team practicing. I pushed my bangs to the side of my face and I tried to think of something other than the ache at the back of my head. I watched the figures swerve above me and listened to their captain—Lily Evans' boyfriend—shout loudly at the players from the middle of the pitch where he sat on his broom. The shouting was high up in the air but my ears were still ringing with the sound of someone else shouting.

_"Imperius!" Bert's eyes were bloodshot against his face and he looked scary—like he hadn't been sleeping for days._

I sighed and leaned my head against one of the entrances to the actual pitch. The dementors at Hogsmede yesterday had shocked me, made my head start hurting even more than it had before. The biggest problem about the dementors were the nightmares that followed them—the nightmares of my boyfriend cornering me in a dark hallway and casting one of the three unforgivable curses on me.

What if that had _actually_ happened?

I wasn't stupid—I had one of the classic symptoms: nightmares, moments of confusion, and the inability to do anything without feeling incomplete.

I wanted to be an auror. I knew all about that curse.

I knew about the way it reached your eyes, made them turn bloodshot, made all the life drain out of them. I knew one person who was fitting that description besides me: Bert.

"Alice?" her voice surprised me and I lifted my head off the post to glance around behind me.

The red haired Lily Evans was grinning at me. There were two other people with her and one of them was Bert. I took a step back now, facing my boyfriend. He looked better today but that might've been because I was comparing him to my nightmares. I let my eyes shift to the third person and saw it was Sirius Black, a friend of Lily Evans'. Bert had taken a liking to Black, he'd told me so.

I blinked slowly; Bert had certainly been keeping odd company these days.

"Are you alright Alice?" Bert asked me, his voice kinder than in my nightmare, but my eyes traced his and his eyes were still bloodshot.

I felt like throwing up, what was going on?

"She looks a bit sick." Black commented, he was smoking the the smoke from his cigarette was making me even more sick.

I sent him a sidelong glance, "I'm just—" I looked back at Bert who was grinning at me with his special smile. I shook my head, trying to rid the bad dreams from my head. Bert had always been kind to me—he would never purposely hurt me. I let myself sigh and I walked forward to take Burt's hand. I didn't feel a thing as I grabbed it.

Lily spoke up which caused my attention turn to her, "what are you doing out here Alice?"

"I was taking a walk." I answered, touching my forehead as Bert stared at me. I could _feel_ him staring.

"Are you sure you are alright Alice?" I heard him ask.

"Fine." I squeaked, glancing sideways at him.

It was a lie. I wasn't exactly sure what was going on but I didn't like what conclusion my brain was drawing and I didn't like the look on Bert's face either. When he leaned in to kiss me I moved my face so his lips came in contact with my cheek. The banging in my head worsened.

**~~~Lies, I don't wanna know~~~**

My muscles ached and protested against the strain I placed on them as I urged my broom around the pitch in constant laps. The Dementor attack had screwed up all of my plans because now practices had to be scheduled so that Madame Hooch could be in attendance. It was silly because Madame Hooch had fallen asleep on the points box at least a half hour ago and she wasn't too bright. I'd never liked her much. Not only were we being baby-sat but I had planned to make the entire team try out for the team again and open up the tryouts earlier this morning. Of course those try outs were cancelled and McGonagall told me to work with the students I had from last year.

I thought it was nice that she had faith in us because I sure as Hell didn't. Sasha Pemberly still faltered on passes and I swore I saw Fabian Prewett let the quaffle through the hoops more than twice. Peter's been in the stands watching and I've seen him send me fleeting glances of worry, especially when Marlene McKinnon dropped the ball during speed trials.

I was getting dizzier and dizzier as I started spinning, allowing the broom to take on an axis as I made the continuous laps around the pitch. The wind lashed at my face and for a moment I regretted not wearing the goggles as my hair—grown longer in the two months I'd been at school—got into my eyes and made them water even more.

Not only was I having to reevaluate my players and decide on new plays to be played in the upcoming match between Hufflepuff, Lily had us on multiple shifts of patrolling and handed me a list of detentions I was being forced to oversee in placement of the teachers. And one of the detentions fell on a full moon in three days. Who the fuck schedules a detention for a full moon?

An idiot. That's who.

"I can't oversee a detention that day!" I argued as soon as she handed me the list but she sent me an over exaggerated look and I shut up.

My time was stretching thin and it'd only been a day since the dementors showed up outside of the grounds. Faintly I heard Peter shout my time as I flew past one of the bleachers. _Not fast enough._ I gripped the broom handle like it was my lifeline and zoomed forward. I saw as I flashed by Marlene and Sasha that they were casually passing the quaffle back and forth. I yanked the broom handle back and up so I flew up towards the sky and stopped, looking down.

That's when I noticed Marlene and Sasha's position had changed drastically and both of the girls were on the ground where the other members of our teams had been doing play by plays. Sasha Pemberly, a large armed third year and my best beater, was holding back Marlene and even up here I could heard Marlene's screeching.

"What the Hell." I muttered, flying downwards to break apart whatever the heck had just happened in the five seconds it took me to leave my lap trials.

"What the Hell do you lot think your doing?!" I shouted as I got closer to the ground, "This is _quidditch_ practice!"

Greggory McLaggen pointed at Marlene who was still swearing and shouting in the direction of a very unhappy looking Fabian Prewett, "She's got nutters."

"McKinnon!" I snapped, dismounting from my broom to eye the blonde with as much anger as I could possibly hold, "What the fuck are you going on about?"

Marlene's flashing eyes moved from a red faced Prewett to my own where a long stream of profanities accompanied her exsplanation, "Don't fucking deal with me right now Potter, tell this bloody arse of a jerk, _Prewett_ to get off the field before I fucking _destroy_ him!"

I frowned. I'd known they'd been dating-obviously it wasn't going well.

Pemberly used her strong arms to lock Marlene in an embrace just as Fabian stepped forward and started shouting, "Oh shut it Marlene no one cares!"

I couldn't deal with all this shouting amongst my team so I pulled out my wand and pointed it around, "Next idiot to shout gets a nice trip to the Hospital Wing!" I exclaimed, pushing my hair from my forehead as I examined Marlene who was glaring at me with a look that could kill. "Now McKinnon, explain why you went insane and decided to start bringing your melodramatic life to _my_ quidditch pitch two weeks before a fucking _match_..."

Marlene shifted uneasily in Sasha's arms, glaring in Fabian's direction unhappily. She didn't answer me. I made a frustrated noise and glared at Fabian who also looked away from me. I glanced at the rest of my team for good measure and saw a good lot of them were looking at the ground unwilling to speak up. Good lot of pussy's they were.

"What's the matter with you all?" I snapped, I stuffed my wand back into my pocket and ruffled my hair, "We have a match coming up and you are acting like a bunch of first years." No one answered me again and I sighed deeply, glancing up at the stands. There had been onlookers but now only Peter was left, watching from the closest riser with a confused face. I felt just as confused, I didn't remember quidditch being this stressful last year but then again I didn't have the last year as Quidditch Captain hanging over my head.

I was supposed to meet Lily for lunch with Sirius in the Great Hall but I had a feeling it would just be them. We'd been practicing for a good two hours but not as a team. I needed a team. Not a bunch of pansies. I shook my head and pointed around the stadium.

"If you lot aren't going to talk it out civilly—we'll run it out. Start running."

"We've been at this for ages!" Marlene snarled at me, blue eyes flashing.

I remembered her bad temperament being the same reason she and Lily's gotten into an argument. Sometimes I wondered how Lily put up with having a friend like Marlene McKinnon and how Fabian put up with dating her—although it looked like that had come to an abrupt end. Fabian glared at Marlene just as she started following the rest of the team down the pitch to run. Marlene was too busy staring me down to go along with her team and her blue eyes were threatening me.

"Running won't fix the problem." She hissed, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder. I never liked her attitude much.

"Two extra laps more than everyone else McKinnon." I snapped, pointing to where her team was deserting her.

"It should be Fabian with two extra laps since he likes them so much." She answered cheekily, spinning on her heel.

"Run McKinnon or so help me I _will_ find a replacement if I have to get a first year to play!" I shouted, pointing down the pitch.

"Chill out, Potter. I'm going. Fucking Hell." And she raced towards the other players, feet flying forward.

I glanced back to where Peter sat and gave him a little wave on—he didn't need to time this. I was going to run them all into the ground after today's horrible practice. I didn't know when it started raining but I made them run faster until the sun began going down. The rain was chilly—the kind that made goosebumps rise on our hot skin after running. Madame Hooch came down at some point and told me she was heading back up to the castle and I had best let the rest of my team do the same before we caught hypothermia. I let everyone go except Marlene who didn't even look back as she kept running around the field.

Fabian sent me a small grin as he left for the showers, "Hey, James," he offered, "Thanks for her." He nodded towards Marlene who was watching us from across the pitch as she ran. I could almost see her flaring her nostrils at us.

I shrugged and waved him off, "See you in the dorms."

Water from the rain was plastered to my skin and I started jogging around the pitch to keep warm. Marlene was ahead of me enough so that we weren't side by side and I kept an even pace, letting the sweat drip down my face. That's when I heard her short gasping breathes ahead of me though.

"McKinnon?" I shouted up at her.

"I'm _running_!" she shouted back but I heard the struggle in her voice.

"Merlin am I running a team full of third years?" I sighed to myself before shouting for Marlene to stop.

She stopped and spun to face me. Her eyes were red and puffy given the indication that she'd been crying despite the fact that she was trying her hardest to hide it. Fuck. I could hardly handle Lily crying and she was my girlfriend. Now I'd made Marlene McKinnon cry and she was probably the toughest girl I'd ever known. There was a reason she was a good quidditch player-she was never girly emotional-just competitive emotional.

Lily would hear if I completely ignored the fact that Marlene was crying. "Er, Marlene are you okay? Do you want to talk?"

"If I wanted to talk I would've said something _eight kilometers_ ago!" She snapped, brushing her forehead with the back of her hand. I'd seen someone this upset once—refusing to talk—heartbroken. I remembered what Marlene had said about Fabian needed extra laps since he liked them so much. I wondered if she literally meant laps-female laps. Marlene spun away from me as if to start running.

"You're done McKinnon." I said, pushing my bangs up and not liking the sticky feeling of sweat that accompanied that action, "Hit the showers."

She spun back around to face me with a snort, "You might be captain Potter, but you cannot kick me off the team for—"

"I mean your done for the day." I said, raising my voice slightly and glaring at Marlene who sniffed and glared right back, "I would also appreciate if you would give me and your other team mates more respect. Merlin knows how much you think yelling and carrying on fixes things but—"

"It fixed things for you and Lily." She snapped at me.

I blinked at her in surprise, "Excuse me?"

"Never mind." She growled, stomping away from me to the middle of the field where only her broom was left.

I stared after her with interest. What the Hell was Mckinnon's problem? I made a strangled noise and started running, my team was still a mess two weeks to the first match, I had to figure out how to wiggle out of detention baby-sitting so I could watch over a werewolf, and I had eight hundred essays and homework assignments due.

And on top of all of that-I had rounds with Amelia Bones later tonight.

I ran faster, wishing I could transform into Prongs. I'd done my fair share of running in my life as the stag—he ran the fastest.

**~~~I don't wanna admit that we're not gonna fit~~~**

The rain started falling just as I entered the front door of the castle and I was suddenly thankful James hadn't asked me to stay and time their runs. I knew Quidditch—and Gryffindor Team was in need of some serious practice if we were going to win the cup this year. I've never seen James so on edge over Quidditch but it didn't surprise me. When James liked to do something he typically strived for perfection. We always took the micky out on him for it.

I entered the Entrance Hall behind three hufflepuffs and as I examined the backs of their heads I kinda felt my heart jump a bit when I recognized the shorter strawberry blond. Amy.

"Amy!" I called her name, my heart picking up a bit when she turned away from her mates to look at me.

Amy's smile fluttered across her face and I was once again reminded that I made her smile, not any of my mates, me. I grinned back, "Alright, Bones?"

"Peter," she waved her friends on and waited for me to fall into step beside her, "how've you been?"

I shrugged, trying my hardest to look cool, "Oh you know, just been out on the Quidditch Pitch with James."

Her eyes rounded, automatically interested. Amy loved Quidditch. "I miss it." She told me as we walked along, "I had to give it up."

"Why?" I couldn't help by let my hand brush by hers as I motioned for her to enter the Great Hall ahead of me…maybe I could ask her to sit with me at the Gryffindor table.

"Do you want to sit with me and my mates?" I offered as well.

Amy paused, glancing towards the Gryffindor table. I knew exactly who she was looking for.

"James is still at practice." I told her.

Her cheeks flushed, "I was just—" and then she shook herself before smiling at me, "Sure Pete. Let's go."

I beamed at her as she brushed her hair so it fell over one shoulder as she grinned back at me. I led the way over to where a whole group of Gryffindor's were sitting. I spotted Lily sitting beside Sirius who was in deep conversation with Bert Audrey from Ravenclaw. That made me happy that I wasn't the only one bringing in someone from outside out house. It must've made Amy feel better too because her fists unclenched and her smile didn't look as foced when we came up to the end of the table.

"Hi everyone!" I said cheerfully, pushing Remus over to make space for Amy who casually sat down, glancing at me with a small smile.

"Where's James?" Lily asked from her spot across from me, but her eyes were trained on Amy with interest. I wondered if she knew Amy on sight.

Sirius coughed lightly next to Bert and Remus was glaring at me. I narrowed my eyes at them. I knew what they thought I was doing. They could get over it. Amy was my mate too.

"Quidditch still." I answered Lily as Amy took her place beside me. "From what I can tell he's trying to kill them."

I noticed Bert wasn't the only Ravenclaw at the table, another one sat next to Lily. This one had shorter dark hair with skin so white she looked like a ghost but she seemed to recognize Amy right away because her depressed look suddenly brightened.

"Amelia!" She grinned.

"Alice! What are you doing at the Gryffindor table?" Amy asked the black haired girl who pointed at Lily who was watching the exchange with a bright smile.

The girl, Alice, shook her head, "Gryffindors invited us over for lunch." I watched Alice's face falter for a moment and she glanced over at Bert who was trying to talk to Remus.

"Same—Peter asked me." Amy appeared much happier now that she wasn't the only one sitting at the appropriate table because she spun in her seat to wave across to the Hufflepuff table where her mates were probably wondering what she was doing.

I started piling my plate with finger sandwiches in front of me and Amy began helping herself to a salad. In front of us, I noticed Lily was examining Amy with her green eyes—analyzing.

"Amy Bones?" I don't think a single one of us Marauders were breathing when Lily's tone changed, "You're the new Hufflepuff prefect yeah?" Lily asked Amy who looked up and for the first time looked nervous.

Amy knew exactly who was sitting in front of her. I had a feeling Amy was rethinking her agreement to sit with me at the Gryffindor table.

"Yeah after the Niemen twins went home they had to get two Hufflepuff's to help." Amy answered Lily, "Your Head Girl right? Lily Evans?" Amy was just being polite—she knew exactly who the green eyed witch was.

"Yeah, I saw you have your first rounds tonight." Lily answered coolly.

Amy nodded, watching Lily with a look I'd never seen. "I'm thankful my first set of rounds is going to be with someone I know though. James is great and really nice." Amy said, her eyes meeting mine as I watched the girls talk carefully with each other.

All other conversation had been abandoned because Remus and Sirius were watching the exchange with worried looks. We all knew James hadn't told Lily the whole story between Amy, Longbottom, and him. We all knew James had never apologized to Amy either and Amy had never expected him too. Sirius sent me a look as if to ask me to break up the conversation quickly but the two girls were speaking decently for now.

"He is." Lily answered as she dipped a piece of bread into her tea and watched Amy; "you know James well then?"

It seemed Sirius had had enough of the tense feelings in the air because he asked me very loudly, "How did Quidditch Practice go Peter?"

Remus put in his two sickles quickly, "I hear from a very reliable source Hufflepuff is going to die without their star seeker."

"Oh please," Amy detangled herself from Lily's gaze to peer around me at Remus who had on a fake grin, "Like they need me on their team to beat Gryffindor."

"You aren't playing quidditch this year then Amy?" Remus asked the Hufflepuff politly.

Amy shook her head beside me, "Don't have time."

"Amy and I are taking extra night classes on Wizardry Law." The black haired Alice spoke up beside Lily, "We literally have no nights to ourselves now a days."

I passed Amy the pumpkin juice as I asked her, "I didn't know Hogwarts was offering that class."

Amy shook her head, "You had to be asked by Professor Veeck." She told me as she poured pumpkin juice into her goblet, "And once Alice and I are done class we get to do an internship at the Ministry over the break."

"That's really cool." Remus said and Sirius and I exchanged a look, both hearing the longing in Remus' tone.

Because Remus was a werewolf he'd likely never get a job in the Ministry. I felt bad for him because we could all have everything he couldn't and out of everyone at this table—Remus was the one who deserved everything. I cleared my throat and glanced at Bert Audrey who'd been quiet since we arrived. Our eyes met and Audrey offered me a grin, which surprised me—I hadn't thought he was particularly friendly. He'd been pretty popular once but ever since the rumors about his new friends started floating around he'd been hanging out around Sirius who had discovered a friend in the Ravenclaw.

Ever since the accident, Sirius had certainly been making a lot of odd, new friends.

"What's up Pettigrew?" Audrey spoke directly to me.

"Not much." I offered back before glancing at Sirius who was watching Lily with narrowed eyes.

A lot of the conversation was polite and had to be dragged out so I didn't blame Amy for departing from the table as soon as she had finished eating. I grabbed her wrist before she could completely leave though. Her blue eyes watched me with hesitation.

"Want to go for a walk tomorrow?" I asked her.

"Sure." She looked bemused, "Bye everyone." And she left.

As soon as she was out of earshot however, I got punched in the arm by Remus who had moved back into place beside me.

"James is going to murder you." He threatened into my ear, "Amy Bones around Lily?"

"That's his problem." I answered defiantly.

"He was fifteen Peter." Remus muttered closer to my ear, "And he doesn't want Lily to know the whole story."

"He doesn't want apologize to Amy either." I hissed back.

"Stuff it, the both of you." Sirius told the both of us loudly which earned looks from everyone in our little group.

Remus made a sound deep in his throat and sent me a look before glancing to make sure Lily hadn't been watching us. Lucky for him, She was busy chatting again with Alice Rogers. I honestly didn't care that everyone thought—if Amy was really that important to James he wouldn't have broken her heart in the first place. I just hope she sees that I like her and want to be more than friends. I would treat her better than James or Longbottom ever could.

**~~~You're never gonna love me, so what's the use?~~~**

"Sirius Black your mate Potter is _barmy_..." Sasha Pemberly snapped as she exited the portrait hole just as I entered it carrying a butterbeer I'd snatched from down in the kitchens after a day of extreme boredom.

Seeing that Sasha was on the Quidditch Team I had a feeling practice did not go well, "Pemberly, I never said he wasn't." I answered smoothly, tipping my drink in her direction, "you got some mud on that ear of yours."

She made a frustrated sound and touched her ear where a dark smudge of dirt was stuck, "I _thought_ I got it all off." She mumbled unhappily and stalking away from me for the stairs.

I rolled my eyes and stepped into the common room.

Everyone in Gryffindor tower was fucking miserable. Almost half of them were mad that Hogsmede trips were cancelled until further notice until the dementors were under check again. Remus was cursing the full moon, which was in three more days. And on top of all that half the quidditch team was sitting in the corner with their heads bent together arguing with each other—and James wasn't among them. I wondered briefly if he'd gone someplace with Lily but then I saw the red head sitting on the couch.

The last I'd seen her was at lunch because she'd had rounds with a new prefect after that but she looked as thrilled with life now as she had then. I'm sure meeting Amy bones officially wasn't helping either. I'd never seen Lily act so hostile around another person and I had a feeling it had something to do with jealousy. Amy Bones was pretty and James told me he'd told Lily part of the story about Amy-so Lily had to have known Amy Bones was one of James' fifth year crush. Of course his crush on Amy hadn't won out against his obsession with Lily-that's exactly what got him into trouble in the first place.

I was going to walk past Lily to go see if Remus or Peter wanted dinner but then I saw she was wearing a muggle dress and had her hair done nicely. She looked like she had been about to go to a party but her shoulders were down and her eyes weren't focused on the people around her but the paper in her hands. Curiosity won over and I walked over to the couch.

I fell into my seat beside Lily who glanced up at me lazily and said hello with a "Sirius."

She looked back down at the parchment in her hand with a sad look. I casually glanced at it but couldn't make out the handwriting.

"What's that?" I asked her, nudging her on the arm.

She sighed deeply and then shrugged before crumpling the paper up and glancing at me, "A letter from my sister."

"Oh." I let the topic drop—I knew enough to not ask.

Lily was silent, staring into the flame of the fire in the fireplace. She surprised me when she spoke up and said, "She's getting married and she didn't ask me to be a part of it."

I didn't know what to say. I sent her a smile, "At least she isn't a death eater, eh?" I winked, making her smile.

"No," she answered but she looked sad, looking at the crumpled paper in her hand, "I just found this and remembered—"

I remembered how a few weeks back Marlene had blamed Lily's sister for Lily's bad mood—it had been the same day Lily had poured pumpkin juice on my head. There was obviously a story underneath Lily and her sister's relationship. I'm sure it was probably as complicated as Reg's relationship to me.

Lily sighed and brushed her bangs back into her up do, "I need to write her."

"At least you can write her without Aurors thinking you're a Death Eater." I answered sarcastically. I leaned back into the couch and propped my feet on the table as Lily shot me a look.

"What?" she looked surprised and I remembered Lily hadn't known about the incident a few nights before. It felt like it had happened ages ago.

"Remember when McGonagall called James and I to her office?" I asked, jogging her memory because she nodded, "well it turns out when you write your brother you _shouldn't_ if he's a suspected Death Eater because that puts you at the top of the Azkaban list."

Lily looked at me in horror, "What?!" she touched my arm out of worry, "Sirius are you joking? The ministry thought you were working with your brother?"

I rolled my eyes, "Fucking _brill_ right? I get blown off the family map but Reg still manages to get me in trouble after all these years. And I was writing him to tell him to get the bloody hell out of there and then he lets the fucking letter get intercepted." I wished James had never asked me to write that letter. The letter intended to protect Lily. The one who had been the muggleborn Reg attacked in the first place.

"Sirius that's terrible; don't act so sarcastic." She said, pouting her face slightly as she met my eyes with her own brilliant green ones. "At least you were trying to help him. I'm sure he didn't mean for that to happen. Why would he make it easy to track letters back to him? That's stupid don't you think?" She snorted, as if this information was even too silly for her to imagine.

I glanced at her cheek where the faint scar lingered from Rosier's attack. Rosier, my brother, had Lily come into contact with any other dark wizards? _Snape_. I mused as I watched her throw the letter she'd been reading into the fire. Lily had been around Snape for years and I couldn't stand her for it.

"I don't want to go to Slug Club." She sighed after a moment of silence between us, glancing back behind our cozy couch, looking for someone, "I wanted to take James but he's got rounds with Amelia Bones."

I heard her voice falter and I looked at Lily for a moment, sizing her up quickly. How much did she know about Amy and James? Judging by her tone—she knew enough. James had only told us that he'd told her 'enough' and I knew with James 'enough' was hardly anything at all. I decided to tred the topic lightly.

"Amy?" I suddenly wished for a cigarette, "That's right. If he gets back in time. I haven't seen him since he left for the pitch."

Lily shrugged, "I heard Sasha Pemberly cursing him out so I'm assuming practice ended."

"Oh that's nice."

My tone wasn't convincing enough because Lily sent me the oddest look then worry flashing across her face. My comment wasn't at all like me and she saw right through my calm façade. She opened her mouth as if to ask me what was up when another member of the slug club called for her to hurry up or they'd be late. Lily sent me a look as if to say we would talk soon but I sure as Hell didn't give her a similar look.

I was not getting dragged into that mess again.

I laid back against the couch now and dunked the bottle of butterbeer down my throat before throwing the bottle on the ground. Life had certainly been easier when Lily wasn't in it but quite honestly I couldn't remember a time when Evans hadn't been a constant in our lives at Hogwarts. Lily had been one of the first people I'd met at Hogwarts and was even in my train compartment my first day.

And she had been a constant source of drama since then.

This whole Amy Bones thing was going to either kill or finalize Lily and James. Peter knew what he'd been doing when he introduced the both of them. I knew Peter had always been mad at Longbottom and James for breaking her heart but it was honestly something I was pretty sure not even Amy held anything against James, Longbottom, or even Lily. James was an idiot at fifteen and Amy Bones had been one of his idiot mistakes.

I was rolling off the couch to go find Peter and confront him when McGonagall entered the common room and let her beady gaze rest on me. I didn't like the look in her eyes—and I especially didn't like it when Frank Longbottom stepped in behind her. _Speak of the devil._ I thought to myself when Frank's eyes settled on me. The common room had gone silent and McGonagall cleared her throat.

"Mr. Black I need you to accompany me and Auror Longbottom to the Headmasters office."

I couldn't help the words that rolled off my tongue—by now they were almost automatic, "I didn't do it."

**~~~I just want it to be perfect to believe it's all been worth the fight~~~**

Slug Club was always interesting but I found myself uninterested today—Slughorn's guests were some famous quidditch players. I had originally planned on bringing James as my date but then he'd gotten put on the schedule to train the new Hufflepuff prefect Amy Bones. I'd trained the male prefect-Fabian Prewett's brother Gideon-earlier today and I knew it had to be done but I'd wished I'd been paired with pretty Amelia Bones and James paired with quiet Gideon.

I squeezed the glass in my hand at the mere thought of James doing rounds with her. Sirius' obviously guarded reaction when I mentioned her made me think that something was going on and I know, _I knew_ it was stupid. James loves me. I love him.

But what if James didn't tell me the whole story? Merlin knows he likes to leave important things out of his stories. I still didn't have the whole story on how he and his mates baby sat a werewolf every full moon. I didn't know why he lived in a giant house alone without his parents. Hell, I didn't even know his parent's names.

I placed the glass I was holding down on a table closest to me and looked around for the table with the food. My eyes drifted and fell on Severus Snape who stopped talking to Bert Audrey to glance back at me. Bert Audrey turned to see who Sev was looking at and when he spotted me, waved me over.

Oh Hell no, Sirius might like the Ravenclaw but I was still iffy considering he spoke so casually to Severus Snape and looked like he was on drugs with his bloodshot eyes. I looked and saw Alice Rogers standing next to her boyfriend looking annoyed as she tried to capture his attention but he was too busy grinning at me.

I turned to walk out of the party. I'd had enough Slug fun—James would've wanted to talk to the quidditch players but I was more interested in James and how he was around Amy Bones. I heard someone behind me as I left the dungeons and I looked around to see Alice Rogers.

"Alice?" I questioned out of surprise—she'd been at Slug Club with Bert.

Alice glanced at me, appearing surprised even though I'd been ahead of her the whole time. She looked worse than she had this morning when we all found her wandering around the quidditch pitch. Alarm lights flew up around me as a warning—something was off. This wasn't the Alice I'd met only a month ago. This one had blood shot eyes, appeared very nervous, and very confused. I'd heard stories of what dark magic looked like and Alice was showing signs.

"Oh hi, Lily." she murmured, "I'm just going back to the—" she paused, stopping in the dark hallway to look at the floor underneath her feet.

"Where's Audrey?" I asked her, stepping words her and noticing how tired she looked. She was not the bouncy and feisty witch I'd known. She looked physically and mentally drained. "Are you okay? Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing? You look dreadful."

Alice bristled at my words and she ruffled her hair so it spiked up a bit as she glared at me, "Why does everyone keep saying that I look horrible?" she said, round face glowing under the torches, "I'm just tired is all."

"Where's Audrey?" I asked her, not liking the bloodshot eyes that were tying very hard to focus on me.

"Potions tutoring."

I opened my mouth to argue with her that her explanation wasn't possible when Snape and Audrey appeared from behind her. Snape's wand was out and he looked at me surprised.

"Li—"

I made sure to pull my own wand out from my favorite boots, grabbing Alice's hand with my free hand, "I'm taking Alice to the Hospital Wing."

Audrey blinked at me, confused, "Okay?" he sounded like he didn't have a care in the world what I did with her.

I stared flabbergasted at Alice's boyfriend, "Would you help me please? She's your _girlfriend_."

Audrey looked blankly at Snape and Snape made a soft motion with his hands. My eyes narrowed—since when did Audrey look to Severus Snape for help? I always knew he hung out with Snape but I'd never seen anything like this. I glared at Snape.

"You can head back to the Slug Club, Snape." I said coldly.

His nostrils flared at me but he spun, cloak flying out behind him as he headed back for the party. Happy to have Severus Snape out of my sight I glanced at Audrey who was blankly staring at Alice. he appeared very confused as he looked at her and then he spoke her name softly. Alice looked disturbed at the mere sight of him.

"Come on Audrey. She's not right." I told him, pulling on Alice's arm.

Audrey then put a hand on my shoulder, his eyes were worse than Alice's eyes, "Evans let me take her back to the Tower. She's just tired." His voice didn't sound like the boy I'd known either.

What was going on? Suddenly, I felt very uncomfortable and all I wanted to do was get out of the dark dungeons. I backed away but Alice walked with me, glaring at Audrey with distaste.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." She said.

was surprised at what was unfolding so I backed away, wand held aloft, and ready to be used if necessary.

"Alice." He snorted, Audrey held out his hand to Alice, "Come on, I'll take you back to the common room."

Alice shook her head, face even paler, "No Bert. I told you I didn't want to—I told you that you weren't—you only came tonight to talk to _Snape_." Her voice was breaking and I saw her reaching for her wand.

"Alice." My voice warned, bounding off the halls, "Alice come on—"

"No." her voice squeaked, "No, I just want you to leave me alone."

I looked at Bert Audrey who for the moment appeared very annoyed by Alice's crying and he ruffled his hair in a way that reminded me a lot of James—except his eyes weren't as kind as James. I suddenly wished James was here very much-or Sirius. I didn't like this at all.

"Alice don't cry please." He begged, stepping forward to hug her but Alice shook her head and pointed her wand directly at him, glaring at him.

"I know what you did."

His exspression dimmed and suddenly he looked scared, "What are you talking about?" he hissed, "I haven't done a thing!"

"Liar." Alice looked like she was about to collapse so I stepped forward, my own wand pointed at Audrey.

"Audrey go back to your common room. _I'll_ deal with Alice—I think she's—" but I couldn't finish because Alice looked at me, her eyes dark and wet with tears.

"Evans, shut up! You don't even know what he did to me!" she said in a strangled voice, pushing me now, glaring at me, "He tried to curse me."

By now I was staring at Audrey in confusion as Alice continued crying, her wand sluggishly pointed in Audrey's direction. Audrey was shaking his head holding the bridge of his nose and not looking at either of us.

I suddenly wondered if the punch in Slug Club could've possibly been spiked with something. Alice had always been so calm whenever I'd seen her and certainly not this emotional. I remembered how this morning she'd been slightly off. They'd both been off.

"I think…" I said calmly, waving my wand back and forth between the pair, "That you both need to go back to Ravenclaw Tower and sleep."

"Alice," Audrey's voice was softer and when I glanced at him the fames from the torches were showing that he had a pale sheen of sweat on his face—he looked upset now, "Alice I swear I didn't—" then he spun and headed back to the party.

"Audrey!" I shouted for him, "Get back here you nut—_ugh_." But I had to stop yelling because Alice crumpled to the floor and started crying into her hands.

It seemed that I couldn't go to Slug Club and actually enjoy myself for once.

I still wasn't entirely sure what had just happened. The only thing I could gather from that incredibly odd exchange was that Alice thought that Bert Audrey—her boyfriend—tried to attack her. I also knew that something had to have happened between them because I couldn't imagine the same girl who told off Frank Longbottom was crying at my feet right now over an idiot like Bert Audrey.

I sighed, and pushed my bangs back into my up do as I kneeled down to touch her shoulder. Alice's dress robes were pretty today and I couldn't help but wish I had a pair as extravagant as hers. I brushed the velvet shoulders and patted her arm.

"Alice come on, I think you need to go back to your tower and go to sleep." I whispered, putting my arm around her own arm to pull her up.

Alice willingly got up but she was still crying silently, shoulder shaking, "He went back to Snape." She murmured, "He went back to him."

"Yeah well," I said, thinking of the last time I'd been tricked into friendship by Severus Snape, "You'd be surprised how well Severus Snape is at making friends. _Keeping_ them is his problem."

Alice wiped her cheeks with her sleeve and I pulled her forward—the faster we got out of the dark dungeons the happier I would be. I made sure to walk her swiftly but I wasn't letting her escape my curiosity.

"So what exactly happened back there?" I asked, "Can I help?" I felt her pull away from me slightly when I questioned her.

"No." her voice was so low, she was so sad, "No I don't think so—but I want to go see Professor Dumbledore."

"Er…" I'd never had a weirder night. Even the night when Regulus Black had broken into the castle seemed like a walk in a park after all the oddness that had occurred tonight. "I think you have to go through Professor Flitwick—your head of house."

Alice nodded, wiping her nose, "Okay. Where can I find him now?"

I sighed and gripped harder on Alice's arm, "Alice what is wrong? Is it that serious?"

Alice looked at me, her large eyes blinking owlishly at me, "Yes."

We broke free from the dungeons and that when I saw a second pair of students walking in this direction. I knew even before I could see for sure—of course James and Amy Bones would come upon us right now. James and Amy were laughing.

They were laughing with each other and I saw how close she was to James. She wasn't close enough for someone to start talking but she was certainly close enough to make me frown. I paused in dragging Alice along with me to glare in that general direction and Amy Bones was the first to see us.

"Alice!" her high voice gasped and she quickened her step to get to us faster where she enveloped Alice into a hug and looked to me, "What happened?"

I pushed my bangs back again and sighed, "I'm not sure—she and Audrey had an argument."

"Again?" James said, coming up behind me and placing a hand on my waist.

I looked at him and frowned, "What do you mean again?"

James' hazel eyes were looking Alice up and down, "They were fighting a few days ago—Remus and I ran into them."

Alice sniffled in Amy's arms and Amy was whispering into her ear—I couldn't hear what she was saying but Alice was shaking her head no. Amy looked at James and I and her face written with worry.

"I can take her back to the Ravenclaw Tower but the Hospital Wing is closer." Amy pulled out of her hug with Alice to glance at James, "So, Hospital Wing?"

I frowned because Amy was completely ignoring me and staring at James for all direction. James lifted his hand off my waist to point towards the Hospital Wing, "Yeah let's take her there." James glanced down at me, "You can go back to the party Lil." He nodded at Amy who was already leading the girl I'd brought this far away, "We've got this."

I frowned and he frowned back at me. He glanced to check and make sure Alice and Amy weren't moving too fast before looking back down at me and ruffling his hair nervously.

"What's that loathing look in my direction for?" he joked, leaning down so close our noses almost touched.

"I was _leaving_ the party when this happened." I answered grumpily, "I only RSVP'd because I thought you'd want to come since it was quidditch."

James snorted, "I've honestly had enough quidditch for one day. Practice was brutal and your mate McKinnon packed a punch. Any idea what's wrong with her?"

"Any idea what's wrong with her?" I hissed, pointing to the retreating back of Alice Rogers, "James, she said Audrey tried to _attack_ her and she's acting weird."

James' eyes were kind, "I think she and Audrey just had a little too much to drink." He answered, leaning in to kiss my forehead lightly with his lips before pulling away, "I love you but you are probably over thinking it Lily. Most of Hogwarts is in the dumps what with the dementor attacks and such. Everyone's on edge. Even me."

"James." I said softly, before sighing and wrapping my hand in his, "I'm still talking to the nurse. I'm Head Girl and I'm the one who was taking her in the first place."

"That's fine." He said, "I could care less. Hey, Amy wait up!" he called ahead to the girl who was walking slowly beside Alice.

We all walked Alice to the Hospital Wing where the Healer immediately gave Alice a giant hunk of chocolate and had her go sit on a bed. I sat down with her and James and Amy excused themselves to get back on rounds.

"Bye, Lily." Amy offered as she walked out, gazing at James to follow.

I smiled lightly at James; upset he was still going to finish rounds with her. Call me selfish—but I knew he'd once had a crush on her and she wasn't ugly at all. In fact she was very pretty. I couldn't help but feel threatened. She was perfect for him: quidditch player, future Ministry star, and pure blooded. I couldn't help feeling threatened. _I couldn't_. So when he kissed me goodbye I let my lips linger on his a moment more than normal.

"I love you." He said in his teasing voice, "I'll see you in class tomorrow."

"Love you more." I told him as he walked away.

I fixed myself a spot beside Alice—she had waited for me the night I'd been attacked and I felt like I should wait for her. I also wanted to make sure Audrey was okay. He'd seemed pretty distraught too. I told the nurse about the fight and she promised to call in Audrey immediately to make sure he was all right as well.

"Everyone has been going nuts the past few days." The Head Healer promised as she handed Alice a sleeping potion to take, "I'm surprised I haven't gotten more students."

I remembered how I'd felt after I thought James had gotten attacked by the dementors. It had certainly been a traumatic experience so I imagine a lot of the students had different—if not similar—experiences. The war was getting closer and closer to Hogwarts and everyone knew it and couldn't deny the whispers and rumors floating through the school.

_~~~You're too proud to say that you've made a mistake. You're a coward to the end~~~_

Bert. Bert! Bert?

How could this happen to me?

Snape. Potter. Evans. Alice. Bert. Bert. Bert. Bert.

They were words and voices in my head.

"What is going on?" I had my wand out pointing at the Slytherin who looked at me lazily, his curtain of black greasy hair shining under the torchlight of the dungeons, "Why did Alice say I tried to curse her? I told you thinks have been weird after I started doing Potions Tutoring! I told you!"

"You are mad, Audrey." Snape hissed, pulling out his own wand, "Do you hear yourself?"

I blinked at him, my whole brain aching to remember why I had come to Severus Snape in the first place after Alice started yelling at me. Alice said I tried to curse her and suddenly my brain flashed a memory of my using the imperious curse on her. Then someone else was whispering the curse into my ear and his voice sounded distinctly like Severus Snape.

I was so god _damn_ confused.

"I don't want to be tutored anymore." I told Snape, "I'm done."

"Fine." Snape sneered but my head still ached.

I felt like I'd had this argument with him before. I felt like this was déjà vu. I felt like all this had happened more than once. Why was I so confused? Why was my girlfriend telling them I cursed her? Why did no one in Ravenclaw Tower talk to me? Why could I only get Sirius Black to even talk to me remotely like a human being?

Bert.

Bert is friends with Sirius.

Sirius is friends with Remus.

Bert. Bert. Alice.

Alice and Bert.

Alice. Bert.

Snape.

Bert.

Their names –my name- ran through my brain as I stared at Snape—mouth agape in horror. The voices in my head reminded me that I needed to be friends with them. I had to make friends with them—find out their weaknesses but why? Why?

Why?

Snape's wand rose and his sneer appeared even more distrustful. I backed away.

"No," I whispered, eyes wide, "No stop!"

And I turned and ran. I heard him shout imperious. I heard him. I continued running. My head was sending me conflicting messages and one voice was telling me to go back to Snape because he needed to tutor me but I didn't want to go to tutoring. Another voice told me Alice was right, I had tried to curse her. A third voice reminded me that I was going insane. I'd known it for a while and the dementors had only made me more insane. I couldn't hold a single thought or conversation or more than a moment.

Alice hated me.

The voices told me to go see if I could find Sirius Black—we were friends and I could talk to him. But then the voices told me to go spy on James Potter. I needed to find out a way to get to James Potter.

I needed to make friends with Remus Lupin—the werewolf.

I continued running, ignoring the calls of portraits as I ran past and I think I even ran past a pair of prefects—too startled to stop me. I need to run, but run where?! The voices in my head! They weren't stopping!

Snape had tried to curse me—I had tried to curse Alice. Alice hated me. I remembered faintly how happy I'd been when Aaron Jackson broke her heart. I'd managed to piece it back together again but now she looked at me with more hatred than she ever even looked at Jackson with. I'd lost her to the voices.

The voices that wanted me to be friends with Gryffindors. I didn't know why but I'd listened to the voices. They promised me things. They whispered to me in my dreams. They told me that Sirius Black was the most important and then Remus Lupin came second. The voices told me Lily Evans would be the easiest way to get to James Potter. Those voices were now shouting at me.

Run!

Stop!

Go!

Don't stop!

Scream!

Don't Jump!

I had to make the voices stop. The voices that told me what to do. The voices that made me do everything. The voices I'd been stupid enough to listen too. The voices that said not to jump. So I jumped.

* * *

**Whew! Long time coming but it's here! Bert and Alice took some work to write. **

**I love and appreciate all of you and your kind reviews! Expect another update soon! The song in this chapter is "Lies" by Marina and the Diamonds.**

**Please review :)**


	23. Love Is Our Resistance

**Chapter 23:**

**Is our secret safe tonight**

**And are we out of sight**

**Or will our world come tumbling down?**

**Will they find our hiding place**

**Is this our last embrace**

**Or will the walls start caving in?**

**It could be wrong, could be wrong but it should have been right**

I woke up with the full intention of finding out where Sirius had been all night. Remus and Peter and Fabien had all told me they'd seen neither hide nor hair of the Black family cast out since he'd disappeared with McGonagall and the Auror Frank Longbottom at dinner last night. On top of my best mate being missing in action, my girlfriend had also been unseen since I left her in the Hospital Wing with an insane acting Alice Rogers. My intentions were instantly problematic when I left the portrait hole and immediately noticed how quiet everything was.

My dad once told me 'silence is golden' but this silence was chilling. Crossing through the common room I noticed it was almost empty and for a Monday this surprised me. Classes started in less than thirty minutes. My eyes traced the forms of several first years scuttling ahead of me and I noticed that their heads were bent together whispering to each other. They got to the portrait hole first and opened it. The first year in the back of the group eye spied me almost instantly and pushed against a pudgy friend. The pudgy friend turned and met my eyes looking less than innocent.

That was odd.

"Oi, you lot." I called to them, straightening my tie and stepping faster to catch the first years that jumped when I addressed them.

"We wasn't doin' nothin'." The pudgy boy said, eyes skirting to his mate.

"I wasn't calling you over for anything like that." I answered rolling my eyes and earning softer looks from all four first years who looked relieved that I wasn't about to tell them off, "I was wondering where everyone is?"

The pudgy one seemed to be the leader because all his mates glanced at him for an answer and he shrugged before rubbing his nose, "Don't know nothin' about other people but we was told classes were canceled."

"What?" I looked back behind me through the portrait hole and noted that most of the students who were around weren't dressed in the school uniform. I glanced back at the boys, "Why?"

The pudgy first year sniffed, "Ain't you Head Boy?"

I sighed in frustration and ruffled my hair, narrowing my eyes, "Yeah well I wasn't told anything. Who told you classes were cancelled?"

"A Third Year told Michael." The pudgy kid pointed to the bespectacled boy at his left. The pudgy boys watery eyes looked me up and down, "Who was told by Professor Flitwick."

The bespectacled boy nodded, his glasses sliding down his nose and I let my gaze flutter to the nodding first year that finally spoke up, "I got up early and when I got downstairs a third year told me he'd heard classes were cancelled because someone died."

I narrowed my eyes once more about to ask the boy why on earth he was talking about when someone with more legitimacy crossed my path as she entered through the portrait hole with her blonde hair bound up in a headband. Marlene McKinnon wasn't even looking at me as she pushed past the first year boys who were watching me closely. She almost got past me but I grabbed her wrist just as she climbed up and tried to pass me. Her blue eyes lashed out threateningly.

"What, Potter?" She snapped, "I was following directions."

"What directions?" I hissed at her, not letting my grip on her wrist go, "McKinnon, do you know what's going on?"

Marlene's harsh disposition softened and for a moment she looked horrified as she looked between me and the small first years standing in the middle of the portrait hole. I didn't like the shocked look on her face at all and that's when I let her go, staring at her with dread.

"Marlene—" I started.

Marlene burst out, "Oh my God—I thought they would've told you since you're Head Boy." Marlene looked more like the girl I had once liked who played Quidditch with me in the fields by my house the summer of fifth year. She pushed her headband out of her hair before glancing at the first years, "You lot go back to your dorms." She snapped at them and they obeyed and turned around to retreat back into the common rooms.

This was serious. _Death_. The boys had mentioned someone dying and there were only two people I had counted missing. Marlene was watching the boy retreat but I couldn't wait for her. I grabbed her shoulder and spun her around so she faced me. Her round face made her eyes appear huge as her blond hair fell around her shocked face.

"McGonagall didn't come for you?" she appeared genuinely worried, "James—"

"Stop beating around the bush. What happened to Lily and Sirius?" I said, feeling a headache coming around and my palms sweating as I stared her down in the alcove between the common room and the hallway outside the common room.

Marlene's blue eyes flashed, "What does Black and your girlfriend have to do with the Ravenclaw being killed last night?" she snorted, "I knew your life revolved around them Potter but _good Merlin_ have some self respect."

"What?" now it was my turn to be taken aback, "It was—" I couldn't help the relief that flowed through me. But a Ravenclaw had died last night. I couldn't help that poor Alice Roger's in all her insanity last night had actually been terribly sick. Lily had stayed with Roger's in the Hospital Wing.

"It was Ravenclaw. The entire castle is on lockdown and no one is allowed in or out." Marlene said snootily finishing my previously abandoned statement. She was drawing back from me, "But I can tell you only care if it's someone close to you."

"Shut up McKinnon." I snapped, stepping forward to push her closer to the wall, "I only thought it was one of them because they didn't come back last night." I put my hand on her shoulder, "Do you know which Ravenclaw?"

Marlene shrugged, "I only heard rumors."

"Well that's no help." I made an annoyed sound in the back of my throat and turned away from her to exit the portrait hole.

I pulled on my tie and straightened my robes. I didn't care that it was just a Ravenclaw—somehow I knew Lily was probably still in the Hospital Wing. That was a Lily thing to do—she would've stayed all night just to make sure Alice Rogers was okay after Alice was found last night. Marlene rushed after me; I could hear her footsteps behind me as I jumped down from the portrait hole and onto the tiled floor of the hallway.

"Potter we're all supposed to stay in our common rooms until further notice." She called after me.

"I'm the bloody Head Boy." I called back to her, "I can do what I want."

I heard her loudly exclaim something about bull headed prigs but I was too busy on my way over to the Hospital Wing to bloody care. For all I knew Lily had been in there all night with a dead body. I didn't know much but I did know that Lily had been on a fragile state of mind as of late after the Dementor attack. I still remember her terrified look when she saw me walk through the doors after me and the mates got stuck outside the gates during the attack.

_"I thought I'd lost you."_ She'd told me later that night.

She told me she loved me. I had wanted for those words to come out of her mouth for so long—so fucking long. I'd only ever wanted to hear Lily Evans tell me she loved me because I loved her too. I'd loved her since she first kissed me all those months ago in this very hallway after a party. After Severus Snape and Evan Rosier cursed her. And I'd liked her a whole hell of a lot before that.

I ruffled my hair as I stepped swiftly down the stairs and made my way to the first floor infirmary. I couldn't help but push my glasses up farther on my nose as I thought of last night when she'd held me down for a kiss for a fraction of a second longer. I couldn't help the feeling of guilt when I saw her later carrying a half dead Alice Roger's to the Hospital Wing. The guilt came from the girl I was with when we came across Lily—Amy Bones. I was guilty on both sides—for never telling Lily the truth and for never apologizing to Amy for what I'd done in fifth year.

I'd almost told Lily the truth—when she'd told me she loved me—but I stopped myself. Sometimes I still worried that one word about our less than perfect past and I'd turn back into the foolish boy Amelia Bones adored and Lily Evans hated.

After another set of stairs I started walking faster when I heard shouts at the end of the hall that pulled me away from my trivial fears about Lily and Amy. I reached the first floor to find it in utter disarray with Professor's talking over Aurors who were talking over Ministry Officials in long black cloaks. I spotted the Minister of Magic in the middle discussing something with Professor Dumbledore in rushed tones. The black-cloaked ministry members were talking to what appeared to be a family. The woman was older and was being hugged by an elder handsome man with wrinkles and they both were protecting a sniffling raven-haired girl in a solid black dress. They were mourning.

It would be impossible to get into the Hospital Wing without being spotted. I leaned around the corner surveying a spot where I could slip through in my invisibility cloak. I was just slipping my hand into my pocket when I felt the tip of a wand press into my back and a snort behind me.

I winced as a female voice said, "Unless you want your arse blown off, turn around right now."

I sighed and turned slowly, letting my eyes meet that of non other than Amelia Jenkinson. Se looked surprised at seeing me and dropped her wand a bit before frowning.

"You're the bloke who picked up Sirius Black from St. Mungo's." she spoke, her sharp voice cutting across my ear drums, "James Potter right?"

I nodded, wishing I hadn't just put on my cloak in the first place. Now I was under the wand point of an Auror. Amelia Jenkinson sighed and waved her wand a bit at me as she spoke, "You need to go back to the Dormitory."

"My girlfriend is in the Hospital Wing." I spoke, "My best mate was last seen with one of your Auror mates called Longbottom and Professor McGonagall."

"As positively enriching it is to hear you care so much Mr. Potter—this is none of your business." Amelia Jenkinson's eyes flashed underneath her thick framed glasses, "Now go back to your dorm before I escort you there mys—"

"James I thought that was you, thank _Merlin_." Someone said directly to our left and I turned my sight from Amelia to the speaker and saw it was Sirius.

We embraced and I made sure to check Sirius' eyes, he appeared annoyed. Without a word from me Sirius started answering about one third of my questions.

"They won't let anyone who was in the area out and anyone who doesn't know anything in." My eyes watched Sirius' hands point to a purple badge on his chest. I let my mind wander over that fact. Sirius was considered a part of the investigation then—I wondered why.

"Fucking Hell, Black!" Jenkinson snapped, her wand shooting sparks, "It's not a fucking grab for all. Keep your mouth shut or I might as well give Potter a badge and force him to stay here and make sure—" she was ranting and Sirius was grinning, obviously enjoying Jenkinson's annoyance with him. I dually noted Amelia had a similar badge to Sirius' only hers was gold.

"How do I get the purple badge, Sirius?" I asked Sirius, pointing at the female auror with annoyance, "Since Jenkinson here won't let me through."

Sirius' eyes flashed to Jenkinson with a devilish look on his face before starting to unpin his purple pin with one hand slowly, "Well, gee," Sirius spoke in a rather annoying imitation of Jenkinson's high voice, "Take mine Prongs."

Jenkinson snorted and stepped in-between Sirius and I with her wand pointed in Sirius' direction now, "Black, keep that on. You can't leave and you know it."

I caught the quick wink from Sirius in my direction as Jenkinson looked at me, "Potter you can go back to your dorm please and remain there."

Sirius grinned and said loudly, "But before you go James, you should know Bert Audrey is dead and Alice Rogers is thought to have been under an imperious curse cast by Audrey and Lily is in the Hospital Wing being grilled by Aurors." Then Sirius dramatically cast a hand over his mouth and glanced at Amelia Jenkinson who literally hand her wand jammed into his shoulder, "Whoops." He grinned at me and I grinned back shaking my head with amusement despite the severity of the moment as I realized what Sirius had done, "That was probably too much information huh? Guess he'll have to stay within the investigation lines, eh Jenkinson?"

I was pretty sure if we hadn't been in a public hall there would've been a second murder in Hogwarts. Jenkinson cursed Sirius' children, godchildren, and my children as she unwillingly pulled a purple pin from her pocket and extended it to me before snarling at me to get into the Hospital Wing and take my bullshitting idiot of a friend with me. I smoothly accepted the pin with another wink from Sirius before getting away from Jenkinson as quick as I possibly could. I wouldn't put it past her to curse us both in a dark hallway after the stunt Sirius and I had just pulled to get me in.

I clapped Sirius on the back as we made out way through the throngs of Ministry Officials and Hogwarts Professors who eyed me with surprise as I passed with the purple pin glowing brightly on my chest.

"I owe you one Sirius." I muttered as we slowly crossed the hall.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "I was getting bored without you and honestly you should be here. I've done all I could with Lily but I think she just needs you."

I looked at Sirius with worry. Sirius' own grey eyes were dull and he looked pale now that I was able to examine him more closely. He looked like he'd been up all night as well and I remembered Jenkinson (who was close behind us) had said he wasn't allowed to leave.

"Why are you here Padfoot?" I asked him.

Sirius turned his head so it was closer to my ear, "One of the suspects is Reg of course. Rogers was definitely under the imperious curse and even though she swears it was Audrey who placed her under it—Frank Longbottom says the Healers say Audrey had been under strong memory charms and imperious curses as well."

"He was a bit creepy…" I said harshly, remembering how Lily hadn't liked the Ravenclaw much.

"I always thought he was alright." Sirius mused softly beside me and I instantly regretted my harsh tone about the dead Ravenclaw.

"So you think it was Reg then?" I asked softly.

Our eyes connected just as we broke into the Hospital Wing through the guards standing there. It only took five seconds for someone to cry out in relief and a body to come barreling into my side. I let my arms wrap around an incredibly flustered Lily Evans who was holding onto me as if death was on our doorstep. Sirius eyed me with a warning in his eyes as Lily sobbed into my chest, her arms wrapped around me so tightly I thought I might have bruises from her embrace. She was literally not letting go.

I tried to get her to look up at me but each time I tried to lean back to get a glimpse of her face all I saw was a mess of hair tumbling forward onto my chest as she shook in my arms.

"She's had a rough night." Sirius said and Lily shook as if in agreement.

I let my fingers brush through her hair as I glanced at Sirius in worry. Was this the reason he'd risked making Amelia Jenkinson so angry? Not because he was bored but because he'd seen Lily in absolute hysterics? Sirius was patting Lily's back and outside the Hospital Wing the ever-constant sound of voices was getting louder. It was after I glanced away from Sirius that I noticed we weren't the only small group in the Hospital Wing.

Witches dressed in white were standing beside a bedside where Alice Rogers was laying in a cot with one old woman holding her hand and crying. There was Frank Longbottom and another Auror talking to two students and I saw they were two of our Slytherin Prefects looking as tired as Sirius looked. Just beyond the Aurors and the students did a thick black blanket cover a bed that held a body and the body was about roughly the height of Bert Audrey. I wanted to get closer but I couldn't move with Lily attached to me like a leech so I looked to Sirius for answers.

Sirius looked hesitant to talk and his eyes kept fluttering down to Lily's shaking form in my arms, "Prefects said he was running and shouting like a lunatic last night. Ran right past them on rounds. They found him at the base of one of the staircases. The Aurors say he was practically spewing dark magic that pointed to an imperius curse and the Healers say he had died instantly from a broken neck."

I was about to ask more questions when Lily finally moved away from me. I glanced down to my soaked robes from her tears and finally was able to look at her face. My eyes narrowed when I saw how terrible she looked—compared to Lily, Sirius looked like he just needed a good night's sleep. Lily looked like a member of the walking dead with deep circles under her eyes and a pastel stricken face.

"James I want to go home." She whispered, her fists clenching my robes tightly, "Please. They won't let me leave." Her sobs were so deep and her body was shaking.

Sirius shook his head sadly at the redhead who was closing her eyes and repeating that she wanted to go home. I glanced at Sirius in shock but he just motioned to her like I was supposed to fix her. I glanced back down at my girlfriend who looked absolutely petrified and her body was shaking so bad I thought she might fall over. I looked for a bed close to us and quickly pulled her over to one of the spotless beds, sitting her down. She was quivering so I grabbed the blanket at the edge of the bed and handed it to her but Lily just threw it on the floor like a five year old and continued begging to be sent home.

Someone cleared his or her throat behind me and I spun to find Longbottom standing there—looking very uncomfortable. We both were never good with girls crying—especially around the both of us. I glared and stepped in front of Lily to block her from his view.

"She saw him when he was first brought in and did really well." Longbottom said delicately and not meeting my eyes, "but then the dark magic—" he paused and glanced frankly behind me where Lily was still having a fit and saying loudly that she wanted to go home, "Dark magic and bodies don't mix well. Audrey's body was having a fit and she saw everything. I told them to leave her alone but the other Aurors had to interview her because she'd been there the whole night."

Sirius came up next to me and clasped my shoulder as I glanced back in dismay at Lily, my Lily, a muggleborn who had probably witnessed one of the most horrifying things ever. I ripped myself from his support and immediately fell into my place beside Lily, wrapping her up in my arms. I let her hide her face from the Auror and my best mate who were both staring at us with very diverse faces.

Longbottom continued, "The other Aurors interviewed her anyways and I think that was the last straw. They didn't get much out of her though and Dumbledore asked the Healers to watch out for her."

I was brushing back Lily's wet hair from her tears and trying, searching for something to tell her that would make it all better. I couldn't think of a single thing though because for Lily to have experienced something so distressing was unfixable without a strong memory charm. I remember when I watched Dragon Pox slowly take my parents from me—it was torturous but nothing like dark magic. Dragon Pox was a treatable illness that had struck both my parents at an ill-conceived time. Audrey's death was surprising and sickening to me so I could only imagine what it must be to a muggle born like Lily.

Sirius sighed and actually looked sympathetically at Longbottom who appeared to be trying to say something nice for once, "Longbottom," Sirius' voice was soft and as I watched Sirius from my spot on the bed I saw that Sirius actually looked sincerely thankful. I found out why by Sirius' next comment, "Thank you for sticking up for Lily and I. Especially me—I hope you find my brother."

Frank nodded, but apparently discomfited, went back over to where Healers were leaning over a silent Alice Rogers. I looked at Sirius and remembered how much had changed in just a half a year. I continued stroking Lily's head—she was starting to sob softer but her nails were digging into my arm.

"Reg is missing." Sirius spoke up, he was still standing over us, "That's the original reason I was with McGonagall and Longbottom last night. Mum and dad filed a missing persons report at the Ministry just yesterday—"

"Sirius, do you think it _was_ Regulus?" I asked for the second time that day.

Sirius finally looked broken and he collapsed on Lily's other side, staring at her with a sad look on his face, "I can't think of any reason why not." He sighed, eyes connecting back to mine, "He did sneak into Hogwarts once and attack Lily—who is to say he wasn't _only_ cursing Lily?"

Lily sniffed and spoke again, her voice wavering, "I still think—I think—" and then another sob wrecked her body and she put her hands on her face as if to hide her horror.

Sirius looked at Lily with hopelessness and even wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug, "The Auror's cleared him Lily—he was at Slughorn's party all night and numerous students said they were mates."

I was still lost so I made a face at Sirius who mouthed the words _'Severus Snape'_ back in my direction. I immediately blanched at the words and Sirius rolled his eyes over Lily's red hair as he continued holding her. I wondered myself if the seventh year Slytherin could have preformed such a terrible task such as to curse a Ravenclaw and send him to his death. I never had liked Severus Snape but as I traced Lily's form in Sirius' arms I realized that Lily would of course let her mind wander directly to Severus Snape. She had spent the better half of her years at Hogwarts defending Snape—the Dark Arts worshiper—only to have him curse her in the hallways with his Death Eater mate Rosier last year.

Besides Rosier—Snape was the next Death Eater in line in my books.

I sighed and touched Lily's shoulder softly, "Lil." I spoke her name hardly above a whisper and she turned out of Sirius arms to look at me with a moist gaze, "Come here." I opened up my arms and smiled softly as she fell into them. I kissed her forehead and said softly, "I know you've had a horrible night and you think that the Auror's have the wrong guy—but the Aurors are good at their jobs. They wouldn't let Severus Snape go if he wasn't found innocent."

"They've been wrong before." Lily mumbled distinctly into my robes, "They thought Sirius was a Death Eater, remember?"

"Not one of their better moments." I agreed, reaching to tuck her chin with my finger and make her face lift to look at mine. Her watery eyes observed my small smile, "But they came around after a while. Longbottom—Longbottom won't let anything slip past him."

She let out a watery laughed and wiped her nose on her sleeve, surveying me with interest, "You—ha—you _hate_ Frank Longbottom." She said, touching my face with one of her hands—fingers watery with her tears.

Sirius chuckled from her other side and ruffled her hair, "We don't hate Longbottom. We just never saw eye to eye." Sirius nudged Lily with his shoulder, "Come off it Ginger, my brother is the reason for all this mess—his record speaks against him. I mean I don't think he was ever a member of the inner circle of Death Eaters but he sure as Hell was one of them." Sirius snorted in disgust, "My whole family was so proud of him—and now look what he's done?"

As much as I hated Severus Snape and would love for him to end up in prison, Sirius had a point. Regulus Black had snuck into Hogwarts once so who is to say he hadn't done it multiple times to try and get Hogwarts students over to the Death Eaters. Regulus Black was young so he hadn't been a part of the war outside the walls of Hogwarts long enough to be anyone important but I guess Bert Audrey and Alice Rogers had gotten caught up in something they shouldn't have.

Lily was silent before saying, "But I saw Snape with Audr—Bert before he—fell."

"They were mates." I said, trying to make her see it the way everyone else was.

She was silent, her hand still touching my face. Sirius had one arm thrown around her shoulder and we exchanged a look before continuing to watch Lily. We watched and waited. People came into the Hospital Wing but mostly everyone left out threesome alone. I watched as Aurors and Ministry officials removed the broken and battered body of Audrey—followed by the family I'd seen earlier. They must've been Audrey's parents and sister. Frank Longbottom surprised me even more when around noon he appeared with three paper bags in his arms and walked over to us looking incredibly uncomfortable. He sent me a small grin, the smile not reaching his eyes. It'd been a long night for him as well.

"Lunch." He announced, dropping the bags beside us, looking mostly at Lily.

He started walking away when I untangled myself from Lily and jumped up off the bed.

"Longbottom, wait." I called after him.

Longbottom turned to face me with a look of perplexity on his face. I suddenly felt myself tensing up—what could I say?

"Thank you." I said stupidly, "For the lunches."

"Your welcome." He said softly, eyeing me with interest and surprise before turning to walk towards Alice Rogers' bed where she lay absolutely tranquil.

I mentally kicked myself and grabbed his shoulder, "Longbottom, wait."

He snorted, seemly a bit exasperated now, "Yes, Potter?" he asked spinning to face me yet again.

I opened my mouth and let the words flow out, "I'm sorry." The words were like a punch in the stomach and Frank Longbottom looked as if he was about to pass out from my sudden burst of insanity.

"Excuse me?" Longbottom brushed his left hand along his jaw in shock.

"This." I motioned between us, "Fight has been going on long enough." I could see the recognition of what I was talking about in his eyes, "I know our families can't ever seem to see eye to eye but—"

"Wait." Longbottom appeared to be going red about his cheeks as he looked me dead in the eye, "Are you talking about that stupid feud about the invisibility cloak your family stole from my family eight hundred years ago because that's absolutely—" or maybe he missed the complete point of my apology.

"I'm not talking about the cloak." I said, finding hilarity in the conversation for a moment before turning serious, "I'm talking about _Bones_."

Now Longbottom understood because his frown deepened on his face, "_Oh_." He stated simply.

I brushed my fingers through my hair apprehensively, "I know now is probably not the time to be doing this but—" I stuck the free hand out in his direction, "I reckon it's a pretty stupid thing to be fighting about with a real war going on."

Longbottom looked flabbergasted a moment more before nodding in agreement and taking my hand in his own, "I reckon your right, Potter." He said still nodding.

I quickly let go from his grip and rubbed my arm in nervous habit, "Right well, see you later."

"Bye." Frank answered, spinning quickly to go to Rogers' bedside. I turned quickly too and made my way back over to where Sirius and Lily sat watching the exchange with interested eyes. Lily's wet eyes kept fluttering back and forth between Frank's back to my features. Sirius smiled softly at me before slapping me on the back.

"What was that about?" Lily asked, her voice low from all her crying.

"Just thanking him for taking care of you." I lied, leaning in to kiss her forehead, "Now let's eat lunch."

Lily made a face, "I'm not hungry."

Sirius exchanged another glance with me just as I sighed and pulled a sandwich from one of the brown paper bags, "Come on Lily, you need to eat something."

Lily took half of the sandwich I'd grabbed daintily and nibbled on the end, all the while staring out the window closest to us. After only a few moments she put it down, seemingly done. I remember how I'd refused to eat for days after my parent's death.

"I want to get out of here." She said, her voice cracking, "I want to go home."

"I know." I told her, passing her one of the biscuits Longbottom had gotten placed in the bags, "I know Lil."

She shook her head and stared at me, "No, James, I want to go back to my dad's place. I want to see my family."

Sirius sighed, "Lily do you really want to tell your dad someone was murdered at school?"

Lily's green eyes flashed at Sirius, "This is a war, Sirius." She stood up, one of the paper bags landing on the floor as she straightened her skirt and glared at Sirius, "Audrey was killed and Rogers was imperiused in this school! Both of them were purebloods! I'm muggleborn." Her tone was cold, "I want to go home."

Suddenly the realization of what she was saying hit me full force. She wanted to go home for good. Leave me. Leave Hogwarts. She didn't feel safe at all anymore—she'd been feeling this way for weeks—possibly months. And now here it was out in the open. Lily was going to leave after something big like this happened at Hogwarts. Hogwarts was no longer safe. I jumped up too, shaking my head feverishly and Lily saw me reach for her arm but she stepped away from my grasp, her runny eyes big against her pale face.

"Lily you are—"

"Don't say anything James." She warned, tears still streaking down her face—all sadness before had been replaced by something else—fear. I could see it in her eyes, "Don't you dare sit there and tell me any _bullshit_ going through your head right now."

I was taken aback by her tone but I didn't listen to her, "Lily you can't leave—then they're winning!" I said, half shouting, I heard someone shush me from somewhere in the room.

"Lily—you know Dumbledore would never let anything happen to you." Sirius was on his feet now, standing beside me like he'd always done—always tried to do—even when I pushed him away. I was suddenly thankful he was back in my life and friends with Lily. With Sirius I knew we could get her to see reason.

"Dumbledore didn't stop your brother—he didn't help Alice or Bert." Her voice was hardly above a whisper but I winced like she was yelling because it was absolute truth. Lily was shaking her head; her hands clasped together, "I can't do this. Rosier attacked me and I watched Bert Audrey die—James you almost got sucked soulless by dementors—I can't deal with this!" her tears were coming again and I took this chance to jump forward and wrap her in an embrace. Sirius came around us both and also pulled us into a hug.

"Lily." I murmured into her ear, feeling her shiver under our group hug, "I don't want to lose you."

I felt Sirius shift and I watched as he planted a kiss on her cheek. It was probably the most affectionate I'd ever seen him in my entire life. He'd never even kissed my mum on the cheek. Our eyes met and I knew then that Lily might be important in my life but she'd become important in his life too. He didn't want to lose her either. Once I'd thought that maybe they'd been dating but now I saw that I'd been silly—Sirius had never expected anything out of Lily and now suddenly he found a friend in her.

"I don't belong here." I heard her say in a foreboding voice.

"That's bullocks and you know it." A new voice joined the conversation and we all unwrapped from our hug to see Frank Longbottom standing there, staring right at Lily.

Lily wiped her eyes and stared at Frank, "I'm muggleborn. They all want me dead." She stated, her lips were wrinkled and parched and I wished I'd forced some water down her throat. She looked exhausted and I was wondering how many hours she had now been awake.

Frank snorted, "I'm pureblood and they want me dead too." He eyed Lily with a small smile, "If you're going to let a bunch of pig brained pure blooded idiots run you out of the country then you _aren't_ the witch I thought you were."

I had a newfound appreciation for Frank Longbottom. I sent him a thankful look but he was too busy staring down Lily who was staring at the floor of the Wing as Ministry Officials passed by us talking under their breath and looking at our group with interest. Sirius ran with Frank's point.

"Look at me Lily," Sirius placed a hand on Lily's shoulder, "I'm pureblood and they all probably want me dead to—and don't even get me started on the Potters—"

I let his joke roll of my tongue like my dad used to tell it all those years ago, "Bunch o' bloody traitors those Potters are." I finished Sirius' sentence with a grin at Lily who sent me a thin smile. I would've waited a lifetime just to see that hint of a smile on her face again so I continued, "Lily—you belong in this world more than Frank—or Sirius—or even me. We're magic by blood…" I finished my negotiation with a saying I'd heard once spoken by my nanny when I'd been a kid, "but you're magical by _magic_. Muggle borns are the only ones who have the real magic. Purebloods force magic to stay in the family lines—you got magic by pure _fate_."

There was silence and I'd started going red—realizing how incredibly stupid that probably sounded—but I'd been desperate to get Lily to reconsider her doubts.

That's when behind me a voice startled all of us by saying, "I've never heard you sound so much like your father until now James."

We all spun and I immediately went beat red with embarrassment as I realized whom the speaker was.

"Professor Dumbledore." All our voices were unison as the silver haired man smiled at us each with a special smile.

"I came to tell Mr. Potter he needs to go back to his own Common Room." Dumbledore's blue eyes were focused entirely on Lily who was also bright red and tears still streaked her face. I stepped back to grab her hand for support. I was still afraid she was going to tell Dumbledore she wanted to leave—I certainly hoped he hadn't guessed that's why I'd been telling her about magical blood.

Dumbledore's eyes shifted to Sirius, "Mr. Black you are allowed to leave with the Head Boy. Please be aware if I hear anything about your brother I will let you know immediately."

Sirius shrugged and I heard him say under his breath, "Good riddance." I couldn't help the small smile that escaped—Sirius really did hate his family.

Dumbledore was waiting for Sirius and I to leave but I couldn't leave Lily—not when she was like this. Lily's eyes met mine and I saw she still looked scared.

"Professor." She whispered and Dumbledore returned his tender sapphire eyes to Lily.

"Miss Evans I need you to remain here—I'd like to speak to you with Miss Rogers."

If it were possible, I'd say Lily's eyes got even wider.

Wishing Dumbledore would let me stay, I stooped down to kiss her lightly on her lips, whispering urgently against them, "I love you Lil."

There was more layered into that kiss and I desperately hoped she managed to get that. I think she did because she whispered back as I let go of her hand and followed Sirius' retreating back, "I'll see you soon."

**~~~Love is our resistance. They'll keep us apart and they won't stop trying to break us down~~~**

"Miss Evans and Miss Rogers," we sat in a small office in the Hospital Wing. Dumbledore sat on a small stool in front of me and Alice Rogers—woken up from her sleep—was sitting next to me with her breath coming out delicately as she listened. To Dumbledore's right was a Ministry woman clad in all black. She was staring at us with a thin line between her eyebrows as she spoke, "The Ministry understands that the both of you have been under a lot of attacks recently by suspected Death Eaters—and the death of Bert Audrey surly came as a shock. We are willing to do some memory therapy free of charge."

I lifted my head up in surprise, "Therapy?" I whispered and I felt Alice shift softly next to me.

The woman nodded solemnly, "The Ministry feels a bit of memory charm therapy to alter some of the more—disturbing images—will help with your recovery from these incidents. Of course these therapy treatments are entirely optional but highly recommended."

Dumbledore cleared his throat and I let my eyes wander to him. Dumbledore's silver beard was dimmed in the darkness of the office and I thought even he looked older than normal. I felt like his blue eyes were scanning me—like he was seeing my thoughts, my heart, and my soul.

"Would I forget?" Alice whispered. The once loud and outspoken Alice was still recovering from the same shock that I was. We'd both been awake and coherent (me more than her) to see the dark magic take Bert Audrey's body and ruin it from the inside, out.

"Of course not dear," the woman spoke, her voice wickedly sweet, "Just soften the awful memories. Auror's themselves go under the memory therapy quite often after some of their more horrifying jobs."

Alice and I managed to exchange glances for the first time since last night. I saw the look in her eyes—it was probably the same look in mine. To be able to soften those memories would make the whole ordeal less terrible—less painful to remember.

"The Ministry will give you a day to decide." The woman said, "That way you have time to consider your options. There are other treatments that your Hogwarts Healer can explain. I really must be going, Headmaster could you please join me? I need you to sign some papers."

"Of course Madame DuPont." Dumbledore stood up, observing Alice and I only for moments, "You both are to stay here for the rest of tonight and into Tuesday afternoon—you are excused from classes. Excuse me ladies." And he followed the Ministry witch from the small office.

Alice and I sat in silence—neither of us wanting to speak or even think. We weren't alone for long because then Frank Longbottom appeared and he waved his wand so that a few floating balls of yellow light were circulating above out heads as a source of light in the dark room. Frank held in his wandless hand, three dark colored butterbeer bottles. I let my eyes follow him until he fell into Dumbledore abandoned chair where he held out a bottle to each of us. Alice grabbed hers first and pulled the cap off—happily chugging a few gulps as if it would actually help her sorrow. I just stared at it apprehensively. I didn't want anything but sleep.

"It's from James." Frank spoke, "It will help some."

I stared at the bottle for a moment before taking it reluctantly and unscrewing the cap so I could take a swing of the crisp drink that warmed up my insides just enough. It did help some. James always knew how to help—even if it was only a little bit. I was silent and Alice had finished her butterbeer, setting it on the floor while she surveyed Frank Longbottom.

"Aren't you supposed to be with the rest of the Aurors?" she asked, accusation flooding in her voice. Like me, she wanted to be left alone.

Frank didn't even appear taken aback by her rudeness. He leaned back in his chair and answered, "I thought I could help." He answered smoothly; eyeing Alice who glared at him from under her heavily lidded eyes.

"Help us?" she scoffed, "my boyfriend cursed me and then _died_."

Frank didn't even blink at her scathing tone, "You could always do the memory altering therapy." He suggested offhandedly, he wasn't even looking at me anymore—he had all eyes for her.

Alice pursed her lips—not answering back. Frank grinned and stood up, eyeing us both now as he took a swing from his own drink before saying, "Sometimes it's the terrible memories of death and grief that just make you stronger."

"So you're saying don't do the memory therapy?" I heard myself say—even though I hadn't been meaning to talk to him.

"All I'm saying," he answered from the doorway, "Is that _sometimes_ it's the witches and wizards who have faced death in all it's glory—who are able to learn the most from it."

* * *

**We're almost to the end! Ah! I don't want to stop! But—everything almost wrapped up!**

**_Please review_—they make me write faster AND make my day better! I really do appreciate you guys reading—but I love hearing your thoughts as well! Song lyrics in this chapter are by Muse and the song is called "Resistance".**

_**Thank you,**_

**Sasha**


	24. Secrets (Hush)

**Chapter 24:**

**You tell me one thing and then I turn my back.**

**I hear you whispering lies.**

**"Let's just shut her up now."**

**Isn't that what you said boy?**

**Lies.**

**You run your mouth throwing words all over the place**

**Be a man now and say it to my face.**

Tuesday morning breakfast was held at the normal times in the Great Hall despite the recent events. I sat at the Slytherin table letting my eyes travel over the hall, calculating.

Ever since I'd heard the rumors I'd been ready to run—I didn't fancy spending the rest of my life locked up in Azkaban. Of course it hadn't taken me long to realize how lucky I'd gotten because The Black Family had reported their son Regulus missing and from what I heard, Bellatrix Lestrange (his cousin and estranged Death Eater) told his parents that Regulus hadn't been seen by anyone at the Malfoy Mansion for a few weeks. After Black had reportedly snuck into Hogwarts and cursed Lily Evans he was a prime suspect—especially since his family just reported him missing.

I pushed the food around my plate as I listened to two third years talk under their breath across from me.

"I heard his girlfriend thought he was cheating and pushed him off the staircase." One of the girls whispered.

"Don't be ridiculous." The other girl said in an annoyed voice, "it was a suicide attempt—the prophet said so."

I perked up at this new piece of information; the Daily Prophet was calling his death a suicide now? I wonder what determined that—or who. Professor Dumbledore entered the Great Hall just then and swept to the teachers table at the front of the room. A few teachers who had been present for classes looked up from their small conversations and two Aurors who had been standing at the back of the room walked forward to meet Professor Dumbledore. Keeping my head down to face my plate I lifted my eyes to continue watching the Headmaster.

I was unable to let my full attention rest on the Dumbledore though because someone sat down next to me, nudging my shoulder and saying softly, "So when are you leaving?"

I turned coolly to face Maxon, my fellow roommate who had started piling eggs onto his silver lined plate.

"I'm not."

Maxon snorted, "I knew you couldn't do it."

I frowned because I didn't have to know what "it" was. Maxon was referring my inability to even get any of the Gryffindor's on my side. Little did Maxon know I hadn't completely failed my job and that was the reason I wasn't too worried. I let my eyes travel over to the Gryffindor table searching up and down the row of heads for a sandy haired boy with blue eyes. When I found him sitting beside a miserable looking James Potter I couldn't help but grin a bit.

The thing about James Potter and Sirius Black was that they would never let their pride get the better of them. I knew that out of all the students these two would be the ones who would fight. If I'd learned anything by tracking Audrey and Audrey's contact with the group of boys it was that Lily Evans wasn't their only weakness.

Our eyes connected for a moment and I sent Pettigrew a small smirk only to receive a glare in return from the Gryffindor. I snorted to myself as he turned back to James Potter and hissed something to the Chaser who shook his head and spoke to his plate.

"What's with Potter?" I asked Maxon who glanced up from his breakfast to the Gryffindor table where it looked like Sirius Black was patting James Potter's back and Potter actually looked…depressed.

Maxon shrugged, "How should I know." He said with a mouthful of food, "I reckon he's sad Audrey died. I mean—I think they were mates."

I knew that couldn't be—Audrey was only friends with Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. I would know—I'd been inside his head. James Potter looked more torn up than that. Suddenly one of the third year girls who must've been listening in spoke up. She had blond hair and I recognized her as one of the Borgin twins, which were two very talkative third years.

"Potter's just mad because they won't let him into the Hospital Wing to see the Head Girl." The blond told me, nodding her fork in James Potter's direction, "I walked past him arguing with an Auror on my way here. Yelling and carrying on like a toddler and finally the werewolf—what's his name?—anyways the werewolf finally had to yank him away."

The brunette beside the Borgin girl nodded with a sly smile, "That and I hear Evans was there when Audrey died."

Maxon shifted beside me and most of the other students close to us had stopped talking to listen. With an audience the girls grinned at each other and the blonde continued.

"My mum works in the ministry you know, and she told me that both Evans and Audrey's girlfriend are being screened for connections to his death."

I wondered if when Audrey ran from me he went to find Rogers and Lily. I certainly had hoped no one had witnessed whatever had happened but now that I knew Lily-

"Mudblood probably killed Audrey herself because he's pure and she's not." The brunette rolled her blue eyes and a couple students mumbled their agreements. Everyone knew the Head Girl had a sore temper sometimes when considering blood status.

Maxon snorted next to me, "That's bullocks. Audrey was half blood."

The brunette frowned, "Oh." She said as if Audrey suddenly wasn't as interesting, "Was it his mum or dad?"

"Who cares?" I snapped, "Bloke is dead. End of story."

I frowned deeply; Lily Evans would never kill anyone. Lily Evans was the kindest, prettiest girl at Hogwarts but I couldn't even _say_ that because she was a mudblood. Why did I have to like her so much? Why couldn't she have been pureblood? Or at least half blood like Audrey had been?

"Who was Audrey's girlfriend?" a different student spoke—this one had been listening in. I didn't even know or care about his name.

"Alice Rogers. Pureblood." The Borgin twin spoke after drinking some of her pumpkin juice, "But she hangs around mudbloods so she's just as bad."

"I honestly just want to know if he really jumped off the staircase." Borgin's brunette friend snorted, "Fucking insane."

Maxon and I exchanged looks but I didn't hold his gaze for too long because I knew he was still thinking that I had failed the entire mission. James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin were just as far away from our cause as they had been at the start of the term. The problem was that they all loved Lily Evans—and she was the one wrong one to use to get to them. The right one was the very Gryffindor currently trying to force Potter to eat some breakfast.

Peter Pettigrew was the weakest link in the group—he didn't have any special connection to the muggleborn and he had always hero-worshiped Potter and Black. I'd been there since the start and before Pettigrew and Lupin it had always been Potter and Black. All four of them might've been mates and had that in common but there was _one_ thing that set Peter Pettigrew apart from the others: Lily Evans.

Following Audrey's mind had shown me that Remus Lupin would rather die than become a part of the underground war because he'd been shown true kindness by Lily after Rosier spread the rumors about his condition. Lily had stuck up for him and helped him regain his footing back at Hogwarts. Audrey's mind had also given me a peek into Sirius Black's life: he was always with Lily if he wasn't with Potter. More than once while going through Audrey's memories I'd seen Sirius Black with his arm around Lily's shoulders or the both of them sitting outside together. Once I'd even seen Lily working with Black in the library. I think Sirius Black _actually_ cared about Lily and vis versa. Black would never join the resistance because he believed in muggle borns—he wasn't like his family because even after he'd lost _everything_ he still had something: a friend in Lily Evans.

James Potter was a goner from the start. I'd always hated him and I always would. Every time I pushed through Audrey's brain I came across him and Lily together. Together, they were _always_ together and she was so _happy_ and that made me even more miserable. We'd been best friends once—but now we were faces that occasionally passed in the hallway. She said I'd chosen my path. My path to power put her right into the arms of my enemy. Potter would never even think of joining the Dark Lord because he'd always have a muggleborn at his side. I could see him never letting Lily Evans out of his sight, bloody arrogant idiot would show her off as a trophy. Look at how stupidly defensive he'd been over her this morning according to the gossip mongers sitting in front of me.

I let my eyes float back over to the Gryffindor table where most of the Gryffindor's were leaning into the middle of the table much like we were doing at the Slytherin table. No one was rushing to get to classes even though the bell was set to ring in twenty minutes. Most of our Professors sat at the head table talking to each other and I noticed Professor Dumbledore and the two Aurors had left the hall.

I was starting to relax—no one suspected me. I was in the clear to finish my job.

**~~~I hear you've got a secret but can you keep it?~~~**

I felt like throwing up.

I didn't sleep all night because all I wanted to do was forget watching as Audrey's body literally broke down before my eyes. I let my eyes wander from my book over to where Alice was curled up in bed staring out the window. She was worse off than me and had spent part of the night crying. I could hear her sobbing until about three this morning. I could imagine why she was so miserable and now we both had to figure out what to do with the memories.

I was a charms geek so I knew the basics of how memory charms worked and I knew that powerful wizards could control memories and shape them. It seemed like the obvious answer after watching as Alice Roger's boyfriend scream even though he was already dead. After I watched his skin sink into his bones and body twitch so violently I thought it might break—as Alice screamed and I held her up and I was even sobbing for someone to help him—

It had been too late though. He'd been dead since the Prefects found him at the base of the staircase. The two Prefects that had found him brought him right to The Hospital Wing not knowing he was dead. A stricken Madame Promfrey had the Prefects go get the closest Professor. The Prefects had only just closed the door when the Dark Magic started working it's power over the dead body. By the time they returned with Professor Slughorn, Audrey was long past gone and I had witnessed the horrible side effects to magic.

Now here I sat, stuck in the Hospital Wing, deciding if I wanted to keep the memories or distort them and make them easier to stomach. Wondering if I should get the Hell out of this world while there was still time—time before I watched any of my friends or family succumb to Dark Magic. Wondering and wondering why the Hell these kinds of things kept happening.

"Hey Lils." The voice made me break from my moody disposition in surprise. Standing at the edge of my bed was Remus Lupin and he was holding a bouquet full of the loveliest red roses I'd ever seen.

"Remus." I said, my voice implying the question as I stared at the roses.

"James couldn't come because he wasn't cleared so…" Remus smiled and held out the boquet.

I sighed and scooted over for Remus to join me on my bed. Remus sat down beside me, passing me the lovely flowers that I buried my nose into—trying to smother myself in the scent. A small smile lifted the corners of my mouth as I wondered how James had gotten a bunch of perfect red roses such as these.

"I'm only allowed in because I have to see Promfrey about tonight." Remus said as I continued smelling the roses without speaking, "Full moon, you know?"

I froze into pace—I'd completely forgotten and I was positive the sad tone in Remus' voice meant I wasn't the only one who'd forgotten the importance of tonight. Pushing aside my depression and worries I glanced up and met Remus' blue eyes with instant remorse.

"Oh Remus, how _awful_." I spoke, my voice cracking as it hadn't been used in a bit.

Remus shrugged almost sadley, "I'm fine Lily, you worry too much." He touched my shoulder lightly as I scanned his face for any truth behind his words, "How are you holding up? James is going to try and stop by later." He added the James bit under his breath just as Madame Promfrey come out of her office and spotted him.

"Ah, Mr. Lupin! I've got your things all ready. Now remember that the moon will be out earlier today—so I need you down to the willow by three this afternoon. Frank Longbottom offered to take you down there since I have to stay with the girls." Madame Promfrey was speaking very fast as she rolled up a bunch of parchment she'd obviously been reading over in her office as she walked over to my bedside where Remus and I sat together.

I watched with interest as Madame Promfrey checked Remus' eyes and ears and throat like a normal check up at the doctors for a muggle. Then she walked away and came back with a small bottle of light pink liquid that Remus drowned with a smack of his lips. He must've noticed my inquisitive look because he grinned at me.

"Werewolves need their vitamins too." He explained as he hugged me before standing up and thanking Madame Promfrey. "Bye Ginger."

I opened my mouth to chastise him for calling me Ginger when Remus Lupin cheekily saluted me and raced out the double doors of the Hospital Wing, pushing the doors open so far that they made a large enough gap for me to see into the hallway where students looked into our covered world with interest. I smiled to myself before sitting back farther on the bed trying to not glance over in Alice's direction. For some reason conversing with Alice was something I didn't think would help me at all.

Suddenly I screamed when I felt someone grab me around the wiast from behind me. Alice, bless her, jumped off her bed, and came racing over to me. I was still hyperventaling but I could hear his voice saying hurriedly into my ear "Shit, Lily I'm sorry I just didn't know how—_shit_ I'm sorry for scaring you."

"Lily?" Alice asked just as Madame Promfrey jumped out of her office. Alice had a hand on my shoulder with a worried look all over her sweet face.

"Are you alright Miss Evans?" Madame Promfrey was starting to make her way over and suddenly I was surrounded on all sides.

"Fine." I managed to get out, I pretended to be gripping my stomach but I was bushing my hand against his, "Fine."

"Miss Evans did you even sleep last night?" The Healer asked, reaching out to run her hand across my forehead, "Merlin you are burning up."

I wasn't burning up from lack of sleep—it was because James Potter was behind me hiding under his invisibility cloak. I didn't know how to answer because I _hadn't_ gotten any sleep but I didn't want James to worry either—he was probably worried enough knowing him. I could hear him breathing, even and calm, in my left ear as I looked for an answer to Promfrey's question.

Alice ended up answering for me, "How are we supposed to sleep?" her tone was acid, "I don't know about Lily but sleep seems a little silly to me."

Promfrey looked unhappy at Alice's comment and turned to the cabinet by my bedside. From that cabinet Alice and I (and presumably James) watched as she pulled a large leafy bush from the cabinet. Promfrey pulled two of the leaves from the tips of the branches and handed one to Alice and then one to me.

"Eat them." Promfrey said, "Rogers, I want you back in bed. Evans, you stay in bed. You both need your sleep."

"What is it?" Alice eyed her leaf with uncertainty.

"Hopcone leaves." The woman answered as if this were blatantly obvious.

In my ear, James made a gagging sound and I stared at my leaf doubtfully but Madame Promfrey made both Alice and I chew and swallow our leaves. I was disgusted by the texture and reached for my glass of water instantly. Alice went over to her bed and also drank an entire glass of water. Satisfied Madame Promfrey nodded and left us both with a warning to stay in bed because the leaves would go into effect soon.

James' arms unwrapped from me and I turned so I could lay down properly. Alice had taken to placing herself facedown on her bed but I still reached for my wand on the bedside table and waved it. The privacy curtains closed around my bed and I felt James' body join mine on the bed as I dropped my wand t my side. His cloak slid off his head and shoulders and our eyes met and I hardly gave him time to send me a smile before I had my arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him in for a soft kiss.

He broke away from me all too soon and brought his lips to my ear, "They tried to tell me I couldn't see you. It's like they _forget_ who I am."

I turned my head a bit so I could bring my own lips to his ear and whispered, "Thank you for my flowers. I'm assuming you came in when Remus left?"

"We planned for him to open the doors wide enough for me to slip through." He answered back, breath hot against my ear.

I didn't answer him, just wrapped my arms around his middle and watched them float seemingly in midair because his cloak still covered the lower half of his body. It was weird for my mind to wrap around because I could feel him lying on top of me, but the magic suggested he was not there. It was reminding me that magic was impossible to scientifically prove or disprove. Magic was just there.

Magic was in his cloak. Magic was in my past. Magic was in my present. Magic would be in my future—even if I tried to run away. Yesterday James had told me himself magic was in my blood by fate…but was it really my fate to witness people die and get injured by the magic everyone so treasured?

"Lil?" he was trying to keep his voice low, but I was still worried someone might hear.

"Hm?" I questioned, leaning farther into the pillows as he leaned back to get a glimpse of my face.

His hazel eyes were moving across my face at a rapid pace and then he spoke, "Longbottom told me about the memory therapy."

I grew somber, "Oh." James placed one of his hands on my cheek and I avoided his eyes as I said, "I don't want to talk about it."

"But Lil—" his face flashed with a look of annoyance.

"James." I hissed, glaring at him, not wanting to argue mostly due to the fact that my eyelashes were starting to flutter against the strain of keeping them open.

I could hear the pain in his voice when he said, "Okay." So I forced myself to look back at him.

James' hair was stuck up in every position as it always was because I never remembered a time when it hadn't looked like he'd just gotten off a broomstick. I brushed my fingers through his haphazard hair, smiling a bit when his eyes closed at my soft touch. My head felt as light as a feather and even though I was trying my hardest to keep my eyes trained on his I was slowly succumbing to sleep because of the Hopcone leaf.

"Lil? Are you still thinking of leaving?" he whispered.

I shook my head no, "I don't think so."

He let a smile appear again, kissing my nose and then moved his lips to my chin, "Good. I'd miss you too much." He nuzzled my neck playfully, "I'm sorry you've been having a rough week."

"Rough term." I managed to chuckle, yawning.

"If it'll make you feel better, Remus has a rough night ahead of him." James reminded me, pushing my hair from my face, staring lovingly into my eyes. Almost guilty though…

I frowned through my sleepy disposition, "James, are you going—" the blush in his cheeks confirmed my suspisions, "James!" I hissed, "He's a _werewolf_—one of these days you are going to get caught. Cloak or no cloak."

James snorted, rolling his eyes, "Please." He said, "Like I need a cloak to—" and then he stopped short.

I was instantly awake even though the medicine was trying it's hardest to pull me under, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." He looked too innocent.

Once again he was lying to me. I wasn't stupid—even drugged I could see right through his act.

"You're lying." I determined aloud.

He smirked a stupid arrogant smirk, "Yeah."

I smacked his arm and he winced, "don't lie to me."

He sighed and reached around my neck, rubbing it slowly, "Ah, Evans." He breathed, eyes twinkling, "Now is not the time to argue about what I do with my mates."

I frowned. Anytime was a good time to argue about whatever secrets he was still hiding from me. I loved him but sometimes he could be a berk and not tell me things. Like now for example but I couldn't be argued snapping back because he was rubbing my neck in an entirely good way and my eyes were closed as I relished in his touch.

"I wish you would tell me things." I managed to whisper as I floated in and out from my peaceful moments.

His tone was soft and foreboding when he said "I know."

I think I answered him, I couldn't be sure because my eyes were shut entirely against the light of the world. Colors burst behind my eyelids and formed images of the people I loved all dying at the hands of fate. Marlene was murdered by the imagine of a evil looking wizard in a top hat my brain processed as Voldemort—even though I'd never seen the muggle killer in real life myself. Sirius died at the hands of his gaunt brother. I watched my mum die in the hands of cancer yet again. I thought my nightmares were over but when James appeared next I started crying, begging him to go away. I attracted too much danger.

We were both standing in a forest side by side. We were looking at something but unable to distinguish it and that's when magic took James from me. Before my eyes James crumpled to the floor like a marionette whose strings had been cut because of the unseen force of magic.

My eyes flashed open as soon as his body hit the ground.

The curtains around my bed had been opened. We both now had the ability to see each other again. James' absence was the first thing I noted and I almost panicked before I remembered my dreams hadn't been anything but nightmares. I moved slightly, noting that based on the shadows in the wing that it was late evening. My hair was plastered to my skin from the nightmares and sweat. My eyes drifted across and I saw that I wasn't the only one who had troubling dreams. Alice Rogers was curled up and her body was shaking. Sleepily, I left my bed and walked over to her bed. Alice's short black hair was in a mess at the stop of her head and her eyes were wide and unblinking as she let the tears fall.

"Al—" I began but I was interrupted.

"Evans, what are you doing from your cot? You need to wait at least a half hour after waking up before moving! Hopcone is nasty stuff!" I was surprised to see that it wasn't Madame Promfrey chastising me, but the young female Auror I'd met at Slughorn's Club.

I opened up my mouth to argue that I'd come to help Alice when I noticed that I was feeling slightly dizzy. The Auror came up behind me and grabbed my arm to steady me. Her grip was firm as she pulled me back to my cot chastising me.

"Honestly Evans, you could've collapsed right on top of the poor girl." The Auror's eyes were sharp as a hawk as she made sure I climbed back into bed.

"She was crying." I moaned, reaching for the glass of water at the bedside and sipping it.

The auror rolled her eyes behind her horn-rimmed glasses, "Yeah, you were too."

With water back into my system I was able to croak out a few words, "Promfrey knocked us both out."

The Auror sat on the bed adjacent to mine, watching me as her brown hair swung forward from the momentum of her sitting down. I brushed my fingers through my red hair before glancing around to note that Promfrey herself appeared to be missing. The Auror, Alice, and I were the only ones in the Hospital Wing.

"What time is it?" I asked the Auror.

"Almost four in the afternoon—classes just let out and everyone is at The Great Hall for a memorial service." The woman answered in her sharper tone.

"Oh." I leaned back against the pillows, my head slowly clearing as I watched Alice start to slowly move into a sitting position at the mention of the memorial service.

"I want to go." Her voice was wavering but strong and I looked at her empathetically.

The Auror glanced at Alice, "Miss Rogers, you will be leaving at five thirty with me to complete some questioning at the Ministry."

"I want to go to the memorial service." A spark of the old Alice I had known resurfaced, flashing her eyes at the female Auror, "He was my boyfriend."

The female Auror actually looked like she felt sorry for Alice now, "I'm sorry Miss Rogers but the family has asked that you not attend any services."

"What?" Alice's eyes filled with tears yet again, "but his family always gave—I mean they always acted like I was a part of their family." She sniffed, but did not cry. I think Alice had reached a point beyond crying.

"I'm sorry." No longer in her Auror tones, Amelia looked positively stricken for Alice.

I wanted to disappear into the pillows as I witnessed the scene unfold before me. The Auror appeared to be just as unhappy about the position she was in currently—then relief came in the form of Madame Promfrey bursting through the doors with two house elves at her feet holding dishes filled with food. One of the elves brought a plate to me and the other plate was directed to Alice who took the food with a somber look at her dish.

"Eat." Madame Promfrey ordered us both like a raging dictator; "You need something in your stomachs after the Hopcone."

I grabbed the elf that brought me my food before she could leave with a, "wait!"

With large bat like ears and a long pointed nose she was a very dainty looking house elf. The elf bowed low to me, "Is there something the Miss needs before Annie returns to the kitchens?" she asked me with another bow.

I winced at the formality of the elf before asking her, "Yeah, please, could you go find James Potter? He's Head Boy. Tell him Lily needs to see him?"

I hadn't forgotten James and our conversation earlier and I was determined to finish it.

The elf bowed low again, "Yes Miss." And she left behind her other elf companion.

Madame Promfrey clucked as she felt my forehead, "House elves are not for your own personal use Miss Evans—they belong in the kitchens."

I smirked a little when I saw the Auror roll her eyes behind Madame Promfrey. I was happy to see I wasn't the only one who found the Healer's attitude annoying. Once Madame Promfrey went over to Alice's bedside to check on the brown haired girl I motioned to the Auror.

"I've forgotten your name." I told her, "We met once, at a party."

"Amelia Jenkinson." The witch told me, eyeing my food hungrily.

Although I didn't much like her the past couple of times I'd met her, Amelia Jenkinson suddenly looked much younger—almost like she was my age. I wondered what it was like to be a female Auror—surrounded by males in every move she made. I wondered if part of the reason she was so harsh all the time was because she felt she had to be around people like Frank Longbottom.

I smiled friendly-like and held out my plate, "I'm in no mood to eat—want some of my rice?"

Jenkinson eyes me for a moment before answering with a small smile, "Only if you eat half."

I waved to Alice, "Come on Alice."

Alice hesitantly maneuvered her way over to our sides carrying her plate. Madame Promfrey, unable to find anything wrong in a couple of girls on one bed, made her way to her office. Jenkinson grabbed her wand and fashioned herself a spoon out of a candle she floated out way. Alice and I watched her magic with interested eyes. Auror's certainly knew how to be creative with magic. I would've spent about three minutes trying to figure out what I could do to eat the rice. Jenkinson had creatively fixed her situation in a second.

"So I heard you two were offered memory charms." Jenkinson said, scooping some of my rice into her mouth as she surveyed out expressions.

"Have you ever done the memory therapy?" Alice asked the Auror almost hungrily, like she needed answers, "The Ministry woman, DuPonte, said lots of Aurors use it."

Jenkinson snorted and pushed her glasses up farther on her nose before answering, "Yeah, Aurors use it." She puffed out her chest, "I never had of course." Her blue eyes were proud, "What's the _point_ of trying to change the past?"

"It's horrible." I said, remembering how I would've given anything to forget my mum dying.

Jenkinson shrugged, "The past can only be as horrible as you make it out to be."

Alice's fork dropped against her plate and she stared incredulously at the female Auror, "Do you have any idea what we saw?" Her voice questioned.

The Auror was calm, blue eyes flickering between us as she answered coolly, "Do you have any idea what _I've_ seen?" Alice looked mesmerized but I was still not sold.

"Frank told us not to do it." I spoke, remembering Longbottom's conversation with us yesterday.

Jenkinson beamed, "Atta boy Frank, he knows its codswallop." She nudged Alice's arm with her utensil, "The memory therapy is essentially a brainwash. The Aurors who do go through with it are never the same."

"Then why do they do it?" Alice asked the question on the tip of my tongue as well.

Jenkinson shrugged, "Some people just can't deal with it."

We were quiet as both Alice and I relinquished the rest of our food to Jenkinson who ate both plates in a matter of minutes. The sun was almost completely gone and the full moon was shining through a few clouds. Remus, I remembered, must be down at the tree. I didn't have time to wonder about James because the house elf I had asked for help from appeared with a crack and all three of us girls jumped out of our skin.

"You can apparate in Hogwarts?" Alice said flabbergasted as Jenkinson picked up a plate that had fallen to the floor in our fright. I had both eyes trained on the elf. Where was James?

The elf bowed, her nose touching the floor, "Annie could not find the Head Boy and wishes to apologize for being unable to fulfill what was requested of her. She even checked for his friends but they weren't anywhere Annie could see Miss."

Suddenly, I was no loner worrying about memory therapy or dead Ravenclaws. My mouth quickly transformed into a frown and I hissed James' name under my breath. I knew exactly where Remus was, which meant James and Sirius and Peter had somehow disappeared. Once again the secrets that James had left out reappeared and reminded me that Audrey's death was one secret that was more close to be solved than anything else. The house elf appeared to be upset that she had failed at the task and started mumbling.

I was too busy pushing my plate towards Alice who was watching my expression with confusion in her watery eyes. I wanted to kick myself for forgetting that of course the boys would still take it upon themselves to look after Remus. Just because James had promised to talk did not mean he still wouldn't go do whatever he did on full moons. I wondered if that was the reason James had sent flowers, not because he was worried about me, but worried about my temper. That arse.

"Miss is certainly welcome to punish Annie for—"

"Go back to the kitchens." Jenkinson snapped at the house elf before I could say anything.

I jumped off the bed and started looking around the floor for my shoes. Alice and Jenkinson watched as I made obvious tones of anger in my throat.

"Why are you looking for James? He left earlier." Alice blushed, obviously nervous, "I mean, I saw him leave. You were out good."

"Did he say anything?" I asked her, my tone obvious.

Alice shook her head softly, "I was a little—I didn't want to talk."

Of course she didn't. I immediately regretted jumping down her throat for answers.

"What are you doing?" Jenkinson gave me a look that was questioning my sanity, "So the elf couldn't find Potter. He could be at the memorial for Audrey! You can't leave the Wing without a body guard Evans, and besides, once the thing for Audrey is over you have to tell the Ministry if you want the Memory Therapy."

"James is going to need Memory Therapy once I find him." I snapped letting out a loud "ah-ha!" once I'd located my shoes in the cupboard beside my bed. I started pulling them on, ignoring the pain in my head.

At the end of the wing the double doors opened and a group of people entered. I was forced to stop tying my shoes to look up and see who was here. It appeared the memorial for Audrey had ended and Professor Dumbledore entered followed by Ministry members and teachers alike. Frank Longbottom was the first one to meet my eyes and grinned when he saw me putting on my shoes.

"Making a break for it already Evans?" he teased, voice rising over the soft tones of the Ministry officials, "Didn't Potter and I convince you to stick around?"

"She's worried because her boyfriend is missing." Jenkinson smoothly walked around the edge of the bed to meet the group of people as I made an annoyed sound in the back of my throat at the appearance of all these people.

Frank sounded merely surprised, "Potter is missing?" if I had looked up from my pout I was sure I would find Frank watching me closely.

"Probably not-" Jenkinson said, sounding bored, "This is all based on a house elf."

"A house elf was looking for Potter?"

"Evans asked the house elf to look for Potter."

"Miss Evans, Miss Rogers," Dumbledore spoke up and the room feel silent at the mere words spoken by the Headmaster.

Alice and I both looked to our silvery haired Professor who appeared somber as he spoke, "The Ministry needs to know your choices on the Memory Therapy now."

I recognized the woman from last night at Dumbledore's side, smiling brightly at Alice and I. The woman expected Alice and I to agree to the memory therapy, I could tell by her smile. After all, why wouldn't two perfectly innocent Hogwarts girls pick the safe route? But the thing was, as I sat on the floor feeling more and more childish, I realized that Frank and Jenkinson were watching each of us just as kindly. It was like they were expecting us to say no.

With two conflicting sides we sat there, both of us contemplating. I remembered the nightmares-and no matter how annoyed I was at James I would always see him dying like Audrey if I didn't get help. I would always be worried about his fate at my side.

"No."

"_Yes_."

Alice and I answered at the same moment and it took the Ministry woman a moment to register who said yes and who said no. My head was bowed in shame, Alice had hers held proudly.

"Lily." Frank's tone warned.

I could see Alice was staring at me in surprise and even Jenkinson looked surprised. I felt like they were judging me—I was supposed to be a proud Gryffindor. I was supposed to be unafraid but the truth was that I didn't want to continue having whatever nightmares were inflicted upon me during my sleep earlier. I don't think my sanity could take it longer than a few days before cracking.

I quickly spoke my mind, "Yes, I _want_ the memory therapy."

Madame DuPont looked at me completely ignoring Alice who had her arms wrapped around her legs and was staring at me with immobile judging eyes. Frank made a disgusted noise, threw his hands up in the air, and walked out of the Hospital Wing despite the calls from Jenkinson. Jenkinson herself looked a little unhappy at my announcement. Professor Dumbledore's face was unreadable as I glanced at him—I'd always figured I was good a reading faces but Dumbledore's was stone.

DuPont nodded business like, straightening her robes, "Very well Miss Evans, I'll have a Charms Wizard in tomorrow for your first round of therapy. I'll owl you where to meet him of course." Madame DuPont looked to Alice who was still unmoving on my bed; "Miss Rogers, I bid you a good night."

Madame DuPont followed Frank's exit with a little less flair for the dramatics and I was left with three pairs of eyes on my frozen form.

The Headmaster cleared his throat and nodded to me on the floor, "Miss Evans if you could please stand up, you are allowed to return to your dormitory and I will be escorting you there."

I made myself busy as Dumbledore spoke to Alice and Jenkinson in hushed tones. I was unable to meet any of their eyes as we said goodbye—not even with Alice. I was especially unable to look at Professor Dumbledore as I walked alongside him when he'd told me it was time to leave. The sound of our footsteps on the floor echoed around us as background music to the night.

We couldn't get to the portrait hole fast enough. When we finally did, I said the password and reached for the portrait to swing it open so I could enter.

Professor Dumbledore surprised me by speaking up when I had one foot in the door, "It may not be my place to say this Miss Evans as your Headmaster but I do believe that sometimes people witness terrible things and try to forget so it doesn't hurt as much."

I wanted to forget, that was true but not for reasons people assumed.

"It's not the past that scares me." I whisper proudly, my green eyes finally connecting with Professor Dumbledore's blue eyes, "Goodnight, Professor."

"The future is influenced by the past Miss Evans." Dumbledore's last message to me haunted me as I waited up all night.

I sat on the couch in front of the fire waiting for James Potter to walk in because in the end—it always came back to James and I. Mostly people avoided me, rumors had no doubt start to flutter around. Hogwarts loved gossip and I was in the middle of it by now. Students were starting to head to bed but it was Marlene McKinnon who sat down beside me as I waited for the appearance of James to talk to me.

"How you doing Lily?" she asked, her voice soft, "Alright?"

"Fine." I said, letting my eyes go to the blonde who I hadn't seen much of in the past few weeks, "As well as one can be in a situation like this."

Marlene smiled and I remembered this was the exactly look on her face in my nightmare. A sad smile right before Voldemort cut her down. I couldn't help but wince and reach out to hug her with that thought on my head. I didn't like _this_ Marlene—I liked my boisterous, Quidditch playing, crazy Marlene from last summer—before everything went to hell. I tried to smile, not wanting Marlene to see how upset I really was. I'd had enough of us not being close friends anymore. I knew we'd never get back to being _best_ friends but I did miss confiding in her and vis versa.

Marlene hugged me back and sighed into my ear, "I'm here for you Lily."

"Have you seen James at all?" I asked her, "I tried to ask Fabian but he said he hadn't."

Marlene frowned, blue eyes going darker, "No, I haven't seen either of them actually." She looked nervous.

"Not even Fabian? At the memorial?"

She didn't answer that question. "Lily, I actually don't like James that much—so I mean I don't—" I suddenly wondered what on earth had gotten into her because she looked really conflicted.

I furrowed my eyebrows together, "Marlene you were at the memorial weren't you?"

Marlene ran her fingers through her hair, "Yeah I was…" she wasn't meeting my eyes.

"And James and Fabian weren't there?" I said, pushing for answers about her mysterious persona.

Marlene shrugged, her robes bunching up around her shoulders, "I mean, Fabian was, yeah, but James wasn't."

She was lying to me.

"You're lying." I couldn't believe I was saying this for the second time today, "God _damn_ it Marley, why are _you_ lying? Was James there or not?!" Fist James lied and now Marlene? I was done with the lies and the rumors and just, _everything_.

Marlene looked really upset now, "Oh Lily," she sighed, putting both hands on my shoulders to steady me, "Fabian and I aren't together—he cheated on me."

I stared at her, "What does this have to do with James?" I snapped, becoming annoyed. I didn't need anything like this, not now. I didn't even register Marlene had just told me she and Fabian weren't together. I was too focused on why she'd been trying to lie in the first place.

I was just about ready to face Voldemort myself just because this week couldn't possibly get any worse than it already was.

Marlene looked at me with worry, "Lily, James _was_ there. He was at the memorial and he left in the middle of it with Amy Bones."

**~~~I hear you've got some regrets but we're not speaking about them~~~~**

"Out all night then Potter?" her tone was even and cold, a complete 180 to what I'd imagined when I thought about finally meeting up with her.

I hadn't expected to enter the Common Room at eve in the morning and find Lily sitting the couch staring into the coal infested fireplace and I knew Sirius and Peter hadn't either. Both of my mates back away from me like I have the plague when Lily stood up from her place on the couch and walked over to my frozen form.

"What are you doing up Lily?" Sirius asked, trying to pick up where my brain couldn't because I was too busy watching Lily.

I'd told her when he was under the influence of the drugs that I'd tell her about us—The Marauders. I just hadn't mentioned that little bit to the mates who in the end might have a problem with me spilling the rest of the secrets we held dear. Namely how we hung around a werewolf all night without turning into werewolves ourselves. Lily wasn't stupid and the lies were starting to stack up in a way that was dangerous.

Lily didn't look at Sirius when she answered, her eyes were trained on my face, "You find after watching a fellow student _die_ in front of you—sleep isn't very inviting."

I don't think I was the only one who winced at her tone. When I'd seen her earlier she'd seemed okay and recovering but maybe I should've skipped out on the full moon-something between me leaving her in the Hospital Wing and now had triggered the wrong nerve in the red head.

"Is she mad?" Peter hissed to Sirius who sent the sandy haired Marauder a silencing look.

I was wondering that myself, even though I'd never say so with Lily advancing on me with a almost _sly_ look on her face.

"So Potter," she mused, using my last name like a whip, "What exactly do you do to stay out all night with a werewolf?"

"This isn't exactly the time—"

"Not the time?" She appeared not surprise and instead stepped closer, "Alright well how about Amy Bones? Wouldn't you _love_ to tell me about her?"

Shit. I didn't even blink at her accusation I simply spun to face the one person who would have the nerve to mention the truth to anyone. "What the _Hell_ did you do Peter?"

* * *

**I hoped you enjoyed this drama filled chapter! There's no way this is going over 30 chapters by the way-I've almost finished wrapping up all the loose ends if you couldn't tell. Next chapter the secret of Amy Bones is revealed thanks to Marlene McKinnon bringing up the past. Lily's first Memory Therapy Session is also gonna happen…or not...**

**The song for this chapter is "Secrets (hush)" by He Is We. Remember there's a full chapter by chapter playlist on my tumblr.**

**Review and/or go leave me a message on tumblr. I could really care less I just like hearing from you lot!**

**xxx**

**Sasha**


	25. A Window To The Past

Get those tissues, pitchforks, and torches ready folks...

* * *

**CHAPTER 25:**

**I need another story**

**Something to get off my chest**

**My life gets kinda boring**

**Need something that I can confess**

**'Til all my sleeves are stained red**

**From all the truth that I've said**

**Come by it honestly I swear**

**Thought you saw me wink, no**

**I've been on the brink, so**

**Tell me what you want to hear.**

Amelia and I had been stuck in the Aurors office all night—ever since we'd brought Alice Rogers down for questioning. Alice had just left for Hogwarts with Dumbledore who had come to survey our interview at my request. Amelia and I had poured over all the reports we could gather, trying to find proof of Regulus Black being anywhere near Hogwarts but he'd dropped off the face of the earth and no one had been in contact with him. Not only that but while at Hogwarts I had run right into the one girl I'd never wanted to see again. I still remember running into her as I walked past the Great Hall—she'd walked out with James Potter.

It was like all of the trouble from my seventh year came spiraling back to me. Lightning had struck me still in the halls as I stared at the pair. Potter looked shocked to see me but not as shocked as Amelia Bones who pushed back her strawberry blonde hair to stare at me in astonishment.

"_Frank" she'd spoken my name, embarrassed._

"_We've got rounds." James mumbled with his eyes unable to meet mine. I was sure it was from the guilt I was sure still turned his stomach. I wondered if he'd even told Lily._

I moaned inwardly and put my head in my hands. Trivial things from my old school shouldn't be stressing me out like this! Give me ten Death Eaters—I can take 'em all one handed. Give me James Potter and a pretty red haired girl and I was suddenly broken. From behind me, Amelia started massaging my shoulders, laughing lightly under her breath. I looked up at her; she was standing behind my desk chair with her black bob curved around her defined chin. I certainly had a thing for Amelia's all things considering.

"You know The Prophet is going to stick to the suicide story no matter what you find." She told me, her hands brushing up and down my back creating a chain of Goosebumps to rise on my arms.

"Not here Amelia, we're in the office." I mumbled intolerantly as she wrapped her arms around me and started placing her lips on my neck, suckling on a point just behind my ear.

"Hasn't stopped us before." She smiled into my neck, "come on Frank, and lets go back to my place."

I shook my head, pulling from her grip and I stood up out of my chair stretching, avoiding Amelia's pout. I stared at the posters on my cubical and spotted the one that interested me the most because it was a missing persons report for Regulus Black. The picture was of a young man clad in Quidditch robes—the only photo his parents had to release. Beside Regulus were the faces of other young teenagers reported missing and all of them were mostly Muggle Borns, Regulus Black was the only pure blood among the list of the missing. It just seemed odd and nothing about any of this was making any sense.

"Lily—er—Evans said that she thought another person could be connected to the death." I told Amelia, spinning to face her.

Amelia had taken up residency on my desk, her legs crossed as she stared at me. Amelia glasses reflected the light off the ceiling as she maneuvered herself so she could pull her wand from her belt. She started lazily drawing smoke figures in the air as she answered.

"I've quite frankly had enough of the Hogwarts drama included with Miss Evans." At my defiant stare she glared back, "No, Frank, I know it's odd—the boy dying and Rogers being imperiused isn't normal—but we've got more important problems to deal with than a couple of student Death Eaters who are trying to stir up trouble because they have nothing better to do!" She stuffed her wand back into her belt and stood up. At five foot one she wasn't even close to my height but her eyes flashed from behind her glasses with force, "Frank they will drop this case now that the Prophet ruled it as a suicide—you and I will be leaving the desk job and going back out into the field." She gripped my shoulders, "Now let's go get lunch, yeah?" she tugged on my robe sleeve.

I frowned down at her, touching her wrist with two of my fingers lightly, "Amelia you know Audrey's death wasn't a suicide."

Amelia looked upset and her eyes fluttered towards where we knew our boss sat in his own cubicle before she whispered, "It's what he wants."

"Maybe it's not what_ I_ want." I muttered angrily, pushing past the brunette and walking out of the office with exasperation making my blood boil.

"Frank!" I heard her call after me but I wasn't turning around, not again.

**~~~~A Window To The Past~~~~**

"Lily, OWLs are probably the bane of my existence!" Marley leaned against my shoulder dramatically, letting her blond hair twirl out of the bun atop her head.

I laughed, pushing back at her with my hands, "You're the bane of my existence!" I teased her, rolling my eyes, "Those weren't even as terrible as the Professors made them out to be!" and I winked causing my best mate to laughed and make a face at me.

"Potter was sitting in front of me doodling." Marlene mentioned casually, as all the girls around us sniggered.

"Why should I care what _Potter_ was doing during the OWLs?" I snorted, dipping my toes into the lake slowly, the freezing water reminding me that the nice spring day was a recent change in the air temperature and I probably shouldn't go all the way in. "he's probably the bane of my existence. Just last week I was on rounds and I caught him trying to sneak out of the castle!"

"He doodled two letters: L.E." Marley waggled her eyebrows suggestively and I started laughing out loud now, pushing her so she fell all the way over.

"You are just trying to start rumors!" I accused my best friend.

"Besides I hear he's with Amelia Bones." Lani Weems mentioned from her spot on the other side of Mary MacDonald.

"The Hufflepuff seeker?" Mary made a face and the rest of us let our eyes water to a little way down where a group of fifth year Hufflepuff girls sat braiding each other's hair.

Marley didn't answer Mary however because her eyes were focused on something happening just behind me. I let my curiosity get the better of me and I turned around. Almost all the fifth years had gathered at the lake edge to celebrate the end of the term exams called OWLs. Not too far away from where my mates and I sat there were a couple fifth year Hufflepuffs sitting with some Ravenclaws and just beyond that group of students, was a smaller crowd of students.

"What's going on?" I asked, half expecting a Slytherin with a bad attitude to appear wrestling with a Gryffindor.

"I think it's—" Lani Weems stopped speaking as soon as a gap formed in the small crowd and I felt a frown take over my features.

"Speaking of Potter." I hissed under my breath—standing up to go use my Prefect powers over the arrogant idiot of the Gryffindor House.

I couldn't believe people actually were gathering to watch him do something stupid—probably show off with the stupid snitch he nicked from the broomsheds on Monday. I saw him playing with it earlier in the dorms. Just then someone came flying back across the grass and students shouted, jumping out of the way of the pile of robes and long black hair.

Sev.

I moved even faster, really wishing boys weren't so bloody stupid and ridiculous. Where were the other Prefects?! Our Head Boy, Frank Longbottom was missing in action as well, so now I knew it was up to me.

I shouted, pushing my way through people, "Leave him alone!"

Everyone snapped their heads in my direction and I heard someone groan that the fun was over. It was like Potter had waited for me to come. He grinned at me with an air of utmost satisfaction. I don't think I could ever understand how he could attract anyone with his supremely puffed up _pompous_ act.

"All right, Evans?" his tone was deep and indicative.

I wanted to wipe the smirk off his face. I glanced over at Severus quickly to make sure he was okay, it appeared so because he was slowly moving again. I promised myself I wouldn't get involved in his affairs after I heard he'd been seen with some of the older more creepy Slytherins but I just couldn't stand by and let him be bullied. I looked back at Potter who was watching me with twinkling eyes.

"Leave him alone." I repeated, "What's he done to you?"

"Well," said Potter, deliberating, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…"

Almost everyone in the circle laughed. I didn't; I was furious. I didn't understand why Marley could say he had such a big crush on me if he couldn't even act like a gentleman around me or anyone else. It was almost embarrassing how immature he was and he knew I was friends with Sev—or kinda friends. Our relationship was difficult but I would always defend Sev from Potter who thought he was God's gift to the world. Besides the fact that he was a great Quidditch player—that was about _all_ Potter had going for him.

"You think you're funny," I said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone." My eyes were trained on his and I saw a flash of the same attitude I'd seen him give multiple times when he'd been in trouble with me.

I knew he was probably going to come out with a snide comment and I was prepared to give him a detention. James Potter was constantly on detention lists—I'd seen his name down for detention three times last week—The Head Boy Frank Longbottom was dishing them out to Potter like candy. Although, how a person gets three detentions in one week is beyond me—but evidently Frank Longbottom didn't care for Potter much either. I'd heard Frank mouthing off to a friend about how annoying Potter was.

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said Potter quickly. "Go on…go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

I was frozen momentarily, disbelief coursing through me. Then I snarled, "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid."

How dare he just ask me out after he'd been cursing Severus?! Even though Sev and I are from different houses we were still mates! How could I date anyone that purposely tries to hurt my friends? I let my eyes shift to Sirius Black, Potter's best mate. How would Potter react if I bullied Black constantly?

Black himself, was laughing a toxic laugh at my answer, obviously thrilled that I hadn't conceded, "Bad luck, Prongs," Black said to Potter and then suddenly he yelled out, "OY!"

I let my eyes wander back to see just in time that Severus had managed to grab his wand and even though I'd just been able to stop the attacks on him, he gave James Potter a proper lash of a spell that cut his cheek really well. A gash appeared on Potter's cheek, spattering his robes with blood. Potter whirled on Sev and I was too aghast to do anything. Why did Sev attack Potter? I'd managed to get him distracted! I knew Sev didn't think clearly—he blindly hated James Potter. I was pretty sure Potter's rage against Sev was just because Sev was a Slytherin.

Potter had jumped at Sev, using a popular spell that caused receivers to be turned upside down by their ankle and held there. Everyone around us laughed, because this time all anyone could see was Sev's discolored trousers from lack of care and wash. All the blood was rushing to Sev's face, turning it bright red but I had a feeling it would be red either way.

"Let him down!" I told Potter exasperatedly, glaring when I saw Remus Lupin had been here the entire time and hadn't done a thing to stop his mates.

I heard Sev drop back to the ground but I was too busy glaring at Remus Lupin who suddenly looked really interested in his book. _He was so dead._ My momentary distraction of glaring at my fellow Gryffindor Prefect allowed Black to start where Potter had dropped off at my request.

Black was ready with his own attack, "_Locomotor Mortis!_"

Sev was on the ground again, rigid, unable to move.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" I shouted, this time pulling out my own wand and pointing it at Potter who now looked apprehensive. I didn't know if he was apprehensive because he knew about my creativity with coloring charms (Marcus McDougal was pink for a week) or if he just didn't want to hex a girl.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said Potter earnestly. I could only assume that he was more scared to hex a girl than he was of my everlasting color charms. How quaint.

"Take the curse off him, then!" I commanded Potter, stealing a glare at Sirius black who sent me a less that appropriate hand gesture.

Potter must have muttered the countercurse, because Sev started moving on the ground again and struggled to get onto his feet. I felt bad for him, always picked on by the other students because he was a bit strange. I'd known him for ages so I'd always known he had a fetish for the weirder parts of the Magical World. But I'd always stuck up for him and I expected him to do the same for me. We both came from the same little town.

I tucked my red hair behind my ear, turning back to check and see if Potter was still bleeding badly and it appeared his cheek was still in bad shape from whatever curse Sev had thrown his way. Our eyes met and I for a moment saw something different in his expression-I was about to offer taking him to the Hospital Wing and forgo a detention since Sev fought back and that's when Potter ruined it.

"There you go," Potter said to me before turning to Sev and saying, "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus –"

I was about to snap at Potter for being a prig when-

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" Sev spat.

My eyes left Potter's and landed on Sev in shock. My brain was racing a mile a minute, the age-old insult making my toes curl.

"Fine," I told Sev coldly, not wanting to cry in front of the audience that had gathered, "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."

I think I felt like throwing up. _Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood._

"Apologize to Evans!" Potter roared, pointing his wand at Sev.

Oh that's rich. Potter was the one defending me now.

"I don't want you to make him apologize," I snapped at Potter. "You're as bad as he is…"

"What?" Potter yelped at my insult. "I'd NEVER call you a – you-know-what!"

I knew that, but I was already upset. I could see more people pushing their way through the crowds. I was too busy insulting James Potter to even look at any of them.

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK!"

I turned on my heel and hurried away. Tears were pricking my eyes.

"Evans!" Potter shouted after me, "Hey, EVANS!"

I didn't dare look back or he'd see the tears streaming down my face. I continued my path back to the front castle doors, not caring what became of any of them. Not Severus Snape. Not James Potter. Not any of them.

Marley found me later curled up in bed, she didn't even bother talking to me, and she just curled up right alongside of me.

**~~~My God, it's amazing how we got this far~~~**

Two years later and I had never been more furious at James Potter.

Not when he lost his first Quidditch game after the team had to forfeit when he lost his temper and cursed the Slytherin Seeker.

Not when he refused to kiss me at the end of our sixth year.

Not when I thought he'd snuck out to go baby-sit a werewolf.

_Nothing_ could compare to how infuriated I was with him at this exact moment.

I think he realized the exact feelings of animosity towards him though because he had never looked more upset than now with his fist ready to punch Peter Pettigrew into next week. Peter was trying to back away except James had the front of his robes gripped so well Peter was actually falling backwards by the force. Sirius was yelling at James to calm down and James was shouting obscenities at Peter who was shouting back.

Had anyone come down to the common room this morning the scene would've probably been comical—only I wasn't laughing. I was quite the opposite of laughing, actually. Disappointment in James had festered and grown into something much larger—something that couldn't be fixed with a swift kiss and an apology.

"Oh let go of him Potter!" I snapped, yanking on James' cloak angrily, "stop blaming other people for your screw ups!"

"Back off Prongs! You're _choking_ Wormtail!" Sirius snapped as well, rushing forward to help Peter who looked absolutely livid at James.

"I can't believe you'd accuse me of saying something when you should've been the one to say something a _hell_ of a long time ago!" Peter said to James as he straightened his robes, "It was only a matter of time before Lily—"

"Enough." I said grimly, my eyes only focused on James who was breathing so hard he was snorting at Peter, "from all of you. I'm tired of all your shit. Marlene told me _everything_." All three boys were staring at me in shock and my glare was able to cut a hole through each of them, "You blokes think you hide your secrets so damn well but you know what?" at this point the anger from everything that happened the past couple of days was piling up and Amy Bones and James Potter had been the last straw, "I'm so done with all of you."

"Lily will you just—" Sirius reached out to grasp me as I tried to walk out of their line of sight but I spun on him.

"No!" I shouted, stomping my foot, letting them see how upset I was, how clearly I'd been hurt, "I trusted _all_ of you. I told you lot everything with Rosier and Snape and Audrey and you boys can't even tell me where you go on full moons! Not to mention Marlene says that you lot love keeping you bloody secrets-"

James snorted, looking disgusted, "What the hell did _McKinnon_ tell you?" he rushed forward, obviously to try and calm me down, "Lily, what the bloody hell are you going on about? What did we _do_?"

"It's actually more of what _you_ did James Potter." I hissed, letting my words crawl up his skin, making his frown deepen, "You and me." I pointed between us, the gap that started to get larger as James back away from me in horror as I spoke, "That's what you did _wrong_."

His voice was broken when he said, "Why won't you tell me what McKinnon told you—if you'd let me explain. Amy and I—"

"You told me Frank Longbottom broke Bones' heart." I snarled, putting one of my hands on the banister almost as support as the truth finally came out, "When really it was all you—_all of it_."

"Now that's—" Sirius spoke up, trying to cover for James.

"Completely true." I hissed not even looking at Sirius, all my focus was placed on James who looked physically sick. Good. "Marley couldn't believe it when she saw you leaving the Great Hall in the middle of Audrey's memorial with Amy Bones—evidently she'd heard rumors that you'd stopped talking to Amy Bones after you broke her heart in our fifth year. Evidently you asked another girl out in front of her."

"_Go out with me Evans?"_ his fifteen year old voice rang in my head like a record player on repeat. Where exactly had Amy been standing when that happened? probably right in front of his nose. James was so blind sometimes.

"I was only—"

I cut James off with, "I think you remember when." My voice was venom, "but if you need a reminder, it was June and the year was 1976. Want a day? I can give you that too."

"Lily—" James was stepping forward to me, trying to stop me but I was done listening to his lies and excuses. "Whatever you heard—you know this school—_everybody_ talks."

I was drained and I had to get my first memory therapy session underway in a few hours. I rubbed my forehead, exclaiming, "The thing is, I don't understand how you can justify all your lying. You made me think Frank was a giant arse for breaking Amelia Bones' heart because he wanted to be an Auror. But it turns out that you did it—all of it. You broke them up—you broke her heart because you were the one dating her when you asked me out in fifth year after the OWLs. Frank and her had just broken up and you swooped in and picked her up only to turn around and ask me out the next day. On top of all of this, all of this James…" I took a deep breath, my headache completely torturous, "You tell me you love me all the time but the way you act suggests differently."

James looked like I had punched him and Sirius was holding onto his shoulder watching me with glassy eyes. Peter looked nervous—like he was going to be in trouble. I still didn't see how he fit into all of this but after Marley had told me all the rumors and what she knew everything started to fit perfectly into place.

"You don't know a damn thing about Amelia Bones and me." James hissed, eyes flashing dangerously, "You don't even know Lily—McKinnon's version is strung up through all the _stupid fucking rumors_ this school relies on to get by." His voice was slowly raising and he stepped out from under Sirius' hold, coming to stand beside me. Even though I was on the first step he was still eye level to me. "Lily, you don't know the whole story because Amy Bones was _nothing_ to me it was _always_ you—and you haven't always been honest with me _either_."

"Yeah, I think that's the worst part." I muttered angrily, walking away despite him shouting up the staircase after me.

Just like in fifth year, Marley found me that morning curled up on the edge of my bed crying. She wrapped her arms around me, trying to sooth me even though nothing could really soothe a broken heart.

**~~~A Window To The Past~~~~**

Humiliated at Evans' rejection to date me I'd tried to continue my hilarity of the arse Severus Snape—I was disgusted by him lashing out at Evans. I was pretty sure they'd been mates. How could he call her a mudblood in front of everyone? Lily Evans might be muggleborn but she was special—anyone could see it! My anger was probably at its peak and I shouted for everyone to hear, "Right, who wants me to take off snivelly's trousers?"

I wasn't going to wait for an answer when someone blasted me backwards and off my feet. Sirius was shouting and I jumped up off the ground where I'd landed, even more humiliated then before. I was about to fight back expecting another Slytherin when I saw who it really was. Shit.

"Everyone go back to your dormitories. Now!" Frank Longbottom had appeared and looked furious.

Besides being a seventh year and Head Boy, Frank Longbottom was comparable to a thorn in my side. That's when I spotted Amy standing there with a morose look etched on her pretty face. I sent her a look; I hadn't spotted her around at all while this had been transpired.

Sirius hissed in my ear angrily, "Bloody Longbottom'll give us a weeks worth of detentions."

Anyone who had been watching mumbled angrily but dispersed, I noticed some people hung back including the blonde haired Marlene McKinnon—one of the girls on our Quidditch team. Maybe she was here to defend me. I didn't need another detention to pile onto the ones I already had from Frank for stupid reasons that all included simple jealousy on his part. I'd gotten Amy Bones because he'd been stupid and let her slip through his grasp.

"One of you let Snape down now." Frank snapped.

Sirius begrudgingly let go of my shoulders to wave his wand and Snape fell to the grass, moaning as soon as he hit the ground. I was watching the Hufflepuff who looked very upset as she surveyed me through her thick bangs. I sent her my signature smirk but that just seemed to make her even more upset. I looked at Frank and then back to her, had he done something? Said something?

Frank didn't seem worried about the quiet girl at his side despite the fact that it was his ex girlfriend who I'd asked out recently to Hogsmede. I froze…I'd asked Amy Bones to Hogsmede.

Had she been there when I'd asked Lily Evans out? Oh no, I was in trouble; I got the answer by the look on Amy's face.

Why had I asked Evans out? She clearly didn't like me so why had I been so stupid? I'd always been carful about my infatuation with the red haired Gryffindor. Now look what my mouth had done!

Frank looked disturbed as he helped Snape up and forced him to stand by Sirius and I. It seemed that Peter and Remus had dispersed with the rest of the students—probably to make sure Remus didn't get in trouble for not braking up our fight. Remus was a Prefect now and had to punish anyone who did anything wrong. He often turned a blind eye to Sirius and me, which got him into trouble more than once.

Frank as Head Boy was taking his position to heart and started his lecture with, "What the Hell do you lot think you were doing?"

"Just having a bit of fun." Sirius said indifferently.

"If Amy hadn't grabbed me—" Frank looked like he was about to lose his cool, "Detention for all of you—the Slytherin too—and 50 points from each house."

"Yeah, Amy," Sirius said spitefully, glaring at her, "Way to grab the nark."

I glared at Sirius just as Frank Longbottom pointed his wand at Sirius threateningly, "Black, you take your sorry arse back up to the castle and don't cross my path."

I tried to leave with Sirius but Longbottom grabbed my shoulder. I resisted the urge to push him off.

"What?" I snapped at Frank, glaring as I saw Snape was slinking away, slimy git.

"Stay." He demanded.

"I don't want to talk to you." I said disdainfully, glancing at Amy who I saw was holding her hands together in front of her, looking at the ground.

"Talk to Amy then." Frank then orders, pushing me towards her, "You yelled at me for telling my mates I was thinking of breaking up with her so she wouldn't have to worry about me when I go off to Auror Training but this is low even for you Potter—Amy told me you asked out Evans right in front of her. What're you playing at?"

I winced, so Longbottom must've guessed I'd overheard his conversation and Amy Bones had gotten wind of it. Peter had found her last week crying because she'd heard the rumor straight from my lips. I'd told her in Transfiguration—mostly to get at Frank Longbottom but also because I thought she could do better. Amy Bones and I had been childhood friends and as I looked her over I realized that maybe this had ruined our friendship. She looked crushed and I suddenly felt like the arrogant git that Evans had claimed I was.

"Amy." I said calling her name.

She glanced up, sniffing slightly, "It's fine James." She looked slightly sad, "It's fine, really."

Frank looked like he had a few things to say that weren't fine about the situation but I think Amy must've been done entirely with the both of us. She shook her head, touching Frank's shoulder and then coming to stand in front of me, her smile watery.

"You asked her out. I saw it. Everyone told me you fancied her but I thought—" she faltered before continuing, "James, I really liked you and I thought that since you told me about Fra—" she stopped and I didn't know what to do because she was crying.

Amy Bones stood there crying and I was suddenly really uncomfortable but Frank seemed embarrassed too because he shouted at the lingering people to disappear. Amy was wiping away the tears with her sleeve, her face blotched and red. I would hear about this from my family—both my parents adored her. I wondered if that was the real reason I'd asked her out. I always said it was to get at Frank Longbottom but maybe I did it because my parents would've wholeheartedly approved.

Amy crossed her arms and Frank shot me a look as if to curse me to Hell. Amy breathed saying her last words, "I'm going back to my common room." As she turned away from me her eyes were strong even though the tears flowed like rain. Frank snorted at me, making a sneer as he tried to follow Amy, calling for her to stop.

I stood there for a while and didn't go back to the common room for a while. I ran around the school and I took my broom for a couple flights. I looked for the Giant Squid as I flew over the lake and I was reminded of Lily Evans' decline to my offer.

Why had I asked her out? Sure she was pretty, but she was maddening as hell. Amy Bones was just as pretty, nicer, and I'd known Amy for ages. Amy was pureblood, played Quidditch, and loved practical jokes. Amy was the perfect girl for me—Sirius himself agreed. So why I had I screwed up everything and asked Lily Evans out?

The real answer didn't come to me until I was returning the common room later that night when most of the students had gone to bed. Lily was sitting on the couch reading a book. She looked so upset and I suddenly felt like a jerk for the way I'd acted earlier that day. I remembered her look when Snape had called her a mudblood and I wondered if that would've even happened had I not started the fight.

"Evans?" I spoke to her, ignoring the looks from a third year that had been working on her scrolls quietly beside the red head.

Lily lifted her head and watched me quizzically, "What?" she asked frigidly.

"I'm sorry." I managed to garble out—she looked taken aback and I was surprised at my daring too.

Why had I said sorry? I wasn't even able to tell Amy Bones sorry after all that madness down at the lake. What was it about Lily Evans that made me so insane? That's when I realized that Lily Evans in herself was probably the reason. The way she was exactly the opposite of Amy Bones—fiery and spirited to Amy's relaxed and innocent lifestyle.

I was attracted to Lily Evans—simple as that.

Lily's glare was reminiscent of Frank Longbottom's loathing stare though and reminded me exactly what Lily Evans thought of me. I was determined to change that glare into a smile. I always loved a challenge.

"You know," I told her, "Frank Longbottom gave me a detention for picking on Snape. Would've rather had it come from you."

I was pleased when I saw a small simper appear on her face, "Oh yeah?" she said, placing her book down, trying and failing to look annoyed.

"Yeah." I grinned even more, "You are a whole lot nicer than Longbottom."

She looked guarded as she stood up, "Why are you trying to be so polite to me? Hoping I'll change your detention days to days you don't have Quidditch practice?"

Frank and blunt—that was Evans. Another motive to add to my list of reasons of why I was attracted to her. Had I really been that obvious before about my crush on her? I'd always crossed out her name when I would accidently doodle on my parchment. I hardly spoke about Evans to the Marauders. Amy still said she'd heard rumors about me fancying Evans—had Evans heard those same rumors? Had Evans denied me a date to Hogsmede because she knew I'd asked out Amy Bones?

Was it wrong that I wanted to go to Hogsmede with Lily—and not Amy?

"Not entirely." I said, watching as she walked towards the girl's staircase, "but I suppose I shouldn't lie to you—so yeah that's exactly what I'm after."

She no longer looked as upset as before, in fact she seemed to be trying to hide a smile as she started her way up the girls' staircase. I couldn't figure out how to tell her Amy Bones and I weren't a thing.

"Night Evans!" I called up after her, feeling warmth spread to my stomach when she gave a little wave—yeah I fancied her.

I thought I'd fancied Amy Bones—really, truly, thought she was sweet and could do better than Frank Longbottom. I think that's it though. Whenever I was around Amy it was more like being around a friend because we joked and laughed and I was only mildly attracted to her.

Around Lily Evans my world was topsy turvy and I couldn't think right.

**~~~Just don't let me disappear because I'm gonna tell you everything~~~**

Two years later and I still couldn't think right around Lily Evans. As she disappeared up the steps I felt like my world had come crashing down all around me and there was no way to piece it back together. All these years it had only ever been about Lily. I'd worked so hard to get her to see me as a more mature adult—a person worthy enough to date her.

"Prongs." Sirius whispers behind me, "Why did you _lie_ to her?"

"Because he was afraid that she might react like she just did." Peter spoke up from his spot.

I was so nauseous, I didn't even have the strength to fight with Peter—because he was one hundred percent right.

* * *

I finally used the song suggestion that nighty eight percent of you kept chucking at me: _**Secrets**_ by One Republic

Review xxx

Sasha


	26. Lionheart

**Chapter 26: Taking over this town, they should worry,**

**But these problems aside I think I taught you well.**

**That we won't run, and we won't run, and we won't run.**

**Howling ghosts they reappear**

**In mountains that are stacked with fear**

**But you're a king and I'm a lionheart.**

"Prongs sit down before you embarrass yourself." Sirius snapped at me when I stood up from my place at the Gryffindor Table at breakfast when I saw a flash of red hair, "That's not even her."

"Where is she?!" I huffed, falling back into my seat. I accepted a pat on the back from Peter who was remarkably more cheerful now that I wasn't threatening him within an inch of his life.

"Probably avoiding you." Peter chuckled.

"Fuck off." I snapped at Peter before grabbing a piece of buttered toast and shoving it in my mouth, chewing dramatically as I kept up my search for a bunch of red hair to walk through The Great Hall. "Lily and I need to talk. McKinnon had everything wrong!"

"Not everything." Peter said, earning a punch from Sirius.

"Peter Pettigrew you had better shut your fat lip before I shut it for you." I threatened, frowning when the next batch of Gryffindors to enter the hall turned out to be Lily's dorm mates. Sadly they were without Lily.

"Mate I don't even think she'll talk to you," Sirius said, bringing up what he thought would be helpful words, "Just let her calm down. Knowing Lily she'll be angry for a couple of hours and then it'll wear off."

"We aren't fighting." I slammed my fist on the table, "We aren't going to be like that. Not us."

"Friendly reminder," Peter said smoothly, "you already are like that with her."

Together, Sirius and I pushed Peter off the bench making him fall into a heap on the floor. Peter made an upset face at the both of us before standing up, brushing off his robes, and huffing as he stomped away. I watched him walk away with a satisfied smirk only to groan when I saw he was heading for the Hufflepuff table where Amy Bones herself sat laughing with a few of her mates over breakfast.

"That arse." Sirius mumbled as he scooted up to sit alongside me before continuing our conversation, "Look, Prongs, you shouldn't talk to Lily until we get to see Remus. He has no idea what's going on and I think he should be the one to have the final decision."

I pushed back my hair as I thought about Sirius' valid point. After Lily had stormed off earlier this morning claiming how she was done with the lot of us, we'd stayed up plotting our next move. Peter felt that we shouldn't trust anyone or it'd be a one-way ticket to Azkaban. Sirius was all for just telling Lily everything and moving on—he had complete faith in her.

I just wanted to tell her my side of everything and get her to see where I was coming from.

But on top of the Amy Bones factor that was making Lily angry, she also was livid because she knew that we still kept secrets from her. I hadn't told her the entire truth about why Frank and I were constantly at each other's throats. I hadn't told her about us being animagus. I had kept my secrets and now those very secrets were digging me a grave.

As I played with the food on my plate I wondered what Remus would decide. Remus had always been easy and the type to go along with the flow—except when it came to his condition. Remus was extra sensitive with people knowing his furry little problem. He was just starting to get used to having everyone in Hogwarts know he turned into a monster once a month.

The bell rang for us to go to class. Lily was still missing in action. I wondered where she was. It wasn't like her to miss classes but as I was following Sirius out of the hall I saw Marlene caring a bit of buttered toast with jam as she talked to Lani Weems. I would put my entire inheritance on that being for Lily.

It was Wednesday so we had History of Magic together.

We walked through the mass of students and climbed our way to the third floor where the large History of Magic classroom was. Sirius entered right behind Marlene who I saw move to the left. I spotted Lily before she saw me. Marlene was handing her the toast with a small smile and Lily was thanking Marlene with a grin that didn't reach her eyes. She still hadn't looked my way even though I was standing there in the doorway just staring at her.

Sirius was waiting for me, his book bag slung over his shoulder, hissing at me to stop staring and just sit down with him. Like Hell, I just needed to talk with her. I needed to show her I could be mature about this. I wasn't fifteen anymore.

I saw Marlene going to sit beside Lily but I ran and slid into the seat, bumping hips with Lily who made a face between anxious to immensely surprised. Sirius gave a small, sad headshake in my direction before leaving me to deal with the devil. Marlene was tapping her foot.

"Excuse me Potter but I think that's my seat." She said, her tone practically leaking acid.

People coming through to enter the classroom were watching. Of course the Hogwart's student body couldn't resist a good dose of drama this early in the morning. Marlene started tapping her foot.

I ignored the blonde and looked at Lily who was staring at me outright confused, "What do you want?" she hissed, green eyes wary, "I told you I'm done talking."

"We didn't even talk." I muttered, reaching up to touch her cheek. It was a reflex that only caused me to feel my stomach drop when she shied away from my hand.

"She doesn't want to talk to a cheater like you." Marlene snapped, tugging on my robes to pull me away from Lily slightly, "Now back off Potter."

"Cheater?" I glared at Marlene.

Someone laughed as they passed by our small section of desks. It was Fabian Prewett who sent McKinnon a nasty look, "Don't take _cheater_ too harshly from McKinnon, Potter. She's obsessed."

"Oh hell, shut your ugly hippogriff face, Prewett." Marlene snapped, "No one was talking to you."

It was Lily's tone, soft and sad, that made us all stop our petty fighting, "James could you please move for Marlene."

Her voice was so soft, so quiet; I wouldn't have heard her had I not been sitting directly next to her. I backed away from her so I could get a good look at her but Marlene had other plans, she grabbed my arm and forced me to give up my seat. Marlene took her place beside Lily with a rude hand gesture in my direction and then towards Fabian who snorted and rolled his eyes.

I didn't want to go sit too far from Lily but Sirius had already chosen seats for us far on the opposite side of the classroom. I grumbled and started walking over towards Sirius who was watching me with a look like: 'I can't believe you didn't listen to me' and 'you can be such an idiot sometimes'.

Then I perked up because on the other side of Sirius…

"Remus!" I said joyfully, landing into the seat beside Sirius quickly, leaning over his shoulder to get a better look at the werewolf.

Although looking tired from last night's full moon, he was already looking better. I hope he will agree that Lily needs to know everything.

"You're in a good mood for someone whose girlfriend broke up with him." Remus commented dryly as he picked at some toast on a napkin in front of him.

"We haven't split." I said harshly, frowning, glancing quickly over at Lily who had her head planted firmly on the desk as McKinnon spoke to her softly. "How'd you already hear that?"

"He's in denial." Sirius told Remus who sent me a pitiful glance.

"Sirius told me." Remus answered me.

I shoved Sirius who shoved me back. A shadow fell over our desk and Sirius made a impudent look at the new addition to our group.

"Oh look Wormtail, gracing us with your presence again then?" Sirius teased Peter who was presumably behind me.

I turned to find I was correct in my assumptions so I moved over, forcing Remus and Sirius to budge. Peter fell into the seat beside me just as the bell for the start of class began. Sirius had wisely chosen a seat in the back of the classroom so as Professor Binns droned on and on about the War of 1902 we set to work fixing our problem.

"Here's what happened…" Sirius started.

As soon as we started telling Remus about what had transpired this morning his face began turning red and he occasionally shushed us when we got to loud. We explained how Lily was clever and she knew we'd been lying to her about full moons. I didn't bother even mentioning Amy Bones—Remus didn't need to worry about that problem. And it wasn't even a problem! Marlene McKinnon had obviously thought that yesterday at Audrey's funeral Amy Bones and I were sneaking out to go off and snog but if Lily had just asked instead of believed what McKinnon had said…

"I'm all for telling Ginger." Sirius finished his thoughts—using his nickname for Lily had been our codename incase anyone was listening to our conversation in the back of the class.

I pulled myself from my inner thoughts about Lily and Amy to focus at the problem on hand. If and when I get Lily to finally talk to me—do I tell her the truth about what we've done almost every full moon?

"I think she should just trust James and not ask any questions." Peter muttered beside me, doodling a haphazard sketch of a rat in the corner of his parchment.

"The problem is that she doesn't trust me because all those lies we told. So now they are finally catching up to us." I snapped.

"That's what happens when we let people get to close to us." Remus mumbled from his spot.

We were all silent, listening to our Professor drone on in the front but not really paying attention to what he was saying. His voice was merely background noise to our problems. The row of boys in front of us was silently cheering on their mate as he stuffed his mouth full of five chocolate frogs at once. Across the room from us I managed to catch another look at Lily who was taking notes like a good student.

I missed her.

And it's only been a few hours of us not being together—I mean we were together—just not together. It was a rough patch and we'd get over it. I hoped.

"Tell her." Remus muttered finally, just as class got closer to the end.

We all looked at him in surprise.

Remus just nodded at me, "Tell her James. Tell her everything." Sirius and I grinned at each other.

Peter threw up his hands in disgust, "Thanks for taking my thoughts into consideration."

**~~~Now Rumor Has It She Don't Have Your Love Anymore~~~**

"Want lunch Lily?" Marlene called kindly from her bed where she'd been doing Potions homework.

Marlene had been great—she'd been there for me like back in the old days but I missed him. I missed him already and it had only been a few hours. Marlene told me when she'd broken it off with Fabian she'd missed him too—it just took time.

Not only was I missing James but also I kept replaying old scenes in my head. I kept seeing Audrey die. No matter how much I tried to push it out I always saw it. It was hard for me to focus. I hoped the memory therapy would help. I really can't imagine how Alice Rogers is doing. I wish we were in the same house so I could see her and ask her.

I glanced at my watch and saw I only had another hour before my memory therapy was scheduled with a man called Healer Nicks in the Hospital Wing. I nodded in agreement to Marley's offer and got off my bed, twirling my hair as I thought some more.

"Good," Marlene grinned at my nod, her blue eyes twinkling, "I'm starving."

We walked arm in arm together down the stairs as we headed for the Great Hall and I started to replay the past week in my head. Audrey's body convulsing on the sheets of the Hospital Wing. Alice Rogers' panic-stricken face. Frank Longbottom's warning about the memory therapy. James' angered look when I'd yelled at him. James' panic stricken look when I'd dared to mention Amy Bones.

Marley swore she'd saw James and Amy leave the Great Hall together but I still half-heartedly wanted to speak to James—despite how angry I was at him for his lies, secrets, and pride—I really, really, really missed him. When he'd slid into the seat next to me at History of Magic this morning I'd almost smiled and kissed him good morning. It had seemed so natural—even after I'd spent earlier that morning yelling at him for being a prig it had seemed so natural for him to be at my side. I'd gotten so used to having James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter around that now, being side by side with Marley, I felt atypical. I felt so alone. I felt like Audrey probably had, alone and scared and so used. Would the memory therapy help me forget? My grip on Marlene tightened.

Audrey's body flashed through my mind, replaced with Marlene's body, replaced with Sirius' body…replaced with a bloody convulsing James Potter. _No, no, no, no_. I tried to block it out and I stopped walking, making Marlene glance at me with worry.

"Lily?" she mumbled, "Are you alright?"

"Just need to—" I managed to sputter before letting go of her so I could be leaning on my knees, "Breathe."

"Okay." Her tone was laced with concern; I couldn't see her face since I was staring at the stone ground contemplating throwing up as the images of dead family members appeared next.

_Stop it. Stop it._ I felt sick to my stomach and I no longer wanted food.

"What the Hell is wrong with her?" I heard a voice exclaim.

_Was that?_ Sirius.

Now his dead body was flashing before my eyes.

_Was this normal?_ I felt so sick. The toast I'd had this morning was making its way back up my throat.

"I don't know." Marlene's voice sounded one hundred thousand kilometers away. "She was fine and now—"

Arms wrapped around my shoulders and I heard a male voice say softly, "Lily?"

"_Massktop_." I'd meant to say, _'Make it stop'_ but my head hurt too much.

"She's got that memory therapy in an hour or s—"

"Fat load of shit that'll do." His voice was so sarcastic. He sounded like James.

_It was Frank Longbottom_. He was back at Hogwarts again? I was able to focus on that and I tried to grab onto that piece of information tightly but I was still stuck in the constant replay of Audrey's death featuring my favorite people in the world. I lifted my head weakly, took one look at his worried face, and then my breakfast came up from my throat and made it all over him.

"Oh, Lily." I heard Marlene murmur softly in horror at what I'd done.

Frank just held onto me tighter, bless him. My eyes were shut and I was leaning against him for support so I wouldn't fall to the floor. Frank lifted me into a hold and I was so out of it I just held on, trying to not think about dead bodies. Trying not to think about anything.

"What's your name?" I heard him ask Marley.

"Marlene." She sounded anxious, "She needs to go to the Hospital Wing. They were supposed to do the memory therapy on her at one—she's had an awful week—her boyfriend cheated on her and she just—"

_No. No. No. I don't want to think! Everyone needs to be quiet._ I tightened my hold on whatever I was holding into for support.

"Potter cheated on her?"

I moaned and that snapped the both of them back into the right mode. Frank gripped me tighter and told Marlene to go get our Head of House. We started moving and I could only presume we were headed for the Hospital Wing. Where Audrey died. I suddenly felt sick again.

I wondered if Alice was having the same problems as me—or if hers were worse since she lost her boyfriend.

I didn't want to think anymore. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to do anything except feel better.

And see James. I wanted to see James. Was that so wrong of me after yelling at him so harshly? He'd only been trying to explain but I'd been so quick to get angry…

We got to the Hospital Wing. Memories of the incident resurfaced and I drowned in my own dreams.

A Healer wearing the standard white robes and the sigma of the Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries was jostling me awake. He was older with white hair and glasses and almost looked like he could be related to Albus Dumbledore. I blinked slowly, comprehending where I was.

My head felt lighter. I felt better. I couldn't remember exactly why I felt better—but I really did.

"How are you doing?" the Healer had an American accent and I allowed myself a pause before answering.

"You have an accent."

He chuckled and I heard someone else join in behind the American Healer. I glanced back and saw Albus Dumbledore himself standing not too far away with a smile directed at me. Dumbeldore's light blue eyes were watching me as I maneuvered myself up into a sitting position. The Hospital Wing was silent save for the Healer, the Headmaster, and me. I tried to remember how I got here and the realization hit me like a brick. My cheery disposition waking from the slumber disappeared and I sunk back into the pillows. I remember throwing up, Marlene's worry, James and I fighting, Audrey dying.

Audrey.

I racked my brain. He was still there but—his death was—softer. I could tell. My memories were hazy and I was suddenly aware how a fog gathered in my head if I focused on the memory too much. I remember him being brought in by the Prefects. I remember Audrey on the bed but then it goes hazy. I know there was something else, I can remember the horror but I can't see the memory.

_The memory therapy._

I shot up right again and looked at the Healer who was watching my reactions as a scientist would observe a test subject. When I had come to the Wing with Frank, I'd gotten the memory therapy done!

"You were a bit early for your scheduled session." The American joked, his brown eyes cheerful at my reaction, "but it was the perfect timing actually—the memory was so afresh in your brain I was able to—work my magic—you could say." He winked.

I glanced at Dumbledore who had been against my plans in the first place but he seemed to have no qualms against what had happened—in fact he was smiling at me. I closed my eyes and pushed my red hair from my face, trying out the magic again, excitedly searching for the memory and replaying it. It started out again Audrey on the bed, and I gleefully waited for the memory to go hazy, only to find it took at turn for the worse. Audrey's body morphed into a skeleton that wasted away before my eyes. I let my eyes snap open and I stared back into Dumbledore's face, this time in horror.

"It doesn't work." I muttered in repulsion, feeling defeated.

Now I had the image repeating in my head, the new nightmare of the skelton. Over and over. I felt another headache coming on.

"Of course it worked." The American snapped, stepping back from the bed, now appeared offended, "I meddled the memory from the roots up." He haughtily rubbed his beard staring at me, "whatever you just saw is a figment of your imagination. I can do nothing for that."

"Thank you Nicks, I'm sure the Hospital will be in need of you—" Professor Dumbledore broke into the conversation, cutting off the healer in mid rant. I was too busy sitting in utter shock at the realization of what the true memory altering at done.

I remembered what Frank said about it being the coward's way out. I thought it'd help me dull the memories—and it had –but now I was just imaging what had happened. Imagining was worse than anything now because I didn't know the truth.

The American Healer spoke to Dumbledore for a few more moments before bustling out without even one more look at me. I guess I'd offended him. Why had I agreed to do this? I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them tightly, feeling sick. I let memories float around my head—the Healer hadn't taken the most horrifying ones. He hadn't altered the one of my mum dying slowly from cancer. I still had the memory of my pet cat dead on the front lawn. Memories turned to nightmares and I saw my dad and my sister dead on the ground. Then James. A lump formed in my throat.

"He should've taken them all." I choked, feeling my eyes well up with tears.

That's when I realized just who I was in the room with and I forced myself to hold back the tears and look at my Headmaster. The silvery haired man just smiled at me as I pushed my hair from my face again and tried to not look as cowardly or as hurt.

"I'm sorry sir, I just—" I faltered again, not really sure what I was.

"There is no shame in wanting to forget your past." Dumbledore spoke softly, his tone was kind and not patronizing at all, "I would like to apologize for my comments a few days ago."

I furrowed my eyebrows together in question, "What?"

The Headmaster sat down at the edge of my bed and watched me thoughtfully, "Did you not think it incredibly inappropriate of me to tell you not to do the memory therapy?"

I just stared at him, not sure how to answer. Everyone had told me not to do it. I'd just been so caught up in trying to forget that I didn't think about the consequences. The memory therapy had altered my memory of the event significantly but at the same time I was now free to alter the memory into a nightmare.

"Memories can only be altered." I muttered resentfully, staring at the wrinkled sheets with great remorse.

"Yes," Dumbledore answered sorrowfully, "There are the Memory Charms, of course—but even those people that are charmed eventually regain new memories or distorted pictures of the old memories."

"I just wanted to be braver."

Dumbledore surveyed me momentarily before stating, "Miss Evans you are a true Gryffindor. Brave and true to the very end."

How could he know I was brave? How could he assume I was a real Gryffindor? I was the same girl that was too frightened to talk to my boyfriend because I didn't want to get hurt. I was the same girl who chose to get memory therapy because she was too afraid to face the past.

I looked up at him doubtfully, "No offense Professor but you hardly know me." The Headmaster hadn't ever taught me in class—all he knew about me was what my teacher reports and extra curricular activities suggested about my personality.

I was going to change though. I was going to be braver. I was going to talk to James. I was going to work my problems out. I wasn't going to be afraid.

It was his turn to look doubtful, "Not know you? I know all of my students Miss Evans. I just know some better than others." He stood and brushed off his dark purple cloak, "Now, Healer Nicks will resume memory therapy with you tomorrow but he says you might experience some—"

"No." it was the first word from me all day that spoken loudly, "I don't want the memory therapy."

I could swear I saw a hint of a smile on his face, "Alright." He replied neutrally, "I'll do the honor of writing the Healer a notice. Please feel free to head to your common room whenever you feel better. Just let Madame Promfrey know you are leaving."

I sent him a little wave as he left but didn't offer him much more. As he _was_ my Headmaster, I found it peculiar how open he was with me. I'd always heard Albus Dumbledore was a bit odd but I still appreciated him and now after our discussion I felt like I respected him even more.

I still felt slightly lightheaded but Madame Promfrey assured me I just needed a good nights sleep; she gave me a Pepper-up Potion and sent me on my way after a once over.

The only thing I had on my mind was finding James. I wanted—no—I needed to talk to him. I was tired, I didn't want to fight, and I felt like we needed to work things out maturely. I shouldn't have yelled and he should've been honest with me. The one good thing the memory therapy accomplished was clearing my mind a bit.

I stuck my hands into my robe pockets and then pulled my left hand out automatically, a piece of paper was in my fist. I stopped in the middle of the hallway and read the large handwriting with interest.

_**Lily,**_

_**I was going to wait until you woke up but I was called out to work. I won't be back at Hogwarts for some time so I won't get to talk to you face to face. **_

_**First off, I'm sorry for pushing you to say no to the Memory Therapy. I just know you are strong enough to deal with the past. I know Potter had the same feelings as me on the thought of memory therapy—so I can't be all bad right? Besides, I think you got me back. Potter got a kick out of me being covered in your breakfast. **_

_**Speaking of Potter…I know your friend said James Potter and you broke up because he was cheating on you. Potter stopped by earlier when he heard about you from your mate Marlene and I spoke to him. Potter would've stayed but he had rounds—which is exactly where he'd been with Amy during Audrey's Memorial.**_

_**Potter and I have a long, complicated, history but I want you to know that what happened to Amy Bones in fifth year wasn't just his fault. It was mine too. I used to brag all the time about Amy and I dating. I knew it drove him mad. I didn't like Potter and he didn't like me much either. Basically, it was just us teenaged boys being stupid over a girl. Amy Bones is a great girl—I think you two would actually get along. **_

_**Just talk to Potter, ok? Trust me, he loves you a lot.**_

_**You are an amazing girl Lily and you deserve the best. I'll miss seeing you around Hogwarts but if you are ever in London look me up and we'll have lunch. **_

_**Keep in touch, yeah?**_

_**Frank**_

_**34 Monroe St**_

_**London, England**_

I held the note to my stomach as I thought about what Frank had said…James hadn't been cheating. Marlene had just taken everything out of context? But what about James lying about Frank being the one who broke her heart all those years ago? What had really happened? Frank made it sound like it wasn't his place to say.

I made my way around the corner and stopped dead. Speak of the devil; James was standing in front of me. The sunlight that was streaming in through the windows was fading seeing it was nearly sundown and the light caught his jet-black hair making it shine. He was facing towards the opposite wall, ruffling his hair. A nervous habit.

"I thought you were meant to be on rounds with Amy Bones?" I managed to speak up when he still hadn't realized he was being watched.

He spun, now facing me; one hand stuck in his hair the other hand hanging at his side stupidly. His glasses were askew and instead of being in his nice black robes I noticed he wore his Quidditch robes. I was now really baffled—and it wasn't the memory therapy causing the confusion because Frank had written that James was supposed to be on rounds with Amy Bones.

"Lily." My name was all he managed to get out.

"Frank said you were on rounds." I spoke sensitively, my eyes taking in the circles under his eyes.

I wondered how I looked. Probably just as tired.

"I was." He mumbled, stepping forward, still looking edgy, "But then I got Arnold Bigwald to switch with me."

I didn't know if it was the relief of seeing him here or just that I'd missed him but I managed to quip playfully, "Good ol' Arnold."

"Lily." He sighed darkly, making me smile just a bit—normally I was the one acting all pessimistic.

"James." I copied his tone, waltzing right up to him, standing inches from him before looking up into his hazel eyes carefully, "What?"

"Are you alright?" he whispered, eyes troubled, "When I came in earlier Longbottom said they did the memory therapy and—"

"James, I'm fine." I told him sincerely, grabbing his hand, "I'm not doing the memory therapy." I was concerned when I saw how upset he actually was, "I mean they already started—but I'm not going to let them finish."

James let go of my hand to gawk at me, "You what?"

I shrugged, dropping my shoulders considerably, "I don't want to talk about my memory therapy. I _want_ to talk about us."

"Oh." He was quiet and then, "Sirius reckons I should just let you alone for a few days after this morning."

I smiled to myself that was just like Sirius—avoid the angry Lily as much as possible. I remembered at the start of the summer when he'd ignored me after I'd yelled at him. I noticed that James was wondering if Sirius was right because he started backing away from me.

"No, James, we're talking now." I said, grabbing his hand and forcing him back to me, "You did switch rounds didn't you?"

He nodded, "I was going to storm in there and demand you to talk to me but after this morning when you asked me—"

"This morning I thought you were seeing Amy Bones behind my back." I said with a snap, reminded of why I was so annoyed with him in the first place, "We wouldn't be in this mess if you were just _honest_ with me James."

He winced at that and pushed his glasses up farther on his nose before peering down at me sadly, "Yeah," he commented dejectedly, "I know."

I looked around our deserted first floor hallway, knowing it wouldn't be deserted for long. I glanced at his Quidditch robes questionably.

"You going to play Quidditch?" I asked him smartly, pointing at his cloak.

James shook his head, "I was going to invite you for a fly around the pitch but then I realized you probably still have a headache."

I shrugged, "I'm more hungry than anything." I frowned, "But I don't want to go to the Great Hall or the Quidditch Pitch."

James looked at me sympathetically, "You aren't as cross as you were this morning."

I gave him a short look, "It's been a long day."

James reached closer to me and pulled me into a hug, startling me. I let myself hug him though, despite still having to talk to him, I just wanted to be near him. I loved him. I loved him for his lies, I loved him for his sweetness, I love him for his arrogance, and I knew I loved him for his hugs.

"I'm sorry." He murmured, "I know I'm a _prick_."

"James we _still_ need to talk." I spoke into his ear, letting my arms drop from around his shoulders so I could grab his hands, "I want us to work out but this," I motioned between the two of us, "can only work if we're both honest. No more half-truths. No more secrets. Just us."

He leaned his forehead against mine his eyes closed, "Well then lets talk."

"Ok."

And then we went to the closest classroom we could find, locked the door, and James even preformed a few silencing spells. No more secrets.

From what I could tell we'd ended up in one of the study hall classrooms on the first floor. I thought it looked familiar and that's when I realized this is the same classroom I saw Frank Longbottom in for the first time two months ago. It was strange how different everything was from then. James and I sat at one of the abandoned desks. We just stared at each other for a few moments and then he spoke as if in a rush.

"Look I know Marlene Mckinnon thinks I was waltzing around with Amy Bones behind your back but Lily I would never—"

I cut him off, "Were the rumors Marley said about you and Amy back in fifth year…were they true?"

James picked at the loose wood on the desk warily, "Partially."

"Why'd you ask me out if you were with her?" I asked softly, staring at him, only seeing the fifteen-year old boy I'd known.

James sighed, "I'd only just asked her out—it was meant as payback to Longbottom for some stupid detention he'd given me and how he flaunted Amy like a trophy when they dated. Amy was my friend. I told you that. We'd been Quidditch mates for ages and then suddenly she had Frank and I got jealous..." I watched a smile lift his features, "I was young, and dumb, and even though I thought I liked Amy nothing compared to my infatuation with you. I wanted you so much that I hated you. I didn't understand why, even though I was around Amy—who I thought I liked—I would always think of you. I had the biggest crush on you, so when you walked my way I asked you out."

I didn't return his smile, "and Amy?" I thought of the strawberry-blond Hufflepuff.

"Never said anything of it." James shrugged, "Peter always buggered me about it but—"

"Peter?"

"Loves her."

We were silent again. James was picking at the old wood of the desk. I was busy comprehending what James said about Amy Bones and him. James claimed Amy had never said anything of it and he was finally telling me what had happened. Marlene had told me a version of that story—but is sounded less harsh coming from James' lips. Especially now that I knew that James had just been on rounds with her. If I had just checked the stupid schedule like a Head Girl really should, I probably would've seen James' name scribbled into that time slot.

"Why were you friends with Severus Snape?" he mumbled faintly.

I winced, thinking of Severus Snape, who I still thought was responsible for Audrey's death. My nightmare of skeleton Audrey reappeared but I pushed it back by looking right into James' eyes.

"I don't know. Childhood friendship gone horribly wrong? I think you know why we aren't friends anymore." I whispered, then I shot the question back at him, "Why are you friends with a werewolf?"

James smiled, taking my hands in his, "You know I call it his furry little problem?"

I cracked a smile, "yeah?"

James kissed my hands, each finger one by one, before continuing, "We found out in second year and started hatching a plan that would make us able to go with him during full moons."

I stared at him, sensing that this was probably the biggest secret he'd been hiding from me. Probably the biggest secret he'd been hiding from the world. I watched as his eyes looked around the room like he was searching for bugs as he continued his story in an undertone.

"Remus told me it was okay to tell. We all agreed this morning that you deserve to know." He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, scooting closer to me on our bench, "After we found out, we all looked up ways to help—the answer was given to us during Transfiguration. McGonagall was doing a quick lecture," he leaned so close his lips brushed my ear and I furrowed my eyebrows in concentration as I struggled to hear what he was saying, "on animagus."

_Animagus were wizards that can turn into animals at will…_

"Animagus?" I hissed, breaking away from him to stare at him in shock. "You lot didn't?"

I could already tell by the look on his face. The shock of the secret literally had me opening and closing my mouth in revelation.

His hazel eyes were twinkling, "We did." Then suddenly he frowned and grabbed my hand, just as I was backing away from him, "Lily if anyone finds out—"

I slapped him across the face. I didn't know what else to do. I was in such a state of shock I almost felt like I was better off thinking they ran around under a invisibility cloak after a werewolf. Animagus. I knew enough about them to know that it was practically impossible to become one. The Ministry had all sorts of rules and regulations. If you got caught illegally then you would spend a long time in the wizard prison Azkaban. I stared at James who was nursing his cheek but grinning like a loon.

"Remus is going to owe Sirius three sickles now." He was grinning at me, "They had a bet on if you would slap me or break up with me on the spot and turn me into the Ministry."

"I'm considering both, James!" I hissed, yanking on his robes, hard, "Illegal! Not even breaking school rules—breaking Wizarding Law!"

James shrugged, waving my cares away with one hand, "We've been doing it so long Lily."

"I have a headache." I mused, putting my hand to my forehead to show my disgust.

I heard him chuckle, "Merlin, it feels good for someone other than the other Marauders to know about this."

I lifted my head to stare at him in utter disbelief, "Oh my God." It was like all the dots were connecting, "All those silly nicknames you boys have…"

James honestly looked like a kid in a candy shop; he wasn't bothering to keep his voice down anymore, "Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs." He spoke the semi-familiar nicknames out loud and I stare doubtfully at him. He puffed out his chest proudly, "I'm Prongs." He winked.

I couldn't help but feed off his energy and my curiosity got the better of me, "Let me get this straight, every full moon you boys go run around the Hogwart's grounds as animals?"

James snorted, "More like every week." He rolled his eyes, "Only reason I was late the day the dementors attacked was because I got stuck outside the gates as Prongs and had to run over twenty miles to find a place to sneak in."

Everything was fitting together. Everything. We were silent as I processed all of the information I'd been given. All his secrets were out—he'd been completely honest with me. It was all I had wanted so why was I so hesitant now? I knew his biggest secret, the one that could send him and his mates to jail if anyone ever found out. James appeared to realize this too because he was watching me with an intense look.

"You're alright with this?" I asked, tone soft and unsure, "me knowing all of this?"

"I trust you." James replied, "So do the others."

I stared at him, smiling softly, "You know people used to spread these rumors about you walking around school with antlers sticking out of your head."

He chuckled and leaned in nuzzling my nose with his, "That's because I spent two whole weeks with little prongs sticking out of my head—can't believe you missed that."

I was greedy now, the more answers I had, the better I felt, "What's your animal?"

James grinned, "A stag. I'll show you if you want—later down by the forest. We'll get the cloak and—"

He was off, coming up with a plan. It reminded me so much of the sixth year James I had become friends with. I felt better knowing I'd patched things up between us maturely. I'd listened to his side of the story and hadn't jumped to conclusions.

I had made things right with James. We still had some rough patches to smooth out but we'd get there. James could help me with my nightmares—considering as long as he was alive and around me I would have proof that at least one of my nightmares isn't true. I knew he trusted me now. I knew the reason why he acted the way he did sometimes—it was because he loved me. I loved him too.

"—if we hurry I can probably grab the other Marauders. Oh, we call ourselves the Marauders, you'll love it Lil. No more secrets, yeah? Just us." He was positively beaming.

I cut him off, feeling like we had all the time in the world, "No, lets go get some dinner and then I want to go find out if Alice Rogers wants to hang out. I think she could use some friends right now."

He looked disappointed but then he stood up from his spot beside me and offered me his hand, "Fine, I didn't want to show you how amazing I am anyways." He said cheekily.

I snorted and took his hand, "I said later." I nudged his shoulder, "I'm happy we talked this out like adults." I told him truthfully as I unlocked the door and left the room.

He smiled down at me, hazel eyes warm, "I'm happy we did too."

We've both grown over the past few months and even though we still had a lot to learn about life and love in general I knew we could do it together. We could help each other and for a moment—it seemed that everything would be okay as long as James and I were open to talking to each other and trusting each other.

* * *

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to the wonderful people who have followed this story from the first chapter. Thank you to Forever Sirius, Twilgihtstargazer, and we make paper cranes AMONG MANY OTHERS. I can't thank all of you enough for your support through this entire story. As muc as I would've loved writing all the way to the very end-I have a few other things planned for jily.

lovelovelovelovelove,

Sasha.

ps

pretend I'm really cool and leave a review, yeah?

pps

but wait…there's an epilogue…click **NEXT**.


	27. Dark Days

**Chapter 27:**

**It can turn the whole world upside down,**

**Shake it 'til the sky falls to the ground.**

**We don't have to reap the fear they sow,**

**Friends, as long as we hide our love away,**

**In the good they'll never know.**

**It can see us through these dark days,**

**Though they seem to darken as we go.**

**Our love will see us through these dark, dark days.**

Life moves on.

James and I fell even more in love.

My dad died but my sister got married.

Alice Rogers ended up falling for Frank Longottom during her winter internship at the Ministry.

Amy Bones also fell in love during her winter internship at the Ministry—but she fell in love with wizarding law studies. James says she's studying to be on the Wizengamot and is doing well.

James and I grew up, left Hogwarts, and joined the war. We live in a small wizarding village and we got married with Sirius as our best man. It wasn't too long before I was pregnant with my first and only son, Harry.

He was the light of my life and I spent most of my time coddling him. James says I should let him out of my sight at least a for a moment so he can grow a bit on his own but I can't help but watch him. Remus, Peter, and Sirius all spoil him rotten and they visit as often as they can. Remus loves to bring Harry sweets. Sirius holds Harry even more than I do. Peter is always the one with the bag full of new toys for Harry.

Harry is the one thing I have to remind me of James. Even when James isn't around because he's on missions for the war. Harry kept me sane. Harry might have my green eyes but other than that he is his dad's son through and through. I love teasing Harry like I over teasing James. Even now, with our old Headmaster Albus Dumbledore standing in our small kitchen I can't help but fondle Harry's tousled hair playfully while making funny faces at him.

"I'm sorry for coming on such short notice." Dumbledore spoke softly, he sounded sad and I knew why. The war was not going in our favor—it seemed like everyone was disappearing or dying.

Audrey's death when I was a seventh year Head Girl was nothing compared to some of the tragic scenes I'd witnessed fighting in the war. Nightmares of Audrey had been replaced with real memories again, just like Frank Longbottom had once tried explaining.

"It's no problem, we were really just starting to get dinner ready." I said, looking away from Harry to observe the Headmaster of Hogwarts kindly, "You are welcome to stay."

James was busy at the stove, waving his wand and forcing the potatoes to cook faster with magic. He'd had a rough day on duty with Sirius and I knew he just wanted to settle down with Harry and I but I felt it was rude not asking Dumbledore to stay.

"No, no Lily, thank you, but I'm here on another more pressing matter."

James and I exchanged looks. No one was dead. Dumbledore wouldn't be acting like this if someone were dead. A lump formed in my throat and James left the stove to place an arm around me. I absentmindedly grabbed his long sleeved shirt with worry. With my free hand I touched Harry's head, not removing either of my hands from my lifelines—my boys.

Dumbledore seemed at a lost for words and when he finally spoke I wished he'd take everything back. "There's been a rumor of a prophecy and before it reaches your ears through less than reliable sources I wanted to come to you in person." His blue eyes were cold, "It's about you two and…Harry."

My grip on James broke but only so that I could pick up Harry. I folded him into my arms, kissing his forehead, horror washing through me. "But if it's a rumor…" James cut in quickly with his eyes never leaving his wife and child huddled together.

I thought Dumbledore looked defeated when he said wisely, "Rumors always ring with the truth of the secret that was supposed to stay between friends."

**_Lily and James Potter_**

**_The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death. _**


End file.
